Has anyone done Dr. Jay Gordon's nightweaning plan? - Page 5 - Mothering Forums

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Old 06-25-2008, 02:28 PM
 
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http://www.drjaygordon.com/development/ap/sleep.asp

At first I thought DH would need to be the one doing this. But then I thought about it, and on desperate nights where I've passed DD to DH, she's gotten hysterical. On a desperate night or two where I've "closed up shop" after already nursing for what felt like waaaay too long, DD has pawed around at me grunting a little, then gone calmly to sleep.

So my take now is that whenever we do this, it'll probably be me with DH told to feel free to move to the couch if he needs to - I think DD will feel more comforted by my presence even if I'm not nursing her. One change as opposed to two...

*** DH (wed 5/03), DD (6/07), and DS (8/11)
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Old 06-25-2008, 05:57 PM
 
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Last night was our first night attempting to night wean. It went SO much better than I anticipated. DH slept on the couch so he could get some sleep.

I nursed DD at 8:30pm when putting her down for the night. She normally wakes up around 10 to nurse, but didn't. At 12:30 she woke up and was pissed. She cried really hard for about 5 minutes, fell asleep for a couple minutes and then repeated this. This kept repeating for an hour, but each time she woke up she would cry for less time. Eventually it was just one cry and then back to sleep. She woke up again at 2:30, cried for about 30 seconds and then went back to sleep until 4:00. I nursed her at that point and she went back to sleep until 7:00 when she nursed both sides and got up for the day. The first hour was hard, but it really wasn't too bad since I went into the night with a plan. I've heard that the 2nd night is often harder than the 1st, so wish us luck tonight!
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Old 06-26-2008, 12:51 AM - Thread Starter
 
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I am so excited for this post too. Does anyone have the original site for "the plan". I read it once and have been getting closer and closer to following through with it. My 15 month old daughter is still waking up every hour and VERY demanding for "mommies" going right to screaming.

My question.....do daddies have to stay in bed and comfort baby for the first couple of nights or should I kick him out of bed to try to get SOME sleep the first couple of nights? I don't want to have to deal with a grumpy daddy AND grumpy baby the next day.
Like justthinkn, my DS really didn't want DH, he still wanted me, milk or no milk. I would massage his back or whisper a song in his ear to calm him down. DH would try to help by snuggling DS, but he'd try to get away. My DS would (and still does) sit up when he wakes up and so I will lay him down and put his head next to my pillow (instead of my breast) because that way if he tries to root around, at least there's something soft and squishy there. DS actually likes to fall asleep with his face next to the pillow now.

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Last night was our first night attempting to night wean. It went SO much better than I anticipated. DH slept on the couch so he could get some sleep.

I nursed DD at 8:30pm when putting her down for the night. She normally wakes up around 10 to nurse, but didn't. At 12:30 she woke up and was pissed. She cried really hard for about 5 minutes, fell asleep for a couple minutes and then repeated this. This kept repeating for an hour, but each time she woke up she would cry for less time. Eventually it was just one cry and then back to sleep. She woke up again at 2:30, cried for about 30 seconds and then went back to sleep until 4:00. I nursed her at that point and she went back to sleep until 7:00 when she nursed both sides and got up for the day. The first hour was hard, but it really wasn't too bad since I went into the night with a plan. I've heard that the 2nd night is often harder than the 1st, so wish us luck tonight!
I'm not sure about others, but our second night (and every night thereafter) was better. For us, I think the first night was the hardest because it was the first time he'd ever been denied milk in the middle of the night. Once he knew that that was a possibility, it wasn't such a shock on the rest of the nights. Good luck!
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Old 06-26-2008, 03:22 AM
 
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thanks for the info and the encouragment mommies. Now all I need is an alarm clock that i can see in the dark and its go time.
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Old 06-26-2008, 02:35 PM
 
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I'm completely shocked at how fast this is working!!

