couple of issues with child #1, intelligence, misbehavior, anxiety - Mothering Forums

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#1 of 29 Old 03-15-2012, 07:45 PM - Thread Starter
 
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I wasn't sure if I should start a new thread on this second issue or not, but since it's concerning my 4 year old, I thought I would.  He turned 4 in December so he's a Prek 3 kid right now.  He's supposed to go to Prek 4 this coming year. 

 

He never showed signs of obvious early intelligence like the now 6 y/o. But just before #2's 4th birthday he started reading and doing math.  I've spent probably close to no time with him because I was busy with a new baby and the other very little one. So I think he's extremely bright at least, especially since he acquired these skills completely on his own. I honestly don't know where he learned the phonics from. 

 

Issue #1: he is very smart and quick. He is also common sense smart/street smart, not so naive like child #1.  He has excellent writing skills and athleticism etc.  But he's extremely small, as in 5th percentile for height and weight small. The issue is should I allow him to start K this year or let him go to Pre K 4?  He's smaller than all of the kids. My 2 year old is almost the same size as he is. 

 

Issue #2:  we are having very big behavioral problems.  He (like #1) has anxiety, but his is much worse. He spits at school, at home, bites child #3 and sometimes child #1, never child #4.   Child #1 expresses his feelings and #2 shows it by acting out, tantrums, chewing on his shirt to the point of eating it and leaving holes, the entire thing is soaked in a matter of minutes, I've never ever had to cut his nails after I'd say 18 months old or so because he bites them, things like this.  I can't figure out what is making him upset/anxious. This is the way he is. He was premature (32 weeks) so I think he would have developed on the same curve exactly as child #1 if he was born on time, I can't say for sure.  He did surprise me though. 

 

 

What I am doing now is trying to stagger and spend some time doing workbook activities with him, like one or two pages at a go. He is doing well with spelling and writing and I'm just shocked that he can spell words off the top of his head verbally and written with no exposure (only phonetically correct) that #1 couldn't when he started school a few months ago. He also reads in two languages (English and Arabic, two totally different scripts and script directions).  I feel like he got sandwiched in there and needs more time from me.  It's so very hard to give him more time because I have a now 9 month old baby and also the 2 year old literally thinks he owns me and #2 is NOT allowed to cuddle, sit with me etc.  He tells him, "Move, this is my spot."

 

 

 

Do your kids horribly misbehave due to lack of attention combined with higher intelligence?

 

I feel like this child needs a person just for himself to keep him from getting hurt, destroying everything, etc. 

 


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#2 of 29 Old 03-15-2012, 08:40 PM
 
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YES. My 3.5 y/o DS who is high intelligence (though hasn't been through any formal testing yet) goes biserk when DD is "hogging me". He will just say "DD, move. This is my Mom." He also has some anxiety, though fortunately (sort of) he chooses to bite a pillow, sleeve, or basically any other object within reach rather than a person. He expresses his feelings by literally jumping and spinning and circles, fake laughing so loudly it makes my skin crawl, crashing things just to see if I react, 15 second full-grade meltdowns to see if I react, etc. I am conflicted about how school will work out for him, because he will turn 5 in August next year, and at present moment I have a hard time seeing him being emotionally mature enough for school by then! But I can't imagine him staying home until 6 either. 

 

My DS is also very, very quick. The kind of quick that I cannot catch him when I am carrying DD, and he knows it. His attention is a bizarre thing; when he's decided to focus on something he won't listen to a single word I'm saying until he's completed what he's decided to do or say. This definitely leads to misbehavior problems... "DS, DON'T jump off that cliff!" "I'll be back in ONE minute Mom I just HAVE to find out how it feels first." "DON'T." "I HAVE TO!" - not a real example but it's pretty much exactly the way it goes. 

 

 

... You said "I feel like this child needs a person just for himself to keep him from getting hurt, destroying everything, etc............." - YES. This is exactly it. Which is why I lose my mind all week, and then on the weekends, it's so much easier/better. DH takes one kid and I take the other. Then we switch. But DS always has the attention of one of us for those two days. And for those two days, there are rarely tantrums, there are no major falls or bruises, etc. If only he had a person just for himself all the time...


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#3 of 29 Old 03-15-2012, 09:59 PM
 
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Have you looked at SPD?  Or not clinically SPD, but sensory issues?  Sensory issues can feed anxiety.

 

Even if your DS doesn't have SPD, there's lots of good strategies to address behaviour and anxiety in the SPD books.


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#4 of 29 Old 03-16-2012, 07:31 AM - Thread Starter
 
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Joensally, yes...you're right.  I just completely forgot there was a sensory 'seeking' side, hyposensativity.  That completely went over my head. I've been focused so long on my first son's sensory overload!!   Thank you for pointing that out.  (smacks forehead)

 

p.s. I just refreshed my mind and you've hit it.  

