How do you know..or find out, if they're "gifted"? - Page 2 - Mothering Forums

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#31 of 50 Old 10-31-2010, 01:25 PM
 
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Indeed! Thanks for catching that. Sometimes my iPad takes it upon itself to correct my typos, but substitutes the wrong words. I'll have to watch it more carefully.

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#32 of 50 Old 11-16-2010, 11:30 AM
 
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OP, in addition to checking out preschools, I'd recommend reading up on th challenges of asynchronous behaviour and on reactive hypoglycemia (ie behaviour spiraling out of control simply due to low blood sugar), which seems common among gifted children, so you can react appropriatela when the time comes.


I'm new to this forum and haven't posted yet... but had to when I saw this! My 10 y.o. son has been identified as gifted (wasn't tested until the end of third grade, he's now in fifth) and I've never heard of this connection to reactive hypoglycemia before. He seems to have outgrown it, but as a toddler/preschooler he used to act like a totally different kid if he got hungry, angry, rude, almost out of control... after a little food, back to his pleasant self. I am off to do some research... it will explain so much... but I wanted to thank you.

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#33 of 50 Old 11-17-2010, 01:03 PM
 
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I think it's important to remember that a child can not be gifted, yet meet all the milestones early and a child can be gifted and meet the milestones on average or even late--I think it's a huge disservice to the kids and their peers to label them gifted prior to age 5 or 6 if not later.  I think the most important thing is working on what they are interested in.  Almost every single I have known talks about how by the end of Kindergarten/mid first grade...you can't tell the difference between the kids who were reading when they started Kindergarten and those who started reading in Kindergarten.

 

DD is in the accelerated class and we've been told since she was in Kindergarten that she was more than likely gifted (have not her officially tested).  She met all the milestones on average and went from hardly talking right before she turned 2 to reading chapter books right after she turned 3.  DS1 and DS2 have received intense speech therapy and neither knew what DD knew when she was their age, but that doesn't mean they aren't gifted.  It just means that for now they are working on different things.

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#34 of 50 Old 11-17-2010, 01:22 PM
 
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I think it's important to remember that a child can not be gifted, yet meet all the milestones early and a child can be gifted and meet the milestones on average or even late--I think it's a huge disservice to the kids and their peers to label them gifted prior to age 5 or 6 if not later.  I think the most important thing is working on what they are interested in.  Almost every single I have known talks about how by the end of Kindergarten/mid first grade...you can't tell the difference between the kids who were reading when they started Kindergarten and those who started reading in Kindergarten.


While I agree that of course a child can be gifted with late milestones, I have to disagree with your assertion that the word "gifted" should never be used in conjunction with a child who is 6 or younger.  My child is 4, and reads at a 4th grade level, or higher.  I fail to see how it would be possible for her to be indistinguishable from a ND first grader when she is 6, since even at 4 she is well beyond that level.  The only way that could happen is if she chose to pretend that she couldn't read well to try to blend in (which thankfully will not happen, since she will not be going to elementary school).  It may be that some parents use the word "gifted" too liberally, or apply it too early, but that does not mean that all parents who use the word "gifted" to describe children under the age of 6 are using it inappropriately.  Many of us have a pretty solid basis for our conclusion.  And many of us use the word "gifted" to help us find support and resources that help us understand our children better.  I don't see that as doing them a disservice, personally. 

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#35 of 50 Old 11-17-2010, 01:39 PM
 
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Let me clarify--I think the label is the disservice.  Meeting and encouraging their needs is not a disservice and etting support is important 

Giftedness is so much more than academics.  I've been reading this board and many other forums for years and when giftedness is brought up it's most often discussed in terms of academics and the age something was accomplished or a milestone met.  But, there is so so much more to being gifted to that and I think it's a disservice to label a child gifted at a young age.

That's just my opinion--I don't think there is a hard fast rule...but I have seen many kids who were labeled "gifted" by their parents before age 5-6 and then be shocked and confused when at 7 or 8, their peers caught up with them academically.  I don't beleive, true gifted children won't usually be caught by their peers in acadmics, but will generally stand out in more ways than just age of accomplishment/milestone.