Night #2 was almost painless

Nursed her to sleep at 7pm. She woke up at 10pm, never cried and went immediately back to sleep as soon as I picked her up. Same thing at 10:30. Then at 12:30 she woke up and put herself back to sleep before I could even get into the bedroom. At 2:00 she cried for about 45 seconds before falling back to sleep. At 2:45am I nursed her. Up again at 4:30, nursed and then slept until 8:30 when I nursed her again and got up for the day. I think I could have gotten away with 1 nursing if she hadn't gone to bed so early and slept so late. I am now REALLY excited to see how tonight goes!! This is fabulous. Way better than the normal 5 or 6 nursing sessions each night. She also seems to be sleeping deeper than she ever has before.
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Old 06-26-2008, 05:06 PM
 
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I was just logging on to get some help with this.

We have been doing this plan for the last 6 weeks. Really, for the most part it has been a godsend. Dd was previously waking up at least every 45 minutes and I was absolutely desperate.

She responded really well for the most part (wakes up 2-3 times before the sun comes up but usually goes back to sleep fairly easily) but if I only do the 7 hours like he suggests she reverts back to waking up more often. If I try to hold off on nursing her until the sun comes up (so we're talking maybe 8-5) things go better.

BUT, then about 4 weeks into it she started waking up around 3:30-5-ish totally ballistic - screaming, crying for "bubbies," hitting, kicking, refusing to be held, talked to, sung to, snuggled, etc. I've offered sips of water which she also refuses. She spends anywhere from 30 minutes to several hours doing this until she finally goes back to sleep (usually lying on top of me but will not let me touch her at all). She's not teething and nothing has changed. The last few days have been really tough. The only solution we have found is to have dh take her into another room and rock her back to sleep until the sun goes up or it will go on for hours. Like I said, if I do nurse her then immediately the next night we revert back to waking up more often.

I don't know what's worse...waking up every 45 minutes or basically getting up at 3:30 in the morning every day.

Anyone have any suggestions?
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Old 06-27-2008, 09:48 PM
 
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Night #3 Sucked!

Nursed her down at 8:30. Up hysterically screaming at 1:30. Cried and cried and cried until this tired Mama (who was stupid and went to bed at 12:30) finally nursed her. Then got up at 5:00am for the day (nursed her again then).

I really hope tonight is better. I'm exhausted.
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Old 06-27-2008, 10:35 PM
 
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BUT, then about 4 weeks into it she started waking up around 3:30-5-ish totally ballistic - screaming, crying for "bubbies," hitting, kicking, refusing to be held, talked to, sung to, snuggled, etc. I've offered sips of water which she also refuses.
Maybe she's hungry rather than thirsty? Maybe a snack instead of sips of water would work.
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Old 06-28-2008, 04:24 PM
 
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Night #4

I nursed DD down at 10pm. She woke up at 2:00 and cried for about 10 minutes before she settled back down. Next time she woke up was 7:30am!!! We actually went the whole night w/o nursing!
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Old 06-30-2008, 12:30 AM - Thread Starter
 
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Night #4

I nursed DD down at 10pm. She woke up at 2:00 and cried for about 10 minutes before she settled back down. Next time she woke up was 7:30am!!! We actually went the whole night w/o nursing!
Glad to hear that it went better on night four Isn't it awesome to at least know that she CAN go that long without nursing? Once my DS started sleeping longer stretches - especially the really long stretches (which are rare) - it made me so much less stressed about the whole thing because I didn't worry if he was hungry or that it wasn't "natural" for him to sleep that long without nursing. Keep up the good work
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Old 06-30-2008, 09:57 PM
 
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Thanks!

It is great to know that she has the ability to go that long w/o nursing.

Night 5 included tons of nursing, because I was too exhausted to put forth any effort. Tonight we try again!
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Old 07-03-2008, 04:31 PM
 
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I'm thinking of trying this soon. I was wondering if your breasts get really engorged when you reduce the night nursing?
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Old 07-03-2008, 06:03 PM - Thread Starter
 
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I'm thinking of trying this soon. I was wondering if your breasts get really engorged when you reduce the night nursing?
Personally, I didn't really get engorged - like painful or anything - but like I posted previously, when DS would feed in the AM, they were REALLY full and so the amount of milk caused him to barf for a few days or so. But, it really comes in goes in terms of waking and nursing - it's not like DS never nurses at night anymore, it's just pretty rare. So, being that it's been so gradual, my breasts have acclimated
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Old 07-03-2008, 06:45 PM
 
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I tried this method about 2 months ago, with my DS who was 18 mos at the time. It worked great. We got to about day 4 and he was going back to sleep very easily without nursing, just cuddling. My breasts did feel full in the mornings, but I didn't worry about it. Then one day I felt nauseated and dizzy, ended up having mastitis Man it sucked. So I've been afraid to try it again since then.