 

It's like I won the lottery =D  I have no idea why this didn't enter my mind.  Everything on this page describes my son #2:

http://www.sensory-processing-disorder.com/life-with-a-sensory-seeking-body-19-year-old.html


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#5 of 29 Old 03-16-2012, 08:22 PM
 
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Two really good books are: Sensational Kids and The Out of Sync Child. There's also The Out of Sync Child has fun which has some good activities (so does Sensational Kids).

 

Can you hire a mother's helper? Trade with someone to take your 2 year old on a walk? Spend time with the 4  year old when the 2 year old naps? Where's dad in all this? Your younger kids are at very needy ages, so to get time with the older kids, you're going to have to schedule it. I don't know how much of this is due to higher intelligence and how much is due to being child #2 with 2 younger, needy siblings.

 

When I was about 2, I was sitting on my mother's lap and looked at my sister (then about 8) and said "Get your own mother!" My mother gently set me straight. I think you're going to have to be firmer with the 2 year old. It's not OK for him to be pushing the 4  year old away all the time. If you let the 2 year old push him out of the way all the time, you're giving him a pretty clear message that the 2 year old matters more.You may have to work hard on this, but your 4 year old clearly needs more attention. Your 2 year old can handle a little frustration.

 

Are your kids going to school in English or Arabic? If it's English, then personally, I'd think about spending time at home working on Arabic literacy and getting his Arabic skills really strong rather than starting him early. If it's Arabic, then doing the same for his English. It sounds like he's got some self regulation issues (sensory, hitting, etc.) and you don't want him to get labeled as not being ready for school when he's clearly intellectually ready. I don't know enough about PK 4 to know whether that would be good for him. If it's play-based, it might be good for him to have some time/place that his own. If it's academic, he might not thrive because he knows those things already.


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#6 of 29 Old 03-17-2012, 05:11 AM - Thread Starter
 
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Hi Lynn, Thank you for the books recommendations.  Your suggestions are good.


I can't do much right now unfortunately. But, at least there are a few things I can work on.  

 

Right now, I am pretty much raising everyone and taking care of everything on my own because my husband is busy with work. This will improve in June. He has 2 more hard rotations and then easy in June and then we'll move. We'll have more resources after that.  I don't know a single person in this city, just moved here in August and with a new baby and crazy routine, I've never had much time or desire to get out and meet people because for some time I've just barely been making it through the daily routine.    We're stretched in every direction right now.  If things didn't look like they were going to get better soon, extreme drastic measures would have to be taken.  All of the suggestions are helpful though to help me plan for this summer.  

 

There is a school where we are moving that I think will be a really good match for #2.  They only allow 8 students per teacher and tailor the curriculum to each child. They move at the child's pace and like my other son's school, students are admitted based on testing scores and perceived it. 

 

I am going to look into a mother's helper or something like that for when we move.    Can you tell me how much one should pay for a mother's helper and what are typical responsibilities? 

 

 

 


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#7 of 29 Old 03-22-2012, 09:32 AM - Thread Starter
 
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I think I'm going to have to make an appointment with a professional for behavioral help with this one.  I got some books and have been feverishly reading. I am really getting concerned with him because I think he's on the verge of being asked to leave the school. He's been spitting a lot again. Yesterday he left the classroom twice and hid elsewhere in the building. This is extremely alarming.   When school first started I had a nightmare and had even told his teachers about it.  I dreamed that he left the classroom and they couldn't find him.  In the first PT conference I asked them if they lock the front doors and they said sometimes. She looked at me like she can't relate because so far he'd been a good kid. But I always worry about him acting up and running off.  And yesterday he did it, twice. Once to the upstairs water fountain and once in another closet kind of room. 

 

I think I should find another forum on here for behavior. This is just too much. He promised me today he'll be good.  I have grounded him from watching cartoons for this week. I don't have anything else I can 'take away' for punishment. I don't want to burden this forum with this issues as it's likely unrelated.  But I'll check in and out. I'm just overwhelmed this week with everything. 

 

Aisha


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#8 of 29 Old 03-22-2012, 10:19 AM
 
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You don't have to go somewhere else :).  There are a lot of posters in this forum with some pretty complicated kids.  And many of those kids are a bit older than yours, we've done some evals, we know what's going on better now, and have personally settled in emotionally with what the deal is.  I've felt the blind panic you're expressing, and actively grieved that my kid wasn't going to have a gentle, easygoing, typical early childhood experience.

 

At 6, consequences still need to be tied to the behaviour, by time and relatedness.  If he's miserable at school, he's not going to be consistently able to curtail his reactions based on losing something later in the day or week.

 

IMO, kids really do want to do their best.  It sounds like the environment is placing unreasonable expectations on him as the person that he is.


