Originally Posted by sarlusan
Oh sweetheart, don't worry. YOU have been through a lot. Give yourself time. What you are feeling is totally normal. I just gave birth to my first full-termer after two preemies, and even with the full-term baby I felt like he looked really weird and alien to me for the first couple of days.
It takes a while when they are in the NICU and hooked up to everything. It's okay to feel what you are feeling - it's partly because you are so exhausted, and you're grieving the loss of the rest of your pregnancy and the way you expected everything to happen, and you have all those post-partum hormones whirling around, and you're recovering from major surgery!
Just keep going to see him and give yourself TIME. Talk to him and sing to him if you can't hold him. Touch him on the foot if you can't talk or sing. Just sit there and look at him if you can't do anything else. Even being able to smell your presence is reassuring to him.
It's totally normal to feel like it's someone else's kid. Other people are taking care of him most of the time right now, after all.If you don't journal already, I recommend starting now. Or write a letter getting it all out and then rip it up and throw it away when you are done if you have to. Just to get all your feelings out.
Falling in love takes time... love at first sight is just as rare with children as it is with partners.
You may not FEEL love, but you do love your son, and your love will grow.
Welcome to the long, strange, wonderful, scary, heart-wrenching journey called motherhood!! You are going to be a wonderful mom.
couldn't have said it better.
You are not a b ad mother. It's been one month since Lilah was born and sometimes I still feel like a visitor. When I first got to see her, all I could do was think- oh, hmm, ok. I was seriously on some meds, and the emotional roller coaster of a complete surprise delivery, etc. Then my first visit to the NICU was emotionally devistating. Sooo tiny, should still be in my tummy growing, I was so tired- couldn't hold her, was afraid to touch her, many of the same things you are feeling.
I was discharged and hadn't even been able to hold the baby. A kind nurse let me kangaroo care with her. That helped. Still all I could do was cry. I think I was grieving the pregnancy- not sad she was there, per se, but just unable to process the reality of it all.
Now she's getting big, but sometimes I still feel a disconnect. Sometimes I feel like she's fiercely mine, and sometimes it feels like- I'll come back and visit tomorrow. Hard to explain.
What helped me- I learned how to change diapers. I visit every day (most often twice a day) for an extended period of time. I kangaroo care with her every day. The nurses taught me how to pick her up, how to get her out of the isolette. They explained what all the dings mean, and which ones to worry about, and which to ignore. They taught me how to swaddle, etc...
I'm saying, get involved as much as you can. Even if that means standing by the isolette crying. They really can smell their mamas! And it helped me to get through some of the emo turmoil.
There are days when I feel too exhausted and depressed to make the 30 minute drive... but I go anyway. The first visit to the NICU a mom there said to me, "Don't worry- it will get better." And she was right. It does get better. So I will pass that along to you. It really does get better.
But it truly is one day at a time. One step at a time. You've got lots of people who understand and support you.
I hope you have a speedy recovery and I'm glad that you were able to deliver before it caused damage to your body or the baby.