Amanda , mama to my two boys: N (10/06) and : A (7/09)
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Old 07-03-2008, 09:48 PM
 
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My breasts felt a little full for the first 3 or 4 days. Since then they've been fine. Of course, Maddy has started nursing a ton after I allow her to eat. So if she went down at 7 and I decide she can eat at 2am, she'll nurse a bunch from 2-7am.
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Old 07-09-2008, 10:52 AM
 
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Does napping and allowing your LO to feed conflict with this theory?
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Old 07-09-2008, 02:17 PM
 
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I thought I executed a perfect nightweaning plan, mostly based on Jay Gordon's, but adapted a little (I posted here a long time ago, back with happy2bamama) and until two months ago it worked great. He got really really sick and I needed to nurse him many many times throughout the night, it would have been neglectful and IMO abusive if I had refused. Well, after the fever went a few days later, the night waking stayed = two or three times. He didn't go so easily with us down the nightweaning path for the second time. I mean cried and thrashed for hours until each time I nursed him ie gave in, I guess. But, come on? WTH? So, here we are again, just turned two and nursing at least twice, usually three times through the night (and this is also after a transition to his own bed and room which he had been fine with before). So DH sleeps on the floor next to his mattress and he is mostly ok with it, but why can't the plan work again? Dh brings him to me through the night and again our sleeping arrangements are anything but normal with really no end in sight. AHHHH!

What's a mommy to do? He has seemed more needy in general and I don't know if its due to him giving up napping (going on two months as well), or his language skills blowing up like crazy during this time also, or DH going back to work, or him not eating food as much lately and being hungry/thirsty. WHO KNOWS? But, I am once again becoming stressed and tired over this.

Should I stick it out and force him to be so upset through the night? OR should I wait a little longer and see if its just a needy phase that will pass? And, how long is too long for him to cry and scream in others' opinions?

Already!?!?! cold.gif  ~ Lori, doula, childbirth educator, wife to Jermaine 6/04, and mom to two happy and energetic boys - Tatum 6/06 and Keegan 3/09

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Old 07-10-2008, 12:23 AM
 
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What's a mommy to do? He has seemed more needy in general and I don't know if its due to him giving up napping (going on two months as well), or his language skills blowing up like crazy during this time also, or DH going back to work, or him not eating food as much lately and being hungry/thirsty. WHO KNOWS? But, I am once again becoming stressed and tired over this.
I'd go with e) all of the above.

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Should I stick it out and force him to be so upset through the night? OR should I wait a little longer and see if its just a needy phase that will pass? And, how long is too long for him to cry and scream in others' opinions?
Personally, I'd stick it out a little longer to let him get through all of the transitions you listed above. As for the crying and screaming... technically it's not CIO if the child is being tended to. If you're holding/rocking/snuggling/etc and child is crying, many would say that that is okay. You need to decide how you feel about it. You ARE allowed to set boundaries. If you've reached the point where you're no longer on board with nursing at night, barring extenuating circumstances, your toddler IS capable of learning other ways of being soothed (or self-soothing.) Remember that toddlers are different than infants - their wants aren't ALWAYS their needs (though they may think they are.)
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Old 07-10-2008, 04:04 AM - Thread Starter
 
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I thought I executed a perfect nightweaning plan, mostly based on Jay Gordon's, but adapted a little (I posted here a long time ago, back with happy2bamama) and until two months ago it worked great. He got really really sick and I needed to nurse him many many times throughout the night, it would have been neglectful and IMO abusive if I had refused. Well, after the fever went a few days later, the night waking stayed = two or three times. He didn't go so easily with us down the nightweaning path for the second time. I mean cried and thrashed for hours until each time I nursed him ie gave in, I guess. But, come on? WTH? So, here we are again, just turned two and nursing at least twice, usually three times through the night (and this is also after a transition to his own bed and room which he had been fine with before). So DH sleeps on the floor next to his mattress and he is mostly ok with it, but why can't the plan work again? Dh brings him to me through the night and again our sleeping arrangements are anything but normal with really no end in sight. AHHHH!