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#9 of 29 Old 03-22-2012, 10:55 AM - Thread Starter
 
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Hi joensally, your words are so comforting.  I messed up the title and couldn't fix it. It's the 4 year old who having behavioral problems.  The 6 y/o is the model student, child behaviorally. He's traditionally been challenging in other areas related to the SPD. But I never ever had to worry for his safety, he never misbehaved in the ways the 4 year is. #1 was always afraid of everything. This #2, 4 y/o is afraid of nothing, seemingly.   

 

Yesterday I was getting #1 on track for homework and I went to the room to see what #2 and #3 were up to.  #2 tied #3 up with the vacuum cleaner cord which he first tied to the window handle while #3  was standing on top of the computer desk. So if he were to fall he'd have been perhaps fatally injured.  This weekend I am planning to go Lowes and buy some kind of locks for my bedroom to be able to put things in there and lock it from them going in there.

 

I remember my mother in law telling me about my husband's oldest brother's experiences while growing up. My ds2 is a copy of him.  But I don't know that I have the parenting strength my inlaws have nor as much help as they had! But,  I admire all of their hard work. All of their sons are humble, smart, and devoted people with a lot of education and drive to help others. 

 

 

 


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#10 of 29 Old 03-22-2012, 11:17 AM
 
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I would seek evals and support for both kids :).  It's ok.  I have two complicated kids.  DS was pretty active and impulsive before 6, but settled down with age and sensory interventions.

 

Having professionals involved with one kid is exhausting, and with two is ridiculous.  But if it helps them thrive, and helps you survive, it's worth it.

 

And 4 year olds can be, ahem, challenging just by virtue of being 4.


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#11 of 29 Old 03-23-2012, 01:05 AM
 
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This is the perfect forum for you. A number of us have been there. DS started acting out in preschool just after he turned four and we decided to get an evaluation. The result (it's not ASD or ADHD, and we really have no idea other than to look at what the parents might be doing wrong, but can't really find much there either) wasn't very helpful on the surface, but all the research I did around the process helped us find practical answers what to do (especially in dealing with his sensory issues). It was also helpful to know what the problem wasn't, such as that it wasn't a disorder that we had to deal with from now onbut that i had to look at the whole child and his environment and how it all fit together to make life hard for him: his temperament, his anxieties, sensory overload, his family situation, goodness of fit in his preschool class, how his (presumed) giftedness played into all of this.

You are already researching into the sensory issues, so there are a couple more ideas for what you might want to look at:

How stressed out about things you are and how he might be picking up on that. I had lots of help with the new baby and she was only #2, but I was still sleep-deprived and exhausted a lot of the time, and just not as available for him (and I had to go to hospital twice, which I think must have scared him more than we realized). You sound extremely stressed out and probably sometimes feel like just spitting at people and running away, too. You are a grown up and can't do it so he may be doing it for you, kwim? You keep saying things will be better in June, but it sounds like somethings gotta give now.

A less Freudian way of looking at things would be: he's spitting and running out of his classroom at school because it is a very bad fit for him. 

Last year, DS's 3-6 classrom was overcrowded, with lots of 6yo K kids and 3yo new little ones, and not so many 4 and 5 yo in between. The large crowd of K kids tended to hog the interesting stations like the LEGO table and to exclude the younger ones. So in our case, DS was socially overstimulated and intellectually understimulated and showed it in his behaviour. We did not take DS out of that school because we did not have a lot of good options, but we talked to the preschool teachers about what we thought was the problem, trying to reframe it for them, too. As long as there was so much going on at school (fall and winter tends to be a difficult time for DS anyway in terms of overstimulation - new class composition, his birthday, St. Martin's, St. Nicholas', Advent, Christmas, one big deal after another) we just tried to keep excitement in the afternoons and on the weekends down. No playdates, didn't go anywhere but visit family and so on. I think what helped most was the advent of spring - more time outside, better weather, better mood all around, and all the excitement over. I realize that scaling down stimulation is harder in a large family. I hope you have a backyard or a park nearby, which might give him space to do his thing safely.

But I think it is important to look at what is your DS actually doing in preK 3? Does he have to learn colors and shapes all over every day? Does he get to choose activities? Is he one of the oldest and having a hard time finding children at or near his intellectual level? This may be counterintuitive for his preschool teachers but he might benefit from a "grade skip" into preK 4 right now...


