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#31 of 42 Old 08-08-2011, 01:31 PM
 
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Originally Posted by amberskyfire View Post

In general, I'm against school. I know a lot of people do school and it works great for them, but just like choosing your own religion, homeschool/unschool is what we choose to do. It wouldn't matter where I lived or how great the schools were, I still wouldn't send DD.


 

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We take it a day at a time and do what we all think is right for us. For now, DD loves homeschooling and we do actual lessons because she loves and insists on them, complete with worksheets, etc. I'm more inclined to unschool, but she likes reading activities so I guess that's what we're doing right now.


 

I don't understand. Are you taking it a day at a time or are you sure that your DD will never attend school? Those two statements are mutually exclusive.

 

Something that you don't seem get is that the ENERGY you project comes back to you, in spite of the specific words you chose. You keep saying explaining that you don't SAY x or Y, but you send out really negative energy. We can feel it over the internet, and the people you are around IRL feel it, even if you *think* you are keeping your thoughts to yourself by selecting your words carefully.


but everything has pros and cons  shrug.gif

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#32 of 42 Old 08-08-2011, 03:12 PM - Thread Starter
 
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I'm talking about now, I'm not talking about ten years from now. And yes, for now, we don't do school. Just because I say we don't do school doesn't mean I can't change my mind. I'm human after all. thumb.gif I don't know why I'm only allowed to be one thing or the other. I think it's kind of a given that people are allowed to change their minds.


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#33 of 42 Old 08-08-2011, 03:26 PM - Thread Starter
 
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But I've let the conversation totally derail and want to get it back on track. The issue is not why I choose to homeschool or even the fact that I do. It would be silly to argue that point with other moms that don't homeschool. That's for the homeschool forums.

 

The issue I was asking advice on is whether other parents of gifted children deal with others who think that their preschool aged gifted children should be put in gifted school programs. If you have/had a preschool aged child (3 in my case) and your family was giving you a difficult time about not putting him/her in a gifted program and you didn't want to, how do you/would you react to that? I hate having to defend myself, but they just keep bringing the topic up.

 

I think it may be something I just have to put my foot down on with them and refuse to discuss it.

 

This isn't about whether or not I choose to homeschool DD in the future. She's three now.


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#34 of 42 Old 08-08-2011, 07:49 PM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by amberskyfire View Post

If you have/had a preschool aged child (3 in my case) and your family was giving you a difficult time about not putting him/her in a gifted program and you didn't want to, how do you/would you react to that?


I've never heard of gifted school programs for 3-year-olds ... they certainly don't exist in my region. So I can't really comment on that specifically. And likely others are coming from a similar place. Gifted schools for 3-year-olds are not the norm, so your situation is pretty unique. I commented upthread on the general scenario of people disagreeing with the choice to homeschool. "Pass the bean dip, please" is pretty much the best response, IMO. 

 

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#35 of 42 Old 08-08-2011, 10:19 PM - Thread Starter
 
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LOL! I love you! I know it's not exactly what you suggested, but it gave me one idea. I think I'm just going to start telling everyone that they don't have preschools here. We're 3,000 miles away, so I don't think they'll look into it. :)

 

 

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I've never heard of gifted school programs for 3-year-olds ... they certainly don't exist in my region. So I can't really comment on that specifically. And likely others are coming from a similar place. Gifted schools for 3-year-olds are not the norm, so your situation is pretty unique. I commented upthread on the general scenario of people disagreeing with the choice to homeschool. "Pass the bean dip, please" is pretty much the best response, IMO. 

 

Miranda



 


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#36 of 42 Old 08-09-2011, 06:52 AM
 
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Originally Posted by amberskyfire View Post

s. If you have/had a preschool aged child (3 in my case) and your family was giving you a difficult time about not putting him/her in a gifted program and you didn't want to, how do you/would you react to that? I hate having to defend myself, but they just keep bringing the topic up.

 

 

This isn't about whether or not I choose to homeschool DD in the future. She's three now.


Right now, we don't homeschool (right now- it is on the table in the future if public does not work out), but we did 'preschool' both at home and at a public program.  You can do both as well. Even as my kiddos enter public school, we could opt to do partial day school and partial day home if we choose to go that route.

 

It is nice to have options and it is not an all or nothing for K-12, at least no in my book. You do what works for your kiddos at that time. Change as needed.