What's a mommy to do? He has seemed more needy in general and I don't know if its due to him giving up napping (going on two months as well), or his language skills blowing up like crazy during this time also, or DH going back to work, or him not eating food as much lately and being hungry/thirsty. WHO KNOWS? But, I am once again becoming stressed and tired over this.

Should I stick it out and force him to be so upset through the night? OR should I wait a little longer and see if its just a needy phase that will pass? And, how long is too long for him to cry and scream in others' opinions?
Hi again! I'm sorry to hear that things have reverted for you guys. That happened to us too a few months back when DS got sick. It took a while to get back on track, but we are (for the most part). DS is cutting some killer teeth right now, so he is still waking at night, but we're just not nursing when he does until 4am or so. I try to comfort him back to sleep and he'll go back down after a few seconds to a few minutes of fussing.

To answer you question about what to do... first of all, I commend you for allowing him to nurse when he was sick. I know from personal experience that it is soooo hard when you've come so far with the nightweaning and you know that you could risk it all by "giving in" and nursing. But yeah, sometimes they really do NEED us. So good work Mama!

This is just my .02, but I would figure out what kind of fussing/crying is going on. Is it like he's just upset because he really wants milk or is he beside himself with fear or something like that (which I find hard to believe since you're right there with him, but you never know)? I think it all depends upon how fed up you are (or aren't). For me personally, I cannot take nursing at night right now since DS wants to be on the breast a ton more during the day with this teething. I NEED my nipples to have a break and so I am still okay with setting those boundaries.

If you are at your wit's end, I think you should explore the possibility of really being firm about the nightweaning. Like a pp said, at this age, their wants aren't necessarily their needs. And, as hard as it is to do (especially when they are upset), it should be okay for you to set some limits. It's not like you're saying, "I don't want to nurse you because I'm busy watching TV..." or something else semi-pointless (I do love some TV though!), you are asking for sleep - much-needed and vital to your health and sanity SLEEP! Not vanity sleep, but sanity sleep!

Of course, you should go with your gut on this. But, Dr. Gordon told me something that I think makes sense - when I was a little apprehensive about nightweaning, he said something that spoke to the fact that we have raised DS in such a loving, attached way that he will be fine with it - we've raised him to be the kind of kid that will be okay with it. You can't really undo a year-and-a-half's worth of love, kisses, security and confidence in a few nights of saying no to nursing. But jeez, it sure can feel like it in the moment, huh?!

HTH and good luck!
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Old 07-10-2008, 06:05 AM
 
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I am new here and so glad I joined! I needed advice on this topic so badly.
My little girl just turned 2 on the 25th and we share our family bed.
She goes for periods of a few weeks where she will nurse to sleep, then sleep 12 hours and get up in the morning. Then she only wants to nurse to take a nap. Other times, she wants to spend an hour nursing at night, then wake me every 1-2 hours all night so she can nurse. I spend a lot of time as a zombie!

Letting her cry is not an option, not soothing her is not an option, and other tricks just weren't working. I was kind of resolved to just having her weaned by college!

I am going to start working on some of these ideas and methods and see what happens!
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Old 07-10-2008, 02:07 PM - Thread Starter
 
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I am new here and so glad I joined! I needed advice on this topic so badly.
My little girl just turned 2 on the 25th and we share our family bed.
She goes for periods of a few weeks where she will nurse to sleep, then sleep 12 hours and get up in the morning. Then she only wants to nurse to take a nap. Other times, she wants to spend an hour nursing at night, then wake me every 1-2 hours all night so she can nurse. I spend a lot of time as a zombie!

Letting her cry is not an option, not soothing her is not an option, and other tricks just weren't working. I was kind of resolved to just having her weaned by college!

I am going to start working on some of these ideas and methods and see what happens!
Welcome and good luck!
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Old 07-11-2008, 12:48 PM
 
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just another mama on the nightweaning path, loving this thread and all the great tips! I wanted to share one tip a friend gave me that sometimes works. My kiddo is not a big fan of my singing, patting, or even rocking...BUT he will listen to me whisper the great things we are going to do when he wakes up. I talk to him about going to the beach, playing in the pool, kicking the ball, and looking for the kitty cat and of course all of the chi chi he will be drinking all day long.