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#36 of 50 Old 11-17-2010, 03:37 PM
 
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I am still confused as to why you think that using the word "gifted" to describe a child who is gifted would do the child a disservice.  Obviously if a parent is using the word to describe a child who is not gifted, that could lead to misunderstanding.  Perhaps I just don't understand what you mean by a "label" as opposed to a descriptive word.  Nobody I know is printing out labels and sticking them to their kids' foreheads. 

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#37 of 50 Old 11-17-2010, 04:12 PM
 
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We have suspected it since she was a toddler.  It has been confirmed this school year with testing and she is now in the public school's pull out program. 


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#38 of 50 Old 11-17-2010, 09:09 PM
 
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I don't know how else to describe it.  I don't expect others to agree with me, just think the term is tossed around to describe perfectly average kids and doing that can lead to disappointment in parents and frustration in kids as the child gets older..

In no way am I saying that i don't think the OP's or PP's kids are gifted...i'm just saying I think it's a term that is used very loosely.  i wouldn't say my child was delayed just based on me comparing them to their peers and don't think that a child should be called gifted just based on comparing them to their peers.  But, that is my own personal belief.

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#39 of 50 Old 11-17-2010, 10:09 PM
 
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I understand what you're saying, mom2reenie, but I look at it a bit differently.

 

Every parent has a sense of wonder about their kid and their development.  I was thrilled that my kid was doing something entirely expected - crawling, crusing, self-feeding, whatever.  It is really, really wondrous to see a child blossom.  I understand why some parents of young kids refer to their kids as gifted - it's an extension of that wonder.  I just accept is as part of the way that parent expresses their enthusiasm about their child.  It would be unfortunate if this whole thing ended up in disappointment when junior doesn't meet expectations at some point in the future, or if too much pressure and expectation is put on a child.  But if a parent wants to call their kid gifted and they're excited and enthusiastic about their kid, what's it to me?  And for all I know, their kid is gifted.

 

Kids don't become magically gifted at 6 or 7.  And not all kids look the same by grade 3 - some of them have continued on their accelerated developmental track.

 

I think it's particularly important for gifted boys to be identified early if possible.  Gifted boys can often be kinetic, visual spatial and just out of the box.  This can easily be pathologized and mis-labeled, and this can be very damaging to their self-esteem, school readiness and connection to others.  Absolutely the same issues exist for some gifted girls.


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#40 of 50 Old 11-18-2010, 06:31 AM
 
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100% agree with you.  I guess I'm just anti-labels/description of something that seems to separate them from their peer at such a young age.  I just know it's 100% possible to meet their needs, without tossing the term gifted around.  Meeting thier needs is what's important--the label/desciption is not always needed to meet those needs.

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100% agree with you.  I guess I'm just anti-labels/description of something that seems to separate them from their peer at such a young age.  I just know it's 100% possible to meet their needs, without tossing the term gifted around.  Meeting thier needs is what's important--the label/desciption is not always needed to meet those needs.



If I said my DD was tall, would that be a problem for you?  I just don't get why descriptive words separate kids from their peers.  Of course if I said my kid was tall and as a result I expected her to become a star basketball player and then was heartbroken when she ended up being a short pro-golfer, that would be a problem.  But that's not why most people describe their kids as tall.  Most people describe their kids as tall because it helps them to find clothing that will better fit their tall children.  Likewise, I haven't seen many people on this forum or elsewhere use the word "gifted" as a way to separate children from their peers or to place inappropriate expectations on their kids.  IME, most of the time when people use the word "gifted" they are doing so to help them find resources that will better fit the needs of their gifted children.  Perhaps your experience has been different, and if that is the case I would love to hear about it.

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#42 of 50 Old 11-18-2010, 06:41 PM
 
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100% agree with you.  I guess I'm just anti-labels/description of something that seems to separate them from their peer at such a young age.  I just know it's 100% possible to meet their needs, without tossing the term gifted around.  Meeting thier needs is what's important--the label/desciption is not always needed to meet those needs.

Perhaps you are 100% certain that YOUR child's needs can be met with utilizing the term gifted.

 

I needed more resources and support to meet the needs of my child and having a word to type into a search engine and a term to use that gave the general idea of his placement on academic testing to determine academic placement was necessary.