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#12 of 29 Old 03-23-2012, 02:54 AM
 
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A few ideas I have had in regards to keeping him busy and stimulated at home:

can you set both #1 and #2 up with homework? DS1 does his work for class, while you put out workbooks on arabic script for DS2? DS1 does math and you have DS2 write out numerals as they appear on a die - in dots, in Arabic, in English? Would he be focused enough not to distract your DS1? (This may have to happen when the little ones nap in the afternoon, which I hope they do...). Can you read books to both #2 and #3 at the same time? They are close enough in age to be interested in similar stories, and DS3 can learn how to share your lap - you've got two knees, after all.

there are threads a way back with great recommendation for science videos for little ones - will give you downtime, but at the same time stimulate him intellectually, not just rev him up the way cartoons do. Saying "if you behave in preschool you earn a video in the afternoon, if I hear there has been a problem you don't!" did help for us, even though DS was only 4, he loved those videos so much. Immediate consequences is what he gets in preschool anyway.


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#13 of 29 Old 03-26-2012, 03:22 AM
 
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Is 5% for height normal in your family?  I'm wondering if you might be, like mine, plagued with serious gluten illness.  My son fell from the 85% to the 50% (so far) in the last year and a half and we have just gone to the endo, because I'm wondering if his celiac (diagnosed 6 mos ago) also included antibodies against his  pituitary.  There was something mentioned at his appointment -- "pan glandular autoimmune disease" or something.  At any rate ... we have not had any psych symptoms but I have read repeatedly that gluten causes psych symptoms in some kids.  It's worth a workup.

 

 

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#14 of 29 Old 03-26-2012, 05:03 PM
 
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Re food, yes my immediate reactions as well when I read the first post, but I didn't want to add on to op's to-do list! I have one with SPD and one with food allergies and I'm wiped out between the two of them!

OP: if your ds2's growth has slowed down dramatically, it's worth considering the food angle. Basically look at growth patterns, tummy problems, skin problems, and behavior when the child seems very hyper suddenly.

My ds2's motor skills and motor planning is very good. Sensory wise I do not think he has a problem though he likes to climb and jump from heights that other kids his age don't. He can manage it. But when he starts to get all giggly and has this wide-eyed manic look at night, we know he has something that he shouldn't have. He is also sensitive to some medicines. When the doctor gave him sedating antihistamines, the effect lasted longer than usual and he himself could tell the difference and told me he did not like the grogginess.
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#15 of 29 Old 03-28-2012, 08:30 AM - Thread Starter
 
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Hi everyone, I'm sorry it took so long to come back and reply.  

 

I have been thinking hard about this.  Yesterday I met with his teacher and she said that he had an extremely bad day, and the day before it was bad too.  Yesterday he kicked his teacher and ran off again. He's so fast that he's hard to catch.  Yesterday the teacher said he was spitting, climbing on furniture, and pushing others.  My husband sent us all inside the house when we got home and stayed behind with him to talk to him.  My son says that a boy pushed another boy in the bathroom and he told the teacher, then that boy took revenge and pushed him.  I can't figure out if he pushed back or not or if that is the whole story.  We keep trying to cuddle and have one on one time so he'll open up and all I've gotten for the past few months is that the other kids are bothering him.  I never told my husband this reason.   Yesterday though he also told my husband that the other kids are bothering him.  I think this is normal right? Kids do bother each other at these ages as they learn how to share, negotiate, and play. So I never thought it was bad until ds #2 started these more overt behaviors. 

 

In his class, he is one of the youngest, smallest, and probably smartest. The low percentile size doesn't go with us. We're all just right in the middle, typical.  All of my other children are in 50-60% all the away around. He was premature, but no other issues related.  Despite his small size he's always grown evenly.

 

When I asked his Prek teacher if he should go to K or prek 4 she said prek 4 due to maturity, social. He doesn't want to group play. He doesn't follow directions. He plays only on his own. He is the only child who is reading in the slightest. So I think he's ahead of even the older children.

 

At home yes he is a lot to handle, but he is not like how the teachers are describing, on that scale. So maybe the kids are bothering him. So why would all of these kids be bothering him so much? He's rowdy and active. 

 

I still remember the first several weeks when I dropped him off at school. He's huddle down and cry. He would go to the window and watch me leave.  Some days he'd cry off and on all day.  Then his hair started falling out until it made a big patch about the size of a softball near the top left side of his head. He either has alopecia areata or a severe stress reaction, perhaps related. There is controversy and indirect findings about stress and bouts. It did recently grow back, like in the past month.   And he has all of the other anxiety like issues (SPD like).  

 

I am confused about what to do. Should I take him out of school and just keep him home with me?    He has an appt on Monday with his Pediatrician so maybe I'll ask for a referral to discuss these issues with someone. 

 

Maybe if I take him out of school while there are two months remaining I'll get to spend one on one time with him and make him feel more loved and special.  I'm strongly, strongly considering this.  My ds #1 will still be in school so maybe he'll feel less competition during the day.  

