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#61 of 175 Old 05-06-2004, 09:45 AM
 
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We've been having the same problems here. Although we LOVE our preschool, and ds enjoys going there, he isn't really playing with the other kids and mostly interacts with the teachers or by himself. He seems to like all the different toys and things to do in the classroom, but he has tried to engage the other children but it doesn't work. After trying to engage them, he starts to get annoyed, bored and frustrated. He desperately wants to have a friend.

He enjoys playing with kids either a couple years older or younger. But his chronological age-mates aren't doing it for him. Opinions on this? Is this something that is a problem, do you think? We've been thinking of advancing him a little, maybe to a 4yr old class.
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#62 of 175 Old 05-06-2004, 11:26 AM
 
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Just a quick to note to say I sympathize with the social stuff and adult attitudes. My dd really loves theatre and just shines where she can interact with kids that range in age from 5 -18. The older girls really dote on her and she them. I'll bet there are homeschool groups that would have similar benefits.

SMC to Sophia, age 15, and Eleanor, age 9, and mother hen to too many nursing students to count!

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#63 of 175 Old 05-06-2004, 11:26 AM
 
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I had no idea this was here! Very cool. I have one very bright 18 month old son and a NewBean on the way. I'm gonna go read the thread before I post anymore. :LOL

Rynna, Mama to Bean (8), Boobah (6), Bella (4) and Bear (2)
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#64 of 175 Old 05-06-2004, 12:15 PM
 
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We have had major socialization problems with ds. He just doesn't "get" other kids. He watches them playing and doesn't understand why they are ramming cars together (he would rather park them with the bumpers match up perfectly) or why they are screaming and yelling (he would rather sit quietly and organize the toys into categories). Often he just seems lost. He does well with older kids. A couple of 8 yo boys have taken him under their wings at Dharma school (kinda like Buddhist sunday school) and he enjoys watching them.

OTOH he had his first REAL conversation with another 3 yo yesterday. I was so proud of him!! To most people this wouldn't be a big deal, but FOR HIM it was amazing. He walked up to the boy and started asking him questions about the book he was looking at. At first the other boy was taken aback by the questions he was being asked, but eventually they had a whole conversation! I was just so darn proud of him because he seemed really confident in the situation and it was so unlike how he usually is in those scenarios


 

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#65 of 175 Old 05-06-2004, 12:49 PM
 
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This is a really cool thread. :LOL

I (and two of my siblings) would fall into the category of 'profoundly gifted' (my other two siblings would just be "gifted":LOL); my son is just shy of 18 months old and while he's not quite where we were at that age, he's obviously very, very bright, and not just precocious. I agree that it's difficult to determine giftedness in very young children, but that's because much less research has been done on giftedness than on mental retardation. 30 years ago, they said that you couldn't tell if a child was autistic before they were, what, six or seven? Now they're diagnosing children as young as two. If you look at the 'bell curve' for intelligence, you'll see a bubble at the low end; that's because testing is more sophisticated at the low end than the high end. But I digress! My point is, long before there was any "proof" that children could exhibit signs of autism before they were a certain age, parents could tell; the same is true for gifted and profoundly gifted children today.

The perfectionism is a hard thing to deal with, and very very common in gifted children. They feel a need to be perfect because they're capable of more than other kids and they're aware of it, so they want to compensate for what their age-peers can't do. My brother would get absolutely hysterical about the injustices of the world from a very young age. He is, to this day, a paranoid worrying kind of person. I joke that it's because he's a virgo (every virgo I've ever met has worried like this, regardless of their intelligence). Anything unjust seemed to just jump out at him and make him miserable, like the fact that other people had so much and we had so little, or when he found out that hamburgers (his favorite food at the time) came from cows, or the children who were starving in Ethiopia, or any number of other things.

I felt a little differently about things; I worried about them, but always felt like I'd change the world once I got old enough that people would take me seriously. Eventually, I figured out what I would change, and what I was going to do about it and now I'm working on it. :LOL I'm much more relaxed about things like that than my brother was.

Making mistakes is a huge crime to a gifted child; we're not allowed to make mistakes. The farther from the average a child is, the more aware they are of it. Teachers (and parents too, sometimes) seem surprised or disappointed when a gifted child does not perform optimally, and no matter what you do to hide it, the child knows that they've disappointed you with their performance. They feel like they should never even attempt something that they're not already certain of doing well at, because they don't want to risk that disappointment. I think that the best way to deal with this is to emphasize positive aspects of things they didn't do well at (You tried something new! That's so cool!) and to let them see *you* making mistakes, and how you deal with them. It's also important to commend your child when they do well. This was very irritating to me as a child, and still is today: my mother seemed to expect me to get perfect scores on achievment tests and such, and never commented on them unless my scores were less than the maximum. I never heard "hey, you did a great job on those tests" or even "thanks for going to school that day and staying awake for the test", but when one of my scores was a 12.7 instead of a 12.9, she asked me why.

Make mistakes, let your children know that you're not perfect. Let them know that you're willing to risk not being the best at something, and that it's really not the end of the world. My mother, whenever she failed at something (and oh, it happened all the time!!) would blame someone else for her problems. (Often me; it was, after all, my fault that her life sucked so much in the first place.) She never, ever, ever took responsibility for her failings, and as a result none of us could ever see failure as a normal part of being human. It was obviously better to lie about it or blame someone else than to fall short in any respect.