 

As for your original ?. At 3---seriously there are two programs for kiddos that age around here and they are astronomically expensive. No scholarships for that age either or testing for ages 3-5. Some kids attend from age 3-5 but then do not pass the Elementary admission and some kiddos enter the Elementary program at age 5.So really the preschool set is not gifted specifically, it is housed in a building that has a gifted program for ages 5-18. It is private, pricey, and very exclusive- not an option for us. So that would just be my answer.

 

We got flack for not doing 'more' to enrich our kiddos when they were in a play-based preschool and both reading fluently at age 3. But you know , what - it worked for them and me. We spent our time digging in the dirt, going to museums , library programs, messy projects at home. They learned social skills and worked on some specialized skills (both DD have mild special needs) at preschool. No need for fancy classes- they were happy, I was happy,they were learning : it was all good.

We were a bit different in that we were dealing with widely asychronous development with both fairly wide delays and advanced skills at the same time.

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. Gifted schools for 3-year-olds are not the norm, so your situation is pretty unique. I commented upthread on the general scenario of people disagreeing with the choice to homeschool. "Pass the bean dip, please" is pretty much the best response, IMO. 

 

Miranda


Ditto this.

 

Change of topic when family starts to go on about what we 'should' be (vs what we are) doing works best. Keeps the peace or we often pull the ' Our Dr suggested......." (medical stuff or therapies) or ' DH and I discussed it and we are ......thanks for asking." (schooling or environmental choices) and leave it at that.

 

They likely will bring it up for years (I know family does here). Just keep deferring to what works for you and your DC, changing the subject, or ignoring it. 

 

Everyones going to have an opinion, nothing you can change about that. Go with what works for you and dont worry about changing your mind.

 

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#37 of 42 Old 08-09-2011, 01:17 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Oh, yes, I've had to pull the "our doctor says" card a lot in reference to things like early vaccinations and breastfeeding. I never thought to use it in reference to learning, but I don't see why that couldn't work.


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#38 of 42 Old 08-09-2011, 02:18 PM
 
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Definitely play the doctor card. At 18 months my sons pediatrician told us that public school was likely to be a very bumpy ride and I had better do a lot of research regarding schooling options, and that our public schools, as great as they are, have no idea what to do with a kid like him. It was shocking. The gifted programs are too far of a commute for everyday for us, so the doctors recommendation and the commute time are 2 reasons in my arsenal. Cost is another reason (perhaps financial priorities would be a better way to say that - I'd rather save for college than send him to a ridiculously expensive school for 15 years and not be able to save for college/retirement/go on vacations/etc). But in the end, it's no one elses business. I guess maybe I've stood up for myself enough that I don't feel the need to field parenting advice from even well-meaning people (like my mom, for instance) - maybe that means I've built walls up between myself and others, but if so then oh well. Really I'd try a combo of "we've discussed this with her doctor and we've decided to do this for now." and change the subject. You're the parent. Your parents had their chance; other friends and relatives should have/worry about their own kids. Unless their kids are flawlessly perfect you don't need to defend your choices; they are your choices to make.
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#39 of 42 Old 08-10-2011, 12:47 PM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by amberskyfire View Post

The issue I was asking advice on is whether other parents of gifted children deal with others who think that their preschool aged gifted children should be put in gifted school programs. If you have/had a preschool aged child (3 in my case) and your family was giving you a difficult time about not putting him/her in a gifted program and you didn't want to, how do you/would you react to that? I hate having to defend myself, but they just keep bringing the topic up.

 


I would gently point them to some of the research that shows that too much academic work too early is not good for children's development.  You can probably get a copy of "The Hurried Child" at your public library. If gifted kids are doing advanced work early, it should only be because the child has expressed an interest in doing the work. Otherwise, they should be allowed to work on the things that they are interested in because those things are developmentally appropriate. "Child led" learning is important for preschoolers.

 

 

Here's the link for the book:

http://www.amazon.com/Hurried-Child-Growing-Fast-Third/dp/0738204412

 

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#40 of 42 Old 08-10-2011, 04:41 PM
 
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I would gently point them to some of the research that shows that too much academic work too early is not good for children's development.  You can probably get a copy of "The Hurried Child" at your public library.

 

Quote:

Originally Posted by amberskyfire View Post

 

we do actual lessons because she loves and insists on them, complete with worksheets, etc. I'm more inclined to unschool, but she likes reading activities so I guess that's what we're doing right now.