 

 

FOOD:

 

I am also going to research gluten. Typically in the morning he eats pancakes, 1 egg, and sugar free syrup. Nearly everyday this is what he asks for.  I do try to balance it off with french toast with honey. We don't keep cookies, candy, sodas, etc at home. He's allowed 1 no sugar added juice each day. Otherwise he eats everything homemade. We don't eat fast food etc. So we're pretty healthy in our eating habits I think? They eat lots of fruits, almost ok in their veggies (so I sneak it in the gravy in their curries), so I'm not sure what we could be doing wrong food wise.  Do you think the pancakes he eats in the morning are bad?


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#16 of 29 Old 03-28-2012, 07:10 PM
 
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Oh gosh, I feel so sorry for both of you. It sounds so tough even over cyberspace. Your number two sounds like my two kids rolled up into one, and my second kid already feels like three babies rolled into one! (am I making sense??)

Normally I would think pulling out would be good, but you have alot on your plate at home too. I guess if he's visibly happier and more relaxed at home, I would pull him out. But first, I will have a talk to the teacher to get a sense of what is going on, AND how she perceives the situation.

My elder one doesn't typically flare up in school. He brings it all back. When he was four, he tried to get back into diapers, he chewed his nails, grind his teeth, and showed all signs of stress. I pulled him out when it accumulated to nightmares, fits of crying and screaming. While iit was multifactorial, he did feel socially isolated and he didn't understand why he was told off for trying to get other kids to behave. The teacher found him bossy and started cold shouldering him.

Anyway, what I find is that it doesn't matter what 'norm' is. If the kid can't take it or understand it, it will only make things worse. He is not going to be more resilient, and in fact is damaging for the formation of self identity. I had to spend a lot of time talking to him, rebuilding him up afterwards. It was definitely much much easier to have him at home in a calm state, than to have him away for a few hours and having the roof fall down on me for the rest of the day.

I do know one PG boy who was almost diagnosed to be on the spectrum because when he was a preschooler, he would stand in the corner of the classroom, facing the wall, refusing to talk to anyone. He did have SPD and vision processing issues, but I think a large part was simply the sheer gulf between him and the other children. You really need a skillful and compassionate teacher to make this work.

Food wise - I really don't want to send you down the rabbit hole. But for what it's worth, the very healthy diet didn't work for myson because he had multiple food allergies. Regarding the pancakes,it really depends on the individual rx. Some can have a threshold amount, for others, every bit counts. I'm sure pig pokey can tell you more. In fact I'll be reading it too, since ds2 is going to be sent to another allergist to look into autoimmune disorders.
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#17 of 29 Old 03-28-2012, 07:55 PM
 
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How often does he go to school? From what you have told us so far, I agree with the teacher's assessment that kindergarten would be a bad fit for him right now, almost especially if he is light years ahead academically. He sounds more socially immature than exactly troubled- little kid impulses with a bigger kid brain. He's still going to be light years ahead if he just skips one year, just then with kids who are that much more socially mature than he is, which is so painful.

 

But it does sound like he could use some more peer exposure, in safe settings. Do you have co-ops near you? Small 2 or 3 short morning preschools? Maybe activities that meet a bunch of times a week, centered around that activity (martial arts? Dance?), less focused on academics, so he can connect with peers in an easier way for him? Does it bother *him* that the other kids don't read? I found when my older kids were in preschool that they didn't really care or notice much what the other kids could do- they would only care if they had to do "boring" activities (sometimes, but not always, activities that were too easy for them). My youngest is 3.5, and can read a little bit, but she really doesn't care whether her preschool friends can or not, because that's not really what they do all day. The teacher reads them a story, and sometimes she gets to read bits of it. They do art and group play and cook and stuff. Is there a place like that he could go a couple times a week?

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#18 of 29 Old 03-29-2012, 04:18 AM - Thread Starter
 
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Thank you both so much.  He goes to school 5 days a week 8-3:15. They don't teach reading or academics in the classroom aside from having the letter of the week or day. I'm not sure how often they move forward. They don't teach phonics or counting. Mostly it's play based. They have a nice room with really a lot of centers, enough to keep the number of kids busy. I thought he would get more meaningful activities at school and the chance to socialize more. The baby was a newborn then so I think probably it was the best decision I could've made, but I didn't have any idea he would have these difficulties. The two little ones take naps so I was thinking during their nap times I could have special time for him, time that I'm not able to find consistently. It's just a thought.

 

I'm implementing a sticker chart and when they get x number of stickers on their chart they get to choose a toy or extra special activity.  I bought a basket of toys and they seem excited.  It worked wonders when I had to potty train him. He was a little tough to potty train. But with a reward system he did well. 

 

 I will wait for the Pediatrician appointment and reassess if I should take him out or not. Generally I think children need to learn how to work through social situations if it can be in a constructive way, not damaging to their esteem or to such an unhealthy extent. We can't run away from the situations of life, but yet I can't send him into traffic. Let's see.