Because we were so bright, we picked up on these attitudes *very* early... I can remember having these thoughts as young as 3 years old. Incidentally, the first time I attempted suicide I was three; I felt like a failure, couldn't find someone else to blame, so I internalized that and figured that the only way to correct the mistake and keep it from happening again was to take myself out of the picture. Since there was no place for me to run away too (I knew that walking would make me tired long before anyone looking for me) I thought it would be best to kill myself. Sounds strange, but this was seriously my thought process; it was right around my third birthday.

About school: I never in my wildest dreams associated school with learning. I had no idea that most people did until I was in second or third grade and someone asked me what I'd learned in school. I told them that you didn't learn things in school, you learn things at home or at the library. They asked me why kids go to school and I told them that it was so their parents would have time to clean the house and have time to themselves without kids around. "Then why do you do those books and worksheets and things at school?" "Well, how else is one person supposed to entertain a dozen kids for 8 hours?" They had nothing to say to that. :LOL My mother thought that I wasn't interested in learning after third grade, because I had lost interest in school by then. She wasn't really aware that I had never linked the two in my mind. The first time I learned something in school, it was my junior year of high school in AP Chemistry. :LOL

My children, needless to say, will not be attending school. I went to private and public schools (so did Mike, who is bright and probably above average but not gifted) and feel that niether would suit my children as well as I would. Private schools tend to foster an unhealthy sense of elitism and entitlement which does not serve children well later in life, and public schools cannot cater to individuals, despite their best efforts. Slightly to moderately gifted children can thrive in the public school system; exceptionally and profoundly gifted children are just as lost as profoundly retarded children.

About being three: I missed this, because my big awakening happend at 18 months, but I have a niece who flipped out about being three years old, and later about being four. This was because other things were associated with the birthday that she wasn't ready to deal with; for example, for her third birthday she was told she'd have to give up drinking from a bottle. She wasn't ready to let go, so she decided she wasn't turning three. She also had to give up using her pacifier in public; this was very difficult for her, and made her want to stay in the house and be two for the rest of her life. At four, she had to give up the pacifier for good and would ask "Can I be three for ten minutes?" meaning "Could I have my pacifier for ten minutes?"

Many children, especially those who can think about it, feel pressure to perform differently once they hit a certain age. For example, I remember thinking that I should behave differently once I turned two because my age would no longer be mentioned in months. It wasn't an issue for me, because I was already doing most of the things that would have been asked of me (drinking from a cup, using the potty by myself, etc) but for most gifted children, it is. They feel a pressure to grow up in a hurry because people (adults) don't take them seriously as children, and they feel a need to be taken seriously so they can get on with the business of changing the world for the better and compensating for their age-peers and such. So don't press them to grow up first, just take them seriously now. My mother always talked to me like a person (she too was a profoundly gifted child, as well as someone who remembered being 18 months old and being irritated with grownups not treating her like a person... as her mother before her was). She asked my opinions, she gave me choices, she listened to my ideas and honestly considered them. This is one of the things she definately did right, and this is what I do with Eli even now.

I never fit in with my age mates, and I never understood them. The very first time this happened, I was about 25 months old and was at a friend of my mom's house. She had a little girl (who I later found out was actually older than I was) whom I was expected to play with, but she couldn't talk. I tried to engage her, but she didn't understand me so I walked away and picked up a book (Green Eggs and Ham by Dr. Seuss) and sat down to read it. The little girl picked up a green crayon and started to write in the book! I told her that books are for reading, not for drawing and I tried to take the crayon away from her, and she totally freaked out. Her mother came and asked me what she had done and I told her. She said "Oh, she's allowed to color in her books." I made a face ( : ) and said "Books are for reading, not coloring," but I handed the little girl a book. She said "Don't you have any coloring books? She thinks all her books are coloring books." I had no idea what she was talking about, and my mother told her "No, my kids don't have coloring books. They color on paper, they read books." I was so confused by it, but the next time we went to the grocery store, mom showed me the coloring books. I brought one home and was very disappointed, and decided I liked paper better. My brother liked the coloring book, though; he liked the lines clearly delineating where to color and where not to. I found it irritating. :LOL

Some children are not emotionally prepared to deal with older children, while others are not really equipped to deal with children their own age. I don't think this really has to do with giftedness per se, but it is much easier to see the discrepencies when a child is gifted, kwim? And then there's the physical aspect: I was smaller than all of my classmates, as well as younger (late birthday; I didn't technically start early). A small-for-age not quite five year old in a classroom full of average to large kids who *all* turned six before my fifth birthday. I was physically lost, even though I was much more mature emotionally as well as intellectually. When they played house, they always wanted me to be the mother even though I was the smallest. (I hated playing house, because I was the oldest of four children in a single parent family. Why would I want to pretend to change diapers when I had to really change diapers all the time? : ) When they played school, they always wanted me to play the teacher (this was more acceptable to me, as it usually just meant that I had to read a book to the group and that was easy enough. :LOL) I had a class full of kids who were larger than I am who looked up to me... but I couldn't push myself on the swings, because my legs didn't reach the ground when I sat on them. I could win every game that involved skill, but physical size is a huge advantage in many games that kids that age play and I always lost those. As far as I'm concerned, this is one more reason to keep my kids out of school. Eli is very small for his age (just yesterday I noticed that for the first time when he sits down in his 6-9 month sized pants, his ankles show; he's finally getting too tall for them!) and if he follows in my (and his father's) footsteps, he'll stay that way until he's at least 12 or 13.

