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#1 of 42 Old 07-31-2011, 03:06 AM - Thread Starter
 
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DD turned 3 in March and is at about a 5 or 6 year old level mentally, verbally and emotionally. (Actually, verbally she is more like at a 10 year old level.)

 

I am getting a lot of flak from family who insist that I should be putting her into special programs. I homeschool DD and refuse to put her in school, let alone an expensive gifted program. To me, the argument seems obvious that she's done this well with just me teaching her, so why ruin a good thing? As they say in Texas where I'm from: "if it ain't broke, don't fix it."

 

My family is stressing me out, though, telling me that I am doing her a disservice by holding her back.

 

Isn't there anything I can show to them or tell them to get them off my back about it? I know DD will do well homeschooling because she loves learning and pursues what she likes. I make sure to keep her entertained and busy enough that she never feels bored or frustrated. Now what can I do to tell them I'm doing a good job and it's none of their business?


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#2 of 42 Old 07-31-2011, 05:41 AM
 
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This seems more like a general homeschooling question to me--have you tried the HSing board?

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#3 of 42 Old 07-31-2011, 07:20 AM
 
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My kids (who are both officially gifted) have homeschooled, traditional schooled, and currently attend an alternative school. My advice is two fold:

 

1. Stay in the present. Talk about what you are doing NOW and how it is working NOW. There's no way you can now what will be best for her in the future. The more  radical statements parents make when their kid is 3, the more likely they will need to eat their words.

 

2. Let go of the need to have other people's approval. It doesn't matter if your extended family approved of your educational choices for your kid or not. The only people who need to be happy with it is you, your child's other parent, and eventually your child. (some kids aren't happy in the moment, but I think it's OK for parents to override a small child's whims if they believe long term the child will look back on it as a good choice).

 

When others start in about what you are doing, you can explain why you are doing it, or not. When you get tired of the conversation or feel they aren't listening, end the conversation. The phrase, "I can see how you could feel that way, but none the less, this is what we've decided to do" works well. Just keep repeating it. If you keep saying the same thing over and over, they will eventually got bored and move on.

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#4 of 42 Old 07-31-2011, 07:51 AM
 
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I agree that this is more of a general homeschooling issue. People who are opposed to homeschooling tend to see anything as a reason to choose school. Where I live there's only one tiny cash-strapped public school that no specialized programs or classes for advanced kids, so I've never got the particular argument you did. But I have a friend whose kids have some learning issues and delays and she's been told many times that her kids need to be in school for the "help the experts can offer." For kids who are right in the middle for academic needs such people will talk about the importance of having groups of peers to learn along with and how well they'd "fit in." I have a shy kid whom I was told needed daily large-group peer exposure at school for her social development, and a happily gregarious kid whom I was told needed daily large-group peer exposure at school to feed her social personality. 

 

Linda's suggestion is excellent. You could also try something like "Thank you for your concern, but you see we've researched the options carefully and at this point we feel this is the best choice for her." I think that sometimes with a young child and a newly-expressed parental enthusiasm for homeschooling people are worried that the parents are blindly committing to following some cult-like educational approach come wreck or ruin. They can be reassured to hear that your choice is only for now, for the next year or two, and that you will of course be regularly reassessing the situation based on available options and your child's growth and development. They can shrink back with their objections for a year or so, hoping that they'll be able to convince you to put her in school when she's 5 or 6, and in the meantime, they'll notice that she's thriving and will become more used to the idea of homeschooling.

 

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#5 of 42 Old 07-31-2011, 08:44 AM
 
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Originally Posted by Linda on the move View Post
There's no way you can now what will be best for her in the future. The more  radical statements parents make when their kid is 3, the more likely they will need to eat their words.

 


Yup. I know plenty of parents who were positive they would always homeschool and it would be perfect - when their kids were preschoolers. And, their kids were all in school by 2nd grade in part because they'd set homeschooling up to be perfect and then it wasn't. OP, I think you are making a mistake when you say "make sure to keep her entertained and busy enough that she never feels bored or frustrated." Constant entertainment really isn't great for kids and feeling bored and frustrated are actually a necessary part of the learning process for most people. It may be hard to wrap your head around that when the kid just turned three but, really learning to self engage and make it through boredom and frustration are crucial parts of becoming an independent learner.

