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#1 of 41 Old 04-04-2012, 10:08 AM - Thread Starter
 
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At the risk of being obnoxious, I'm curious what, if any, very early signs of giftedness you observed in your kids?

 

My husband and are both high IQ, and we have a three month old baby girl. We assumed she'd be bright, and it is occurring to us now that she may be extra bright? ;) 

 

She has always been very alert, and more wakeful than other babies her age. She has been able to roll over for at least 6 weeks now, can support her own weight while standing (though not balance) since before two months, and can pull herself to sitting (but needs a little support maintaining the posture).

 

She enjoys reading books with me, when we sing she "joins" and she coos and gurgles in conversation (I speak, she responds, and so on). She doesn't cry to get our attention, she uses her "intense voice" as we call it! ;)

 

She has been able to track and grasp objects for some time as well.

 

Those are the things that come to mind that people have told me are out of the ordinary. Go ahead ladies, tell me I'm just a doting mom that thinks her little girl is exceptional, I can take it. :) I figure you have the value of experience! I will continue to be impressed by her regardless. :)

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#2 of 41 Old 04-04-2012, 10:20 AM
 
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She sounds like a normal little girl who may be ahead of the curve physically. :) Seriously..I think 3 months is too young to tell if your child is gifted. Most likely she will be bright since intelligence since you and your husband both are. Two of my children were way ahead of the curve physically and one a little behind, and so far I haven't noticed any major differences in intelligence between them. :p 


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#3 of 41 Old 04-04-2012, 11:06 AM
 
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She sounds like a normal little girl who may be ahead of the curve physically. :) Seriously..I think 3 months is too young to tell if your child is gifted. Most likely she will be bright since intelligence since you and your husband both are. Two of my children were way ahead of the curve physically and one a little behind, and so far I haven't noticed any major differences in intelligence between them. :p 



I agree.

 

Mine were preemies and at 3 months they mostly slept. LOL. Both were delayed physically-- one was extra alert and never slept and the other was extra sleepy.

 

They are untested, but it was not until age 3 or so and were reading/talking a lot that we got murmurs of having unusual kids. Asynchronous behavior was noted at the first evaluations they had (for delays actually) since they were either way above or way below where they should be- this trend continues today. 

 

At age 6- they have very different personalities and physically, cognitive, social, and emotional levels. But quite a few teachers have mentioned they suspect they are highly intelligent but it presents in different ways.

 

 

Statistically speaking, if you and your DH are highly intelligent it is likely your DD will be too!!

 

 

 

 

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#4 of 41 Old 04-04-2012, 11:31 AM
 
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Once many of us realized that our kids were gifted we could look back and see that our kids met milestones early or that our kids were unusually alert in some cases. However, that doesn't mean that an unusually alert baby is necessarily gifted, or that all gifted kids were unusually alert as infants. It is especially hard to correlate early milestones and intellectual giftedness because most of the early milestones are physical. It's not until the kids are a little older and mastering intellectual milestones that reaching these milestones might say something.

 

Realistically giftedness is just a way of saying that a child learns things quickly and easily. The only place that this makes a difference is in a learning environment. Therefore, there's really not a lot to be said for figuring out a child is gifted until they are at least preschool age. It just simply doesn't make a difference how your child learns until it's time for them to learn things in a more structured way or until issues present themselves that make this information relevant and important.

 

At three months old your child is just simply to young for her intellectual ability to matter that much.  I don't think your going to find much commonalities amount gifted infants, if for no other reason than that their parents have forgotten a lot of the nitty gritty of what their kids were doing at that age. For many of us our child's intellectual abilities didn't matter until much later, and at a point when our memories of exactly what our child was doing at what point during infancy has faded.


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#5 of 41 Old 04-04-2012, 11:41 AM - Thread Starter
 
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Thanks for the feedback, guys! Our interest/concern stems largely from the fact that our respective "giftedness" (husband has eidetic memory) wasn't approached in a positive way by our parents/guardians. Other parents are making comments, and we're perhaps a little hypersensitive to the issue! smile.gif
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#6 of 41 Old 04-04-2012, 11:46 AM
 
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Welcome.gifHow very exciting!  Congratulations to you and your family on the new addition of your DD!

 

 

 

For full disclosure, my DD hasn't been tested for giftedness, I just believe that she is.  redface.gif

 

I don't think my DD was standing (in any shape or form) by three months!  Very neat.

 

I think my DD was holding her head up and turning her head back and forth (while holding it up) around three days.  I have some pictures from her fourth or fifth day where she was rolling from her back to her side.  I also remember she laughed responsively very early, and she would hum tunes and would note match really early.  Like do do da...stuff.    Sorry I don't know better time frames for when she did this stuff.  My DD was really really strong for her age, which is what I thought attributed to the early developmental milestones.  I didn't realize it had any potential connection to intelligence.  I just thought she was going to be strong, and hoped one day she might be bright too. lol

 

My DD slept a lot as a infant, I mean a lot.  However, like your DD she didn't cry.  She would only cry if she was hungry.  Nothing else.  No diaper changing cry, no I'm upset cry, just hungry.  This also kind-of scarred me lol. 