I don't think the Hurried Child (wonderful book that it is) would convince someone that a parent doing reading worksheets with their 3 year old is on the right path.  Quite the opposite, the OPer feels that proof that what she is doing is the right thing for her child partly because her DD is far ahead. That's the opposite of the message of The Hurried Child. I'm not saying that that she is hurrying her child, just that the book isn't going to build her case.

 

I also think it's interesting that she posted this on gifted, rather than homeschooling.

 

I, personally, wouldn't be impressed by someone who said their doctor told them to educate their child in a particular way. It's not a doctor's field of expertise. And most moms find doctors who say what they want them to say. To me, it's just a cope out. 

 

I still don't see what the big deal is about letting go of other people's approval. You don't need to convince anyway. You are the grown up. It's your kid.

 

"We are doing this for now because it is working well for now" shuts down a lot of conversations. The follow up, "I can see how you could feel that way, but none the less, this is what we've decided to do." 

 

Unless you are sitting around waiting for others to validate every parenting choice, it's really about all you need.

 


but everything has pros and cons  shrug.gif

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#41 of 42 Old 08-10-2011, 11:04 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Thanks for the link! I can maybe look into that book, but our library doesn't carry it and we can't afford to buy, but I'll definitely try "Einstein Didn't Use Flashcards." I've heard great things about it, not just from this board.


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#42 of 42 Old 08-22-2011, 08:53 AM
 
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I still don't see what the big deal is about letting go of other people's approval. You don't need to convince anyway. You are the grown up. It's your kid.

 

"We are doing this for now because it is working well for now" shuts down a lot of conversations. The follow up, "I can see how you could feel that way, but none the less, this is what we've decided to do." 

 

Unless you are sitting around waiting for others to validate every parenting choice, it's really about all you need.

 


 

I would say that from what LITTLE I know about OP's personal situation, I know that some extremely rigid families are all about control.  I have not just one mother...but three mothers.  My mother AND two of my sisters all tried to influence my decisions from everything regarding breastfeeding to picking up the child to getting those kids into preschool BECAUSE "you don't want them socially awkward...they are shy enough as it is".

 

My family is very affluent (not me, I'm pretty broke), and they have made controlling an art form.  They can control my reactions by a tone of voice, a look of the eye, a snide comment or "should" statements.   And they are masters at catastrophizing and have declared that if I didn't put down that child/stop breastfeeding/put that child in preschool by age three, I'd basically be ruining my child.

 

Family influences are some of THE most powerful means of mind control.  orngtongue.gif

 

You are told to 'respect your elders' and 'do what you are told', so when you don't, family members are notorious for making one feel guilty for following your own inner wisdom. 

 

I think this is doubly so for when you have a controlling family or basically all around unsupportive family members.  Support for our choices gives us courage to keep trusting ourselves to make good choices.  Lack of support or downright criticism diverts energy into worry and shame and guilt, "well, maybe I AM harming my child if I don't do what Mom/sister/Aunt Henrietta thinks I should do".

 

It seems to me that the stakes are a tiny bit higher when you have gifted kids to raise.  In the wrong environment (and to me, a bullying environment is the WRONG environment, but I do agree that you should first RESEARCH the school and bring your concerns to the staff before you decide), a child's gifted talents would end up being utilized on the struggle to SURVIVE not THRIVE.

 

Please do not take the bullying aspect lightly.  This stuff is SERIOUS. 

 

I was a somewhat very smart, extremely sensitive child.  By 8th grade, I thought about seriously about committing suicide IN school about 3 times due to bullying (I moved 3 times between 7th and 8th and was bullied in ALL three schools and the most by my own race).  I had a very unsupportive and chaotic family.  I used my social studies class dreaming up ways I was going to kill myself - either by taking a lot of aspirin in the bathroom of school...or running from the class and into the street hoping to get killed by a truck.

 

I'm not trying to use a scare tactic (though that might come out that way).  I am just speaking from my own experience which may be a rare occurrence.

 

I also think it's possible to create a worksheet-free stimulating learning environment for preschoolers.

 

You can check out what we did here...

 

http://growinginpeace.wordpress.com/toddlerpreschooler-activities/

 

http://growinginpeace.wordpress.com/our-montessori-activities/

 

http://growinginpeace.wordpress.com/math-manipulatives/

 

http://growinginpeace.wordpress.com/science-projects/

 

the more hands-on learning you can incorporate, the better.  and you don't always have to buy things either...but print out things from the internet (math games, kitchen science experiments, etc)

 

 

 


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