 

 


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Quote:
Originally Posted by aishamama View Post

 

FOOD:

 

I am also going to research gluten. Typically in the morning he eats pancakes, 1 egg, and sugar free syrup. Nearly everyday this is what he asks for.  I do try to balance it off with french toast with honey. We don't keep cookies, candy, sodas, etc at home. He's allowed 1 no sugar added juice each day. Otherwise he eats everything homemade. We don't eat fast food etc. So we're pretty healthy in our eating habits I think? They eat lots of fruits, almost ok in their veggies (so I sneak it in the gravy in their curries), so I'm not sure what we could be doing wrong food wise.  Do you think the pancakes he eats in the morning are bad?

If he has celiac or another gluten disease, then the presence of any gluten in his diet whatsoever is going to wreak havoc with his health.  It's not a food allergy.  It's autoimmune inflammation that continues until gluten is strictly removed from the diet.  Like I mentioned, my son did not have psych symptoms, but one of his friends, who does NOT have celiac, has psych symptoms without a gluten free diet.  He also must avoid cow's milk protein and soy, which his doctor says is a sensitivity that arises initially from the damage of the gluten inflammation.

 

 

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#20 of 29 Old 03-29-2012, 08:15 PM
 
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aishamama, I hope you don't mind if I borrow this thread for a tiny while to ask Pighokey some stuff... We have seen so many doctors in the past four years for ds2, and vision specialists for ds1, I have to say the diagnosis and treatment is only as good as the doctor.

 

Pighokey, does this mean that an allergist does not know much about autoimmune disorders? This is going to be our third allergist and her card says she specialises in padiatric Rheumatology, Immunlogy & Allergy. The pd (also new) who is referring us seemed to be very good at pulling all the threads together and immediately whipped out her card and said we must see this particular doctor asap to rule out underlying autommune issues and make sure that ds2 had not been misdiagnosed all along. We were told she is good with both skin and allergies and can look into autoimmune issues. DS2's problem now seem to be recurring infections that should not trouble a normal child. The pd even asked if anyone "died young" in my family (yes) so I'm pretty anxous about it now.

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deminc, hugs!

What a way to freak out a mom with a single question...I hope you get some answers.

 

Aishamama, I am glad you are making progress, as stated in your other thread, and are on the road to getting evals. I do not live in the US but I have also found that getting psych evals set up seemed to be much harder than other health appointments. maybe it was just the useless staff at our university medical center.

 

With regard to the question "take DS2 out of preschool or not", 8-3.15 sounds like a loooong day for a sensitive, anxious 4 yo who isn't really happy and socializing well. My DS, during his worst phase, would not have been able to take preschool that long everyday without acting out, badly. Maybe you can compromise with the school on shorter hours for the time being, even if you have to pick him up outside of regular pickup times? If they are wondering whether he needs to leave they might be willing to negotiate so they won't lose your tuition and feel bad about adding to the burden of a very busy mom and have a somewhat easier child to deal with?

 

And with a little giftie, never forget to check out the blood sugar angle - google reactive hypoglycemia. DS reacts intensely to low blood sugar and can freak out simply because he needs a protein snack but he would never think of it himself, or realize he was actually hungry. Occasional afternoons at preschool are always a bit iffy behavior-wise because we never know whether he is eating a proper lunch at school. At home, I still have to basically shovel the food into him at lunch because he is wiped out and distracted after a morning of having to socialize. Good thing the baby is good at feeding herself so I can help the 5 yo. *rolleyes*


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#22 of 29 Old 03-30-2012, 10:55 AM - Thread Starter
 
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I don't mind at all.  I hope you are able to find the answer and treatment for these issues. I don't know much at all about food issues / allergies.   Giant hugs to you.  

 

 

Quote:
Originally Posted by deminc View Post

aishamama, I hope you don't mind if I borrow this thread for a tiny while to ask Pighokey some stuff... We have seen so many doctors in the past four years for ds2, and vision specialists for ds1, I have to say the diagnosis and treatment is only as good as the doctor.

 

Pighokey, does this mean that an allergist does not know much about autoimmune disorders? This is going to be our third allergist and her card says she specialises in padiatric Rheumatology, Immunlogy & Allergy. The pd (also new) who is referring us seemed to be very good at pulling all the threads together and immediately whipped out her card and said we must see this particular doctor asap to rule out underlying autommune issues and make sure that ds2 had not been misdiagnosed all along. We were told she is good with both skin and allergies and can look into autoimmune issues. DS2's problem now seem to be recurring infections that should not trouble a normal child. The pd even asked if anyone "died young" in my family (yes) so I'm pretty anxous about it now.



 


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#23 of 29 Old 03-30-2012, 11:23 AM - Thread Starter
 
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thank you Tigerle for your good suggestions.  