Back to my own son: Eli wants to get out of diapers, learn to read, and do all sorts of other things which I simply can't deal with right now beacuse I am hugely pregnant. :LOL If I wasn't in my third trimester, I'm fairly certian that Eli would be dry all day by now, and I know that he'd know all his letters and numbers (right now, I'd say he knows about a third of his letters and recognizes & counts 0 through 11 with no prompting; at least, that's all he knew last time I asked him :LOL). I also know that he'd still be getting most of his nourishment from breastmilk, that he'd still need to be snuggled to fall asleep comfortably, that playing in a puddle of water would still be terribly amusing.. in other words, that he's still a baby, despite his intellect. He does lots of amazing things, and it fascinates me, but I'm still aware that he is a baby and needs to be treated as such. He still needs a hug and a kiss when he gets a boo-boo, even though he knows the kiss doesn't really make the boo-boo go away.

After NewBean is born and my post-partum brain fog and TBP have resolved themselves, I will help Eli do the things he wants so desperately to do. I too feel like I'm holding my child back, and it's a really disturbing feeling to me as I promised never to do it. It's a physical limitation, but still it : irks me something fierce! How many parents can say that their child was ready to potty learn before they were? Or really want to cry because their child is harassing them to learn how to read or count or spell and they just can't summon the energy to deal with it? *sigh*

Wow, this is a really long post!! :LOL :LOL I hope someone's made it to the end of all that rambling. I'll try to keep it more concise in the future.

Rynna, Mama to Bean (8), Boobah (6), Bella (4) and Bear (2)
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#66 of 175 Old 05-06-2004, 01:26 PM
 
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Originally Posted by eilonwy
How many parents can say that their child was ready to potty learn before they were? Or really want to cry because their child is harassing them to learn how to read or count or spell and they just can't summon the energy to deal with it?
This is so exactly how I feel!! I'm angry with myself because ds was ready for the potty at around 18 months, and I stupidly listened to "experts" who said that was too early and there's no way they could really understand it. And it's kinda scary when your child holds up a pretzel that he's bitten into the letter B shape and says "B!" at 14 months. My stomach flip-flopped.

But I keep on reminding myself that it's a good thing, too. His life is going to be amazing in a lot of ways, too
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#67 of 175 Old 05-06-2004, 01:39 PM
 
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Originally Posted by AlohaDeb
This is so exactly how I feel!! I'm angry with myself because ds was ready for the potty at around 18 months, and I stupidly listened to "experts" who said that was too early and there's no way they could really understand it. And it's kinda scary when your child holds up a pretzel that he's bitten into the letter B shape and says "B!" at 14 months. My stomach flip-flopped.

But I keep on reminding myself that it's a good thing, too. His life is going to be amazing in a lot of ways, too
I just have to nod and say "uh huh".

My 3yo started using the potty way earlier than I ever wanted him to! I actually had to stop and remind myself that it was okay for him to go if he wanted to! My 18mo is already pottying during the day. It's hard for me to believe, it's hard for anyone to believe, so I have to rationalize it away by saying that he sees db go potty, so it's normal. But still, it's not.
And making it all the more difficult for me is the fact that my dd potty trained SO late!!! She knew how to use the potty. She could use the potty. She just didn't have time in the day to do it. She didn't want to take the time away from the fabulous things she was doing to waste time just sitting in a boring room for no reason. Still to this day I often have to remind her to wipe...it adds too much time to the toileting process to wipe, too! She can literally do her business in 15 seconds flat.
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#68 of 175 Old 05-06-2004, 07:29 PM
 
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For me, it's slightly aggravated by the fact that my mother doesn't see anything strange about it. By the time I was 18 months old, I'd been putting myself on the potty & cleaning up for three months, so *that's* what she sees as normal. My brother trained at 14 months because I wouldn't let him flush my poop (flushing was the best part of using the potty!). He started to cry and I told him that if he wanted to flush the toilet, he had to flush his own. He sat down and pooped, and three days later he was out of diapers too.

I still think she should be impressed by EliBean; it's really cool that he wants to be a big boy and use the potty. *sigh* Anyway, I was beginning to think I was losing my mind.. every time I mention the fact that Eli is trying to potty learn on another thread, without the benefit of EC, I feel like I'm getting 'funny looks' through cyberspace. :LOL It's good to know that other kids train before their parents are ready for it! I'm glad I'm not the only one who feels like my child is pulling me along for the ride, instead of vice-versa. :LOL

Rynna, Mama to Bean (8), Boobah (6), Bella (4) and Bear (2)
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#69 of 175 Old 05-07-2004, 09:15 AM
 
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Britishmum, we are right there witcha. I totally messed up and now, although ds#1 knows exactly what to do and can do, he won't. It's a complete power struggle! I feel like if I had done it when he was younger, it would have gone much more smoothly.

I have pretty much given up on reading any parenting books or listening to those same "experts" now with ds#2. Most of it just doesn't apply, or else I'm like, "Huh? They were doing that 6 months ago..."
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#70 of 175 Old 05-07-2004, 10:16 AM
 
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I have pretty much given up on reading any parenting books or listening to those same "experts" now with ds#2. Most of it just doesn't apply, or else I'm like, "Huh? They were doing that 6 months ago..."

