DD won't let me read to her anymore. - Mothering Forums

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#1 of 23 Old 04-11-2010, 02:52 PM - Thread Starter
 
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DD has become a very competent and fast reader. (She can read a 150-page book at about a 4th grade level in about an hour.) When she reads aloud, she really zooms along. She has been obsessively reading the Rainbow Fairies book series right now, and it's all she wants to read.

Usually I read aloud to her at bedtime, and usually we read a more challenging book that what she can read herself--she always has seemed to enjoy it very much.

However, right now she only wants to read to herself. I offered to read the fairy books aloud, to have her read them, whatever--she won't go for it. She says reading to herself is more fun.

After listening to her read aloud (a VERY grudging compromise), I began to wonder if it was a speed issue. "Do you want to read to yourself because it's faster?" "YES!"

I can't really argue with this. Confession: I read extremely, extremely fast and I kind of hate to be read aloud to because it just doesn't go fast enough for me.

However, she is only 6. And reading aloud is a great way to help her build her word decoding skills and learn new vocabulary. And I'm sad.

Has anyone else gone through this? Any advice? Keep pushing it, or let it go? Maybe this will end when we get through all the fairy books? Maybe I need a really enticing new read-aloud, though I don't know what would be more enticing than the fairy books (any suggestions for harder fairy books--maybe with great pictures)?

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#2 of 23 Old 04-11-2010, 03:54 PM
 
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Awww..no advice, really. This just made my heart hurt. My dd, 10, still likes us to read to her, sometimes that is. She is also a very fast reader.

We read YA novels to dd at age 7 - dragon books (Eragon) and some other SF books. I also read Madeline Engle A Wrinkle In Time series to her as well, things that had some more complex ideas in it that we could discuss.

I just got the book Some of My Best Friends Are Books and it is a good one. Perhaps it can provide some guidance for you.

Again, I really can't say..but hearing that truly just gave me a big sad.

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#3 of 23 Old 04-11-2010, 04:30 PM
 
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She'll likely come back to enjoying read alouds. Both my kids did.

Married mom of two, DD 17 and DS 13.
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#4 of 23 Old 04-11-2010, 04:56 PM
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What does she do while you read? After she could read fluently (and often before), Rain really needed to be doing something active at the same time she was being read to, unless she was really sleepy. Usually she'd play with toys on the bedrooom floor while I lay on the bed and read to her. She was listening and understanding, even thought she was also playing...

 
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#5 of 23 Old 04-11-2010, 05:01 PM
 
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Originally Posted by loraxc View Post
She has been obsessively reading the Rainbow Fairies book series right now, and it's all she wants to read.

Usually I read aloud to her at bedtime, and usually we read a more challenging book that what she can read herself--she always has seemed to enjoy it very much.

However, right now she only wants to read to herself. I offered to read the fairy books aloud, to have her read them, whatever--she won't go for it. She says reading to herself is more fun.
DS1 went through a phase like that with the Droon books. He could read them super fast - and skim the bits at the beginning that set up the world for readers who didn't know the world. Once he went through that, he came back to enjoying being read aloud to.

Hopefully, she'll be interested again later.

Kate
mother of Patrick (7/31/03), and Michael, William, and Jocelyn (4/27/07)
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#6 of 23 Old 04-11-2010, 05:21 PM
 
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It doesn't sound like she's really going to need a lot of help building decoding skills or vocabulary. But what if you offered to read to her at a time when she wouldn't be able to read to herself, like while she's eating or taking a bath? (Assuming she doesn't already read while she's eating or in the bath.) Haven't you mentioned she likes to draw? Maybe you could read to her while she draws. Or if you have other things you need to be doing then, maybe you could let her listen to audio books. You can certainly play audio books in the car, if you spend much time in the car.
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#7 of 23 Old 04-11-2010, 06:56 PM
 
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My youngest stopped wanting me to read aloud to her when she was 4.
She was reading chapter books by then, and like your dd, it was a speed issue. She could read faster than I could when I read aloud, and found it more enjoyable to read to herself. She's never wavered in wanting me to read to her out loud again, sadly. She's 8 now, and I still ask every now and again, but no interest from her. Her decoding and vocab skills never suffered. Fortunately my oldest likes me to read aloud to her on occasion.
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#8 of 23 Old 04-11-2010, 07:07 PM - Thread Starter
 
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I don't think it's a need for activity, though she might enjoy drawing while bing read to. We'll only be able to do that during summer, though, when she is here all day (coudl do it during DS's nap).

