Support for Parents of Gifted Children, #2 - Mothering Forums

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Old 08-31-2004, 02:38 AM - Thread Starter
 
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I'm starting to have "bragging" issues again. It doesn't feel like bragging to me, until I read that other people are worrying about their children because they're not doing the things that BeanBean is. Take the "Toddlers" thread I'm subscribed to-- most of the other mamma's aren't worried about their kids, but every now and then someone will post something wondering if there's something wrong with their child because they're not talking in sentances or something like that. Every time it happens, it sticks out to me and I start to feel guilty. I've found myself working extra hard lately to be imprecise when I discuss what he's doing. Someone asked if other children like cars and trucks and I started to type about BeanBean's fascination with anything on wheels, and how he distinguishes between "trucks" (pickups) and "tractor trailers." Mike's a manager for a trucking company, so he's seen them separate and says "that's the tractor, that's the trailer" and such. Mike gave him a toy tractor trailer last week, and in the car he asked me for the truck. I gave him the trailer and he said "No, mommy, I want the tractor!" and started to cry.

I've discovered something else: I think that it's perfectly normal for children to want to potty learn at 14 months. It's well within the spectrum of normal, from what I've been seeing lately. Lots of parents have children that age who want to get out of diapers, I've seen loads of posts about it. It seems to me that the combination of cloth diapers and attentive parents makes the difference, and not any special talents or abilities of the child or parents. Just paying attention, you know? There are some kids who really aren't interested in potty learning at 14 months, but it seems to me that lots of kids are if their parents are aware of the signals. BeanBean only seems extraordinary in this respect when compared with children who's parents, for whatever reason, are not as aware of them. The most extraordinary thing about it was the speed with which it happened. I decided to make a concerted effort and he was diaper free in about a week.

When compared with children on this board, I'd be willing to bet that he's a lot closer to average when it comes to the potty. For some reason, that makes me feel better about the whole thing.

Rynna, Mama to Bean (8), Boobah (6), Bella (4) and Bear (2)
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Old 08-31-2004, 04:41 PM
 
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I feel two ways about the bragging issue, and unfortunately they're in conflict. I was essentially bullied off of my birth club message board -- the people there perceived me as an elitist and delusional braggart and jumped at the slightest opportunity to shut me out. :

That being said, though, I always have (and since my board ostracism, even more so) tried to minimize or speak vaguely about things that Lou is doing in much the same way that you describe with your ds and the trucks/trailers.

On the other hand, why is it not every mother's right to tell the truth about her child's activities? To me, bragging is prideful exaggeration of the truth with the intent to make someone else feel inferior, and of course that's wrong. However, is carefully scrupulous truth-telling about your child's activities "bragging" in any sense, especially when your intent is to share some achievement of theirs you think is really cool?

Anyway, feel free to "brag" here.
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Old 08-31-2004, 06:12 PM
 
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I have seen the moms of "gifted" kids get slammed here for making us moms of "regular" kids feel bad. I think it is silly. My son is 5.5 & he knows his letters & the sounds they make. He can write all the letters & sound out words. He has not discovered the cure for cancer or written an award winning novel- & that is okay!! I am able to share in the joys of the moms whose kids are reading at 2, talking at 6 months, etc, without feeling like you are trying to take some joy away from me.

My best friend's daughter has autism. ( How many times have I typed that in this forum?! ) She is seven and is still in diapers, she is non verbal & will probably never live on her own. & yet I feel I can tell her mom when Joe learns to add, or read a story, etc...

If she can be happy for me, I can be happy for you!!
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Old 08-31-2004, 09:38 PM - Thread Starter
 
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For the most part, the moms in the Toddler thread are cool-- but then, I spend a lot of time walking on eggshells. Toward the end of my pregnancy, and for the first few weeks post partum I wasn't as careful (TBP! ) so now I find myself backing out slowly. :LOL

I remember people saying things to my mother about us and her not knowing what to say, but after they left she'd always make smart-mouthed (pun intended) comments to us. Someone would say "Wow, did you know that your kids are really bright?" and she'd kind of mumble a bit while they went on and on about whatever. After they left, mom would say "No, I thought they were idiots until you told me just now!" or "I had no idea that they were smart until they started school, talking in full sentences at a year wasn't a clue at all!" So, like many other bright children, I grew up thinking that it was something to be ashamed of. Being bright was also something that was taken for granted; we were expected to behave in a certain way, all while pretending that we were normal. It certainly didn't help us grow into useful human beings. I've never held a job that paid more than minimum wage, look how far my "high IQ" has gotten me.