:LOL My sister laughed at me when i read those books during my first pregnancy. "Books lie," she said. She was so right. :LOL She was so right. My labor wasn't anywhere near those books, and nothing since has been either. Well, that's not true: Eli hit most of his physical milestones only about 6 weeks ahead of the average, as I recall. Some were closer than that, I think. It was the social and mental milestones that he just zipped past. He said his first sentance at about 7.5 weeks; even I thought it was a fluke until he started doing it all the time. I went looking and haven't been able to find anything like that anywhere.

It's not too bad right now, but I'm expecting to get a lot of flack for "pushing" Eli in the near future. : Right now, thankfully, he looks older than he is. Tiny, but old.. like a really really small 2.5 year old. So people think his behavior is very normal. :LOL In six more months, though, when he's totally out of diapers (assuming I can find underpants for a tiny boy with no hips) and talking like a person all the time... I figure it'll start in earnest around then.

And of course, I wonder about NewBean. I'm sure she'll be very bright, but will she be like Eli? What will people say if Eli stays on his current track, but NewBean never really gets there... that I'm a horrible sexist who thinks that only boys should be taught these things? I'm not terribly worried that she'll be average, but I wonder what she'll be like in comparison to Eli, if we'll have to deal with competition and such... *shudder* And what if she's way ahead of EliBean? What then?! It makes my head spin!

Rynna, Mama to Bean (8), Boobah (6), Bella (4) and Bear (2)
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#71 of 175 Old 05-09-2004, 12:13 AM
 
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well, my ds has been harassing me for a year to learn to read, and i'm finally helping him with it (although TBH, he's doing a lot of it on his own). if i hadn't been so bogged down with having another child, i'm sure he'd be reading totally by now. he was recognizing words long before two, but now is getting into the nitty gritty of phonics. btw, what do you tell a three year old who thinks its really silly that a p and an h together makes an f sound? :LOL

today he was walking around in a laundry bag flapping his arms and told me he was trunign into a butterfly. i asked if the bag was his cacoon and he said "no mommy, its my chrysalis" sigh. and a week or two ago, he had a total meltdown due to the fact that i said the sun was setting - but he knows the sun doesn't really set, but that the earth turns away from the sun. did i mention that he is three? apparently my brother was just like this, and he is gifted in the "too smart to exist well in society" sort of way. i really worry about that for my son. i was a gifted child as well, but much less of a perfectionist.
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#72 of 175 Old 05-09-2004, 08:49 AM
 
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[QUOTE=eilonwypast. He said his first sentance at about 7.5 weeks;[/QUOTE]

7.5 WEEKS?!? Wow, that is amazing!!!
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#73 of 175 Old 05-09-2004, 08:55 AM
 
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I've been throwing myself into learning more about giftedness, since we are schooling outside the home and I want to be prepared to advocate for my son if I need to. Anyway, here's a few links and books that I've liked so far:

http://www.geniusdenied.com
http://www.hoagiesgifted.com

_Bringing Out the Best: A Resource Guide for Parents of Young Gifted Children_ by Jacqulyn Saunders

(Haven't finished this book, but I like is because it is especially aimed at pretty young kids, 3 - 8 yrs.)

Anyone else have some good resources?
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#74 of 175 Old 05-10-2004, 07:53 PM
 
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btw, what do you tell a three year old who thinks its really silly that a p and an h together makes an f sound? :LOL
The same thing you'd tell a 6 or 9 or 12 year old: You're right, it is really silly. :LOL Depending on his interests, you might explain about languages of origin (how American English has words from different languages around the world, and we use different letters to represent those sounds/letters that we don't have). I found that most interesting when I was three, but not every kid does. I'm a language geek. :LOL :


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7.5 WEEKS?!? Wow, that is amazing!!!
Amazing, or scary, depending on how you look at things. :LOL His first sentance was "Eli nurse!" The "nurse" came out more like "nurzh" becuase he didn't have any teeth, but it was definately distinguishable, and meaningful, and not just to me. Everyone heard him say it (because he wanted to nurse all the time. :LOL). People outside of the family would scratch their heads and rub their eyes and look at me in a whole different light. Whenever I mentioned memories/things from my early childhood, they'd kind of roll their eyes and say "Yeah, right, whatever" but after hearing Eli ask to nurse before he was two months old, they started to pay more attention and I gained a lot of credibility. :LOL My mother never blinked; I may have spoken at 7 weeks, but she wouldn't know because she was in the throes of morning sickness with my brother. : What she does know is that by the time my brother came home I was a walking talking person.

Rynna, Mama to Bean (8), Boobah (6), Bella (4) and Bear (2)
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#75 of 175 Old 05-10-2004, 11:23 PM
 
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Finding this thread has been a blessing for me,it's getting too late for me to read all the posts but I'll be back asap. I've been so frustrated with dd (she just turned 10) and have been so busy focusing on the baby (15 months and climbing up everything in sight now).I forgot how often her overly-emotional behavior and also her obnoxiousness (forgive me but it's true sometimes!) are parts of her giftedness!And she is in public school and the school year ends in 2 weeks here.Any kind of schedule change can just send her into a really edgy state,birthday meltdowns are an annual event for us and reading other's posts about the same phenomenon just made me feel so much better. Thank you all for being here!
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#76 of 175 Old 05-11-2004, 12:10 AM
 
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Just spotted this thread as well.