 

I have a feeling it's the tiredness that is causing some of the issues like you're saying.  They get up very early and the school has not been consistent with their nap times. I've talked to them so many times about this. Late naps make it hard for him to sleep. No naps make it impossible to get along with him and he becomes extremely hyperactive and unreasonable; he literally jumps off everything.

 

I have been wondering about his glucose for the past some time. I think on Monday I'll ask the Dr. to check his glucose and also I am going to play around with protein and fiber foods. I am thinking for snack time to give him cheese or peanut butter somethings instead of animal crackers and see if this helps. I'll have to google some new food ideas as he's kind of picky. I think if I increase his protein and fiber it might help sustain his glucose levels a little longer or keep them more even than offering foods that spike and fall more dramatically.  It's worth seeing. 

 

I think when we move things are going to improve a lot. I told my husband I don't care if I have to live half an hour from school we are going to have a safe, fenced in back yard to put a really good playground in. Being locked in in this apartment building is about to make me batty. 

 

I also think they're all still suffering from stress from our move last year. Nearly everyday one or the other talks about going 'home' as they hate it here. They miss their friends. They miss our old house. They miss everything about our life there. DS2 wants our slide and playhouse back. DS1 wants our pool back (baby pool). Now we're starting to get rid of things for the summer move. I think it's harder on them than they say. 

 

 

In what way does your 5 y/o have trouble feeding himself?  Is it the being distracted, taking forever, or the physical difficulty? 

 

We still have to help our 6 y/o with food. He's messy and will do anything if you'll do the shoveling for him. It bothers him terribly to get dirty and spill his food. And he stares off elsewhere taking all day. My 2 y/o is great at feeding himself. He is neat and tidy too but he is able to manage it well. 

 

 


 

Quote:
Originally Posted by Tigerle View Post

deminc, hugs!

What a way to freak out a mom with a single question...I hope you get some answers.

 

Aishamama, I am glad you are making progress, as stated in your other thread, and are on the road to getting evals. I do not live in the US but I have also found that getting psych evals set up seemed to be much harder than other health appointments. maybe it was just the useless staff at our university medical center.

 

With regard to the question "take DS2 out of preschool or not", 8-3.15 sounds like a loooong day for a sensitive, anxious 4 yo who isn't really happy and socializing well. My DS, during his worst phase, would not have been able to take preschool that long everyday without acting out, badly. Maybe you can compromise with the school on shorter hours for the time being, even if you have to pick him up outside of regular pickup times? If they are wondering whether he needs to leave they might be willing to negotiate so they won't lose your tuition and feel bad about adding to the burden of a very busy mom and have a somewhat easier child to deal with?

 

And with a little giftie, never forget to check out the blood sugar angle - google reactive hypoglycemia. DS reacts intensely to low blood sugar and can freak out simply because he needs a protein snack but he would never think of it himself, or realize he was actually hungry. Occasional afternoons at preschool are always a bit iffy behavior-wise because we never know whether he is eating a proper lunch at school. At home, I still have to basically shovel the food into him at lunch because he is wiped out and distracted after a morning of having to socialize. Good thing the baby is good at feeding herself so I can help the 5 yo. *rolleyes*



 


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#24 of 29 Old 03-30-2012, 12:45 PM
 
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If only doctors could prescribe a backyard with a slide, a playhouse, a baby pool and a sandbox for you all right now - I do not want to minimize whatever might be going on with your two oldest, but a backyard is going to go a LONG way to make things easier on all of you. No  wonder all of you are going a bit batty.

 

DS mostly talks all the time, jumps up, runs around excitedly, wants to get stuff, and completely forgets to eat, but sometimes merely looks around lost in a daydream and slumps at the table. Otherwise his sensory issues mostly appear affect his table manners - grabbing food with fingers, ignoring the fork (DD, 1, tries harder to use it!), mouthing and sucking on foot, taking tiny bites or overstuffing his mouth, fidgeting. Sometimes I make him take bites, then have to remind him to chew. Hence my wondering just how much he eats at preschool. It's getting better with maturity.

 

He can take forever with stuff like getting dressed or writing something down, or be fast, neat and efficient, if he has an incentive. I do not think it is ADHD - it is just his mind spinning around at all times, absorbing stuff, thinking of new things. I say things like "no more math question until you've pulled on your socks!" While DD screams "self!" as I try to help her with hers.

 

I basically undress him at night and stuff him in his PJs. He'd just be prancing around jabbering on about things, alternately whining about how tired he is and asking for help. I'm thinking he won't need my help when he's 18.


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#25 of 29 Old 03-30-2012, 01:55 PM
 
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I don't know that much about the autoimmune stuff.  I think a start would be to make sure he has had a celiac panel run.

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#26 of 29 Old 03-30-2012, 03:26 PM
 
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Thanks Tigerle! I did have a mini internal "what-if" moment but I am also glad to have a professional addressing all possibilities.

