VENT - mothers of full term babies giving advice on preemies - Page 2 - Mothering Forums

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Old 08-13-2006, 06:43 PM
 
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Originally Posted by romans_mum
see, and your making assuptions again......I couldnt go home, because the only NICU unit that could handle my nephews was in the town me and my parents lived in, and not where my brother and his wife lived, they had to live WITH us for 5mths. Then they moved up to our town and lived around the corner from us. And at that time in my life, i was only 13, and with the second one i was 16, I helped with every aspect in those boys lives, i fed them, diapered them, rocked them to sleep, watched them like a hawk when they were sleeping to make sure they were still breathing. I helped out my sister in law when they had terrible reflux and she had PPD. So no, i couldnt "go home" and I wouldnt, because regardless of if they were my child or not, they were a family member that needed help, and everyday I worried about that baby, I made phone calls from school to check on him, I walked 6 blocks from my high school to the NICU unit to see him as soon as school finished. I helped feed him bm through a tube, I helped my SIL pump, I helped bathe him once he was big enough. I also sat back and watched and cryed the day he was born when they had to rush to hook him up to oxygen because he went blue. Don't tell me I don't know enough about it.
No one is saying you don't know enough about the NICU experience. I think the point that was trying to be made is that without having actually given birth to a preemie/NICU baby, it's difficult for someone to have the full range of experience and emotions tied to it.

I think it is amazing that you were capable and willing to be in the hospital with your nephews as much as you were, and I applaud you for how much you took on to help take care of them, especially at such a young age.

Please don't be offended or hurt. As parents of NICU babies, there is so much more to it than just the physical care-taking, that 99.9% of people simply can not comprehend. The only people who fully understand what it feels like to see your own child lying in a plastic box hooked up to God-knows-what is another NICU parent who has been there.

Please offer your experience and insight on topics in which you have first-hand knowledge, but please also understand that as much as you love your nephews and your brother and SIL, it was simply a different situation for you than it was for us. You may not have gone home, but if your nephews had gone critical, the hospital would not have called you to deal with it, they would have called your brother and SIL.

Please also respect what we have all gone through as being different from your own experience, whether you believe that or not. Until you have had your own baby taken from you to be rushed to the NICU and have not been allowed to touch him or her for several hours or days, and then struggled through all of the normal post partum hormone changes while living in the NICU, please, please accept that our lives are very different from yours, and don't get upset with us. Our experiences were very different. Please accept that.

Sarah - Mama to Vic (1/19/00), Syd (4/06/02) Sam (4/20/06-born at 30wk2d), JackJack (2/14/07) and Charlie (4/30/10)
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Old 08-13-2006, 06:52 PM
 
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Kondonis, I sent a similar e-mail to my MIL, and actually had it out over the phone with my mother one night.

My MIL was not as bad as my mom, but she was still pretty bad, only because she was a newborn nurse, so she thought that everything she said was law. Every time I'd give her an update on Sam, and voice a concern, she'd say, "Oh yeah, that's totally normal." Keep in mind, she didn't spend one day working in the NICU.

And my mother was the absolute worst, because my sister was born at just under 5lbs, so mom thought she had some kind of leeway simply because my sister was little. My sis was never in the NICU and went home the same day as my mom. I finally snapped at her one night after she called to see how Sam's day had been (we were still in the NICU) and when I told her she had lost a little weight again and they hadn't been able to increase her feeds in almost 48 hours, my mother started in with, "Oh I wouldn't worry about it...when A was so little, I worried about her gaining weight too, but , you know, she turned out fine...after all..." I finally cut her off with "STOP IT! I am so SICK of hearing how you have been through exactly what I have, and know everything! You DON'T! You have never been in a hospital for 15 hours a day watching your three pound baby, not knowing if she's going to live through the night, and terrified to sleep or eat, for fear that while you're gone something will happen! You took ALL of your babies home when you were supposed to, and have NEVER been through this!"

She didn't speak to me for almost three weeks after that, and told my father to tell me that I hurt her feelings and she wouldn't speak to me until I gave her a formal, written (!) apology. I still haven't apologized.