 

Also, I have to say I'm wondering, what are these magical expensive gifted programs for three year olds in Texas. I'm having trouble imaging what those could even be.

 

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#6 of 42 Old 07-31-2011, 09:59 AM
 
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Sometimes you just have to accept that they aren't going to get it. My kids are in school but I know my in-laws were incredibly worried about the choices raising our kids. For example, all 4 of their kids wet to Catholic school and so the idea of us sending out kids to public was a mortification. They understood the giftedness because it runs rampant in the family but we were vegetarian and Athiest which caused them tremendous grief. The proof really is in the pudding though. Over the years, the concerns melted away because it was very clear that my kids were mannered, compassionate, soulful, healthy and very successful. I have a 10 and 14-year-old now and I swear, I can't see my mother-in-law without her telling me what a great mom I am lol. Honestly, I can't take that much credit but I appreciate that all of DH's family have really turned around about our choices.

 

Your child is 3 and everyone freaks out about everything at that age. Just take the high road. If they ask, just say simply you are confident that this is the right move for your child and family. If they ask about the future, just tell them you'll re-evaluate when the time comes as to what is right then. It might just be a time you have to live through with a smile. I'm sure it'll settle once it's clear your child is doing well.


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#7 of 42 Old 07-31-2011, 11:39 AM - Thread Starter
 
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Thanks, everyone!

 

I haven't sworn off all school totally for her, but for right now, definitely not.

 

I don't live in Texas. I live in Hawaii. The schools here are not appropriate at all. You would just have to live here to understand. My daughter is white, blond-haired and blue-eyed. Caucasian children have an extremely difficult time in public schools. They are bullied and shunned. Sure, an extremely small percentage of children make it through okay, but by and large, they have a very difficult time.

 

Private school is something I can never afford and even there she would have trouble. My decision to homeschool (we unschool) isn't one of rabid crunchiness, it's a decision that most parents of caucasian children make here, though I have a friend who has found a decent (but incredibly expensive) Catholic school her son goes to even though he isn't Catholic.

 

I'll try being more firm with family. DD might want to go to the local Waldorf school later at some point if she's not doing well at home, but she's three right now. I don't need to be enrolling her in any gifted child programs. We have had a little less trouble with family since my SIL decided to take all 5 of her girls out of public school this year and begin homeschooling like us. I just hate that DDs giftedness makes her different in the eyes of family, as if standardized schooling were the end-all and be-all of being smart.


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#8 of 42 Old 07-31-2011, 11:55 AM
 
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Sorry Hawaii. Still having trouble imagining what these magical gifted programs are for three year olds. Maybe that's the question for the family - what programs are even you talking about?

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#9 of 42 Old 07-31-2011, 12:41 PM - Thread Starter
 
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We actually do have several. There are some Hawaiian language immersion schools that start at age 3 and some of the private schools start that early. They are teaching schools, not preschools* and they tend to cater to advanced students. The Kamehameha schools specifically start with preschool and are very difficult to get into. They take Hawaiian kids first, so a white student has to test very high to get in. Not that I would. Those schools are very race-based which I don't think is a particularly healthy environment for someone who is picked on and treated as a lesser because of their skin color.

 

*sorry, I meant to say "playschools," not "preschools"


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#10 of 42 Old 07-31-2011, 12:49 PM
 
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It sounds like you're doing great!  I'm including a link that speaks directly to HS and toddlers/early preschool children,  I hope you find it helpful.

https://www.cheaofca.org/index.cfm?fuseaction=page.viewPage&pageID=876&nodeID=1

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#11 of 42 Old 07-31-2011, 01:12 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Thanks very much for the link! I'm going to check it out now.


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#12 of 42 Old 07-31-2011, 05:51 PM
 
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I have not homeschooled my kids (yet?... one never knows what lies ahead), but both my sisters have.  I feel like I have an idea of what that has entailed for one of my sisters with the few emailed bunches of photos that she's sent, of particularly interesting days they've had.  Like a field trip to their local nature center where she took photos of them doing some sketching or journaling activity in an education-y looking room there.  So, I get this image of them doing exciting and enriching activities, even if it only really looks a lot like that from on onlooker for one day every few weeks.  What I'm getting at is - maybe catch some photos of a particularly special activity and send them around to the family, under the guise of just sharing some photos of your very cute little one of course.  I am assuming here that they do mean well and just can't picture or believe that homeschooling can provide learning. I don't think you owe them anything more than a quick explanation like others have said, but maybe if they could picture it a bit, they'd get off your back about it.