 

pighokey, thank you! I will raise that with the new doctor when I see her. I think it's a distinct possibility and right now I"m willing to bake for the rest of my life if that's all I need to do to get him better!

 

Aishamama, my 5 year old is also better at feeding himself than my 8year old. The latter finds it harder to coordinate fork and spoon/ fork and knife/ chopsticks together. He was actually great at feeding himself when he was 2 and everything was cut up for him and all he had to do was take a fork and jab. He also hates getting his fingers dirty and tries to avoid touching the food or plate - not always a very good idea. But he's getting better with practice so there's hope yet!

 

I do find that ds1 cannot talk and do things at the same time - e.g. talk and dress himself. The only thing he can do simultaneously while talking is drawing.

 

Tigerle is right about the backyard. It's always much easier with boys out in the open. I know you are in transition right now, and that's always hard for making plans and starting new routines. Maybe you can just aim for outdoor time once or twice a week at a nearby place if the neighbourhood is conducive. Alternatively indoor playgrounds? You can also consider enrolling the two older ones in gym classes so they get some supervised activities that will also be especially beneficial for your eldest.

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Quote:
Originally Posted by deminc View Post

Pighokey, does this mean that an allergist does not know much about autoimmune disorders? This is going to be our third allergist and her card says she specialises in padiatric Rheumatology, Immunlogy & Allergy. 


Rheumatologists and Immunologists are usually very up-to-date on autoimmune disorders. Sounds like you're going to the right sort of person.

 

Miranda


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#28 of 29 Old 04-26-2012, 11:50 AM
 
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Just wanted to second what moominmama said - I have lupus (an automimmune disorder) and I see a rheumatologist for that.  A combination of rheumatology and allergy expertise sounds ideal!!! (wish I had had this - I had terrible allergies for years and had to be on shots - environmental, though, not food!)  Good luck - I hope you find the answers you are looking for. hug.gif


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#29 of 29 Old 04-26-2012, 12:10 PM
 
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YES. My 3.5 y/o DS who is high intelligence (though hasn't been through any formal testing yet) goes biserk when DD is "hogging me". He will just say "DD, move. This is my Mom." He also has some anxiety, though fortunately (sort of) he chooses to bite a pillow, sleeve, or basically any other object within reach rather than a person. He expresses his feelings by literally jumping and spinning and circles, fake laughing so loudly it makes my skin crawl, crashing things just to see if I react, 15 second full-grade meltdowns to see if I react, etc. I am conflicted about how school will work out for him, because he will turn 5 in August next year, and at present moment I have a hard time seeing him being emotionally mature enough for school by then! But I can't imagine him staying home until 6 either. 

 

My DS is also very, very quick. The kind of quick that I cannot catch him when I am carrying DD, and he knows it. His attention is a bizarre thing; when he's decided to focus on something he won't listen to a single word I'm saying until he's completed what he's decided to do or say. This definitely leads to misbehavior problems... "DS, DON'T jump off that cliff!" "I'll be back in ONE minute Mom I just HAVE to find out how it feels first." "DON'T." "I HAVE TO!" - not a real example but it's pretty much exactly the way it goes. 

 

 

... You said "I feel like this child needs a person just for himself to keep him from getting hurt, destroying everything, etc............." - YES. This is exactly it. Which is why I lose my mind all week, and then on the weekends, it's so much easier/better. DH takes one kid and I take the other. Then we switch. But DS always has the attention of one of us for those two days. And for those two days, there are rarely tantrums, there are no major falls or bruises, etc. If only he had a person just for himself all the time...

 

 

You just described my one-year-old to a tee.  Now, I realize he is much younger and at a different developmental stage - but he is very bright, energetic, intense, persistent and a TOTAL daredevil - he is quite a handful.  The contradictions are interesting to me - he is super energetic and social, but he needs lots of quiet down time from running around, being out and about, etc.  When he's into a task, he is so focused that he totally cannot hear me and isn't even aware of my presence (which people are often stunned to see in such a small kiddo) - but then he is all over the place and glued to me like velcro if he's not.  He has also exhibited symptoms of anxiety/stress his whole life, and he is quick to pick up on those from others (high needs baby).  We may very well only have one kid, in part because I'm not sure how to juggle!  I've been reading this thread in earnest just to see what everyone's ideas are.  

 

You may be beyond this and into the realm of allergies/disorders, OP, but have you read Raising Your Spirited Child?  It may at least give you some helpful advice for sensory overload, etc. (it doesn't go into giftedness, but it does touch on SPD and other issues that go beyond temperament).  It has made a WORLD of difference with my son in terms of validating and learning to work with his sensory overload, trouble with transitions, emotional intensity, etc.  That's really all I have to offer - wish I could help more!

 

Good luck, OP!  You certainly have your hands full - I hope you find some help soon. hug2.gif


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