We have been on and off night weaning for a few weeks, we have had successes and failures and I guess overall its getting better. I have a 3am wakeup call that I just can't seem to break and the reactions vary from hours of crying and thrashing himself around the bed/house and mild wimpers before a roll over back to sleep. Lately it's been more of a thrash around and freak out until I give in and decided to nurse for five minutes and go back to sleep instead of waking up the whole house and feeling like a zombie the next day. I know its confusing for him and probably not the best technique but I think eventually we'll get there. I think I'll try the DH technique this weekend and see what happens, take myself out of the picture for one night. That is of course if I can convince him that it can work
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Old 07-11-2008, 01:59 PM
 
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I keep thinking about nightweaning, but I can't seem to JUST DO IT!! I always have an excuse....and I think if I keep waiting for the "right" time, it will never happen.

A little background...my DD is 19.5 months. She's an okay sleeper...never been great, but not completely horrible either. I nurse her to sleep in her own bed in her room...bed time completely varies. I have not had the drive to establish a solid routine, mostly because my husband commutes almost 2 hours away. Mon/Fri he comes home "early" around 7, Tues/Thurs he works late and often won't get home until 9 or 10. Wed he works from home. I work full-time and M/W/F DD goes to daycare and T/Th she's with one of her grandmothers. She generally naps between 12 and 2, but has never napped well for my mom, so every tuesday her "schedule" gets thrown off by a too-late nap. With all these variables in the routine, it's hard to get a solid bedtime. DD is very strong willed and will only fall asleep when she's ready. If she's not ready, I could do all the nursing, rocking, etc to no avail. I've given that up....when she's ready, it generally only takes 10-30 minutes to nurse her down.

She usually wakes up 2-3 hours after going to sleep. Sometimes, I can get her back to sleep by rocking and shushing. Last night, she went to bed at 9:30, woke up at midnight, I brought her into our bed (like always) but she was able to get back to sleep without nursing. Like clockwork, she wakes up at 4:44 am to nurse...I'm so tired by that point that some of this may not be accurate, but I think she usually snooze-nurses for a while (on both sides) before going back sleep and then nurses again around 6:30, when she probably gets woken up by DH's alarm.

So, here are my dilemmas:

Since she starts out the night in her own bed, I think if I bring her in our bed, she'll keep waking up for that, even if she's not waking up to nurse. I guess I don't want to replace nursing with some other disruptive routine. She never just comes in our room--she waits in her bed for us to come get her. But I think sleeping in our bed makes her wake up less....like if I nurse her back down in her bed in the middle of the night, she'll wake up again 2 hours later. But if I bring her in our bed, she'll sleep for 4 hours before asking to nurse again. I think my preference would be to get her sleeping for until her 4:44 am nursing in her own bed...but I want to do what will work best to get her/me sleeping more.

Also, I think she may be working on her 2-year molars (last teeth!! yay!!!) but I have no idea how long they will take to come in....part of me wants to wait until she's all done with teething to nightwean, but for all I know, that could be another year.

I know that was a lot and no one will have any magic answers, but it feels good just to write it all down and read/sub the thread...I've gotten a lot of good ideas and have lots to think about and talk about with DH....thanks for listening!!!!!

Amy, proud Mama to my girls Natalie (12/7/06) and Miranda (2/9/10).
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Old 07-11-2008, 02:17 PM
 
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Well, so far, so bad. It isn't working. She has no idea why mom isn't giving out the goods and her little feelings get so hurt.
This is such a frustrating situation because no one is sleeping anymore.
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Old 07-11-2008, 10:58 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Well, so far, so bad. It isn't working. She has no idea why mom isn't giving out the goods and her little feelings get so hurt.
This is such a frustrating situation because no one is sleeping anymore.
Sorry to hear that. How many nights have you tried? How long does she get upset for?

Hugs
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Old 07-12-2008, 03:01 PM
 
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Well, we started trying some of these things before I found this thread, then around the time I found this thread, I tried more things. So, in all, about 3-4 weeks total.
How long she is upset varies. I can't let her totally melt down, so I have to step in and do something. Sometimes, after a few minutes, I can get her to take her water cup and go to sleep, but only sometimes.
She usually cries and breaks my heart. The other night she told me, "Mama, Kenna berry sad." It broke my heart!! A little while later, she told me, "Mama, Kenna not berry sad anymore."
She doesn't like this.
How do I deal with that? I mean, maybe she really just isn't ready to wean. I would give anything for my little girl, and if she has to nurse another 1000 years, I will do it, but it's rough and I am having such a struggle.