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#13 of 42 Old 07-31-2011, 08:14 PM
 
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Originally Posted by amberskyfire View Post

 

They take Hawaiian kids first, so a white student has to test very high to get in. Not that I would. Those schools are very race-based which I don't think is a particularly healthy environment for someone who is picked on and treated as a lesser because of their skin color.


 

I think I better understand the problem you have when you talk to others about homeschooling. When asked about the kind of program available where you live,  rather than saying why you don't want your child to attend the program, you basically said it's so bad that no decent white parent would put their child there. It's how you come across. That's a belief/attitude/whatever that will make it difficult for you to have conversations with people who make different decisions -- because you are insulting the choices they have made.

 

You brought up a Texas expression before; here's a wee expression from Ireland.  "She could start a fight in an empty house."   It's unusual to have programs especially for gifted children starting at age 3. When asked about them, you went on a race rant. That's not a good sign for you in the "plays well with other" category.

 


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#14 of 42 Old 07-31-2011, 09:05 PM - Thread Starter
 
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I'm sorry if it came across that way. I didn't intend for it to.

 

The fact is that it is extremely difficult for white children in the schools here. I'm not saying there is anything wrong with Hawaiians or that they are bad or that "no decent white parent would put their child there." I didn't insinuate it and it isn't true so please do not put words into my mouth.

 

But facts are fact. It IS very difficult for caucasian children in the school system here. It's just the culture. There was an NPR segment about it several months ago about the extremely high rate of suicide we have in our white teen population in the schools here caused by the bullying. Our schools have the highest suicide rate in the nation - double the national average. The students report the bullying and racism as severe. It's not our only reason for keeping our kids out of school, but one of the main reasons. Instead of choosing a mostly-white private school (which I don't think is healthy because there is no ethnic diversity) we have chosen instead to form a homeschooling group with other parents who happen to be of various ethnicities, so the kids get lots of time with each other in a safer learning environment.

 

I don't care what other parents do (really, I don't) but this is a decision that our family has made as have many others. I want my daughter to learn in a positive environment without having to go to school each day in fear and stress. I could put her in school to prove a point, but I'm making the decision that is best for our family.

 

I apologize if I came across as rude. I'm quite easy to get along with, though my friendliness and easy-going nature does make me a popular target for trolls. Meh. That's part of being online, I guess.
 

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I think I better understand the problem you have when you talk to others about homeschooling. When asked about the kind of program available where you live,  rather than saying why you don't want your child to attend the program, you basically said it's so bad that no decent white parent would put their child there. It's how you come across. That's a belief/attitude/whatever that will make it difficult for you to have conversations with people who make different decisions -- because you are insulting the choices they have made.

 

You brought up a Texas expression before; here's a wee expression from Ireland.  "She could start a fight in an empty house."   It's unusual to have programs especially for gifted children starting at age 3. When asked about them, you went on a race rant. That's not a good sign for you in the "plays well with other" category.

 



 


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#15 of 42 Old 07-31-2011, 09:14 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Thanks! I do have a blog where I photograph the kids in our homeschool group doing activities, but I don't share it with family. Maybe, like you suggested, if they can see the involvement, they might be better about it.


 

Quote:
Originally Posted by reezley View Post

I have not homeschooled my kids (yet?... one never knows what lies ahead), but both my sisters have.  I feel like I have an idea of what that has entailed for one of my sisters with the few emailed bunches of photos that she's sent, of particularly interesting days they've had.  Like a field trip to their local nature center where she took photos of them doing some sketching or journaling activity in an education-y looking room there.  So, I get this image of them doing exciting and enriching activities, even if it only really looks a lot like that from on onlooker for one day every few weeks.  What I'm getting at is - maybe catch some photos of a particularly special activity and send them around to the family, under the guise of just sharing some photos of your very cute little one of course.  I am assuming here that they do mean well and just can't picture or believe that homeschooling can provide learning. I don't think you owe them anything more than a quick explanation like others have said, but maybe if they could picture it a bit, they'd get off your back about it.