 

Some very gifted children hit all their milestones late, and some "bright not gifted" children hit them all early.  Some are slightly gifted so on and so on.   I think that given the genetic history and early milestones, it could be a good indicator.  It's just one of those time will tell things.  No matter what the case here, I think it is still very exciting and I just want to say congratulations again!!

 


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#7 of 41 Old 04-04-2012, 12:05 PM
 
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She sounds like a pretty normal baby but then, we're not the best judge of normal. If your DH and yourself are gifted, chances are high your child will be too. I wouldn't try to read too much into things for now though. Often, what people consider advanced at this point can have more to do with personality than anything.

 

I have two gifted kids (now 11 and 15) who test in the same percentile but looked totally different as infants. DD was alert but also serious, intense, colicky and wasn't interested in people outside DH and myself. People recognized she was "different" from the moment she was born but they didn't like her and were always hinting (and sometimes not even hinting) that there was something "wrong" with her. DS was a sleepy infant who started full-on smiling within a week, had an easy laugh and so charismatic that strangers would cross rooms to engage with him. Yeah, people were quick to comment on how special he was. Ironically, DD was the easy toddler/preschooler and by age 5, an adult favorite wherever we went (and still so!) DS was so volatile and difficult during his toddler/preschool years that he had me locked in the bathroom crying on many occasions. He was the one with the "issues" eventually needing occupational therapy and help with some mild learning disabilities. He's pretty fantastic now though and all those issues have melted away. 

 

I guess what I'm saying is that it's too early to tell and what you are seeing now may be signs of giftedness or may be signs of her personality. 


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#8 of 41 Old 04-04-2012, 01:27 PM
 
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Originally Posted by Cathlin View Post

Thanks for the feedback, guys! Our interest/concern stems largely from the fact that our respective "giftedness" (husband has eidetic memory) wasn't approached in a positive way by our parents/guardians. Other parents are making comments, and we're perhaps a little hypersensitive to the issue! smile.gif

 

 

I can relate to this issue a bit myself.  I also have fears surrounding "gifted" with DD for much the same reasons.  I agree with the previous posters.  Even if she is gifted, it's to early to worry about it.  Being excited and rejoicing in her accomplishments is wonderful.  I personally let the concern and hypersensitivity to giftedness become a "thing".   I am learning there really is nothing to be concerned about, or much that I need to do about it.    Yes, there might be some quirky little things that come up, but you sound like your doing everything great!  

 

Sorry for my off topic...  I just personally know how a little concern (which is perfectly normal) can overdevelop, and since I am traveling down that road, I thought I'd just share.

 


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#9 of 41 Old 04-04-2012, 03:50 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Welcome.gifHow very exciting!  Congratulations to you and your family on the new addition of your DD!

 

 

Thank you so much!!:D

 

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#10 of 41 Old 04-04-2012, 10:45 PM
 
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I have an HG 7 year old. He wasn't ahead of the curve physically (and still isn't), but he sure had the "intense voice" (and still does!). He was a very alert baby and a very intense and serious toddler. But they are all different and like others here have said, three months is very little. If you and your partner are gifted, odds are good that she is too though.

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#11 of 41 Old 04-05-2012, 01:49 AM
 
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Originally Posted by Cathlin View Post

Thanks for the feedback, guys! Our interest/concern stems largely from the fact that our respective "giftedness" (husband has eidetic memory) wasn't approached in a positive way by our parents/guardians. Other parents are making comments, and we're perhaps a little hypersensitive to the issue! smile.gif


I can also relate to this.  My son is much too young to be tested, but he will likely follow in our footsteps.  It was worthwhile to me to educate myself on giftedness several months ago when it started nagging at me.  While most people will rightly point out that it doesn't really change what you do with a child at a young age (following their cues, whatever they are, is still following their cues), it helped me deal with some of my baggage about my own gifted education and think about how I would deal with things differently with my son.  I learned a lot of things about myself that have been helpful, and I've managed to ease my fears about my son falling into the same traps I did.  I had been worried about what we would do for his schooling, gifted or not, and now I know that if there isn't a school I feel good about sending him to, I'm open to homeschooling him.  Now that I've done just enough research to settle my mind, I'm just enjoying the fun adventure of spending my days with a little guy who continuously surprises me without stressing out about it so much.  :)  So, anyway, I think as a gifted parent it was valuable to think about it when my son was still a baby, even though it shouldn't matter as far as the baby is concerned at this age.

 

I had to work out how to deal with other parents' comments, too, especially when he was about six months older than your little one and signing up a storm.  I think I actually got some good tips out of a post in this forum back then.  My general tactic is not to go out of my way to bring up things that my kid does that are advanced, but not to downplay them, either.

 

As for my son at that age, he was extremely alert as a baby.  He has always had a long attention span, and loved having multiple books read to him at a very young age.  He was early on a lot of his really early physical milestones, then late on some of the middle ones for the first year (rolling over, sitting up unassisted...I think I may have held him back on these a bit, at least the sitting, out of my first time mom paranoia), but then as soon as he sat up he was the first baby in our moms' group to crawl and then walk, and he's been early or on track with everything since, as far as I know.  To be honest, he almost immediately figured out how to run, and I haven't had as much time to study early childhood development as I once did.  :)  He started life being able to make a number of sounds he wasn't supposed to for months, and he's turned out to be very communication-oriented.