I was considered profoundly gifted while in school and would consider all 3 of my girls gifted as well. My oldest, she's 10, was recently tested. She has a learning disability as well as being gifted, which is why it took so long to be diagnosed. Luckily her school has completely adjusted their typical special ed program for her since they realized that putting her in resource room classes with others in her grade (4th grade) probably wouldn't benefit her. So she's in 4th grade for some classes and 6th grade for the rest. Though I worry since her school only goes up to 6th grade, so we're meeting in a couple weeks to try and figure out next year's plan.

I went to public schools in New Jersey but the district was really big on their gifted program. I had reports in kindergarten, started college in 3rd grade, while still going to elementary school as well, and by high school, they were nice enough to just give me a shortened day, since I finshed my requirements in 10th grade. My senior year, I just came in for 2 hours. They were originally going to let me graduate after 10th grade, but I ran into the down side of being gifted and the perfectionist issues, and developed a serious eating disorder. So instead of going to college full time at 16, I was hospitalized.

Given all that, I try to offer the girls different things to stimulate their interested but won't push. My oldest is so much like I was at her age. She gets stressed so easily if everything isn't "just so". She recently started counseling to deal with her LD diagnosis as well as other family issues we have going on now (DH walked out last fall). I really feel the counseling is quite helpful for her. I can also relate to her relationships with her friends and adults. All of her friends are 2-3 years older and I constantly hear from other adults, how mature she is in coversations with them.

My 4 year old is definately spirited as well as gifted. She has her own mind about everything and then some. I often joke that I can see her as the CEO of her own company as an adult since she's so strong minded. Interestingly, she's also really tall, so it at least helps her with friendships, since she fits in better intellectually with older children and they usually just assume she's their age due to her height (she's 4 and 49 inches tall). My 4 year old also goes to counseling, which I really see benefits her as well. I can relate to the sensory issues (we took her to fireworks once and she was so upset, she threw up), and do see that the counseling is really making a difference on her tolerance level of noises, situations, etc.

And Lily, my youngest, she's the one who I often say is so smart it's scary since she's more advanced at her age than her sisters were and I see how smart my oldest is. I think she also benefits from the interaction with her older sisters since she's not the typical 19 month old. I think the funniest is her understanding of the correct use of the English language. She will correct you if you aren't using the correct tense of verbs and is big on making sure she's using the correct pronouns in her sentences. Though I must admit, I'm a sucker for making sure I'm doing the same, so I know where she gets that from LOL. At least I'm old enough to know not to correct others, but luckily it's still cute when you are 1. I also love that I can call her if she's at my mom's and we can have real phone conversation.

Stephanie, mom to 3 big girls ('94, '99 & '02) and to my little guy (12/30/09) intact & CD'ed!
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#77 of 175 Old 05-13-2004, 01:45 PM
 
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So what are your biggest issues right now in dealing with gifted children? I don't get accused of pushing Eli (yet : ) but I already have to worry about bragging. I feel like I can't discuss what Eli's doing from a developmental standpoint because a)I don't want other people to feel worried that their kids aren't doing what is and b)I hate the implication that I'm somehow judging other people's parenting.

It's so difficult! I want to shout it from the rooftops whenever he does something new, I think that every parent does... but I feel so conflicted about it all. It doesn't help that Eli's absolutely beautiful, either. I can feel the burning looks like "Not only is your child gorgeous, and sweet, and loving, he's a genius too? Geez, rub salt in my wounds, why don't you!" It's not like I made him the way he is, really. I didn't sit down and draw a picture of the kid I wanted, this was just what happened. Why do I always feel like I have to defend myself against people with normal kids, or kids who are "just cute" or "just bright" or anything else? Argh!

Hm. Maybe this is pregnancy hormones.. I'm just really bummed about this right now.

Rynna, Mama to Bean (8), Boobah (6), Bella (4) and Bear (2)
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#78 of 175 Old 05-13-2004, 01:53 PM
 
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Glad I found this thread. It would never occur to me to ask other mamas for a support for "gifted " children beacause it seems so arrogant. But these kids do need stuff others don't, just like a handicapped person needs some special treatment, opportunities. Hope you guys know what I mean. All my kids are bright, but my first born just blows me away!!! SO, Unbelievably Smart! It took me awhile to get over the idea that "everybody thinks their kid is smart."
And realize it was ok to really KNOW he was GIFTED!
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#79 of 175 Old 05-13-2004, 02:06 PM
 
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The problem I'm facing now is he is too social and is refusing homeschooling. There aren't alot of middle or highschool homeschool groups- that I can find. So, our local middle school has an @$$ of a principle that took all gifted classes away when he took the school over three yrs ago. He (the principle)looked me in the eye at orientation night and said " I don't believe in special treatment. I'm not going to spend money on your kid because you think he's better than everyone else." It was hard for me to answer him- because this is exactly what I try to fight. I in no way think my kid is better than anyone else. Why do people have to go there? If a kid has a talent they should be supported and encouraged to use it. I believe in multiple intelligences. My kid happens to be book smart. Another might be artistically or musically gifted. I even have a friend who's 10 yr old can not read beyond a 2nd grade level, but he fixes all the neighbors lawnmowers, changes tires and can build a radio from spare parts. Is he stupid? The public school people might say so, but I think he's gifted in a different way. Can you, an adult, take your neighbors 3 broken lawnmowers and build him one perfect new one from the bottom up?!
So, now that I've rambled, we moved to a diff school district with a gifted middle school.
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#80 of 175 Old 05-13-2004, 09:58 PM
 
