Discussing CIO with the "mainstream" makes my head hurt... - Mothering Forums

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#1 of 7 Old 05-08-2008, 03:18 PM - Thread Starter
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Was talking to SIL today and groaning about how we are always exhausted because we are parents of two crappy sleepers, age 3.5 and almost 15 months. Plus the baby has been sick now for over a week, and thankfully is getting better!

She has two teenagers now. She said, the only thing that got her son to sleep through the night was to let him cry. She let him cry for a week and then he slept. Apparently he's slept ever since (at least that's how she made it sound). Now, this makes me very sad, not only is she kinda hard a$$'d, but her son was always sensitive and now I see a spirited child, he also had colic issues (probably food allergies) as a baby and screamed a lot (she claimed he wouldn't breastfeed, but I wasn't there). It makes me really sad to think that she did this to a sweet kid, to force him to sleep alone. What do people say around here, that compliance now isn't necessarily healthy for the kid later?

Anyway, I told her that I didn't think it was a good idea, she swore it worked, said my 3 year old should be sleeping all night now. I lied and told her CIO did not work for our kids (out of frustration, to avoid hurting someone in anger, we've let them cry, but only because our patience was gone and we had to step away to keep them safe), and that what "works" for other people's kids does not work for ours. And you know, even if we did try it, they are very persistent kids and it probably really wouldn't work!

Why do I feel like such a sh***y parent because I haven't let them CIO? Why do I get so stressed out when people try to convince me that its our own fault that they are not sleeping because we refuse to let them CIO, because that IS THE ONLY WAY TO GET THEM TO SLEEP?????

Sorry, just venting but I'm really irritated and more stressed now. I should not talk about our kids sleep issues (or our exhaustion issues) with other people...
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#2 of 7 Old 05-08-2008, 03:24 PM
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Ugh, that's about the time I shove my fingers in my ears and go "LALALALALALALAIIIICAAAANTHEEEEAAARYOOOOUUUU!! !!"
Seriously, just go with your instincts. I HIGHLY doubt your instincts are telling you to let your baby CIO. Forcing sleep doesn't work. I want to see a study done on CIO babies where a camera is kept in their rooms. Moms always claim they sleep through the night, but I wonder how much of that time is spent awake in fear, not bothering to cry because they know it won't help. How would you like to feel that no one can hear you scream?

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#3 of 7 Old 05-08-2008, 03:56 PM
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First of all you are not a shi&&y parent. You listen to your child and respond to cries. I was bullied by relatives to try that with my first child when she was two months old and after five minutes I said to hell with it. No way could I do that. Ever. We co-slept until she was 7 months old and she kept waking and I put her in her crib and she slept there until she was big enough to escape at 15 months and has been sleeping with us ever since. My youngest has always wanted to sleep on her own even though I tried co-sleeping. I don't mind getting up with my kids most of the time. Yeah, we are tired, but I think our kids are happier for that. Please don't listen to your friends and relatives. You need to do what is best for you and what feels right in your heart. You are wonderful parent for not letting them CIO. It is a rarity (at least where I live) to find parents who don't let them CIO. Keep up the good work mama.
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#4 of 7 Old 05-08-2008, 04:05 PM
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You're doing fine momma. Just find yourself some conversation killing comebacks (i've seen lots of threads with those here). You will hear folks say something like well I did CIO with my older kid/teen/adult child and they're fine. Well yeah, me and my siblings were often beaten and shaken when we were crying babies in a crib, and we're doing ok, but it doesn't mean it was right for my dad to do it.

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#5 of 7 Old 05-08-2008, 04:14 PM
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I have crappy sleepers here too. My 4 yo wakes at least once a night. My 2 yo wakes 2-3 times a night and my 10 month old will nurse all.night.long most nights. DH and I were just talking about the whole CIO thing and how we are so exhausted and the minute we tell anyone how tired we are, they all say let them CIO. Breaks my heart.
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#6 of 7 Old 05-08-2008, 04:26 PM
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I've coslept since birth with both my kids, but moved my 22 month old into his own crib in our room at about 18 months when I got too uncomfortable being pregnant to cosleep with him. He sleeps great, always has, and sleeps 12 hours straight. I've never CIO'd so its the KID! poo on her!
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#7 of 7 Old 05-08-2008, 04:31 PM
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Holy cow, I just cannot get anyone who uses CIO. I had to drive yesterday for about a 3 hour trip, and was late, couldn't stop, not that it helped, my 1 yo DD refused to nurse, she just wanted out of the carseat. She cried for 60 miles. And then fell asleep and did the soft wail every so often in her sleep for about 5 minutes because she fell asleep crying. I was crying. I hate it. And there was nothing I could do. I was giving her snacks and toys. She likes to have someone with her. I cannot comprehend doing CIO.

So yay for you meeting your LOs needs!

Mama to 2 year old and :: June 14th!
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