Sarah - Mama to Vic (1/19/00), Syd (4/06/02) Sam (4/20/06-born at 30wk2d), JackJack (2/14/07) and Charlie (4/30/10)
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Old 08-13-2006, 06:57 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Originally Posted by romans_mum
see, and your making assuptions again......I couldnt go home, because the only NICU unit that could handle my nephews was in the town me and my parents lived in, and not where my brother and his wife lived, they had to live WITH us for 5mths. Then they moved up to our town and lived around the corner from us. And at that time in my life, i was only 13, and with the second one i was 16, I helped with every aspect in those boys lives, i fed them, diapered them, rocked them to sleep, watched them like a hawk when they were sleeping to make sure they were still breathing. I helped out my sister in law when they had terrible reflux and she had PPD. So no, i couldnt "go home" and I wouldnt, because regardless of if they were my child or not, they were a family member that needed help, and everyday I worried about that baby, I made phone calls from school to check on him, I walked 6 blocks from my high school to the NICU unit to see him as soon as school finished. I helped feed him bm through a tube, I helped my SIL pump, I helped bathe him once he was big enough. I also sat back and watched and cryed the day he was born when they had to rush to hook him up to oxygen because he went blue. Don't tell me I don't know enough about it.

you helped your SIL pump? hmm. odd.

you were 13? hmm.

you cried when your nephew turned blue? good, you are human.

but, you are not a mother of a preemie.

you were a kid yourself, barely a teenager.

I can tell you obvioulsy are a very capable and caring person, and your SIL was luckly to have you help her, but be thankful you do not have our experience. be very thankful.

but, I will say, you don't know enough about it, and your insistance that you do based on what you said above supports that.

that doesn't mean you don't know something about it. but, being a babysitter and being a mother are quite different things. do you disagree with that?
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Old 08-13-2006, 07:02 PM
 
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no, i dont disagree with that, but you still dont know my full history, just because its not on my signature, it doesnt mean i havent lost a baby, it doesnt mean i havent had a preemie, and it doesnt mean I don't know what its like.

and yes, my age may say i was a teen, but I have never been a normal teen, I moved to the US and got married at 19.

and yes, it seems odd, but my SIL couldnt have an eletric pump, so i had to help her pump by opperating the hand pump while she double pumped.
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Old 08-13-2006, 07:04 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Originally Posted by sehbub
She didn't speak to me for almost three weeks after that, and told my father to tell me that I hurt her feelings and she wouldn't speak to me until I gave her a formal, written (!) apology. I still haven't apologized.
good for you. some people try to make it all about them - when they are third party players. I'm not sure where it comes from - why they insist on being an authority on something when the experience they have is not comparable. maybe it's out of a sense of helplessness, I don't know. but, if anyone should aplogise, your mother should apologise to you. I hope you told your dad that.

why anyone would want to insist they had experience like we do when they do not is troublesome on so many levels.

and I will clarify that I don't just mean preemie moms, but mothers of critically ill children in general. we all know the fear that has forever changed our lives.
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Old 08-13-2006, 08:12 PM
 
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Yes I must agree the shoebox analogy made me want to go postal a few times.

Since I have a FT baby- DD1, I know what its like not to know what a parent of a preemie is like or what they are going thru. But, with DD1, I went into PTL at 29 weeks. I was 1cm dilated but I did 7 weeks bedrest and managed to keep the baby in and also 4 cm dilated. After I got up at 36 weeks, I went until 3 days before my EDD. Some people said the bedrest was for nothing but I think it kept her in!!

At 35 weeks w dd1, I had more contractions and spent a day at the hospital. On that visit, the NEo on duty came in to meet us. She said if we deliver, she would be there and if needed, they would give the baby oxygen etc and if needed transport her to the nicu MAggie actually ended up at 3.5 years later. That day up until that point was the scarest in our marriage, seeing that Neo come into the room. I ended up going home but she kept in our minds for a long time.

The day I delivered MAggie, she met us at the door and introduced herself. DH and I said together- We met you before. That confirmed our worst nightmare. Too bad, she is the nicest lady and a special friend to our family now but then, we knew what were in for since we met her a few years back.