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I feel like I can't discuss what Eli's doing from a developmental standpoint because a)I don't want other people to feel worried that their kids aren't doing what is and b)I hate the implication that I'm somehow judging other people's parenting.
Oh eilonwy, I know how you feel! I've had so many instances where I unwittingly mentioned something ds is doing, and the other parent is so surprised and often visibly dismayed. I guess this sounds selfish but it takes away some of the joy of sharing for me. I've actually gotten to the point that I don't often share much except with family. But then that kinda pisses me off, too, because why should I feel ashamed to share these things?

It's really really nice to be able to share these things with people here. Three cheers again for Britishmum, for starting this thread!
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#81 of 175 Old 05-14-2004, 09:49 AM
 
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Is he stupid? The public school people might say so, but I think he's gifted in a different way. Can you, an adult, take your neighbors 3 broken lawnmowers and build him one perfect new one from the bottom up?!

This is what Howard Gardner's work on multiple intelligences is all about. This, to me, is a child who is intelligent in a different way; unfortunately, school systems generally only recognize verbal and mathematical intelligence.

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#82 of 175 Old 05-14-2004, 10:08 AM
 
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This is what Howard Gardner's work on multiple intelligences is all about. This, to me, is a child who is intelligent in a different way; unfortunately, school systems generally only recognize verbal and mathematical intelligence.
And that only to a certain point, beyond which you are SOL. :

Even if I thought that Eli was perfectly average, I'd keep him home from school so that I wouldn't have to deal with principals like the one mentioned above. I've seen so much of that! I had an IEP when I went to school, mostly because my mother threw fits at the administration and because my test scores were so ludicrously high that they felt obliged to do what they could to keep me. : Even so, I spent a lot of time bored and miserable at school. They can only do so much, you know? A gifted program with somewhat excited but not terribly bright teachers wasn't all that helpful to me. Sure, it got me out of class a lot, but so did in school suspension! :LOL I loved ISS, especially in high school; I just couldn't get over it! It was like "Okay, I'm late for school every single day because I don't want to be in class, so to 'punish' me, you're sending me to a room where I can sit and read any book I want and do logic problems all day? And I'm not expected to talk to anyone or answer stupid questions after attendance is taken? Brilliant!" I used to just grab something off the shelf that I hadn't read yet (or something that I had and loved) and a new book of logic problems and I was all set for a lovely day of doing nothing. It was better than staying home, because noone was hassling me to clean my room. It was perfectly quiet, and well lit.. if there had been a window, I'd have been happier than a pig in slop. :LOL

EliBean is doing very well, though I can't say the same thing for myself.. I'm tired, and huge, and hot and achey all the time. My sweet Bean has been very patient with me, but I'm just not doing a great job on the mommy front these days. Someone please tell me that he won't be scarred for life by this! I love him so much, but I can't seem to get over the feeling that he's missing out on more than nursie-milk and extra love-loves. I feel so guilty and wonder if I'll be able to get pregnant again before NewBean is 10 without feeling so guilty...

Rynna, Mama to Bean (8), Boobah (6), Bella (4) and Bear (2)
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#83 of 175 Old 05-14-2004, 11:56 AM
 
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"Okay, I'm late for school every single day because I don't want to be in class, so to 'punish' me, you're sending me to a room where I can sit and read any book I want and do logic problems all day? And I'm not expected to talk to anyone or answer stupid questions after attendance is taken? Brilliant!" I used to just grab something off the shelf that I hadn't read yet (or something that I had and loved) and a new book of logic problems and I was all set for a lovely day of doing nothing. It was better than staying home, because noone was hassling me to clean my room. It was perfectly quiet, and well lit.. if there had been a window, I'd have been happier than a pig in slop. :LOL

That is how I felt in high school. I would pretend to go to school, but instead I would head to the public library and spend the day learning about things that actually interested me. I would find a stack of books about religions from around the world, different periods of history, modern theater, nutrition, etc. and just read for 7 or 8 hours. :LOL After I met dh we would meet up at the library (he was SUPPOSED to be in college and I was SUPPOSED to be in high school) and read scripts from old tv shows, rent classic comedies to watch later, or swap info about the books we had found. We always thought it was funny that most people would head to the arcade but we couldn't wait to go to the library :LOL


 

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#84 of 175 Old 05-14-2004, 12:09 PM
 
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EliBean is doing very well, though I can't say the same thing for myself.. I'm tired, and huge, and hot and achey all the time. My sweet Bean has been very patient with me, but I'm just not doing a great job on the mommy front these days. Someone please tell me that he won't be scarred for life by this! I love him so much, but I can't seem to get over the feeling that he's missing out on more than nursie-milk and extra love-loves. I feel so guilty and wonder if I'll be able to get pregnant again before NewBean is 10 without feeling so guilty...
During the rough parts of my pregnancy I let Akira play (educational) video games. He loved the educational aspects and learned a lot from them. He learned problem solving, math, spelling, info on the planets, telling time, etc. It helped for the early days when I was so exhausted because he NEVER slept. He picks up things very quickly that way. He could turn it on and load the games and programs without my help so I could just rest on the couch He was around 20 mo then. He also loved puzzles. He did maps of Canada and learned all the provinces and who we knew in each one. He did animals, planets, scenery, whatever caught his attention. He started with the 24 peice ones, but can now do up to 100 peices. We bought too many of the small ones because we didn't think he would go through them so fast (just to warn ya ). Math with marbles and such ws a nice easy project too. Just some ideas


 

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#85 of 175 Old 05-14-2004, 12:40 PM
 
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Wow, that was a lot of posts to wade through.