 


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#16 of 42 Old 07-31-2011, 09:26 PM
 
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You might just try to stay away from the conversation.  Your child has essentially just left toddler-hood, even if she has some advanced skills.  Lots of time, and the future might hold options you can't imagine yet.  A lot changes between three year olds and school aged children.

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#17 of 42 Old 07-31-2011, 09:45 PM - Thread Starter
 
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EmTheWife - Thank you for the link! I just finished reading it and I really love it. I'm going to hang onto it to show the grandparents when they hassle me about it again. It really hits home and encompasses so many of the reasons why we choose to unschool/homeschool, especially about not putting DD in preschool because she needs time to learn from play right now, not structured "fun" learning activities. She seems to be doing so well on her own, I don't want to divert her from the real fun she is having learning. Everything we do right now is directed by her with sometimes suggestions that I'll throw in and, especially at this age, I think that the unstructured time is mostly about just letting her be a kid and not worrying about academics.


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#18 of 42 Old 08-01-2011, 07:32 AM
 
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I'm sorry if it came across that way. I didn't intend for it to.

 

....I apologize if I came across as rude. I'm quite easy to get along with, though my friendliness and easy-going nature does make me a popular target for trolls. Meh. That's part of being online, I guess.
 

 

 

I'm not the least bit upset with you, you don't need to apologize. My point was that I don't think you realize how you come across, and that I think how you come across is part of the problem.

 

In you post, you sounded like this:

 

soapbox.gif

 

When people come across like that, on any issue, they tend to get that same sort of energy back.   If you want to get a calm accepting energy back, then send out a calm, accepting energy.


but everything has pros and cons  shrug.gif

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#19 of 42 Old 08-01-2011, 10:25 AM
 
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A good book for you to read and perhaps give to your family (if they'll read it) is "Einstein never used flashcards" It talks specifically about the need for children to play and explore and about how early academics are actually harmful for preschoolers ( who don't seek them out on their own).

I'd also be careful about the racial overtones. My kids go to a school where they are among the few white kids there. Yes, they're a minority, but we haven't experienced any bullying because of it. There are many parents in our neighborhood who choose to send their kids to other schools solely based on the racial makeup of our local school. They've never visited our school and so don't know how good it is. I would strongly suggest you visit your local PS before deciding. Then you can honestly tell your family "This school won't work for us." If you keep it to specific schools and have examined them personally, you can speak to specifics. If you don't, you will come off as racist. Yes, I know it's not what you intend, but a large part of racism consists of making judgments about whole groups of people without personal experience (and based on what you fear). I heard a lot of fear in your post. Iwould hope that you would homeschool because it's the right decision for your child and your family, not because you fear what might happen.

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#20 of 42 Old 08-01-2011, 11:56 AM - Thread Starter
 
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A good book for you to read and perhaps give to your family (if they'll read it) is "Einstein never used flashcards" It talks specifically about the need for children to play and explore and about how early academics are actually harmful for preschoolers ( who don't seek them out on their own).

I'd also be careful about the racial overtones. My kids go to a school where they are among the few white kids there. Yes, they're a minority, but we haven't experienced any bullying because of it. There are many parents in our neighborhood who choose to send their kids to other schools solely based on the racial makeup of our local school. They've never visited our school and so don't know how good it is. I would strongly suggest you visit your local PS before deciding. Then you can honestly tell your family "This school won't work for us." If you keep it to specific schools and have examined them personally, you can speak to specifics. If you don't, you will come off as racist. Yes, I know it's not what you intend, but a large part of racism consists of making judgments about whole groups of people without personal experience (and based on what you fear). I heard a lot of fear in your post. Iwould hope that you would homeschool because it's the right decision for your child and your family, not because you fear what might happen.



I actually heard of that book many years ago and never remembered to check it out from our local library. Thanks for the reminder!