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#12 of 41 Old 04-05-2012, 05:01 AM
 
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DS is 3yo. I have no idea if he is gifted... but he does appear to have an eidetic memory. It's pretty fascinating to watch him recall or recite stuff, and the way he learns is really interesting. I know he is also generally a smart kid, plus has incredibly strong fine motor skills (probably on par with a 5 or 6yo, though some things he can do as well as or better than an adult). Maybe he will prove to be 'gifted' or maybe not... but I guess if I can't tell for sure at this age, I'm not sure how you could tell at 3mos!!

Everything during the first year was a blur. Mostly DS just cried a lot, nursed a lot (wayyyy more than is normal), puked a lot, and refused to sleep. I do know he was taking steps at 7mos. I know he hated laying down so he rolled late and never crawled. I know he was sitting well unsupported by 5mos, was turning pages of the books well before that point. He had a strong attraction to art, like I'd take him to a museum or gallery and he would stare fascinated at the paintings (this is notable only because he was so rarely happy like that!) and music, and he was definitely highly alert. The first time I noticed him talking was around 9mos with a few short sentences ("Uh oh drop cup"), but I suspect I missed a lot because I didn't think babies talked that young... all I know for sure is that he had at least a thousand words & was talking in complete sentences by 18mos. I don't know that I can say much more than that... I remember at one point looking at the milestones chart around maybe 14mos, and realizing he was about two years ahead in almost all areas. I think that was the point I started to realize he was a bit different than other kids (and not just in being a bit advanced... he's kind of quirky), but maybe I'd have felt that way sooner if we had actually spent more time around other kids. I can't imagine knowing as young as 3mos though.

I'm curious, for my DS's benefit, what kind of challenges your DH faced with the eidetic memory? I don't think it has caused too many problems for DS yet. Sometimes people realize he has this ability and try to 'test' him but he doesn't generally like to be tested (or talked to directly at all, really!) so he tends to shut down/avoid a bit in those situations. The only other time it's a bit of an issue for us is when he is trying to describe to me something very specific and I'm just totally clueless (like a place he went or a book he read once at the library 6mos ago or songs he heard, "I want the song about the wheels, but not the one with the woman singing, the one with the man singing. No, not that man. He was playing a guitar. No, not that one, it had a wagon in it." And then he freaks out because I just cannot find that specific version of the song or it takes me a million wrong tries to find it! There could be 20 versions of the exact same song but he wants a very very particular one. Youtube is our best friend & worst enemy, he's only allowed to listen to the songs because if he watched them, that would add another 20 variations into the mix -- "No, the one where he wore a green shirt.")

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#13 of 41 Old 04-05-2012, 06:55 AM
 
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I didn't realize anything was unusual about DS at 3 months, but I obsessively wrote things down becuase I was soooo excited to finally be a Mom that I didn't want to forget a single thing.  (Yeah, I was a little obsessed.  I wrote stuff like, "Ohhhh he drooled!  That's so cute!!! love.gif "  )  So, I now have the interesting benefit of great records about what was going on at that age. 

 

DS was in daycare from 5 weeks on.  The babysitter kept say "He's just so advanced."  I thought she was just being nice.  I mean, he wasn't really doing anything yet.  Some things I now see as unusual

 

- 10 weeks: laughing out loud a lot, grabbing and shaking toys then turning them side to side for many minutes just studying them.

- 14 weeks:   I could say, "Where's my hair/eyes/nose/ lips/ ears"  and he would grab for them and get it right most of the time.

- 15 weeks:  Started games of peekaboo or flirting with other people.  Would hide his head on my shoulder and then pop up, look at someone near me and smile, then hide again on my shoulder.

-  16 weeks: started babbling mamama and other things, and by 4 1/2 months would say Mom, only when he looked at me, so I knew he knew what it meant

 

A lot of this stuff could be personality related as someone else mentioned.  He is very social and loves to talk(constantly).  So those are the things he focused on first. 

 

I understand your interest at this young age.  Babies are AMAZING and so much fun to have around. smile.gif

 


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#14 of 41 Old 04-05-2012, 08:01 AM
 
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I didn't notice anything honestly for a while but that was because I had no idea what other children normally do. Nothing ever occurred to me really until my second child wasn't doing some of the same things. I never monitored anything or read lists to see what was wrong or right.  I had become worried about the second child as I made the mistake of judging him by the first child.  Then I talked to the Pediatrician and she said the second child is right on target for his age and that the first child was very ahead.

 

I think a point comes at most of our lives where it becomes obvious that they are not with their peers or norms, some sooner than others.  Children develop and flourish at their own times and in their own ways.  Without comparison or thinking in the way that my child might be gifted, or someone else pointing it out, it wouldn't have occurred to me.

 

eta,

wouldn't have occurred to me until now probably.

