One child is gifted, and one is not?? - Mothering Forums

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#1 of 14 Old 02-24-2010, 06:30 PM - Thread Starter
 
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My ODS is only a bit over 2 and therefore has not had any formal testing done, but he is clearly gifted. He knows over 300 words (perfect strangers often comment on his enunciation) the entire alphabet, the numbers 1-9 and is very spatially gifted (has been building with Mega Bloks since about 11 months, can see the relationship between the placement of a block and the tippy-ness of a tower, etc). He is also very quick to learn new things.
Now, YDS is much more the typical baby and shows NONE of the signs of giftedness that my older son had at this age. I know it's early to worry about it but I'm having difficulty NOT worrying because I don't want him to feel overshadowed by his sibling. Anybody else experiencing something like this??

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#2 of 14 Old 02-24-2010, 07:02 PM
 
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Your children are way to young to be putting labels on them. You need to just let them be little kids and not worry. You can't possibly know that the baby won't be gifted in some manner in the future and there is really no point in worrying about it now.

That said I have one highly gifted (DD age 7) and my DS (age 9) is not gifted in the typical ways. How I deal with it is just encouraging DS in everything he wants to do and focusing on strengths. He knows his sister seems to be "good at everything" but he also knows that we don't value her more than him in any way.

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#3 of 14 Old 02-24-2010, 07:36 PM
 
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I think it is important to remember that gifted kids, like other kids, are all different and develop on their own schedules. The fact that one child does not have the same early milestones as another says little or nothing about their relative intelligence.
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#4 of 14 Old 02-24-2010, 07:37 PM
 
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You need to realize that your kids are different individuals, and that giftedness does not look like X. It can look like A, B, C, D, E, F....and a gazillion other things.

I have three kids, and how giftedness looks is drastically different between all of them.

With a child that is not even 1, you simply can not say your child is not gifted.
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#5 of 14 Old 02-24-2010, 07:39 PM
 
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Originally Posted by barefootmama0709 View Post
YDS is much more the typical baby and shows NONE of the signs of giftedness that my older son had at this age. I know it's early to worry about it but I'm having difficulty NOT worrying because I don't want him to feel overshadowed by his sibling.
let it go, they are different people and it's really too soon to know that they are going to turn out like.

I think that as your younger son becomes more and more the person he is, you'll see all the ways in which he is wonderful and special. He's just keeping them a secret right now!

Life isn't all about being "gifted." Your baby is special and amazing and wonderful, whatever his IQ.

but everything has pros and cons  shrug.gif

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#6 of 14 Old 02-24-2010, 08:37 PM
 
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When my younger daughter was an infant I wasn't just worried that she wasn't gifted- I thought maybe the opposite was true. She didn't sit up on her own until she was 10 months old, didn't crawl until she was a year old, didn't really do much of ANYTHING until she was a year, actually. She just sat and watched, and cried a lot. Her sister had been drawing at under a year, nothing to go in a museum, but she was making little patterns and whatnot, not just scribbling. She knew her alphabet at 15 months, counting at 18, adding and subtracting at 2... My younger one didn't do anything like that. They are 7 and 8 now, and it's my younger daughter that is a little more brilliant, I think. So hang in there and enjoy it all, it's going to change a million times before they get to school age...

Mama to 3 awesome girls: DD1 born 2001, DD2 born 2002, DD3 born March 2011

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#7 of 14 Old 02-24-2010, 09:36 PM
 
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Remember too that individuals have very different learning styles, even from birth. Ds was (and still is) an observer. He learns by watching and reflecting on things. His sister is an active learner. She learns by doing.

On the surface, dd looks brighter. She displays her knowledge and talents for all to see. Ds looks pretty average on the surface. But when he does open up (to a select few), he's got some profound observations.

So, for now, enjoy your baby. Genetics are on his side and he's likely to be bright.

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#8 of 14 Old 02-24-2010, 10:37 PM
 
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I'm going to echo everyone else and say that it is way too early to tell about your babies giftedness or not. Especially, considering that parents of one gifted child often have no real idea of what average looks like. Plus your children are going to have their own talents and each of their talents will probably show themselves differently.

