Family/Friends wanna visit my 37 weekers but I'm torn apart. - Mothering Forums

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#1 of 12 Old 05-27-2009, 02:31 PM - Thread Starter
 
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One of my twins came home yesterday and the other might be coming this weekend. : My family and friends want to come over to see the babies and I would love to have some company because it has been a while since I've seen them BUT I don't want the girls to feel overwhelmed or get sick if germs touches them. I've already told them that I'm not sure if its a good idea but wait until they're over 40 weeks old. I was wondering if they do come before the girls are 40 weeks but with a rule of NO SCHOOL AGE KIDS AND NO TOUCHING THE BABIES .. would it still be too risky? What would you all do and what should I say without hurting anyone's feelings. :

I heartbeat.gif my  9/22/02  dd who likes to blahblah.gif, 4/29/09 mos old. silly & adventurous girl twins twins.gif ,  11/15/l0 girl baby.gif & my coffee drinking DH!
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#2 of 12 Old 05-27-2009, 03:39 PM
 
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Congrats on you twins!!!!!

I am a former NICU nurse and I can completely understand your hesitations. Thankfully, you didn't have these babies in the middle of winter (both mine were born in December and I'm pg with another December baby).
If I were you , I would blame your hesitations on the NICU. I don't know how many weeks your little ones when they were born, but they obviously needed to be in the NICU for a little bit of time. You know how us NICU folks stress handwashing with those little babies! You can either say that you would feel better waiting until 40 weeks to give them that extra time that they would've had in utero to grow and get stronger. Or maybe schedule a short time for one of two family/friends to come over to "view" the babies. And then be really strict about them washing their hands. You can always blame it on the NICU for making you so aware of germs and immature immune systems.
Maybe you can schedule a little bbq after they turn 40 weeks and everyone can see them then. And then you or your hubby can hold them, instead of passing them around.
I don't know if this all makes sense, but I really envy you that you have your babies in the summer. It was so hard for me to go to Christmas dinner with the huge family and be paranoid about all the people around them, wanting to hold the baby. I ended up putting the baby in a sling and just let everyone look at them that way. I still think I offended an aunt for not letting her hold the baby.
Good luck ! Hope your other twin gets home fast!
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#3 of 12 Old 05-27-2009, 09:26 PM
 
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Yay: Congrats!

I currently have a NICU baby and I agree with the above nurse! Our nurses told me the same thing, blame it on them! And Im allowed to take home face masks too if I want people to wear them.
I wouldnt worry, Im sure everyone will understand!!!!

wife. dd1 : dd2
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#4 of 12 Old 05-28-2009, 10:50 AM
 
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I very much agree with the great advice you have received. My guys were born at a tad over 32W in November. I don't think a single friend saw them until March! It was a bad flu season and I just wasn't taking any chances. Blame it on the doctors, blame in on the NICU, blame it on whomever you want, but follow your instincts. This will just be the first of many times when other people think they know better than you how to raise your kids. You know best. Remember that.

Congratulations on the babies.

WAHM to three, all natural, organic and sports-obsessed boys:. MDC7 for 7% off at www.cottontailbaby.com or www.mamaclothonline.com for all your cloth diapering and natural family living needs:
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#5 of 12 Old 05-28-2009, 01:43 PM
 
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We took a slightly more relaxed approach. We have two older children who are in preschool and other activities, so it was impossible to totally avoid people when Zephan was first home. He was born at 31 weeks and came home at 35, weighing just about 5 pounds.

We enforced hand washing when people came into our house and did not allow visitors who were sick or who had been around people who were sick. We did allow kids into our home and we visited friends and family with kids, but we did not allow them to touch or get too close to the baby. When we were out, I typically wore Zephan in a moby wrap or beco carrier to keep out unwelcome hands. But basically we went on with our lives, going to holiday parties and out shopping, having friends and family over, going to church.

