does this sound like she's picking on my son ? - Mothering Forums

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#1 of 5 Old 10-27-2011, 01:48 PM - Thread Starter
 
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I was just wondering if his teacher is picking on him for some reason . He would get warnings / losing 5 minutes recess because of telling his friend jokingly that he has zero points and laughed about it .

And then he also got warning / lost 5 minutes recess because he was not supposed to glue the paper he just cut , and then my son was so dissapointed he grumbled . His teacher wrote on his behaviour book , and it said " 2 strikes from making loud sigh to show disgust "

 

Yesterday too , after he said to his friend that he got zero while playing something and then laughed about it , he got 1st strike from his teacher , but then she ended up making him sitting in the class during recess ( for 5 minutes ) , not only that he said to my son " you're acting dumb "

 

Another student caught the teacher calling my son dumb , and she asked the teacher " did you just call him dumb ? that's not nice "

 

He used to lose whole recess or 5 minutes recess because of talking in class , ( although his grades are excellent ) , but lately he hasn't done any of those talking in class or goofing around during carpet time , and i feel like his teacher just trying to find some other thing to put him in trouble , and it feels like she's doing this just because she can .

 

 

 

 

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#2 of 5 Old 10-27-2011, 01:55 PM
 
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Well, go in there and ask her to explain herself.  If she feels she needs to put him down in her explaination... question that too.  Question her about it, he's your son and you do not lose the right to be his parent while he's in school.  I've told teachers I would like to sit in class for a few days just so I have an idea of just how terrible my kid is... Suddenly, my kid is an Angel. 

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#3 of 5 Old 10-28-2011, 12:29 AM
 
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There's no way any of us can know whether the teacher is picking on him without being in the classroom. Everything you describe could be perfectly understandable depending on the circumstances -- depending on the context of the conversations, the extent and rate of recurrence of the talking during class, the severity of the grumbling, the unremittingness of the small transgressions, the number of reminders and redirections given, the way in which the behavior affects other students in the class. Or it could be completely unreasonable and capricious too if those circumstances are otherwise.

 

FWIW, I think there's a big difference between saying "You're acting dumb" and "You're dumb." One is a comment about the appropriateness and maturity of a person's behavior. The other is a belittling comment about their intelligence and value as a human being. The latter is never appropriate, IMO. The former, while blunt, is not necessarily rude or inappropriate. Sometimes, in some circumstances, it's worth calling a spade a spade. 

 

If your ds is insisting that other students who do exactly the same things as he does are not being punished at all, then I would go to the teacher to discuss his perception of the unfairness. Lots of kids say "It's not fair!" when they don't like the idea of some consequence. But if he is more specific and articulate about it ("Kevin talks the whole way through math period, and really loud -- and he never gets recess time docked!") But even if he has a specific sense of injustice over it, I wouldn't go in with an accusatory stance. I wouldn't say to the teacher "It looks like you're being unfair," or "This seems unfair, can you explain?" But rather I'd take a far more diplomatic route by saying "What can we do about this: my son thinks that you don't like him and are punishing him because of that. Can you suggest ways to change his perception, because obviously this isn't making him feel very good about himself?"

 

I would also express your concern about recess being withheld as a consequence for transgressions. That tends to escalate problematic behaviour, because it eliminates a much-needed physical discharge and emotional recharge from the school day. I would encourage the teacher to find different ways to communicate and enforce behavioral expectations.

 

Good luck!

 

Miranda


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#4 of 5 Old 10-28-2011, 05:12 AM
 
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here is an old thread that may be of interest - http://www.mothering.com/community/t/1262312/teachers-picking-on-your-kids

 

http://www.bullybeware.com/faq/bullying/148-what-do-i-do-if-the-teachercoach-is-a-bully.html

 

 

 

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I would also express your concern about recess being withheld as a consequence for transgressions. That tends to escalate problematic behaviour, because it eliminates a much-needed physical discharge and emotional recharge from the school day. I would encourage the teacher to find different ways to communicate and enforce behavioral expectations.

 

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I would ask why this type of punishment is being used since it clearly doesn't seem effective here, we are talking 1st graders here.


 

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#5 of 5 Old 10-28-2011, 05:40 AM
 
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They do it in elementary school.  DD1 Tends to lose recess once or twice a week.  She thought it was funny to punch a kid in the butt because she punched her daddy in the butt and he acts all goofy and falls over.  NOT funny at school!  When DD1 says she feels like she's being picked on I check out the situation.  In 1st grade she wasn't in the 2nd grade she was and no matter how much I talked to her teacher he refused to admit he was doing it.  I even witnessed the injustice once and since he refused to admit I even witnessed it I marched my happy butt the principle and said back me up or my kids are gone...   If your son is truly unhappy you can switch his teachers.  Just threaten to pull them out and go to the school board.  But only do it if you know for a fact that things are not right and nothing is being done to fix the problem.  Some kids and teachers just don't fit well together.

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