 

It's nothing to do with race, it's about culture. You just have to live here to understand. It's not about the color of the skin so much as cultural wariness of "outsiders." Living here is not like living in the United States at all. Living here is like living in a completely different country. The issue would be the same in many other places. An American kid might, for example, have a very difficult time in a school in France. (I'm not sure about schools in France, I'm just making an example.) It's not because of the skin color, but because the child is culturally viewed as an "outsider." There is a myth on the mainland that "Hawaiians hate haoles" but this is completely untrue. What is true here is that there is a cultural (not Hawaiian, but the general culture's view) of wariness against outsiders and in school situations where there may have been generations of racism, it can still be a problem. I have experienced nothing but love and acceptance from the people here, but children can be cruel and the schools are constantly trying to find ways to control the problem. It's not the reason we chose home school, but one of many. At this point, homeschooling is the right decision for our family for a variety of reasons. I've never discussed the violence in schools issue with our family, only with friends that live here that had to grow up with the abuse .


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#21 of 42 Old 08-01-2011, 12:08 PM
 
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Maybe it would be a good idea for you to read a little bit about Third Culture Kids. I know quite a few adults who spent the majority of their childhoods living, and attending schools, abroad where they were minority kids, often extreme minorities like the only white family in their entire community. Most wouldn't change that experience if they could. I know they are some of the coolest people I've met.

 

 

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#22 of 42 Old 08-01-2011, 12:13 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Maybe it would be a good idea for you to read a little bit about Third Culture Kids. I know quite a few adults who spent the majority of their childhoods living, and attending schools, abroad where they were minority kids, often extreme minorities like the only white family in their entire community. Most wouldn't change that experience if they could. I know they are some of the coolest people I've met.

 

 


Thanks! I've never heard of the term and didn't know there was such a thing. I grew up in Indonesia and most places we lived I was the only white child around. My mother had to keep my hair covered because strangers would crowd around me to touch my white-blond hair for good luck. Obviously, it's not that drastic here, but I grew up in a separate culture so I'd love to read more about it for my daughter.

 


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#23 of 42 Old 08-01-2011, 12:19 PM
 
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I'll second the call to read & recommend to family " Einstein never used flashcards" . Your DD is only 3. Here in MA, even kindergarten is optional. My DS is 2, so I'm just telling people that I don't have to make a decision for at least 4 more years. Until then, he gets to be a normal kid and PLAY. There is no progam for a 3 year old that can beat simply playing. That being said, play hard :-) at 3, I'm not sure it does any good to declare yourself a homeschooler - it's just building up potential conflict. All kids younger than kindergarten who aren't in preschool/daycare are homeschoolers. It's called being a kid. It's fun, and it has IMMENSE value. I'm taking DS to a homeschool mini co-op this fall. It's 2 hours one morning a week, and has no agenda- it's a new place for him to play and there are new people for him to meet, and that's all. It's like playgroup, only I probably won't have to hear that awful question "is he in preschool yet?" (my answer until next spring: he's too young. Around here you generally need to be three)

The schools in Hawaii are notorious for being bad. Are they still doing the Friday furloughs there? My husbands family is from there. That being said, many of my husbands generation have gone on to Harvard, MIT, etc. Then again, they are Japanese, so I can't speak to the bullying based on race so much. The reversal is true for us: we live in an all white rural area and DS is half Japanese, so we too are concerned with bullying for being different (we've already had some comments from adults in the community). My husband's aunt & uncle are a retired teacher & a public school principle, respectively (Oahu). The very first thing thing they asked us upon meeting our son -as a 1year old- was whether we were going to homeschool - which was a very odd thing to ask & we are still trying to figure it out. Perhaps their Hawaii public school experience was THAT good, I don't know.

I do agree that you should try to visit the school before you give up on it. If nothing else, it will give you more evidence to support your position. But basing a decision like that simply on race perceptions is shortsighted. It may not actually be that bad. Racism sucks, I know. We see it often, although subtly. But judging before you see the actual situation might do more harm than good.
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#24 of 42 Old 08-04-2011, 07:17 PM
 
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I actually heard of that book many years ago and never remembered to check it out from our local library. Thanks for the reminder!