 

I think things start to change when they go to school. Now I totally get the need sometimes to be tested whereas I wasn't actually going to test him.  But I think what happens for some of them, issues come up and we need to know the picture.

 

Looking back now, I see how he was advanced and much ahead.  I remember he used to say Aaje Aisha  (come here Aisha) when he was 9 months old.   I wasn't a baby expert to know that was a little early to be talking.  I had no idea that he'd start reading so early. I had actually bought a book to see how to teach him to read and never even opened it because there was no need.    And I remember wondering why parents are having trouble in First and Second grade teaching their kids to read.  I just wouldn't have guessed it.  My husband and I are both gifted but still it didn't enter my mind. 

 

I do think 3 months is slightly young like the others are saying. But if your baby is gifted, there's nothing to do about it. Just let the baby flourish however it's meant to be. Provide opportunities and quality interaction.  Issues if any ever come just have to be taken up but ladies like I've found here are helpful. This young age is proving to be tough for me and my kids, but for others it wasn't difficult.  =D


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#15 of 41 Old 04-05-2012, 10:23 AM - Thread Starter
 
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I have an HG 7 year old. 


I have to adjust my definition of "HG" again, I had Hyperemesis Gravidarum lol!

 

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I can also relate to this.  My son is much too young to be tested, but he will likely follow in our footsteps.  It was worthwhile to me to educate myself on giftedness several months ago when it started nagging at me.  While most people will rightly point out that it doesn't really change what you do with a child at a young age (following their cues, whatever they are, is still following their cues), it helped me deal with some of my baggage about my own gifted education and think about how I would deal with things differently with my son.  I learned a lot of things about myself that have been helpful, and I've managed to ease my fears about my son falling into the same traps I did.  I had been worried about what we would do for his schooling, gifted or not, and now I know that if there isn't a school I feel good about sending him to, I'm open to homeschooling him.  Now that I've done just enough research to settle my mind, I'm just enjoying the fun adventure of spending my days with a little guy who continuously surprises me without stressing out about it so much.  :)  So, anyway, I think as a gifted parent it was valuable to think about it when my son was still a baby, even though it shouldn't matter as far as the baby is concerned at this age.

 

I had to work out how to deal with other parents' comments, too, especially when he was about six months older than your little one and signing up a storm.  I think I actually got some good tips out of a post in this forum back then.  My general tactic is not to go out of my way to bring up things that my kid does that are advanced, but not to downplay them, either.

 

As for my son at that age, he was extremely alert as a baby.  He has always had a long attention span, and loved having multiple books read to him at a very young age.  He was early on a lot of his really early physical milestones, then late on some of the middle ones for the first year (rolling over, sitting up unassisted...I think I may have held him back on these a bit, at least the sitting, out of my first time mom paranoia), but then as soon as he sat up he was the first baby in our moms' group to crawl and then walk, and he's been early or on track with everything since, as far as I know.  To be honest, he almost immediately figured out how to run, and I haven't had as much time to study early childhood development as I once did.  :)  He started life being able to make a number of sounds he wasn't supposed to for months, and he's turned out to be very communication-oriented.

Yes, thank you, as simple as it is Adam and I have been encouraged by discussing "what went wrong" when we were kids, and giving each other pep talks like, "Don't ever apologize for her achievements"! Last night she signed "mama", and this morning, "papa". :D 
 

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DS is 3yo. I have no idea if he is gifted... but he does appear to have an eidetic memory. It's pretty fascinating to watch him recall or recite stuff, and the way he learns is really interesting. I know he is also generally a smart kid, plus has incredibly strong fine motor skills (probably on par with a 5 or 6yo, though some things he can do as well as or better than an adult). Maybe he will prove to be 'gifted' or maybe not... but I guess if I can't tell for sure at this age, I'm not sure how you could tell at 3mos!!
Everything during the first year was a blur. Mostly DS just cried a lot, nursed a lot (wayyyy more than is normal), puked a lot, and refused to sleep. I do know he was taking steps at 7mos. I know he hated laying down so he rolled late and never crawled. I know he was sitting well unsupported by 5mos, was turning pages of the books well before that point. He had a strong attraction to art, like I'd take him to a museum or gallery and he would stare fascinated at the paintings (this is notable only because he was so rarely happy like that!) and music, and he was definitely highly alert. The first time I noticed him talking was around 9mos with a few short sentences ("Uh oh drop cup"), but I suspect I missed a lot because I didn't think babies talked that young... all I know for sure is that he had at least a thousand words & was talking in complete sentences by 18mos. I don't know that I can say much more than that... I remember at one point looking at the milestones chart around maybe 14mos, and realizing he was about two years ahead in almost all areas. I think that was the point I started to realize he was a bit different than other kids (and not just in being a bit advanced... he's kind of quirky), but maybe I'd have felt that way sooner if we had actually spent more time around other kids. I can't imagine knowing as young as 3mos though.
I'm curious, for my DS's benefit, what kind of challenges your DH faced with the eidetic memory? I don't think it has caused too many problems for DS yet. Sometimes people realize he has this ability and try to 'test' him but he doesn't generally like to be tested (or talked to directly at all, really!) so he tends to shut down/avoid a bit in those situations. The only other time it's a bit of an issue for us is when he is trying to describe to me something very specific and I'm just totally clueless (like a place he went or a book he read once at the library 6mos ago or songs he heard, "I want the song about the wheels, but not the one with the woman singing, the one with the man singing. No, not that man. He was playing a guitar. No, not that one, it had a wagon in it." And then he freaks out because I just cannot find that specific version of the song or it takes me a million wrong tries to find it! There could be 20 versions of the exact same song but he wants a very very particular one. Youtube is our best friend & worst enemy, he's only allowed to listen to the songs because if he watched them, that would add another 20 variations into the mix -- "No, the one where he wore a green shirt.")


