Thank you Linda and Miranda!
I think my problem is rather that I am looking back right now - of course I have known for a long time that he was well above average (heck I've been hanging out in this forum for five years or more) and among ourselves, I mean DH and I, and a couple of safe friends and relatives, we have referred to him as gifted for almost as long.
However, in my head, I had him firmly in the MG ballpark up to now. in fact, on the way to the consultation, carpooling with the friend I mentioned who had her son tested as well, I was worried that while he was sure to test very well on the PR
stuff, some of the verbal subtests might depress his score below the cutoff of 130 demanded by the school, due to his sheltered upbringing (not for religious or ideological reasons, but due to his high sensitivity - we do not watch Tv, he stays away from more streetwise classmates and self censors his reading).
With the kids listeningt o music in the back, we even joked about that a while a kid with an iq in the 130s (where I thought DS1 was at) or in the 140s (where we knew her son was at having been tested as a preschooler) was most likely going to be okay, that no matter how hard it was raising them there was even more joy to be found in doing so, but who'd want to raise a kid in the 150s and above, and have to deal with the schooling hassles that were sure to come up? Yeah right, shame on us, I've been properly put in my place I assure you! And yes I realize that the ballpark is probably correct, I actually looked up the older norms and realize I misunderstood the tester and 147 was actually the ceiling on those, and having ceilinged on a number of subtests I realize the score might well be even higher than the 154 he scored at now. So, we are in the EG/PG ballpark now, and having done my homework formerly, I realize that the 24 points difference between a score of 154 and 130 is even more formidable than, say, the difference between a score of 130 and 106. And that my kid experiences the world truly in a fundamentally different way than about 99,9 % of his age mates.
Yes, I do look at him differently and am disturbed by that. I suppose in that I have more tolerance now for his tics and sensitivities and meltdowns, I suppose that is a good thing, but I still don't like it. And I feel that I should have been able to find that understanding in myself, without having to be told a number, having read so much about it all, but never thinking it applied to my kid up to this extent.
I am thinking back to the ASD testing (Linda, I am particularly recalling some very kind supportive posts from you based on your own experiences coming to terms with an ASD diagnosis) and how the report at the time stated that he scored "average" in the developmental testing, never even bothering to mention or in any way interpreting the gap between his low average to average socio-emotional and gross motor test results and the like and the ceiling scores on most of his cognitive stuff, and how, after having to pull back from their confidence in the ASD diagnosis, they tried to guilt us into blaming all his difficulties on our parenting. I did think at the time that giftedness must at least play a major part and I ought to have approached the situation from that angle in the first place or at least continued to explore it, but he was only four and things got so much better with improving his sensory diet and adding supplements, I felt I could not drag him yet to another round of testing. Also, I figured I'd be hard pressed to find a psychologist who knew more about the matter than I could find out for myself in places like this. Once bitten, twice shy...and then DS2 was diagnosed with spina bifida in utero and we went into survival mode for a while. I am so glad now that needing the scores this year forced the issue and that the tester was so knowledgeable and supportive.
I am thinking back on the day care teachers furtive look as she whispered to me that she really did think he might
be above average in intelligence, on the doubtful tones of educators mumbling that he clearly
-sorry had to get off my train -
was talented, might
be even gifted but..., when discussing acceleration, his first grade teacher who really liked him and enjoyed him but did feel she needed to tell me that he was not
her fastest student, that he did not want to go to the third grade classroom alone to do more interesting stuff even though she offered (duh!), that even though he appeared to be the most well rounded she had a number of kids who were just as advanced as he was in various subjects ("great!" I said, "you could form little high ablity groups and let them do more interesting stuff together
!"...double duh...!), the scepticism of most friends, relatives, aquaintances and colleagues whenever the subject of giftedness, usually not initiated by me, came up....
...is it any wonder I kept thinking, well he might be above 130, or maybe just below, but not something that need affect his life or his schooling in a really profound way...
...and that I vaccillate from thinking I failed my kid in some profound way up to now not really understading what was going on, thinking I could find all the answers by myself, to thinking that after all, he is doing okay in school right now in all respects and that the tester was really alarmist when she impressed upon me to keep a close watch on my child and to keep a grade skip from third directly on to the gifted program in fifth firmly in mind, disengagement happening sudden and fast and taking a long time to recover from...