Advice need please........ - Mothering Forums

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#1 of 7 Old 09-02-2011, 12:45 PM - Thread Starter
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Just picked daughter up from nursery (she'll be 3 in november), and they want me to get he 'health visitor' involved because she isn't interacting with the other children!!!


I'll obvioulsy contact the Health Visitor, but wondered if anyone could give me any advice too!!!


My Daughter is a happy little girl at home, talks non-stop, plays happily etc.  She is the only child in the famil (and extended family), and only wants to be with adults.


She knows other little children, that she has known since she has been born, and I have always been socialable with her - but she has never shown any interest in other children!!!


Now the Nursery are thinking it's an issue - any advice please?!?!



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#2 of 7 Old 09-02-2011, 03:16 PM
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How long has she been in school?


I'd say there is likely a wide range of normal in three year olds - some are introverted and some are slower to warm up. Are you able to observe or has the teacher been able to tell you anything about what she's doing in the classroom? Some kids might be quiet but you can still see they are eager to observe and possibly engage in the future. If that's not what the teacher is seeing maybe it would be worth the assessment just to give you some direction to know if it is worth being concerned about. If she seems quiet but interested, I'm wondering if the teacher might help gentle facilitate some interaction by helping her connect with a child she might play well with. One thing that helps some quieter kids is to have an out of school play date to get to know a classmate better. Perhaps the teacher could suggest a child who is a bit more extroverted and may help draw her out.


Does your daughter tell you anything about her preschool? Does she seem to enjoy it?

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#3 of 7 Old 09-04-2011, 03:59 AM
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I would ask your dd how she feels abut the other children in the class. That may give you a lot of insight.

Laura, Mama to Mya 7/02, Ian 6/07 and Anna 8/09
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#4 of 7 Old 09-07-2011, 11:25 PM
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No advice here, just wanted to say that my DD, almost 3, is just like this.  She will play with kids occasionally, but in general would much rather play on her own or with me.  I think that they are still at the age of moving from parallel play to more social interactions, but for my DD, I think it is also just her personality.  I could be wrong, but she just seems less interested in other kids than many children even younger than her.  


I may be alone on this one, but I think it is not a big deal as long as they are happy and healthy.  Some people prefer to be social, while others prefer to be loners (DH and I are both like this much of the time).  I would talk with your DD's teacher and ask whether she seems happy while at school.  If she is playing alone, but seems sad and reluctant to play with the other kids than I would want to have them work with encouraging her to feel more comfortable. But, if she is happy and participates in group activities, but just prefers to play on her own, than I say let her be.  Eventually she will find some friends she clicks with (either in preschool or later).  


Also wanted to add something from my own personal experience.  I was a very happy, talkative child at home, but very quiet and shy in school.  Because of this, I was sent to special counselling with a group of children with unhealthy home lives during my fourth grade year.  This group was one of the worst experiences for me.  I couldn't relate to all the kids talking about their homes, because I loved my home and family and was very happy there.  I also didn't really understand why I was there, and would have much preferred to be out at recess with my friends.  Anyways, I just wanted to mention this, to show that sometimes intervention can be unneeded or even detrimental.  Meet with the teacher and Health visitor, and let them know what you see at home.  If they think it is a real problem I may do what the previous poster suggested and try to organize some playdates with classmates outside of school.  


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#5 of 7 Old 09-09-2011, 09:23 PM
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 My son was also like this at age 3.  He didn't like playing with kids, but craved interactions with grownups.  This continued until he was about 6 or so.  Now at 7, he has just begun to realize that other kids can be even more fun than their parents.  He is starting to play more with them and to develop the beginnings of true friendships. 


I think this is partly because he is growing into his body; he is having more of a need to run hard and play physical games - wrestling, tag, scooters, etc.  Moms and dads don't do this stuff as much as children do.  As kids get older, they need more intense physical activity.  Also, I think that some kids bloom later than others socially.  Three years old seems awfully young to be worrying about this as a problem. 


I would be concerned if he wanted no interaction with anyone, children or adults.  But what you've described does not sound worrisome to me....  

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#6 of 7 Old 09-10-2011, 03:05 PM
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I take it from your post that you probably cannot avoid the health visitor, but I would not worry about it until your daughter is much older - four or so, and try to get the nursery staff to realize that your daughter's preference for socializing with adults is within the range of normal development until then...It took our DS until he was about 3.5 to actually be interested in same age children (much older girls were a different story) and it is only this summer that he can be trusted to socialize appropriately and without any more supervision that you'd normally extend to an almost five-year-old. In his case, slow socio-emotional development (with some autistic-looking traits, I won't deny, but ASD has been ruled out in a thorough evaluation) appears part of his personality, not part of any disorder or actual delay.


This spring (or maybe late winter?), KCMichigan IIRC posted a list or a link to a list about socio-emotional milestones, and I think I remember that a child was only considered "delayed" if they weren't playing cooperatively by age four.


Is there a somewhat older girl around (daughter of a friend, neighbour girl, maybe 7 or so) who you could ask to play with your daughter occasionally, sort of a bit like a mini-mother's helper (some girls this age love this, and their mothers like them to have the experience of being an "older sister"); this might be a situation your DD might be comfortable with and help her develop an interest in other children gradually.


Edited to say that I am not saying she needs to develop an interest in other children now. But it may help her enjoy nursery school more.


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#7 of 7 Old 09-16-2011, 03:11 PM
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My DD (4 years old) is like this.  She can't be bothered to play with other kids, most of the time and calls adults her friends.  The exception is that she loves to ride the 2 person bike at her preschool with other kids.  But that's about it.  Her teachers try to build in teamwork stuff for her with other students but she's always been like this.  When she started preschool, part-time, at 2, she was incredibly verbal and chatty and none of the other kids were. The adults talk to her, interact, have conversations, do word games with her.  Other kids, not so much.  It's just kind of continued this way.  She's good with kids that are MUCH older (like 10 year olds) because they treat her like a little one and are nice to her like adults are, and she loves babies.  But kids in her age range don't seem to hold any appeal.

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