I'm working very hard to do better with my kids. I want them to know that it is okay to be smart and even okay to be smarter than other people, but that it doesn't make them better than anyone else. I'm happy that they have certain gifts and I want them to be happy with that, too. I'm also happy that (thus far) they aren't the same kind of child that I was. I don't need them to be any smarter than they are, and I refuse to pressure them into seeming to be smarter than they are. When people tell me they think my kids are very bright... well, I guess I'll just say "Thanks, your child is very ___" and move on.

When a child is beautiful, you get comments on that (and goodness, BeanBean gets them all the time) even though it's something you're born with; we're not supposed to be pleased that people notice that, either. Well, my kids' mental health is more important to me than that. If someone compliments my child's appearance, I'll say "Thanks, I think he's beautiful, too," or "Yeah, I like his eyes too," and not feel horrible about it. So why is it so much harder with intelligence? I guess it's because with looks, other parents feel like they have less of a role. That's *all* genetics, there's no real strong nurture component to it. With intelligence, other parents feel like maybe they're doing something wrong, and that makes me feel guilty.

I've got a good answer, I guess I'll just have to work on using it in real life. Good grief, I'm exhausted! And I still have to drive home. *sigh* I guess I'd better go eat.

Rynna, Mama to Bean (8), Boobah (6), Bella (4) and Bear (2)
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Old 09-01-2004, 12:01 AM
 
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To me, bragging is prideful exaggeration of the truth with the intent to make someone else feel inferior, and of course that's wrong. However, is carefully scrupulous truth-telling about your child's activities "bragging" in any sense, especially when your intent is to share some achievement of theirs you think is really cool?


Thank you! Sure wish other people felt that way.

Hi Mamas! I posted one other time on the old thread, but the baby was so new then I hardly had time to read, let alone post. I'm hoping I can be a bigger contributor this time.

My brag for the day?

I was getting into the cabinet today, where I keep my candles. Ds1 was nearby and came running (he loves to help me light candles) and asking if I was 'planning on using a tea-light, a taper or a votive.' I think he knows more about candles that me

~lisa~mama to 3 boys (1/02, 5/04, 12/06)
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Old 09-01-2004, 03:34 AM
 
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Okay since we are bragging, my 3yo started reading for real this week! She was begging me to point to every word as I read her books, and she has been sounding out, or trying to sound out words for a long time. I got her some early readers and she's reading them!! She's on book 4 already! I'm just so proud of how hard she's trying. She has such an inner drive and a love for learning and that's what I'm proud of more than the fact that she's reading.

I did not follow the other thread, but does anyone's gifted kid have SID or related issues? We took my 3yo to a child psychologist to get some help with behavior and social problems and she wants us to get her tested for SID. She also wants to get the Early Intervention folks to get her IQ tested to see if we can get her into special programs but not sure that's going to happen since the schools are so limited with money.

Dh and sprung for a good preschool recommended by the psych for gifted and bright children. We feel she needs to be around her own peers to learn social skills, and she enjoys the "get-away-from-the-baby-and-be-a-big-girl" time.

As far as comebacks to comments on her being so bright, I try to add humor to it like, "Yeah it's scary that my 3 year old is smarter than I am!"

Darshani

7yo: "Mom,I know which man is on a quarter and which on is on a nickel. They both have ponytails, but one man has a collar and the other man is naked. The naked man was our first president."
 
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Old 09-01-2004, 03:37 AM
 
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double post

7yo: "Mom,I know which man is on a quarter and which on is on a nickel. They both have ponytails, but one man has a collar and the other man is naked. The naked man was our first president."
 
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Old 09-01-2004, 12:19 PM
 
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Darshani, I cannot wait to respond to your post, but dh will probably be working a 12+ hr work day today, which means I won't hardly have a minute to myself. Your posts often having me nodding my head in a 'wow, our kids are similar' kind of way, so I promise to come back later tonight when everyone is asleep to tell you more about my ds1.

~lisa~mama to 3 boys (1/02, 5/04, 12/06)
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Old 09-01-2004, 06:13 PM
 
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Ohhh I can't wait! I'll be checking in tonight for sure!