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Originally Posted by happy2bamama View Post
Sorry to hear that. How many nights have you tried? How long does she get upset for?

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Old 07-12-2008, 05:57 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Originally Posted by MamaTrisha View Post
Well, we started trying some of these things before I found this thread, then around the time I found this thread, I tried more things. So, in all, about 3-4 weeks total.
How long she is upset varies. I can't let her totally melt down, so I have to step in and do something. Sometimes, after a few minutes, I can get her to take her water cup and go to sleep, but only sometimes.
She usually cries and breaks my heart. The other night she told me, "Mama, Kenna berry sad." It broke my heart!! A little while later, she told me, "Mama, Kenna not berry sad anymore."
She doesn't like this.
How do I deal with that? I mean, maybe she really just isn't ready to wean. I would give anything for my little girl, and if she has to nurse another 1000 years, I will do it, but it's rough and I am having such a struggle.
Oh man, yeah, that's hard when she's telling you that she's sad. I don't blame you for struggling with this. One thing that's on your side here is the fact that your DD can verbally communicate with you AND understand you. I would imagine you've already gone this route, but in case not, have you tried talking to her about it during the day and/or before she goes to bed? Something like, "Mama needs to get a lot of sleep at night so she can have energy to play and go to fun places with you during the day. Can you try to help me with that?" and then explain how if she wakes up, you will put her back to sleep quickly so that you can get more sleep? Or what about the idea of telling her she can nurse when the sun comes up (I've heard that one used a lot)? It's just an idea, but if she's talked to you about it, perhaps when it happens at night, she won't be so upset because she at least knows why. But I know, toddlers aren't really ready to be rational in the middle of the night (or ever, sometimes)!

Also, I know you said that you don't want to let her melt down and that term means different things to each of us, so I'm not exactly sure what that means to you, but I would say for us, DS did melt down and yes, it was really hard to not "give in," but I had my eye on the prize of getting more sleep and in turn, being a better mama to him. The first night, he only melted for about 5 minutes or so, but DH was holding him and walking with him and then I rubbed him and whispered a song to him to sleep. In order for this to work, I hate to say it, but I think some kind of melt down is inevitable. I would not have been comfortable if DS had gone on for much longer, but like I've said before, DS knew he was safe and loved and in our arms. That's the only reason why I can even semi-condone the meltdown. It's very different than being left alone. And, I also think that the child will feed off of your confidence (or lack thereof). It's not easy to keep your wits about you when doing this, but in my opinion and experience, if I can keep calm and keep singing to DS and rubbing him without being overtly nervous or wavering and just focus on how much I love him and try to send that love and comfort to him, he settles in pretty easily. He knows that he can trust me and this case is no different.

I think all in all, you have to figure out how at the end of your rope you are with the night wakings. If you can tolerate them and your DD is upset with the night weaning process, then perhaps you should try again at a later time. But, if you are losing your mind and it's affecting your parenting during the day and your sanity, that's something else and if you can see the bigger picture - you stomaching a couple of meltdowns in order to gain happier days (and nights), then it might be worth it to you. That's all up to you, which I know is hard and I feel for ya.

And again, I've said this before too - for me, it was about establishing boundaries. There have been other, non-nighttime boundaries I've had to establish too and it doesn't get any easier saying no (like when DS wants to keep watching TV or dump crackers everywhere). So I'm just saying that even though your DD "doesn't like this," it doesn't mean that you're necessarily making the wrong choice. And, if you can find a way to talk her through her feelings, that might also help with the night weaning, if you still want to do it. My DS doesn't like having his diaper changed, but it is a necessity and so I do all I can to comfort him, acknowledge his feelings and distract him to get him to stay still for 2 seconds. The question is, is night weaning a necessity for you? I really think that once you answer that question, you'll be able to move forward with confidence in either direction.