Since we had all those issues w/ my first prgncy (seems like a snap compared to MAggies!) we waited until dd1 was 3 until we tried again.
My dh believes we had these issues to prepare us for Maggie's arrival.

We took dd1 home two days after she delivered and had a baby moon, had a great breastfeeding relationship blah blah blah. She is a great little girl and we are so glad for that. So I do know what its like to take home a FT baby with me when I went home and how horrible it is to take home a baby 3 mos plus later.

I personally felt we had an upper hand in the nicu experience since we had a child before that so we knew what was normal or what was not. We also knew that our baby would grow and come home eventually since we had seen our older daughter grow. I still remember that new mothers in there and their questions about anything whether it was pumping, sleeping, what they needed etc. Some were good stress relievers to talk about while others it was hard to answer their questions.

To the pp who took care of her nephew- thank you for your input! I think you're a great person for what you did but I myself like others say- you havent lived it fully and no I do not know if you had several nicu experiences yourself since I am not a mindreader nor did you post them or put in your siggy. So understand your going to get brushed over or ignored unless you have a thread w questions about what should you be doing for your family members etc.

Also like another pp had said- I worked very hard and did several pms to get this forum going and its a place for the nicu mamas and we need to speak w other nicu mamas and talk about what happens. A majority of nicu mamas who are in this process now only want to talk to other nicu parents for very good reasons- they know what its like to bear a child and see it in a box w wires. Thus the need for this vent forum!

I do not go into the surviving loss forum since I cannot fathom losing a child but other mamas who have can help the posters over there. I also do not go into surving abuse since I do not have anything to offer. Same thing here!

"The true joy of life is the trip. The station is only a dream. It constantly out distances us."
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Old 08-13-2006, 08:25 PM
 
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Originally Posted by romans_mum
no, i dont disagree with that, but you still dont know my full history, just because its not on my signature, it doesnt mean i havent lost a baby, it doesnt mean i havent had a preemie, and it doesnt mean I don't know what its like.
If you want to be accepted as a contributing part of this group, just like any other group, then share your history that makes you a part of the group. Stop telling us we don't know you're full history. Of course we don't. None of us (as far as I know) are able to read minds, but insisting you have knowledge of such an intimate, intense experience without actually explaining yourself isn't fair to those of us who have been very candid about the most tender moments of our lives.

As a pp said, unless you explain yourself, you will continue to be discredited, not because you haven't cared for a preemie/NICU baby, but simply because it's hard for a NICU parent to open up to someone who hasn't been there. It's a totally different world.

If you have given birth to and cared for or lost your OWN baby in the NICU, then by all means, please join us and share your experiences. If however you feel entitled simply because you visited someone in the NICU, no matter how close you were to that patient, it is not, nor should anyone assume it to be the same thing.

We can't know your whole story unless you tell us. Stop holding it against us.

Sarah - Mama to Vic (1/19/00), Syd (4/06/02) Sam (4/20/06-born at 30wk2d), JackJack (2/14/07) and Charlie (4/30/10)
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Old 08-14-2006, 01:23 AM - Thread Starter
 
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ok, continuing on this vein, I'm going to add one more vent - (and then I'll be done for a while, I swear!)

I hate when people just meet you and guess your childs age. I was at a birthday party for my friend's son and one of the mothers in her mothers group came over to say hi and asked, so how old is your son - 8 months? I was like : No, he's 16 months. and just left it in cold silence. I mean, just ASK, don't guess! And, for what its worth, he is in the 50th percentile in size for a 16 month old, and developmentally on track (finally!) so it was adding insult to injury. Like, here is a big, perfect kid - what, is he a baby?

and the funny thing is her son was the same size as my son and he was two? I have no idea what the heck she was thinking.

ok. done now. thanks for listening!
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Old 08-14-2006, 02:10 AM
 
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I get that all the time. My daughter is extremely small, she weighs less than 20 pounds and is 30, maybe now 31 inches tall. She's 19.5 months. People always think she's 9 months or a year old. I've actually met plenty of babies 9 months old that weigh more, but they don't walk, run, climb, and say 2 and three word sentences! : I actually was going to start a thread here about her size to get some ideas from all of you.
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Old 08-14-2006, 11:40 AM
 