 

It's nothing to do with race, it's about culture. You just have to live here to understand. It's not about the color of the skin so much as cultural wariness of "outsiders." Living here is not like living in the United States at all. Living here is like living in a completely different country. The issue would be the same in many other places. An American kid might, for example, have a very difficult time in a school in France. (I'm not sure about schools in France, I'm just making an example.) It's not because of the skin color, but because the child is culturally viewed as an "outsider." There is a myth on the mainland that "Hawaiians hate haoles" but this is completely untrue. What is true here is that there is a cultural (not Hawaiian, but the general culture's view) of wariness against outsiders and in school situations where there may have been generations of racism, it can still be a problem. I have experienced nothing but love and acceptance from the people here, but children can be cruel and the schools are constantly trying to find ways to control the problem. It's not the reason we chose home school, but one of many. At this point, homeschooling is the right decision for our family for a variety of reasons. I've never discussed the violence in schools issue with our family, only with friends that live here that had to grow up with the abuse .



I understand! I lived there for 3 years as a haole. ;D I think there are some really nice people in Hawaii and I loved a lot of things about it, but I'd also have reservations about putting my kids into school there.

Do they still do "beat up a haole day?"  The people on this board should recall that we have a somewhat negative history with Hawaii and the people still remember. There is a strong military presence on Oahu, and that adds tension, too, I think (and also jobs, but that doesn't seem to matter.)

I also know the schools aren't that great and I remember my friend's kids sweating all day long because there wasn't any A/C in the school (I don't know about schools on military bases, though...)

Would people be as concerned about your comments about racism if you were a minority in the US (say, somewhere in the deep south) and you were concerned about sending your child to a predominantly white school? There is racism in a lot of places, and I think it can affect kids. 

Anyway, I guess racism is a sticky subject, but I definitely see why you've decided to homeschool. It is so expensive to live in Hawaii and even if you've got the funds... then the cost for private school is way high, too. 

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#25 of 42 Old 08-05-2011, 07:17 AM
 
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Would people be as concerned about your comments about racism if you were a minority in the US (say, somewhere in the deep south) and you were concerned about sending your child to a predominantly white school? There is racism in a lot of places, and I think it can affect kids. 
 


If another mother posted about how other weren't supportive of her decision to homeschool and then went off about race, I'd say the same thing. There's a good chance that the negative energy is the problem in the conversation with the adults.

 

The OPer didn't ask if homeschooling was best, but rather, for advice on how to deal with other adults. I believe dropping the attitude about the race stuff would help with that.

 

I also think it would be helpful for her child. To raise a child with the belief that homeschooling is a great option for them because they have more freedom and get to learn at their own pace is very positive. To raise a child with the belief that homeschooling is a great option for them because they would be bullied and victimized at school is very negative, and kids pick up on what we believe even when we don't say it out loud.

 

There are many positives to homeschooling, esp for a gifted child who learns easily. There's no reason to the negative victim stuff to have a place in our heads or our kids lives.

 


but everything has pros and cons  shrug.gif

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#26 of 42 Old 08-06-2011, 12:31 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Like I said, I haven't discussed any race issues with anyone. You guys are the first to hear that that is one of (literally hundreds) of reasons we don't do school in our family. It's by far and away not the only reason. We decided against school before we even moved here many years ago.

 

In general, I'm against school. I know a lot of people do school and it works great for them, but just like choosing your own religion, homeschool/unschool is what we choose to do. It wouldn't matter where I lived or how great the schools were, I still wouldn't send DD.


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#27 of 42 Old 08-06-2011, 03:39 PM
 
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Like I said, I haven't discussed any race issues with anyone. You guys are the first to hear that that is one of (literally hundreds) of reasons we don't do school in our family. It's by far and away not the only reason. We decided against school before we even moved here many years ago.

 

In general, I'm against school. I know a lot of people do school and it works great for them, but just like choosing your own religion, homeschool/unschool is what we choose to do. It wouldn't matter where I lived or how great the schools were, I still wouldn't send DD.