He probably nursed more because he was burning all those calories!! :)

 

First, my husband's childhood represents an extreme, though I still think it highlights some "eidetic principles". ;) His mother died when he was 5, his father checked out, and then new step mom never checked in. He was always right, which she took for sass, and would hit him and lock him in the bathroom. This is the problem for someone with eidetic memory: they are always right [about the facts]. More importantly, they don't understand why anyone would be okay with the wrong answer, or situations where they wouldn't want the right one. Your description of having to find exactly what your son has in mind touches on the related idea that we take for granted that other people think like we do - and they don't. :) A child with eidetic memory assumes you remember things just as he does! That can add to the confusion/frustration. To this day it mystifies my husband when we visit a friend's home and he immediately notices, say, a book has been added to their bookcase and I can't detect the difference (actual example). He is incredibly detail-oriented and has to remind himself that not everyone sees the world the way he does. Once, he told me that it stresses him out that people expect him to know everything. It's true, friends and family use him as a conversational Google - to the point where they won't look stuff up, they'll "just ask Adam". This breaks my heart a little.

 

Quote:
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I understand your interest at this young age.  Babies are AMAZING and so much fun to have around. smile.gif

 


Yes, and like you I find myself documenting everything! :D At the end of each day I think I could report on every adorable yawn!

 

 

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#16 of 41 Old 04-05-2012, 11:44 AM
 
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I have to adjust my definition of "HG" again, I had Hyperemesis Gravidarum lol!

 

 

I probably shouldn't laugh but that is funny... Not sure which HG is more challenging, but for sure my version is more fun!


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#17 of 41 Old 04-05-2012, 05:54 PM
 
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First, my husband's childhood represents an extreme, though I still think it highlights some "eidetic principles". wink1.gif His mother died when he was 5, his father checked out, and then new step mom never checked in. He was always right, which she took for sass, and would hit him and lock him in the bathroom. This is the problem for someone with eidetic memory: they are always right [about the facts]. More importantly, they don't understand why anyone would be okay with the wrong answer, or situations where they wouldn't want the right one. Your description of having to find exactly what your son has in mind touches on the related idea that we take for granted that other people think like we do - and they don't. smile.gif A child with eidetic memory assumes you remember things just as he does! That can add to the confusion/frustration. To this day it mystifies my husband when we visit a friend's home and he immediately notices, say, a book has been added to their bookcase and I can't detect the difference (actual example). He is incredibly detail-oriented and has to remind himself that not everyone sees the world the way he does. Once, he told me that it stresses him out that people expect him to know everything. It's true, friends and family use him as a conversational Google - to the point where they won't look stuff up, they'll "just ask Adam". This breaks my heart a little.

Aw that's what's already happening to my DS, people do turn to him like Google, and if it's already happening at age 3, I can't imagine what it will be like down the line! He sounds just like your DH lol, yes he would totally notice a new book or something... one time we went to a store that he had only been to once, many many months prior, and he noticed that they painted the railing on the ramp a different shade! The funny part is, I do remember well enough to know that he's always right in his recollections, but it is still really really frustrating sometimes to try to see things from his viewpoint because I just don't think that way. I'd really love to see what it's like to live in his head and take in & remember every little detail. So crazy.

And that is so, so sad about what your DH's step-mom did to him. greensad.gif

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I probably shouldn't laugh but that is funny... Not sure which HG is more challenging, but for sure my version is more fun!


Oh, it's funny, and if you can't laugh about HG - either of them - you're in trouble? :P

 

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I'd really love to see what it's like to live in his head and take in & remember every little detail. So crazy.
 


I've decided it's a superpower! With a loving mom, your son is already so well off. :)

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#19 of 41 Old 04-05-2012, 11:05 PM
 
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Yes, thank you, as simple as it is Adam and I have been encouraged by discussing "what went wrong" when we were kids, and giving each other pep talks like, "Don't ever apologize for her achievements"! Last night she signed "mama", and this morning, "papa". :D 
 

 

Wow, that's great!  Signing with my little guy was an amazing joy in my life.  I'm just glad that talking has made him even more fun...I was afraid I'd miss my prolific signer once he started talking.


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#20 of 41 Old 04-06-2012, 04:06 AM
 
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It's funny to me that you ask this question because I never noticed things until my 5th child! Looking back I can recall things my older's did that were outside of "the norm" but, because all my children are sensitive, I always had my hands full.