I've checked this forum on occasion hoping that *eventually* this topic would come up... and here it is!

Though "spirited" by definition, DD has gotten easier with age (or I have gotten more accepting, :LOL). I can't imagine the problems we would have if we did things "normally" (we unschool, don't seperate, etc...) but it is working well for us.

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today he was walking around in a laundry bag flapping his arms and told me he was trunign into a butterfly. i asked if the bag was his cacoon and he said "no mommy, its my chrysalis" sigh.
Hmmm.... I've had the same conversation. Well, it was actually an employee at the science center using the wrong word, thankfully!

Esp when DD was younger, people would assume she could do virtually nothing because she was so offended by what they would ask her she would not respond (like to spell her name, or count, etc... when she considered those baby things). She is still taken aback by what skills her age mates lack, but it has gotten much easier now that she understands not everyone does everything at the same pace. And luckily our pediatrician understands the issue and doesn't ask her age appropirate questions, but developmentally appropriate questions at this point!

I look forward to hearing more from all of you,
Kay

 

 

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#86 of 175 Old 05-14-2004, 10:53 PM
 
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During the rough parts of my pregnancy I let Akira play (educational) video games. He loved the educational aspects and learned a lot from them. He learned problem solving, math, spelling, info on the planets, telling time, etc. It helped for the early days when I was so exhausted because he NEVER slept. He picks up things very quickly that way. He could turn it on and load the games and programs without my help so I could just rest on the couch He was around 20 mo then. He also loved puzzles. He did maps of Canada and learned all the provinces and who we knew in each one. He did animals, planets, scenery, whatever caught his attention. He started with the 24 peice ones, but can now do up to 100 peices. We bought too many of the small ones because we didn't think he would go through them so fast (just to warn ya ). Math with marbles and such ws a nice easy project too. Just some ideas
Eli loves maps and puzzles, and will sit with a map for ages; I got a whole bunch of free National Geographics at the library (can you believe some people just give them away!?), and lots of them still had their maps inside so I laminated them (for free! I worked this year as a Sunday school teacher ) and hung some on the walls. He gets so excited when he sees the National Geographic logo, and can point out all kinds of geographical and political features. (This is one thing which, while I know it shouldn't surprise me, really freaked me out. Who expects to hear a 16 month old say "National Geographic! Albany! Hudson River! It's water, Mamma!" )

He's only got two puzzles, though, and unless we win the lottery he probably won't have more for a while. : They're cheap, but they're not cheap enough! :LOL I did pick up a huge pile of interesting toys at a yard sale for $5 (at the end of the sale when people are like "please take this huge pile of stuff so that I don't have to bring it back into my house!") which Eli adores.. Duplo blocks and a thing that's a yellow board with holes in it and different sized gears that you can arrange with handles and whatnot. He loves it, and frequently brings gears to bed with him. Gears, cars, books.. I've awakened to find each (sometimes all) of them embedded in some part of my body. :LOL

I've got doubles (and even a few triples) of many of the National Geographics and was planning to raid them for pictures so I could make posters of animals, people, places, etc. They have such beautiful photographs and illustrations, and I think they'd make the world's coolest alphabet posters and such. :LOL I even have doubles of some of the maps! (I still can't believe that there were any issues with maps in them at all, but we have quite a collection!) I'm not sure what I'll do with those... maybe eBay. :LOL I wonder if people buy National Geographic maps? Some of them are totally not relevant, but even those are still interesting. And a surprising number of them are relevant... for example, there are two of Mount Everest & The Himilayas. Very cool stuff!

I can't wait to not be pregnant anymore so I can go and pick up more! :LOL (Wow, do I have a really warped idea of a good time? :LOL)

Rynna, Mama to Bean (8), Boobah (6), Bella (4) and Bear (2)
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#87 of 175 Old 05-14-2004, 11:08 PM
 
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We have maps and puzzles and logic books out the wazoo. Some of the puzzles I can't even do...then my kids walk in and go "sheesh, mom, here ya go!". Oh, what I wouldn't give for one day of "normal" and "average"!!

I so understand everyone's difficulties with teaching phonics. Well, maybe not the teaching of it, but the dealing with the perfectionist mentality of someone learning it!! (Not to mention sitting through "c............a............t..........c....at..... ........cat" for six hours at a time, when she could just say the damn word, since she's known it for about 3 years now!!!!!!!
I'll never forget taking my dd to the doctor once...the sign on the desk said "Outpatient Records". My dd was 3yo then, and there was another little girl (bigger and older than my dd) who was pointing at the letters and saying letter names. The only one she got right was the "O". (like this...o q r g h...)
My dd just got a disgusted look on her face, walked up to the sign and spelled it out...O u t p a ...and said "Don't you KNOW that? You're big!" The poor girls mother about died, and I wanted to crawl under a rock!