As long as you treat your kids as unique and special individuals no matter what their talents are they will be fine even if one end ups being more gifted than the other. I grew up as the above average but not gifted child between a profoundly gifted older brother and a moderately gifted younger brother. I have an amazing relationship with both of my brothers and we share a unique bond. Plus, I'll admit, I grew up pretty convinced that I was the one who got the good end of the equation even if they were smarter. I could clearly see that my brothers intelligence brought them just as much if not more disadvantages than it did advantages.

Mom to DS 4/24/03 and DD 4/17/06
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#9 of 14 Old 02-25-2010, 07:38 AM
 
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Ds was (and still is) an observer. He learns by watching and reflecting on things. His sister is an active learner.
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She didn't sit up on her own until she was 10 months old, didn't crawl until she was a year old, didn't really do much of ANYTHING until she was a year, actually. She just sat and watched (snip here because mine didn't cry as long as he was being held or moved, as he usually was)
That was my DS, too. He was considered slightly delayed at 12 months needing PT, did not have words (that we recognized, I now think) until 13 months. Did not say Mama before 14 months. I kept thinking that his progress with adding vocabulary, starting two and three-word-sentences and so on remained at the slow end of normal. It was at around 18 months that people started commenting on his being extraordinarily verbal. When he moved to grammatically correct 9-word sentences when he was 21 months or so, I realized people had a point...

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#10 of 14 Old 02-25-2010, 03:11 PM
 
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My gifted child was also delayed physically. She didn't roll until 9 months, didn't sit up until 10.5 months, didn't crawl until 12 months and didn't walk until 15 months. She was very advanced verbally though.

Shawna, married to Michael, mommy to Elijah 1/18/01, Olivia 11/9/02, and Eliana 1/22/06
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#11 of 14 Old 02-25-2010, 04:11 PM
 
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My gifted child showed no signs of giftedness until she was 6, when she beat me in chess! She's 11 and one of those kids who's just good at everything and has a high IQ, but she hit all milestones pretty much right in the middle of the normal range as a baby/toddler.

My special needs child is also moderately gifted (still trying to figure out exactly how gifted and she's 13). She had multiple system delays but has an higher than average IQ.

My kids are very, very different people. We celebrate what they enjoy. They each have their own strengths. There are things that my SN child is better at than her sister -- like drawing and swimming. They are both really sweet wonderful people.

As far as "overshadowing," it's more of an issue in public places like school, not a home issue. I think that parenting really affects this. I think it's something parents need to be sensitive about, but I don't think it's hard to let both my kids know how wonderful they are.

but everything has pros and cons  shrug.gif

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#12 of 14 Old 02-25-2010, 04:41 PM
 
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Originally Posted by Heavenly View Post
My gifted child was also delayed physically. She didn't roll until 9 months, didn't sit up until 10.5 months, didn't crawl until 12 months and didn't walk until 15 months. She was very advanced verbally though.
That's my DD to a T! Talking way before walking...
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#13 of 14 Old 02-26-2010, 12:26 PM
 
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It is too early for you to predict what tasks one will do better than the other. What you are describing, I don't think has any predictive value, to be honest. He's not even a year old. And since they are individuals and will have different work patterns, one will be better at something than the other. It's inevitable. So every parent deals with it.

One thing that is helpful is to work on not gushing over any child's achievement victory. Let the child own it but make sure all your children know that you are concerned about their character first and not about doing, winning, scoring. As parents we need to be concerned about the things the child can control.
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#14 of 14 Old 02-27-2010, 01:59 PM
 
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Originally Posted by barefootmama0709 View Post
I know it's early to worry about it but I'm having difficulty NOT worrying because I don't want him to feel overshadowed by his sibling.
I suggest taking an introspective approach here. Why don't you figure out what all of this means to you, why it matters so much? These desires you have for them to be "equal" likely play out in your parenting and will be felt by them...

In love with Dh since 1998. We created Ds (7.1.03), Dd (10.16.06) and Dd (3.16.09).
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