I agree with some pp's in that some gifties do things at different times. Some walk early where others walk late. (To be fair, only one of my kiddos has been tested and the others are suspected to be gifted.) I have one that walked at 10m, two that walked right around 12m, one that didn't walk until 14m, and the youngest managed stairs at 7.5m but didn't walk until 13m.

The oldest did not develop language at a young age nor was her early language particularly precocious. She's a rather gifted artist.

The second didn't talk until she was 2yo but immediately spoke in full sentences. That's her nature though, hang out and watch before jumping in and possibly making a mistake.

The third (the dx'd giftie), in hindsight, has always had amazing grasp for complex concept. He still thinks it's appropriate to discuss string theory with the average teen boy. lol He did a lot of mental math, had horrible handwriting and difficulty reading until age 7. I really think he was too busy with other things to worry about reading because, when he finally did read, he picked up a book at his grade level and read it straight through without assistance. He now reads with quite a voracious appetite.

Our fourth child is now just 5yo so we aren't certain if she's gifted but she has some pretty intense OE's. It's she who prompted my more extensive research on the issue and made me more aware of just how much these kids can be. She's another artist in the family as well as musically talented. She also happens to be Deaf with bilateral cochlear implants.

Our youngest, now just 2.25yo, is quite the little handful. I have more detailed examples of what's "noticed" because I'm living those early years now. He's been matching since 12m and at about 18m brought me a plastic play orange and a puzzle piece with an orange on it and said, "orange". uhhh yeah. I thought, "that's weird." He now counts several items, knows our address, and seems to be decoding words. He's easily bored and often turns to inappropriate behavior to curb his boredom. It's as if he thinks, "What can I do to sister3 to make her yell/scream/get frustrated/etc?"

 

I too come from a family who was more irritated by my own accomplishments than encouraging. DH's parents knew he was a gifted child and were advised to enroll him in a gifted school but that ended there. They now brush his giftedness off so I understand where you're at today.

 

I hope I've been helpful. GL to you and how sweet, the signing.

 

I'm now off to take 17yo dd to ADMITTED STUDENT'S DAY at her first choice college! She's VERY excited, as am I.

 

 

 

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#21 of 41 Old 04-11-2012, 10:33 AM
 
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I had to work out how to deal with other parents' comments, too, especially when he was about six months older than your little one and signing up a storm.  I think I actually got some good tips out of a post in this forum back then.  My general tactic is not to go out of my way to bring up things that my kid does that are advanced, but not to downplay them, either.

 

As for my son at that age, he was extremely alert as a baby.  He has always had a long attention span, and loved having multiple books read to him at a very young age.  He was early on a lot of his really early physical milestones, then late on some of the middle ones for the first year (rolling over, sitting up unassisted...I think I may have held him back on these a bit, at least the sitting, out of my first time mom paranoia), but then as soon as he sat up he was the first baby in our moms' group to crawl and then walk, and he's been early or on track with everything since, as far as I know.  To be honest, he almost immediately figured out how to run, and I haven't had as much time to study early childhood development as I once did.  :)  He started life being able to make a number of sounds he wasn't supposed to for months, and he's turned out to be very communication-oriented.


The signing is awesome! smile.gif  I find it really sad that everything with kids gets turned into a competition - like, if your kid is advanced, then their kid is automatically behind - can't we just respect that kids are kids, that they have different talents, etc. and celebrate them all???

 

Anyway, cloudbutterfly, your son sounds like mine!  He was the most alert baby, making perfect eye contact and smiling at everyone in the delivery room moments after birth.  He rolled over at his 2 week check-up and scared the crap out of the doctor!  winky.gif  He, too, loves books, and has had a voracious appetite for them since he was just a couple months old - multiple books in a sitting, started "reading along" by 4 months, and he mastered the lift-the-flap kind by 6 months.  He could turn on our cell phones by 4 months, started saying, "Mama!" and standing/walking with support at 3 months, etc.  Naturally, I think he is gifted (haha!) but time will tell - in any case, he is the most awesome, energetic, intense child!  He is just STRONG - personality and physicality!  Everyone is always commenting on how intelligent and different he is (unfortunately, sometimes with a less than totally positive connotation...a lil bewildered, at least!). 

 

OP, I think it is awesome that you are vowing not to apologize for your child's accomplishments! thumb.gif  I agree with you and cloudbutterfly - no need to rub it in, but no need to be afraid of it!  The fact that mentioning our children's accomplishments is seen as patently insensitive is a sad thing - and it harms the kid.  I was always ashamed - I hid my report cards when my grades were too high, and I failed every spelling bee on purpose at the crucial moment to avoid the (negative) attention - it was really sad and burdensome.

 

On last thing - as a kid with an eidetic memory, it can come in handy!  I was always in demand to settle toy disputes as a kid, because I was the only one who knew that so and so's Barbie's eyes were a little closer together than the other one, and could always sort out identical toys when they were mixed up and get them back to their owners (based on a tiny scratch, etc.).  I was also able to help my sister with her homework (she is 2 years younger) because I could say, "Ok, turn to this page, third paragraph down, under this heading - re-read that and that's where the answer is" - without ever  looking at the book, because I had used it two years prior.  It also REALLY helps with those last minute college cram sessions - being able to stare at the book and then "read" it later in my head when writing essay answers was essential! 