Darshani

7yo: "Mom,I know which man is on a quarter and which on is on a nickel. They both have ponytails, but one man has a collar and the other man is naked. The naked man was our first president."
 
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Old 09-02-2004, 12:22 AM
 
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ARGH!!!!!

OK, I have been typing for 45 minutes now and was almost finished with my book of a message, and somehow, I hit a key (don't know how or which key) and erased the whole message.

I seriously feel like crying right now. I was too tired to begin with, but decided to post anyway, and now it's wiped out, erased, vanished.

:

Maybe I'll get the energy to post tomorrow. It's already 10:30 here and I can barely keep my eyes open.

Wah! Wah!

It was such a good post, too! Damnit!

~lisa~mama to 3 boys (1/02, 5/04, 12/06)
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Old 09-02-2004, 03:07 AM
 
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Oh that really stinks!!! I'm so sorry, I hate when that happens. Well maybe tomorrow if you have time, you'll think of even more good stuff to type. I'm really curious now!

Darshani

7yo: "Mom,I know which man is on a quarter and which on is on a nickel. They both have ponytails, but one man has a collar and the other man is naked. The naked man was our first president."
 
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Old 09-02-2004, 04:53 AM
 
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I posted this under the nighttime parenting forum but wanted to share it here too. Abi's mind just goes and goes. It's tiring but oh it's so fun too! This is from my journal today:

-----------------

Abi is back to her bad sleeping habits again. The girl just has a hard time shutting down. Last night she came running to our bed. V had gotten up to go to the bathroom and found Abi in his place when he returned. Sighed, grabbed his pillow, and tromped off to Abi's bed. So I found myself, joyfully, sandwiched between my two daughters. Nitara on my right, her little body pressed up against me with her chubby hand holding a fistful of my shirt. And Abi on my left, trying hard not to kick me as is her habit. Every time I closed my eyes Abi would start to talk. As much as I wanted to sleep, I was cherishing these last days of her early childhood when she still wants to snuggle up to Mommy and talk about the kinds of things that 3 year olds talk about.

"Mommy, there are shadows in my room. I got scared."
"Abi, shadows are okay, they won't hurt you. The are not real."
"What are shadows?"
"A shadow is made when something gets in the way of the light."
"What is that shadow on the ceiling made of?"
"That's from Nitara's pump. See the pump bag, and the light is under it?"
"That light is flashing. It's scary. It looks like lightning."
"Yes, it does. But it's not scary. Nitara's drinking her milk. It will turn off soon."

"Mommy? Mommy?"
"What, Abi?"
"What happened to that spider? What happened to Charlotte?" (she watched Charlotte's Web earlier that day)
"She died, honey. She got old and died."
"Why did she die?"
"She got very old and tired and she died."


Abi starts sobbing.
"Abi, honey, what's wrong?!"
Sobbing continues for a couple minutes and she mumbles some stuff I can't understand.

"Abi, tell me, why are you sad? Are you scared?"
"Noooo"
"Why are you crying?"
"I don't want my soft blankie to die! Waaa haaa hahh!"
(Trying not to laugh) "Your blankie won't die, honey. It's not old."
"Okay Mommy."

"Mommy?"
"Yes, Abi, what is it? I'm tired."
"What is that line on my hand?" (holds up her hand showing light from the slats of the blinds)
"It's moonlight, it's coming in from that window, see?"
"I have a stripe on my hand! Look!"
"Yes, Abi, now go to sleep, okay?"

"I see the moon and the moon sees me. God bless the moon and God bless me."

"Mommy, what is God?"
(I start to panic a bit-- should I talk about God in general or bring up Hindu gods or what?? Decide on the generic God because it's easier.)
"Umm . . God is a special person who loves you and takes care of you."
"Why I can not see God? Where is God?" (sounding very suspicious)
"You can't see God, honey."
"I can see Nemo. Nemo is real. God is pretend."

"Okay Abi, sure, Mommy's really tired. Please go to bed now."
"Okay Mommy."

"Mommy?"
"YES, Abi???!!"
"We love each other so much."

When I woke up in the morning she was still hugging me in her sleep.

7yo: "Mom,I know which man is on a quarter and which on is on a nickel. They both have ponytails, but one man has a collar and the other man is naked. The naked man was our first president."
 