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I think everyone has some very valid points made here. I know a lot of things mentioned happened to me and made me very upset. But I also want to add that it is not just having the experience of caring for a preemie (NICU or Special Needs) child that defines the difference between being the parent and a being a very helpful relative or friend. What no one has really mentioned is the guilty and grieving feelings that I know a lot of us put on ourselves when we do have a preemie or Special needs child (whether preemie or FT). I went through months of guilty wondering what I did wrong, what could I have done differently, that I should have known something was wrong sooner and then maybe. I also grieved for NOT being able to carry to term, for loosing the last 3 months of being pregnant, not having the birth experience I wanted, not being able to keep my DD inutero past 28wks, etc.

These feelings contribute to the WHOLE preemie experience because not only are you dealing with having your very sick child in the NICU, possibly living far away from home, having to relay information to well meaning family and friends, you are also dealing with your own feelings guilt, anxiety, worry, etc. And while I think most people can and do sympothise with parents who have a sick child and do try and be as helpful as they know how it is still not the same as being that childs parent - it never will be.

That being said one of the worse things any person ever said to me was when DD was around 8-9m old. She had come home on O2 and less than 5lbs so her birth announcement photo had her with a nasal cannula on - someone came to visit and told me I should take the photo down (had a copy in a frame on shelves) because DD didn't look like that anymore. : How many parents take down their childs first "official" photograph - just because they don't look like that anymore....
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Old 08-14-2006, 12:21 PM
 
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Kathi, that's terrible. I also had a "friend" tell me that I should take down the photo we have in our living room of DD in her isolette with her feeding tube clearly visible. It was "disturbing." Tough.

And yes, the guilt is terrible, and ate away at me for a very long time, and still does on occasion, when yet another person (at least one a day) comments on how tiny DD is for her age. When it is mentioned that she is a 30wk preemie, the look that inevitably crosses one's face is one of "what went wrong?" In our case, nothing. My pregnancy was completely normal and perfectly healthy until I went in to unexpected labor at 27weeks.

Sarah - Mama to Vic (1/19/00), Syd (4/06/02) Sam (4/20/06-born at 30wk2d), JackJack (2/14/07) and Charlie (4/30/10)
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Old 08-14-2006, 12:31 PM
 
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After ds was born and we were at the ped for a well-check, a lady asked me how old he was. After I told her (he was a 29 weeker but a big one at that), she asked me if I was sure...

What?!? No, wait, hold on a minute--let me check his birth certificate...

And my dear, dear, 97 year old grandmother, who I love, still talks about how ds was the size of a roasting chicken....:

Jen, former attorney and now SAHM to 11 yo ds and 8 yo ds

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Old 08-14-2006, 02:16 PM
 
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People compare DD to inanimate objects too, instead of just, "her back was the size of the palm of your hand, shoulder to butt."

I do think it's cute when my DSDs talk about their little sister though. They brought her an Elmo doll when she was in the NICU, and DD was smaller than the doll. The girls tell people that, and then the four year old says, "but sje's super strong like me and sissy, and she's getting so big!!" all the while DSD2 is flexing her muscles to show how strong she is.

Sarah - Mama to Vic (1/19/00), Syd (4/06/02) Sam (4/20/06-born at 30wk2d), JackJack (2/14/07) and Charlie (4/30/10)
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Old 08-14-2006, 08:05 PM
 
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I am so glad we have a preemie/nicu forum. Because my daughter was born at 34weeks and weighed just over 5lbs I got all the "oh she wasn't THAT premature, she's fine" comments.

Meg
But she still was and still has premature issues. I cannot believe anyone would say that but then again I have heard some things!

Some of the babies I saw that were the sickest had 10 weeks on my dd and no one could say shes fine to them.

I think the media shows these micros and how they are beating world records etc so our society thinks they will "be fine". well my micro is "doing fine" and she is 6 mos old and has raked up a 1/2 million in medical bills to be fine. The two smallest babies ever to survive did so in Maggie's nicu - Loyola University Medical Center. One is in high school, the other is about 2 years old now. The 2 year old has a fraternal twin sister who was just over a pound. They are both doing fine. As fine as you can after a 5 mo nicu stay. My home care nurse also cares for these girls. She said the smaller one is doing better but yes both of these will eventually be fine but it will take some time. I dont think people realize that most of these babies should and will have a normal like but they need to get there first. And to get there it might be a rollar coaster ride.