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(Assuming she doesn't already read while she's eating or in the bath.)
We don't allow it while eating, and she takes showers. DH actually just came in from outside to tell me he had made a new rule: "No reading while you're on the trapeze."

She used to listen to audio books but is not interested now that she can read. Reading to her while she's eating is an interesting idea. She is a VERY slow eater, and it's an issue. I wonder if reading while eating would help that or make it worse? Only thing is that usually kid mealtime is my time to do other kitchen and cleaning tasks (I know...we don't eat together very much. Oh well.) I like the idea of offering it to her when she is otherwise engaged, though!

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It doesn't sound like she's really going to need a lot of help building decoding skills or vocabulary.
You know, you might think so, but she is still weak on sounding out long and unfamiliar words, even easy ones. When she reads aloud to me, it's clear that she is still skipping or fudging more than I might think. Her vocabulary is also lesser than you might expect, given her reading proficiency. It doesn't seem to bother her, so perhaps it's not an issue, but I have to admit, I like to take advantage of few opportunities she gets for reading instruction on her level.

If nothing else, she still drifts over when I read to her 2yo brother. Maybe I need to find more "crossover" books for him. She still likes funny ones, like Don't Let the Pigeon Drive the Bus, and some of the longer and more wonderful toddler classics, like Blueberries for Sal...

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#9 of 23 Old 04-11-2010, 08:45 PM
 
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Originally Posted by loraxc View Post

You know, you might think so, but she is still weak on sounding out long and unfamiliar words, even easy ones. When she reads aloud to me, it's clear that she is still skipping or fudging more than I might think. Her vocabulary is also lesser than you might expect, given her reading proficiency. It doesn't seem to bother her, so perhaps it's not an issue, but I have to admit, I like to take advantage of few opportunities she gets for reading instruction on her level.

If nothing else, she still drifts over when I read to her 2yo brother. Maybe I need to find more "crossover" books for him. She still likes funny ones, like Don't Let the Pigeon Drive the Bus, and some of the longer and more wonderful toddler classics, like Blueberries for Sal...
When ds was about 4.5 we started having him read to his 2yo sister. In the beginning he struggled with reading Curious George aloud but soon became more fluid.

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#10 of 23 Old 04-11-2010, 09:39 PM
 
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Totally agree with Dar. While I read aloud my kids have, at various ages and stages, played with Lego or K'nex, sculpted with modeling beeswax, drawn, painted, done paper maché, snacked and consumed warm drinks, fashioned dorodangos, knitted, carded fleece, washed dishes, done yoga. My favourite is the dish-washing, as you can imagine.

This allows reading to permeate times and activities when the kids can't read to themselves.

Miranda

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#11 of 23 Old 04-11-2010, 11:27 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Oh, she reads aloud to her brother all the time (what an awesome thing THAT is), but her reading Knuffle Bunny doesn't really serve the same purpose as my reading something to her, YK?

I may see if I can fit in reading aloud while she does other things, though it will be hard with DS around. It's a good idea.

grateful mother to DD, 1/04, and DS, 2/08

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#12 of 23 Old 04-11-2010, 11:30 PM - Thread Starter
 
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neptunemomma, I missed your post. Oh. That's sad.

DD is VERY, VERY independent. It may be that this is related to personality.

grateful mother to DD, 1/04, and DS, 2/08

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#13 of 23 Old 04-12-2010, 01:05 AM
 
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I can't really relate, but I see something similar in my future. DS (2years 4 months) has always loved being read to. However, now that he is memorizing his books after a couple of reads, he prefers to "read" them to me instead. Even if he forgets a word and I gently nudge him, he'll say, "Not you Mommy! I read it!" *sigh* It's cute and fun now, but I hope I can continue with our read aloud times once he actually learns to read.