The very best money we've ever spent in our entire lives as parents has been on the math manipulatives box from Saxon Math. It's about $50, but it's a huge tub full of flashcards, counting bears, dominoes, geoboards, tangrams, a scale, clocks, etc. My kids can sit and play with the "math toys" for hours upon hours. They can play together, at their own levels, or my older dd can teach my ds new things. It's amazing to watch, and they love it. You can often find them on homeschool resale boards or on ebay....I'm telling you...excellent money spent!
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#88 of 175 Old 05-14-2004, 11:29 PM
 
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I'll never forget taking my dd to the doctor once...the sign on the desk said "Outpatient Records". My dd was 3yo then, and there was another little girl (bigger and older than my dd) who was pointing at the letters and saying letter names. The only one she got right was the "O". (like this...o q r g h...)
My dd just got a disgusted look on her face, walked up to the sign and spelled it out...O u t p a ...and said "Don't you KNOW that? You're big!" The poor girls mother about died, and I wanted to crawl under a rock!
: : I'm sorry to laugh, but this struck me as hilarious.. probably because I was the same way as a little kid. I can remember saying and doing such things often, before the "Even an Epsilon" speech my mother gave us.

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The very best money we've ever spent in our entire lives as parents has been on the math manipulatives box from Saxon Math. It's about $50, but it's a huge tub full of flashcards, counting bears, dominoes, geoboards, tangrams, a scale, clocks, etc. My kids can sit and play with the "math toys" for hours upon hours. They can play together, at their own levels, or my older dd can teach my ds new things. It's amazing to watch, and they love it. You can often find them on homeschool resale boards or on ebay....I'm telling you...excellent money spent!
I've been really debating buying one of those tubs, or compiling one out of stuff cheaper than that. (Sometimes, when I'm not pregnant, I'm really creative at making things out of thin air, dryer lint, chewing gum and about $5 :LOL) The problem is, I don't know if I'd be doing it for me or for Eli. :LOL It seriously worries me that I will, through my enthusiasm for a particular subject, unconsciously project positive vibes about it while projecting negative vibes about the subjects which don't particularly interest me. For example, the maps; I love looking at them, I think they're fun, but my husband as a small child could spend hours just staring at a globe. Not I! I ran experiments with stuff I found under the sink (thanks to a very solid memory, and lots of luck, I never killed myself or anyone else :LOL). So I guess the math manipulatives will wait until he's old enough to ask for them specifically. Which, at this rate, will be about 6 months. :LOL

Rynna, Mama to Bean (8), Boobah (6), Bella (4) and Bear (2)
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#89 of 175 Old 05-18-2004, 03:55 PM
 
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Well it's decided. We're taking ds out of his current preschool and going to enroll him in a Montessori program. I think it will be better for him -- mixed age groups so he can interact with some older (and younger) kids, plenty of stuff for him to be engaged with yet be challenged at the same time. It's five days a week instead of only three, but it's from 8:30 - 12noon, which is a better time of day for him anyway. (Our current class is from 1 - 3:30pm -- depriving him of nap time!) It's a little more expensive, but it's 10 minutes closer to home which is nice. I'm nervous, but excited! Cross your fingers for us!! :
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#90 of 175 Old 05-18-2004, 06:31 PM
 
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Good luck, Deb!

I'm feeling pretty good today. Late last week, Eli pulled out his color & shape card game and started bringing them to me. "purple!" "rectangle!" etc, etc, and so forth. Still, he wants me to sit with him for much longer than I can right now, but I guess I"m feeling a lot less like he'll be scarred for life.

I've been reading the homeschooling forum a lot lately, and I'm very depressed by it. These attitudes are exactly why I'm so hesitant to start a secular homeschooling group around here while Eli is still so young. The thing is, I rarely hear comments like that in real life. People who've actually met Eli can tell that he's not being coerced, I guess... either that, or they're too polite/shy to say anything to me. I'd like to think that Eli's babyness speaks for itself, and that it's just very obvious that he's a healthy, happy, loved little man who happens to be intellectually more advanced than his age-peers. Maybe when people look at him and talk to him, they don't see a little tiny robot being forced to do things he's unwilling and/or unable to do, but a healthy little boy who's parents actively encourage his explorations and his attempts to acquire new skills. Maybe that's what it takes; they'd have to meet EliBean to understand where I'm coming from.

The other thing is, while they vociferously deny it, I really think that it has to do with my refusal to unschool, or even to consider it. Honestly, that's got a lot to do with me. I've got very strong feelings on the subject, and I don't pretend that my rationale will make sense to everyone. All I can say is "unschooling is not for me; never has been and never will be". Why the need to attempt to educate me on what it actually entails? I already know, and I already know why a)I'd be bad at it and b)I disagree with the philosophies. Why does that make me a bad parent? I'm not trying to make anyone feel inferior about it, so why must they try to make me feel inferior about my decision? It makes my head spin!

Argh, this is all getting off topic. I need to find that rescue remedy...

Rynna, Mama to Bean (8), Boobah (6), Bella (4) and Bear (2)
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