 

My child is also tall and slender and when I go searching for pants I look for the word "slim" on the label and adjustable waistbands so I can find something that fits. Jeans that aren't slims may fit him but odd are a lot higher that slims pants will.

 

Both are labels that help me meet a need of my child and I don't have a problem using either when the situation is appropriate.


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#43 of 50 Old 11-18-2010, 08:59 PM
 
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100% agree with you.  I guess I'm just anti-labels/description of something that seems to separate them from their peer at such a young age.  I just know it's 100% possible to meet their needs, without tossing the term gifted around.  Meeting thier needs is what's important--the label/desciption is not always needed to meet those needs.



I think there's a difference between a parent on the playground tossing the gifted label around and a parent who is trying to figure out how to meet their kid's needs.  Let's talk about 4 year olds, where maybe the parent is considering preschool or kindie placement.  Wouldn't learning needs have to fit into your process?  I looked at things like play area, size of class, proximity to home/work, teaching style (is my child's personality a fit for montessori, or waldorf, or sit-in-desk, or play based), does my child already know kids in the class?  Why wouldn't I look at how out of norm my child's learning needs might be if I have some indication that they are?  Not labelling it doesn't change it's existence. 


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All I knew was that I had this adorable little 20 month old that was spelling his name and talking in 8+ word sentances and driving me batsh*t crazy. And I think my friends were maybe giving me dirty looks and the grandparents seemed a little overly excited. WTH was going on?
I remember that experience so well. The look of shock tinged with some kind of horrified disdain you get when a stranger who has leant in close to the baby in the sling and said "and how old are you?" while looking at the adult and not expecting a response from the child gets a deadpan "I'm 20 months old." is pretty isolating. I think it's important not to be too dismissive of these threads as there isn't anywhere else to talk about advanced toddlers.
Welcome OP


This was so familiar... Someone asked our nanny once last year "Is he a boy or a girl" (he was wrapped up, so it was hard to tell). They expected an answer from our nanny, but DS told them "J is a boy! A big boy! J is not a girl". I think he was about 15 months then.  :)

 

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#45 of 50 Old 11-20-2010, 04:28 AM
 
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OP, in addition to checking out preschools, I'd recommend reading up on th challenges of asynchronous behaviour and on reactive hypoglycemia (ie behaviour spiraling out of control simply due to low blood sugar), which seems common among gifted children, so you can react appropriatela when the time comes.


I'm new to this forum and haven't posted yet... but had to when I saw this! My 10 y.o. son has been identified as gifted (wasn't tested until the end of third grade, he's now in fifth) and I've never heard of this connection to reactive hypoglycemia before. He seems to have outgrown it, but as a toddler/preschooler he used to act like a totally different kid if he got hungry, angry, rude, almost out of control... after a little food, back to his pleasant self. I am off to do some research... it will explain so much... but I wanted to thank you.


And another thank you from me! The first thing I do now when I see DS's behaviour getting worse is offer him food!

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subbing.  loving the links!


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#47 of 50 Old 12-17-2010, 07:41 AM
 
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OP, in addition to checking out preschools, I'd recommend reading up on th challenges of asynchronous behaviour and on reactive hypoglycemia (ie behaviour spiraling out of control simply due to low blood sugar), which seems common among gifted children, so you can react appropriatela when the time comes.


I'm new to this forum and haven't posted yet... but had to when I saw this! My 10 y.o. son has been identified as gifted (wasn't tested until the end of third grade, he's now in fifth) and I've never heard of this connection to reactive hypoglycemia before. He seems to have outgrown it, but as a toddler/preschooler he used to act like a totally different kid if he got hungry, angry, rude, almost out of control... after a little food, back to his pleasant self. I am off to do some research... it will explain so much... but I wanted to thank you.


And another thank you from me! The first thing I do now when I see DS's behaviour getting worse is offer him food!



Thank you for the appreciation!blush.gif you have made me realize that lately I haven't been on top this the way I should be, and it's come back to bite us in a few instances recently.