Kat, wife to and mommy to (Dec 07).
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#14 of 23 Old 04-12-2010, 01:51 AM
 
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Just popping in with my own experience. I was about the age of the OP's dd when I told my mom I couldn't deal with her reading to me anymore cause it was too slow. I never wanted her to read books to me again, but what we did do is a lot of side by side reading - her with her book and me with mine - and those remain very fond memories. Also, if we found a passage to be especially enjoyable we would read that out loud to each other... not quite the same as sharing a whole story, but still a great way to share.

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#15 of 23 Old 04-12-2010, 07:13 AM
 
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Hugs. DS had a year-long phase when he would not let me sing to him at night and it really hurt. In his case, he is back to liking to hear me.
It's probably different in your case - I very clearly remember insisting on reading on my own at night, as my parents' bedside reading was just.too. slow.
I second all the posters who have suggested "substitute" activities. I remember enjoying being read to in arts or crafts class for a long time after I could not stand bedside reading anymore, and I also enjoyed reading cuddled-up in my parents' bed. she will probably willy-nilly be drawn to listening while you read to her little brother. And about the vocabulary work: could you turn it into a sort of mini-book club, just you and her? I loved having people to talk to about my current favorites.
BTW, you never let us know how she dealt with the sad ending of "The fledgling" you were worried about - or did I miss an update?

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#16 of 23 Old 04-12-2010, 09:51 AM - Thread Starter
 
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BTW, you never let us know how she dealt with the sad ending of "The fledgling" you were worried about - or did I miss an update?
You know, I have wondered if that book has something to do with this. We have not finished it. She says she wants to, but I sense she is avoiding it. With this in mind, I have offered to put it away and read a different book entirely, and have offered some pretty tempting choices, IMO.

I wonder a bit if she is retreating from bigger-kid books because of The Fledgling. There is NO danger of any tragic deaths in Rainbow Fairy books! Man, I could kick myself for picking that book...I don't know what I was thinking!

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#17 of 23 Old 04-12-2010, 10:34 AM
 
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Our dd went through a stage of not wanting to be read to and not wanting to read aloud to us. She enjoyed getting lost in the world of her books. We got into listening to audio books on some long car rides and that eventually became a new family activity. As dd got older, she wanted to share and discuss what she was reading, so she has begun reading books to me in the car. We share reading at times during the day. However, her before bed reading is hers alone. I miss lying in bed with her and reading, but I still go in for a cuddle a few times a week and a talk. She always had some difficulty shutting off her mind to go to sleep and this alone routine works for her so we respect that.

I also agree with Dar and mooninmamma, our dd has to have something to do while being read to. She will play with clay or draw generally now at 11. She knows she needs to do something in order to pay attention to what is being read. At least she can now fiddle with something in her hands or quietly draw. When she was younger she need much more motion, sitting upside down on the couch or playing with toys.

If you are looking for more fairy books, my daughter enjoyed the Fairy Realm series by Emily Rodda at that age. There's 10 or 11 of them.
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#18 of 23 Old 04-12-2010, 11:09 AM
 
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My son got to the point he hated us reading to him. Like Dar said he needed another activity. He still will listen to books on tape while doing other things .
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#19 of 23 Old 04-12-2010, 11:37 AM
 
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Originally Posted by loraxc View Post
You know, I have wondered if that book has something to do with this. We have not finished it. She says she wants to, but I sense she is avoiding it. With this in mind, I have offered to put it away and read a different book entirely, and have offered some pretty tempting choices, IMO.

