Unwanted advise - Mothering Forums

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#1 of 6 Old 09-15-2008, 02:47 PM - Thread Starter
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Hi there! I'm new to this room, not to MDC though. I am DDC DECEMBER with number 2.

I have a question...
This is Dh's first bio child, and I have told him to take "advise" he gets with a grain of salt. He had mentioned something about us wanting to co-sleep with this one and they jumped down his throat and said 'to not do it bc it's a bad idea...we will have problems with the child later on with not sleeping in it's own bed.'

Now...I co-slept with my DD, now 6, for about 4 and 1/2 years of her life. Not every night, but a lot. And yes, when it was time for her to move to her big girl room, I did the whole up all night keep putting her back in bed thing. Which is normal.

But...if you keep doing it and not giving up, then it works. These parents that he works with that told him to not do it...IMO are lazy parents. And that is the reason why they say not to do it. Bc they never took the time to keep putting them back in bed, they didn't want to deal with it.

I do understand that there are kids that have a harder time getting back in their beds...but you do things that make them WANT to be in their rooms. EX: make their room the color/theme that they want; make them feel secure in their rooms so they are not scared...nightlight; have a sleeping buddy like a fav stuffed animal to sleep with. And I do not believe in puttig kids in time out in their rooms. Then they deffenatley don't want to go in there bc they think thats a bad place and that they are in time out.

So my question is, what do you say to parents like this that tell you to not co-sleep and BOND with your child...?? And do you mention the lazy aspect of their parenting, or just leave it alone?

Me personally, if I were there, I would have said something along the lines of.." Well parenting IS hard....no one ever told you it would be a peice of cake. You do have to lose a nights sleep if you want the child to grow up and get out of your bed..." lol but I guess I AM very outspoken.

It's very aggravating when people have bad experiences and tell you to not do it just bc it didnt work for them. Everyone is diff and everything works diff for everyone.

So tell me about your experiences, good or bad. Or any unwanted parenting advise on this topic. I'd love to hear how you handle things like this.

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#2 of 6 Old 09-15-2008, 03:04 PM
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Give your dh the links to Dr. McKenna's research. Science beats anecdotes. "Your experience is interesting, but that's not been my experience and the research disagrees with your premise."
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#3 of 6 Old 09-15-2008, 03:36 PM
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This works for us.

Or smile and nod and change the subject.

Or say something about how it's worked just fine with your daughter.
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#4 of 6 Old 09-15-2008, 04:18 PM
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Before the child is born, I'd recommend not sharing your parenting plans with other people. I found that no one cared what research I had done...since I didn't actually have a child yet, I couldn't possibly know what I was talking about After the child is here, you can always resort to saying "this works for us" and then as the PP said, change the subject.

As for your DH--I agree to provide him with good research. I think the book Baby Matters is pretty good for that too. It's been awhile since I read it but if I remember correctly it's a compilation of research that's really pro AP. Also, Dr. Sears books are nice since he's a doctor (same goes for Dr. McKenna's stuff).

Mama to DS (6/07) h20homebirth.gif, DD (6/09) h20homebirth.gif, and DD (07/12) homebirth.jpg..

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#5 of 6 Old 09-15-2008, 08:31 PM
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I've always said something along the lines of we love it and it works for us. They'll typically hush after that

Amy - mom to Anna-Rebekah 14, Logan 13, Christian 8, Ethan 7 and Adan 07/15/08
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#6 of 6 Old 09-15-2008, 11:00 PM - Thread Starter
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Thank you ladies! I have saved the site for mckenna and had my Dh read it. He agreed with what was written. It just seems very odd to me how people want kids, but they don't want to BOND with them like doing co-sleeping. That seems like the easiest way to bond. Oh well...I'm not here to judge. Thank you ladies once again!
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