I hope any of this helped. Follow your heart and good luck
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Old 07-13-2008, 08:55 PM
 
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i've been lurking here and following everyone's stories. i have done an abbreviated and tweaked version of JG's plan. basically, i just wanted my 17 mo to drop one feeding (the 12:30-1:30a one). it worked! now DD does wake me promptly at 3-3:30am (my time was 9:30p-3:30a, i know, only 6 hrs but i didn't want to push b/c of her age and the fact that she was used to nursing ~4 times a night). anyhow, she is now nursing sometimes 3 times after 3:30, but the last one is when we wake up. the only prob is that w/ the few nights of being awake an hr rocking back to sleep (remarkably didn't cry!!) we sleep later... thus pushing back the nap time... then bed time..... so we're a little off but that's ok.

just thought i'd share.
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Old 07-14-2008, 04:02 AM
 
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Does everyone on this thread co-sleep? Dd is in a crib in our room (and I'll be honest, she'd be in her own room if we had an extra bedroom). She won't co-sleep, she's up all night if I try. In the beginning of the night she can put herself to sleep. Tonight was an excellent example: she had a bath, then PJ's, I nursed her, and then we sat and read a story, then turned the lights out and put her in her crib. Then she babbled for a few moments and then fell asleep. She can't put herself back to sleep in the middle of the night though without nursing first.

A few things:
1) first off she has never nursed to sleep. She does not comfort nurse. OTOH she doesn't take other comfort very well. If she wakes in the night and I am holding her she will be going nuts trying to nurse.
2) I know that the first thing she will do if I don't nurse her and don't pick her up since I think picking her up will make her really mad, is that she will throw her little body down. Then she'll stand up, still crying, and probably start banging her head on the crib which is something she also does when happy. She does it HARD and sometimes gives herself a bruise. I'm worried she'll do it really badly if she's upset. Next, she'll start throwing her pacifiers and she'll drop them between the crib and the wall where she knows it's hard for us to retrieve them.
3) she's got growth issues which I believe are related to all her food allergies. But then I'm reading in this thread that all the night waking (every 2 hours usually) can cause growth issues too. Still I'm worried about cutting out calories. She's not even on the growth chart right now and hasn't gained any weight in 6 mos.
4) we've got a lot of stuff coming up including a move. OTOH I've been waiting forever for the "right" time. First dh was deployed and I didn't want to do all this on my own, then I knew we were moving, then I thought she was teething. Now she is finally teething but it's only her first tooth and I'm not going to wait until they are all in!
5) I'm tired. Like really tired. I have fainting spells and the room just goes dark several times a day for me. I have no energy. I haven't played with my 4 yr old in months and months...not really played with him anyways. I've stopped driving because I think it's dangerous for me, my family, and others on the road. So something has to give.

The thing is though, I think she's prob not ready but I'm just going to have to force the issue. I think I need to do it for my own health and safety (dh isn't always here to drive me/us around). I can't keep fainting. I'm worried I'll faint while I'm holding her or we're going down stairs. Ugh, I hate this. I just HATE it. I feel like I am letting her down if I don't comfort her. Because really the only thing she wants is to nurse. She's not a "typical" baby...she can't be rocked, walked, cuddled to sleep. She'll have a fit if I hold her and don't nurse her and she'll just go nuts in dh's arms trying to get to me. We tried once a long while ago to see what would happen if he would go to her instead and he almost dropped her she was struggling so much to get over to me.

I'm really broken up and conflicted about all this. I'm very anti-CIO but this just seems like attended CIO...especially since I know in my heart things will go better if I don't pick her. But by better I still know that she'll cry for a long time, an hour or more most likely.

Rachel, mom to Jake (5/04) and Alexia (7/07) a surprise UC thanks to hypnobabies!
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Old 07-14-2008, 10:22 AM
 
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PP, I think that you may need a strong plan, maybe No Cry Sleep Solution? I have some friends who have a baby that will not comfort nurse either and it was rough. they ended up having dad sleep in the room w/ baby and mom downstairs for a while, just so she could catch up on sleep. I'm sorry you're having it so rough.

So for us.... well last night was rough!! DD woke at 12, patted her back to sleep and then at 2 i tried shush-patting, and NO WAY!! DD threw a fit. I nursed her after offering water. she was up again at 3:30a, nursed. then slept till 6:30a... i don't know, maybe she really was thirsty? or overtired?
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