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#22 of 41 Old 04-11-2012, 12:04 PM
 
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My two HG girls were very different as babies.  One was very high needs, cried constantly, and very intense.  The other was pretty mellow.  The only two things that I can say were pretty similar btwn the two were early language development (they were both saying at least single words by 6 months one one was combining two words by 5.5 months) and alertness, but the very high needs one was probably more intensely alert as she was intensely everything -- lol!

 

My intense child also had an amazing attention span that didn't strike me as amazing at the time, but in retrospect a baby who would listen to you read for an hour and cry every time you stopped was probably atypical.  I didn't think gifted at the time and don't regret that I didn't know what it was that made dd13, in particular, different.  I did, like you, relate to her different-ness, though and felt like feeling a connection with us both being intense helped me in understanding her.  I saw her as spirited and with high attachment needs, which she is/was.  I only saw and worried about the gifted aspect of it when it became a problem for her in school early on.

 

Since that point, I've been pretty involved in understanding the gifted perspective on her differences and now in learning about 2e issues b/c that  impacts my other kiddo, who is similar to dh in some important ways.

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#23 of 41 Old 04-17-2012, 05:20 AM
 
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I would say just be aware that many of your friends who have kids around the same age may be uncomfortable on playdates in the early years, say, ages 1-4ish.  If a child is average or slightly behind in something it may have no long term significance, but with families being as small as they are these days, parents are less likely to have that perspective.  You have to keep this in mind in your interactions.  Sometimes it's nice to have playdates with kids who are not the same age.

 

By the time kids are 6 or so, it's not as big a deal because parents who are concerned about early childhood "acheivements" and milestones have usually explored enough activity areas with their child that he or she has shown an aptitude in that area and responded to training, and gifted children have also started to specialize and thus have things that they are bad at.  For example, my exceptionally gifted athlete (currently 7) could play tee ball (focus and skills) at age 2 better than most 4 year olds, but has not trained in baseball and now struggles with ball handling. 

 

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#24 of 41 Old 04-17-2012, 02:41 PM
 
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I had no inkling that my son was gifted till (maybe) kindergarten.

When he was a baby, he wailed often and for seemingly no reason. I would make sure he was changed, fed, burped, rocked, etc, then I would give up, shut the door and go in the other room turn on the TV and ignore him.

He cried often, even in public, loudly and seemingly in outrage. When he learned how to talk, he stopped crying and just yapped all the time. He talks to the point where people are afraid to interact with him knowing it will result in an endless stream of passionate one-sided discourse.

 

Now what would you know, his special abilities are in language.

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#25 of 41 Old 04-17-2012, 05:00 PM
 
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When he was a baby, he wailed often and for seemingly no reason. I would make sure he was changed, fed, burped, rocked, etc, then I would give up, shut the door and go in the other room turn on the TV and ignore him.

He cried often, even in public, loudly and seemingly in outrage. 

My mother said the same of me and that she did the similar: went in another room and put a pillow over her head b/c it was so loud and she couldn't calm me.  My oldest dd was deemed "payback" b/c she, too, cried seemingly constantly and was very, very hard to console if not impossible.

 

I would say that, with this being a board that encourages attachment parenting and responding to our children's needs, the general approach that is likely to be supported here is different than that.  I carried dd around constantly, nursed her constantly, co-slept and probably lost some of my hearing with her screaming in my ear while I paced the floors with her at night trying to comfort her.  While she may not have stopped crying, I do believe that she knew that I was trying and she wasn't alone in her intensity of distress, whatever was causing it.
 

 

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#26 of 41 Old 05-02-2012, 09:16 AM - Thread Starter
 
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Thanks guys! There's so much to respond to here!

 

@Casha'sMommy Congrats! That's so awesome!!!

 

@pickle18, couldn't agree more about "competition. I believe this is tied to the growing cultural fascination with autism and Asperger's, people are determined to label and categorize that they can't leave room for people that just think differently.  

 

@ChristaN I appreciate you mentioning both her intensity and "high attachment needs". Ellie is very cheerful and sweet, as well as very intense and very much in possession of "high attachment needs"! Where we are, there's a bit too much babywise pressure and I need these subtle pep talks from moms like you that remind me that I'm not failing if I'm responding to baby's needs, whatever they are. She is happiest with me, walking around, checking things out, talking, nursing, sleeping...and that's ok. Erg, hope that made sense.

 

@pigpokey good tips! She has a ton of older cousins (aged 9 months-9yrs) so that may help. Today is mommy group day, eek! I do enjoy it but often feel on edge - like two weeks ago when the mom thought Ellie was "perfectly normal for a seven month old" (and I awkwardly said, "thanks! She's 3 and  a half months."

 

@Claire LOL so cute, reminds me of my niece - her teacher confessed that she can't always call on Greta b/c there often isn't time for her detailed answers. :) I bet your son is a blast in conversation!