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Old 09-02-2004, 10:58 PM
 
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My dd is 28 months and her giftedness became obvious when she recently started pulling pranks and making up jokes (puns). I called my sis who works in child develpoment and has a MA and she was blown away. We went to a homeschool preschool fieldtrip (our first one) and she was holding her own with the 3 yos no problem. I looked at a listing of criteria for gifted preschoolers and she is definitely there.

She has probably known most of her colors for a year. Best of all, she is a very caring and generous child

I too find myself holding back b/c I dont want to sound like I am bragging. Honestly, I had no experience with kids prior to having her, so I didn't realize how far ahead she is.

I'm glad this thread is here. I feel a profound sense of responsibility to not short-change her.

thistle
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Old 09-02-2004, 11:54 PM
 
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My dd is 28 months and her giftedness became obvious when she recently started pulling pranks and making up jokes (puns).
The sense of humor is one aspect I really enjoy with a gifted child. Having a three year old with working knowledge/appreciation for irony & sarcasm can really help the day along, lol.

Britishmum--- I don't know if you believe this, or if you would find this helpful, but with DD we told her that when people get old they are *ready* to die and that has really helped her. She understands the concept of being done/bored with something and it makes sense to her that eventually people would be done with their life on earth. Now, that doesn't actually adress death of young people, but we pretty much gloss that over.

DD has been very into Harry Potter for quite a while. When she saw it the first time, I didn't hesitate *much* because I figured there was nothing too scary. What upset her, though, was the fact that Uncle Vernon & Aunt Petunia were so MEAN. We had already adressed death and the fact that she would go w/Nana & Poppa if both DH & I died... but movies would have you believe that gardians are the DEVIL. I assume it was a fairly permanent scar giving her continuing obsession.

 

 

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Old 09-03-2004, 02:24 AM
 
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A friend of mine who is a school principal tells me that she counts the number of minutes at the new parent night for pre-k kids until someone asks the question "How will you challenge my gifted child' She says that she has never made it more than 10 minutes.

She also said over the past 10 years the person who asked that question had a child who was later classified as gifted twice and twice the person's child was later classified as learning disabled.
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Old 09-03-2004, 01:42 PM
 
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I know there's a lot of teachers/principals who just roll their eyes when parents talk about gifted kids to them. I think it's important that if your child are going to attend school, that they are tested or at least evaluated by a professional and you can get that on paper. My dd was having some behavior problems and we took her to a child psychologist. It now says in her file that Abi is very bright, probably gifted. I'm getting her tested by Early Intervention sometime soon, too. EI and others will often recognize that giftnedness comes with its own set of special needs and it's a great tool to have in order to make sure your child remains challenged in the classroom.

One other great thing that's happened in our lives. I found a school that's especially for bright/gifted kids. It's right down the street and it's free (charter) K-6!! I have her in the preschool program and pay for that, but it's worth it to us. WI told the teacher on her first day, which was yesterday, that Abi is an early reader, can count to 50, is writing her upper and lower case letters, and I want to make sure she's challenged if she wants to be. The teacher didn't even bat an eye. It was great!

She said that some of the are learning those things, and they have work stations set up so the kids can choose their level when they have lessons. It's a wonderful school! They believe in hands-on learning. Yesterday Abi came home talking about the live tadpoles they brought into class because they were talking about frogs and their life cycles, and how the tadpoles looked like little ovals with tails.

Darshani

7yo: "Mom,I know which man is on a quarter and which on is on a nickel. They both have ponytails, but one man has a collar and the other man is naked. The naked man was our first president."
 
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Old 09-03-2004, 01:52 PM
 
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A friend of mine who is a school principal tells me that she counts the number of minutes at the new parent night for pre-k kids until someone asks the question "How will you challenge my gifted child' She says that she has never made it more than 10 minutes.
:LOL With us, visiting pre-schools, it was the exact opposite. We carefully searched for a school that would have limited/no academics--- DD is enough of a perfectionist & she doesn't need any additional stress.

I'm not sure what you are getting at on a clearly labeled *support* thread, though?

 

 

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Old 09-03-2004, 02:39 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Maya, this is a support thread. It is not here for people to log on and tell us that our children probably aren't gifted. If we didn't think we belonged here, we wouldn't post.