Honestly the situations that made me the most nervous were going to the pediatrician where so many other kids were sick and riding in elevators where we couldn't keep our distance from others. If we were around families with young children, I just kept Zephan in my arms and well out of reach of curious (and germy) little hands.
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#6 of 12 Old 06-01-2009, 06:31 PM
 
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I'll be watching this thread closely, since I'm set to be having twins in November, and just dreading the family guilt tripping I'll get when we turn down Christmas Eve at GMIL's, with the 8 other great-grand kids and hubby's slew of cousins/sister/aunts/uncles/etc.

I'm even leary of my family, and our holiday gatherings include mom, dad, brother, aunt, grandmothers, and hubby and I.

Thanks for posting everyone.

Mama to twin boys, Oct-'09 and baby girl, Apri-'12!

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#7 of 12 Old 06-01-2009, 07:20 PM
 
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I think it is smart to be careful, but unless you have a baby who had severe lung problems, I don't think you have to avoid everything.

The most important things are feeding your baby breastmilk (by bottle or breast), supporting your family's immune system by eating well, dealing with stress, getting plenty of rest, and taking vitamins/herbs/probiotics as appropriate, along with handwashing. I would ask people to be 100% honest with you about whether or not they are healthy.

Our kids were definitely the most likely candidates to get Zephan sick. I just made an effort to keep them washing hands all the time. And when they did get sick and I thought the baby would be exposed, I made sure I was exposed too, since the baby got the benefit of my immune system creating antibodies that were in my breastmilk.

Be careful, but don't freak out...
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#8 of 12 Old 06-03-2009, 09:40 PM
 
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We did the blame it on the NICU route. My girls were born last March at 34 weeks and came home just 6 and 8 days later. I told them that the NICU said no one could hold them until they were 40 weeks and that they weren't allowed children visitors until 40 weeks. So, my girlfriends could come over and see them, but not bring kids and not hold them.

It seemed to satisfy my friends and me. I'm sure my friends would have respected my wishes, but being postpartum, post NICU, and just plain worn, having the NICU excuse was a blessing.
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#9 of 12 Old 06-04-2009, 01:35 AM
 
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Guess I should have thought more about this when DS was born. He was born at 35 w 5 days and I didn't think twice about letting people be around him. But, we didn't have any complications other than the pre-e so maybe that's the difference.
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#10 of 12 Old 06-04-2009, 02:33 PM
 
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I had a family member drive me crazy asking to come see our ds. I had no problem repeating no over and over again. What is worse - them waiting a few more weeks to see the baby or the baby catching something and spending even more time in the NICU. Call me over cautious - I don't mind. It just wasn't worth it to me.

Laura
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#11 of 12 Old 06-04-2009, 02:37 PM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by sbrinton View Post
I think it is smart to be careful, but unless you have a baby who had severe lung problems, I don't think you have to avoid everything.
Our ds did not have severe lung problems. We kept everyone away from him and he only went out for his doctor's appointments. He still picked up the para-infulenza 3 virus weeks after being home. Luckily it did not result in him being re-admitted (we did have to make a trip to the ER because of breathing difficulties though - the virus did make it to his lungs but luckily it did not get too bad). I can not imagine how guilty I would have felt if I had allowed people around him and had to wonder if that was where he picked the virus up at.

Also - my doctor pointed out you have to be careful with adults too. If their children are around germs all day at school, etc - those children come home and can easily pass those germs on to the adults as well.

Laura
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#12 of 12 Old 06-04-2009, 06:34 PM
 
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within the first week of relaxing our 'policy' my dd got chicken pox. bleurgh. twins were then 4/5 months i believe. time flies. those first months are precious. we refused all kinds of family meet ups for ages. just speak with any mum whose preemie got sick after contact and they'll tell you DON'T RISK IT

i was more relaxed with my mum who we had regular contact with already, as my b' milk would've had immunity to some of the potential things from her; whereas 'outsiders' germs were more directly harmful iyswim. no chance for me to pass on any immunity first as a barrier.

and LOADS of handwashing is essential for everyone

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