 

Don't know how much research you've been doing already but the posters who taught me about this on this board recommended not just any food, but high-protein snacks, because they work best for regulating blood sugar (yoghurt, nuts, cheese, eggs, meat...). My kid would live entirely on carbs if I let him, so this is something I have to look out for, too. Although there have been instances when I have had to feed my child chocolate in order to recover enough from a meltdown to even be able to eat dinner. (Note: don't do this in front of grandparents. With other people watching, best offer juice).


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#48 of 50 Old 12-17-2010, 12:04 PM
 
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Oh, we've experienced this too! The BEST THING EVER for us was to make DD her own shelf with healthy snacks on it.  Then she can help herself whenever she wants during the day.  Otherwise she tends to have a tendency to wander over to the fridge and stand in front of it forever (and at that point she's already gone off of the deep end of hysteria normally!). Yeah, if she doesn't get snacks or not at the time she needs them (not necessarily the same time/amount everyday too!) we get a lot more meltdowns

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OP, in addition to checking out preschools, I'd recommend reading up on th challenges of asynchronous behaviour and on reactive hypoglycemia (ie behaviour spiraling out of control simply due to low blood sugar), which seems common among gifted children, so you can react appropriatela when the time comes.


I'm new to this forum and haven't posted yet... but had to when I saw this! My 10 y.o. son has been identified as gifted (wasn't tested until the end of third grade, he's now in fifth) and I've never heard of this connection to reactive hypoglycemia before. He seems to have outgrown it, but as a toddler/preschooler he used to act like a totally different kid if he got hungry, angry, rude, almost out of control... after a little food, back to his pleasant self. I am off to do some research... it will explain so much... but I wanted to thank you.


And another thank you from me! The first thing I do now when I see DS's behaviour getting worse is offer him food!



Thank you for the appreciation!blush.gif you have made me realize that lately I haven't been on top this the way I should be, and it's come back to bite us in a few instances recently.

 

Don't know how much research you've been doing already but the posters who taught me about this on this board recommended not just any food, but high-protein snacks, because they work best for regulating blood sugar (yoghurt, nuts, cheese, eggs, meat...). My kid would live entirely on carbs if I let him, so this is something I have to look out for, too. Although there have been instances when I have had to feed my child chocolate in order to recover enough from a meltdown to even be able to eat dinner. (Note: don't do this in front of grandparents. With other people watching, best offer juice).



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#49 of 50 Old 12-19-2010, 10:29 PM
 
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subbing too... good resources.

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#50 of 50 Old 01-04-2011, 07:42 AM
 
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Thanks for posting this question. I've been kind of struggling with this a bit. Some days I worry I'm not stimulating him enough & other days I realize that the gifted label is nothing more than a label (DS is 17 months). And what I really just need to do is breathe & follow his lead.

the one thing I do have to add is that our sons pediatrician called his language development "scary" (in a good way) and told us to keep him very stimulated otherwise he was likely to start getting into trouble (as in inventing things to challenge himself - which is exactly what our vet warned us about with our border collie, and I don't really want to repeat that evolution of skills). No way am I going to go sign him up for a bunch of classes, but we do make a lot of outings (museums, farms, natural areas, public transportation, cities, travel, the beach, the forest - I end up driving a lot), exposing him to different experiences/environments/activities in a non-structured way.

I've actually starting giving him jobs that he can handle at home & he seems to love them. He hands me dishes from the dishwasher & I let him vacuum. He moves the laundry from the washer to the dryer or hands me clothes pins when we are hanging clothes up outside (all with supervision, of course). He picks the veggies in the garden. He likes to call the dogs and feed the cats & fill bird feeders. I wouldn't call it responsibility yet, but he seems to like contributing.

I don't know if that helps or not, or how old your DD is. I don't know that my kid is gifted either. But maybe somewhere in there something helps. Maybe.


Right here with you.  DS is 17 months and we have been thinking the same.  I have decided to just follow his lead as we have since his birth.  He knows around 30 ASL signs as we learn them as he has an interest in each new object or thing. 

 

My Father and his newest wife (I think it is his 6th) were over on Sunday and said DS is ADHD because he is busy...  bug off lady!  Can't stand that thought.  I was labeled as such around the age of 19... fricken labels.. can't stand em!    

 

I am excited to read all your posts.  Thank you.

 



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