I wonder a bit if she is retreating from bigger-kid books because of The Fledgling. There is NO danger of any tragic deaths in Rainbow Fairy books! Man, I could kick myself for picking that book...I don't know what I was thinking!
Hmmm. I recall a lot of posters advocating giving her control over choosing upsetting content - or not choosing it, as the case may be. So you think this is her way of asserting control over whether to expose herself to challenging emotional content? I am almost afraid of saying it could be, at least a little (I think so many of us share the experience of being unable to stand being read aloud to slowly that it would be nuts not to attribute some of that change to her feeling the same way) because you are beating yourself up about this already, I am so sorry! I suppose this would also mean that it's a phase - that as soon as she has been allowed to live in safe fairy land for a while, she will decide to be ready for "bigger kid-books" again.
During the "no-singing, mama!" phase my mom told me that putting DS to bed she'd just hummed a lullaby without asking him and he fell asleep wthout protesting, so I tried singing that without asking, too. He burst into tears wailing "the song is too sad!" and was unconsolable for a while. I was so shell-shocked I did not even ASK for months. Then he started asking for songs out of his own accord.

I think you will have to separate being hurt because she is boycotting a treasured activity and worrying about the development of her vocabulary, too. I totally understand the first, but don't think forcing it will get you anywhere. And I would not worry about the second at all. She'll pick it up by osmosis, as they do.

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#20 of 23 Old 04-12-2010, 01:34 PM - Thread Starter
 
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If you are looking for more fairy books, my daughter enjoyed the Fairy Realm series by Emily Rodda at that age. There's 10 or 11 of them.
I just got these from the library! We are going to be done with the Rainbow Fairies in a few weeks, at the rate she's going, so we need more.

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I suppose this would also mean that it's a phase - that as soon as she has been allowed to live in safe fairy land for a while, she will decide to be ready for "bigger kid-books" again.
Yes. It may be. She is struggling with various fears and anxieties right now (bees, storms, car accidents, you name it), and I think she really needs this safe escape.

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#21 of 23 Old 04-12-2010, 02:27 PM
 
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I think you will have to separate being hurt because she is boycotting a treasured activity and worrying about the development of her vocabulary, too. I totally understand the first, but don't think forcing it will get you anywhere. And I would not worry about the second at all. She'll pick it up by osmosis, as they do.
I agree about separating the issues.

In our experience, not being read to hasn't made a huge difference. DS REFUSED to be read to from 2 or so until probably 5+, and then only intermittently. DD didn't want to be read to from about 5 or 6. They both have a great vocabulary and understanding of phonics (they love the code aspect of it, and the variations).

With DD, the cutest part was hearing her using a word correctly but missing the pronunciation because she'd read it and deduced the meaning, but may not have heard it. I think this ended by 8. DS (7) reads at a gr6-7 level, but due to vision issues (stamina), doesn't read very much. Interestingly, he has a huge spoken vocabulary without the pronunciation confusion his sister experienced because I think he's gained his vocabulary in conversation (both general and about things he's reading, largely non-fiction).

IME, prodigious readers figure it out.

Mom to a teenager and a middle schooler.

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#22 of 23 Old 04-12-2010, 09:57 PM
 
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When my 4th grader reached this stage in 2nd-ish grade or so, I felt a similar sadness. I still wanted to connect with him through the shared reading experienced we had enjoyed for many, many years. Though he was reluctant at first, I suggested that he and I start our own "book club." We began to obtain 2 copies of each book he was interest in pursuing, one for him and the other for me. We would independently read a select portion by a specified deadline. Using post-it notes while reading, we would each mark several passages we wanted to discuss with one another. Then, on the day the section was "due" to have been read, we'd meet together for private time (yes, hard to come by when siblings are involved!) to discuss what we had read. I found it easy to infuse new vocabulary from the book into our discussion, enjoyable to hear his opinion on the characters and events, and just simply amazing to see how much he had grown from the boy who snuggled as I read him Charlotte's Web 4 years earlier.
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#23 of 23 Old 04-15-2010, 01:32 PM
 
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did her stop wanting you to read when her reading took off.

dd's reading took off at 6. she knew how to read but wasnt interested in reading till first grade. and then she just took OFF.

that's when i noticed she didnt want me to read to her. she wanted to read herself.

and then it came back. however these days i am too tired to read so i tell her stories.

nowadays seh wants me to make decisions for her. no mom you tell me what to do because its too hard. i cant make up my mind.

its always something.

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