Rynna, Mama to Bean (8), Boobah (6), Bella (4) and Bear (2)
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Old 09-03-2004, 03:49 PM
 
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I don't know if DS is gifted or not, but I know he's smarter than the average bear and I really, really want to brag about him right now, just flat out, unabashed bragging. Is that OK with everyone?

He is 22 months. He can recite his alphabet and knows most of the letters by sight. He can count to 15 and knows 1 - 10 by sight. He knows all the colors, even weird ones like gray and pink. He can spell his name. Today, just a little while ago before his nap, he completely amazed me by "reading" a book to me, from memory.

Phew! I feel better now after getting that out of my system, thank you! I tend not to talk about the things he's doing very much.

OK, back to your regularly scheduled thread, lol.
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Old 09-03-2004, 04:09 PM
 
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I'm back. :LOL I just remembered a conversation I had with DS a few nights ago at 2:00 AM. USAmma's post reminded me of it, you all might get a kick out of it.

DS woke up crying and calling for me (he sleeps in a crib) so I went and got him and got back into our bed with him. He was quiet for a while but wasn't going to sleep, so I asked him:

Me: Cole, did you have a bad dream?
DS: Yup.
Me: What was it about?
DS: A turtle was biting Cole's arm.
Me: A turtle?
DS: Yup. It said, "Hi, Cole, how are you doing?" Then it bit Cole's arm.
Me: Then what happened?
DS: Cole said, "No, no, turtle! Don't eat Cole's arm!"
Me: That sounds scary.
DS: Yup.

I guess he just needed to get it out, because he went back to sleep soon after that.
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Old 09-03-2004, 07:29 PM
 
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Totally T , sorry!

I'd greatly appreciate it if anyone can answer this question. I have been : on the last special needs/gifted child thread and came across something a while back that I cannot find now (so many pages).

My dd has really been expressing an interest in more than just listening and repeating from memory the stories we read. She is now picking out all the letters and comes up with words for them in my "adult" books (as she calls them--no pictures). She got upset today because she couldn't find the letter "z".

Anyway, I remember a few people talking about some early reader books they refered to as "the Bob books". Is anyone here familiar with these? Can you give me more info? Any other recommendations would be appreciated.

I'm not sure if my dd qualifies as advanced or gifted, however both my dh and I were tested and given those labels (and the special classes that go along with them) in school.

She certainly posesses many of the qualities discussed in this and related threads but as the theme of the beginning of this thread discusses I, too, have a problem talking about her successes and attributes because I feel like I am bragging. I'll have to work on that and am very thankful for this thread.

More later--someone wants "nursies".
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Old 09-03-2004, 09:57 PM
 
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We used BoB books. The are boring as all heck but our dd found them at the library and beame obsessed with them. she was on the verge of teaching herself to read, and this really seemed to give her the last final help she wanted to become a true reader. (at age 4)
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Old 09-03-2004, 10:04 PM
 
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Originally Posted by eilonwy
Maya, this is a support thread. It is not here for people to log on and tell us that our children probably aren't gifted. If we didn't think we belonged here, we wouldn't post.

It wasn't to say that your child is not gifted. The OP was about "bragging" My story was just a reminder that the downside of telling people about how your child is gifted is that it sometimes turns out to not be the case, in the long run. Children at our school who are sometimes labeled as "potentially gifted" early on (there were about 12 out of 100 in Dd's kindergarten), sometimes later lose that label as time goes on and they level off in abilities (only 4 remained with the label gifted going into middle school.)

That being said, I think that there is nothing wrong with posting about your child being gifted in a gifted thread.

And I think that there is nothing wrong most of the time, with talking about your kids abilities or telling stories that show how clearly bright they are. The exception is with someone who is talking about how many challenges their own kid has, I would not say "Oh, well my kid can do _____, "
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Old 09-04-2004, 01:14 AM
 
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Anyway, I remember a few people talking about some early reader books they refered to as "the Bob books". Is anyone here familiar with these? Can you give me more info? Any other recommendations would be appreciated.
DD thought they were really boring too. She struggled for months to teach herself to read (she was doing good, could read our neighbor's kindergarden homework books, but was just sooooo slow). So, I got Hooked on Phonics at the library, let her do what she wanted (as fast as she wanted, skipped stuff, etc...) for three weeks & we were "done." (MIL is a "Talented & Gifted teacher & tested her around early 2nd grade level at that point). There is nothing "wrong" with the Bob books, just compared to the stuff we usually read it was boring, repetitive and so "small" (simple line illustrations, etc...).