 

So, yep, we're having a great time! Her first spoken word is "mama" ( :D )! It's definitely not just syllable experimentation, she knows what she wants and demands it! She's sleeping in my arms now, I'll never get enough of these sweet baby snuggles.

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#27 of 41 Old 05-02-2012, 11:00 AM
 
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@ChristaN I appreciate you mentioning both her intensity and "high attachment needs". Ellie is very cheerful and sweet, as well as very intense and very much in possession of "high attachment needs"! Where we are, there's a bit too much babywise pressure and I need these subtle pep talks from moms like you that remind me that I'm not failing if I'm responding to baby's needs, whatever they are. She is happiest with me, walking around, checking things out, talking, nursing, sleeping...and that's ok. Erg, hope that made sense.

 

 

I got a lot of grief about spoiling my oldest dd when she was a baby and how I should let her cry it out, etc.  I can say, though, now that she's 13.5, I don't regret it for a moment and I think that it helped her develop as a secure, centered person.  She's an awesome teenager and I hear nothing but compliments about her from adults including her teachers, who generally love her.  She's also not babied or immature.  She was young for grade and skipped a grade in an area where it is not uncommon to hold out younger kids for a year to start school.  Many of her 9th grade teachers were shocked to learn that she wasn't even quite 13 @ the start of the year this year.  She was assumed to be one of the older kids & has had people ask her if she is 15 or 16, a freshman or a sophomore, a few times this year.  

 

If that gives you any long term perspective that responding to high needs doesn't necessarily lead to immature kids who are unable to self regulate later...

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#28 of 41 Old 05-02-2012, 11:15 AM - Thread Starter
 
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I got a lot of grief about spoiling my oldest dd when she was a baby and how I should let her cry it out, etc.  I can say, though, now that she's 13.5, I don't regret it for a moment and I think that it helped her develop as a secure, centered person.  She's an awesome teenager and I hear nothing but compliments about her from adults including her teachers, who generally love her.  She's also not babied or immature.  She was young for grade and skipped a grade in an area where it is not uncommon to hold out younger kids for a year to start school.  Many of her 9th grade teachers were shocked to learn that she wasn't even quite 13 @ the start of the year this year.  She was assumed to be one of the older kids & has had people ask her if she is 15 or 16, a freshman or a sophomore, a few times this year.  

 

If that gives you any long term perspective that responding to high needs doesn't necessarily lead to immature kids who are unable to self regulate later...

It definitely helps codify my belief that I can't "spoil" her with love! 

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#29 of 41 Old 05-06-2012, 03:46 PM
 
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We "knew" from early infancy. They were just different from other babies around us and EVERYONE commented on how old and wise and peaceful they seemed. Neither really ever cried and they always seemed able to communicate their needs to us. They smiled early, signed early, talked early, walked early. Then they did nearly everything else very early and with cheerful inquisitiveness. We very much believed in responding to their needs as infants and co-slept and EBF on demand, etc. 

 

For me, dealing with other parents with kids 0-4 was the hardest. It is so true that once elementary-school age, that is so much easier. Now we just struggle with getting appropriately challenging work in school. It was hard for me that the other moms could talk about everything their kids were doing, but it was socially unacceptable for me to do so. And I got evil looks when my six-month-old was walking at a playspace - stuff like that.

 

Finding YOUR core values and building YOUR child's love for learning and encouraging HER independence and happiness are what matters, not the labels.

 

I found Maria Montessori and Alfie Kohn helpful in sorting out our parenting beliefs. It is so great that you and your dh have started the important dialogues. Your daughter is lucky.

 

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#30 of 41 Old 05-07-2012, 10:49 AM - Thread Starter
 
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We "knew" from early infancy. They were just different from other babies around us and EVERYONE commented on how old and wise and peaceful they seemed. Neither really every cried and they always seemed able to communicate their needs to us. They smiled early, signed early, talked early, walked early. Then they did nearly everything else very early and with cheerful inquisitiveness. We very much believed in responding to their needs as infants and co-slept and EBF on demand, etc. 

 

For me, dealing with other parents with kids 0-4 was the hardest. It is so true that once elementary-school age, that is so much easier. Now we just struggle with getting appropriately challenging work in school. It was hard for me that the other moms could talk about everything their kids were doing, but it was socially unacceptable for me to do so. And I got evil looks when my six-month-old was walking at a playspace - stuff like that.

 

Finding YOUR core values and building YOUR child's love for learning and encouraging HER independence and happiness are what matters, not the labels.

 

I found Maria Montessori and Alfie Kohn helpful in sorting out our parenting beliefs. It is so great that you and your dh have started the important dialogues. Your daughter is lucky.

 

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Thanks! 

 

I plastered on my proud mama smile this weekend and would not let it waver when she showed off her new crawling skills at a lowcountry boil for our friends' son's baptism. It only got weird when people asked how old she was - good thing she's kinda tall for her age!

 

I admit, sometimes the discussions seem a little cart-before-the-horse, but I'm grateful we're beginning them now - particularly as my husband and I haven't found common ground on things like skipping grades. :)

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