 

I'm a homeschooler so know I'm coming from a supportive place. Over the years I've pondered why some families seem to rarely encounter negative reaction to homeschooling and some seem to encounter it frequently. I'm sure family history and where people live plays some role, but I've come to suspect there is a bigger factor at work. As Linda mentioned earlier emphasis on the negative energy is a problem. Race will surely be inflammatory for many people, but I'm talking more broadly about any negative. If "why do you homeschool?" is responded with negatives about school, culture, other families, your local situation, etc. you will be much more likely to get a negative response. When you are criticizing other people's choices of course that doesn't invite a positive reaction. When you respond in a totally happy, up beat and cheerful way people have a much harder time responding to that negatively.

 

Also, just as a life rule, when your child is very young it is probably a good idea to avoid speaking with religious fervor about matters of parenting. It doesn't mean you can't feel it, but more experienced parents will often feel like rolling their eyes (even if they are polite enough not to). Maybe that's not fair, but it is truth. For what it is worth, the most passionate "I will never send my child to school no matter what" homeschoolers I've ever met ALL have kids who go to school now.
 

 

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#28 of 42 Old 08-08-2011, 10:58 AM
 
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I'm a homeschooler so know I'm coming from a supportive place. Over the years I've pondered why some families seem to rarely encounter negative reaction to homeschooling and some seem to encounter it frequently. I'm sure family history and where people live plays some role, but I've come to suspect there is a bigger factor at work. As Linda mentioned earlier emphasis on the negative energy is a problem. Race will surely be inflammatory for many people, but I'm talking more broadly about any negative. If "why do you homeschool?" is responded with negatives about school, culture, other families, your local situation, etc. you will be much more likely to get a negative response. When you are criticizing other people's choices of course that doesn't invite a positive reaction. When you respond in a totally happy, up beat and cheerful way people have a much harder time responding to that negatively.

 

Also, just as a life rule, when your child is very young it is probably a good idea to avoid speaking with religious fervor about matters of parenting. It doesn't mean you can't feel it, but more experienced parents will often feel like rolling their eyes (even if they are polite enough not to). Maybe that's not fair, but it is truth. For what it is worth, the most passionate "I will never send my child to school no matter what" homeschoolers I've ever met ALL have kids who go to school now.
 

 



All very true... 

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#29 of 42 Old 08-08-2011, 11:30 AM - Thread Starter
 
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Yes, this is true for some of the families in our group. Some have kids that are schooled and some that are not. We even have a mom whose two oldest were unschooled until they were teenagers and now go to private school and her youngest is unschooled. But seeing as we attend regular homeschool "classes," yes, I'd have to say we do officially homeschool, even though DD is only 3. If it were advanced preschool, it would still be called school.

 

We take it a day at a time and do what we all think is right for us. For now, DD loves homeschooling and we do actual lessons because she loves and insists on them, complete with worksheets, etc. I'm more inclined to unschool, but she likes reading activities so I guess that's what we're doing right now. I don't tell people I'm a rabid homeschooler, but we do homeschool, so I don't know any other word for it. It doesn't make any sense to me to say "it's not homeschool because DD is only 3, even though we do 'school' activities." If it looks like an apple and tastes like an apple...KWIM?

 


 

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Also, just as a life rule, when your child is very young it is probably a good idea to avoid speaking with religious fervor about matters of parenting. It doesn't mean you can't feel it, but more experienced parents will often feel like rolling their eyes (even if they are polite enough not to). Maybe that's not fair, but it is truth. For what it is worth, the most passionate "I will never send my child to school no matter what" homeschoolers I've ever met ALL have kids who go to school now.
 

 



 


Mama to a bright 5 y/o girl dust.gif and a beautiful boy born 03/10/12 fly-by-nursing1.gif Loving unschooling, 2xuc.jpgfamilybed2.gif ecbaby2.gifand natural living in Hawaii.rainbow1284.gif
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#30 of 42 Old 08-08-2011, 11:48 AM
 
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It doesn't make any sense to me to say "it's not homeschool because DD is only 3, even though we do 'school' activities." If it looks like an apple and tastes like an apple...KWIM?

 


 



 


I think you misunderstood what I was getting at. It wasn't that there is anything wrong with using the word homeschooling. Rather that being militantly anti school or proclaiming your child will never attend is probably going to invite conflict. It may work a lot better and invite less conflict if you rather than focusing on the negatives of school or getting involved in discussions of race, to just keep it more up beat and positive without trying to project too far into the future.

 

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