 

 

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Old 09-04-2004, 01:40 AM
 
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DS thinks the Bob Books are very funny. He's at that silly silly age when it's just hilarious when Mat sits on Sam or whatever. His latest thing when he wants to do something on his own is to say "go away mom, don't come in here!" Tonight he said that so of course I had to peek and he was just looking at his Bob books laughing. So that's our recommendation, fun and silly and great for beginning readers.

I love all the late-night conversations--fun stories to read. And the God questions, ack. Where to begin?

Our latest funny is that DS was playing with his fridge letters and decided that English actually reads right to left and that all the letters made different sounds than they "really" do. Like moon was spelled noom but then the M actually said W so it was woon. He is like this for everything. What if I drink my milk out of the far side of the cup? What if I pour it on the placemat and drink it? What if I lap it like a cat? And so on. (Just DRINK THE MILK!) It's very awesome that he is so creative, and I know he's just playing like 3 year olds ought to, but I can just see myself explaining to future teachers that DS actually knows how to do XYZ already, but he's decided to do it his own different way. But maybe I'm just projecting...this trait is what got me labeled "attitude problem" at 6.

btw, I feel a bit presumptuous posting on a gifted support thread; I mean, he's 3, y'know? (not to say you all are, just my own feelings!) but it is nice to talk about the littleuns and their reading adventures without being embarassed or outed as a flashcard mom--not.

thanks.

mama to DS 9 and DD 5 and
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Old 09-04-2004, 02:27 AM
 
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btw, I feel a bit presumptuous posting on a gifted support thread; I mean, he's 3, y'know? (not to say you all are, just my own feelings!) but it is nice to talk about the littleuns and their reading adventures without being embarassed or outed as a flashcard mom--not.

thanks.
Me too! (Except it's even worse here - as he will tell you, "I'm not 2. I'm 1.") I wonder all the time - is he just exceptionally verbal? Maybe he's just precocious and it'll level out eventually, like Maya said? I'm not too concerned right now but I do wonder what will happen when he is school age. I think now he's too young to really pose any special problems for me, except maybe how to keep his brain engaged. I guess I just have to wait and see how it turns out. This is why I usually just lurk on this thread.

Plus, I find the criteria of "gifted" to be extremely vague and subjective and generally unhelpful. I'm not all that hip on IQ tests, either. I think the whole act of quantifying someone's intelligence is inherently limiting. This is why I'm so worried about (particularly) public schooling.
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Old 09-04-2004, 02:47 AM
 
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BTW - I didn't mean "it's worse" meaning he's more advanced due to his young age, I meant my presumptuousness is worse due to his young age. Does that make sense? I hope so!
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Old 09-04-2004, 03:56 AM
 
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I love what you have to say on the subject Britishmum

We are dealing with MAJOR issues here. It is so challenging for ds1 because he understands certain concepts intellectually, but does not have the maturity to figure out how it fits into his life. For example, at 2 he discovered gravity. He was so enthralled with the idea that he would lecture everyone he met on the wonders of it. What goes up must come down after all. See this ball, if you throw it up it doesn't stay there, it falls down. See that leaf.... And on and on it went. Then he realized, that light is "up", the fan is "up", the airplane is "up", hmmmmm, if it is up it MUST come down. This lead to major anxiety. He developed some serious fears surrounding anything that was on ceilings, or above him when outdoors. Thankfully that passed for the most part.

Next was a fear of food. He had a painful episode of constipation. Understanding the basics of digestion he decided the sure way not to have that problem was just to not eat. He would go days without eating more than a few bites of this or that. To his dismay he could only hold back so long and he would scream and cry for days about how he didn't want to poop. Then he swore off liquids too figuring maybe that was the secret. This went on for over a month. Now he has decided that digestion is unavoidable so he might as well deal with it. He still won't eat though. Fruit is too sticky, cereal is too cruchy, vegetables just aren't yummy. Food is not good.

He has major sensory problems. I am hesitant to get him diagnosed at this point because I don't know that he would deal with that situation very well. I fear what an assesment might reveal if I had any confidence they would do an accurate job of it. He just knows when people are listening a little too close, or watching a little more than normal and he refuses to "perform" for them. At an LLL meeting one of the leaders heard him talking in his made up language and was concerned about a speech delay (she is a preschool teacher and only meant well, but.....argh). Anyway, she was just trying to listen to him talk and was just trying to listen to him in a very non-challant way. Of course he caught on right away and started messing with her. He would interject sentances with a series of "ga ga ga's" or start singing songs at triple their normal speed. She was very concerned about his language development and vocabulary. This about a boy that regularly proclaims that that was amazing, I did an exceptional job, or this toast is really very excellant today :LOL He still refuses to talk properly there many, many months later. I just think that he would probably play tricks during any kind of assessment as he does it all the time because he just doesn't like people to know what he can do unless he is sure he can do it perfect. OTOH he does have some issues that I am growing more concerned with and his anxiety is often out of control. I am so torn.

There are so many more things going on with my poor boy, but this post is too long and I am tired! If anyone has any insight to my poor boy please share it


 

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Old 09-04-2004, 11:21 AM
 
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famousmb, that made sense to me!

FRM, I think this is one of the biggest challenges, y'all correct me if I'm wrong, but I've been reading about the idea asynchronous development, and that's what it sounds like. The challenge being if your child is developing so far ahead in one area (like physics concepts) but on target in other areas like maturity. I think it's especially hard, for example, if your child is talking like a 10-year-old not to assume they have the maturity/experience of a 10-year old!

We had DS "assessed" during a university study of language (it was mostly a fun experience for him!) and because he was so far advanced in language, they started giving him the "older kid" tests but they were boring for his age. Does that make sense? Like the 2-year old part of the test was playing with bubbles and talking or whatever, but as they progressed to higher age levels it was mostly sitting and pointing at pictures while the instructor talked. He started being very silly about stuff he knew, like just pointing at the left side every time or saying "I don't know." I'm not sure if the instructor realized his games, but I was chuckling inside really. Anyway, point being that I don't think testing is very accurate or useful at this age.

mama to DS 9 and DD 5 and
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Old 09-04-2004, 12:28 PM
 
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Maya, I think most parents here couldnt care less if their children test now or later as 'gifted' or any other label. What matters is the here and now, and that it can be tough dealing with children who are so advanced at such a young age. Maybe for some of our children it will even out, but that doesnt alter things right now. It's not a question of bragging, it's just hard sometimes that every other parent can talk openly about their child, except you.

As a parent, when my child starts kindergarten, you can be sure I will mention her abilities to the teacher. If she can read now, in two years time, yes, I will want to know what that teacher will do to stretch her! And if she can do maths at a kindergarten level now, heck, yes, I will want to know what that teacher will do with her in maths when she starts in K in two years time.

I have a friend who didnt mention her dd's abilities when teh child started school (she was a fluent reader at three) and for weeks the child was sent home with earliest reading books, with minimal words, until the teacher called my friend in, highly embarrassed, becasue she'd realised that the child could already read.

Of course, my friend heard all the stuff about things evening out in the end, blah blah. And guess what? At the end of 5th grade, her daugther was one of handful of children in the whole of the UK to achieve the highest level in English in her tests. And she did it with ease. So for her, it didnt even out. And her mother should have asked that kindergarten teacher before her child started school what she was going to do to stretch her daughter.

If things were going to even out, they woudl do so in time, but to have a fluent reader wasting time being taught their abcs is wrong, whatever lies in the future. It's not a questioin of bragging. If it's right for a parent to tell a teacher that she's concerned how her child's needs will be met if he has a speech delay, iti is equally right to ask this question if the child is advanced in any sphere. As a teacher, I would want to know. I think in some cases teachers feel threatened by this sort of question, and their response is therefore defensive, to the detriment of the child. I say this having worked in education for years. It is an attitude you come across every so often, the 'want to prove the parent wrong' attitude. It's sad, as parents tend to know better than anyone what their children can do.

I would Definitely tell their teacher PRIVATELY about their abilities and ask what can be done to strech them. But I just think you look kind of silly raising your hand at a big orientation session and asking about what they will do for your gifted child, or stating "well my child alreadyr reads at the ___ grade level, so how will you keep them from being bored." These are all good to ask one on one. BUt I know that if you ask at some general parent meeting, the other parents will be rolling their eyes and thinking that you are bragging.
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