"The true joy of life is the trip. The station is only a dream. It constantly out distances us."
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Old 08-14-2006, 08:30 PM
 
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Most people equate weight with health in babies. My patients in PTL often say to me, "oh, but the baby probably weighs xyz pounds now, so s/he should be fine, right?" It's a misconception that most of the general public has, unfortunately. Drives me nuts.
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Old 08-14-2006, 08:39 PM
 
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Originally Posted by sehbub
Kathi, that's terrible. I also had a "friend" tell me that I should take down the photo we have in our living room of DD in her isolette with her feeding tube clearly visible. It was "disturbing." Tough.
My exhusband once said I should take down pictures of our daughter that died at birth because she was dead and it would disturb the other kids- I told him to take down pics of his dead grandparents first

Jayme-
Boy13, Boy12, Boy10, Girl7, Girl5, Twin Boys 6/14/09
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Old 08-14-2006, 08:41 PM
 
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Originally Posted by kondonis
I hate when people just meet you and guess your childs age.
I haven't had too much of a problem with this, since DS has always been tall - he looks his age, basically, BUT... When we were ordering lunch one day at a mall restaurant, the cashier asked how old DS was. I told him he was 13 months old. The guy asked if he was walking yet. I said no, not yet. The guy then made a big deal about a 13 month old that isn't walking yet, as if my DS was horribly behind in that area!!! Ok, FULL TERM babies sometimes don't walk until 16-18 months of age! There is nothing at all abnormal about a 13 month old not walking. PLUS, the guy didn't know that DS was 10.5 weeks early, so he was really a 10.5 month old, adjusted!

DS started walking at 14 months, so 11.5 months adjusted- RIGHT ON TIME. There were full term kids on my due date list that weren't walking until 16 months. I could have slapped that cashier! :

Mama to Tornado Boy (6/04), The Brute (11/06), and Mischief (05/09)... expecting in February '15
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Old 08-14-2006, 08:50 PM
 
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I have never had a premeie so I am out of place here but I just want to say congrats to all you moms out there who were blessed enough to become preg. carry and nuture your children, give birth, in what was I am sure uncomfortable and VERY unplanned fashion, and have to deal with the insensitivity of not just friends but family! All children are miracles but these lil angels but a new meaning to the whole procces! I stand up for all of you! I know it probably doen't mean much coming from an 'outsider', but that is my two cents worth!
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Old 08-14-2006, 09:11 PM
 
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It means a lot, EastonsMom. Outsider or not, you're human. Sometimes that's all the validation I need.

Sarah - Mama to Vic (1/19/00), Syd (4/06/02) Sam (4/20/06-born at 30wk2d), JackJack (2/14/07) and Charlie (4/30/10)
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Old 08-15-2006, 02:18 AM
 
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I got a "what do you mean he's here for his 12 month check-up? He's 12 months old?" from a new nurse at my ped's office once. I said, "no, he isn't 12 months. He's 12.5." Then the other nurse gave her ds's whole back story and told her how he was right at 5 pounds at his 2 month check-up. It hurt my feelings, but she shut up really quickly about his size once she found out he was a preemie.

Wife to an amazing man love.gif, mommy to 3 wild dudes: ds1 (5/23/05 @ 30 weeks), ds2 (3/5/09) hbac.gif, and ds3 (9/26/10) hbac.gif. Part time librarianread.gif, full time mommysupermod.gif, occasional chef and maid.

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Old 08-16-2006, 04:27 AM
 
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Hi ....

I'm new and I'll post my whole story tomorrow. Can I just say AMEN to what has been said before.

My mom is the worst. I had to leave my little one in a carefully selected home day care for the very first time yesterday. She called me and asked how I did. I told her it was very hard. She said that since Sydney is so small, she won't remember this. I said sarcasticly that I have left her since she was born. She said so I'm used to this, implying this is a good thing. This from a woman who had 5 healthy pregnancies, 5 unmedicated labors, 5 babies who went home with her. She was also able to be a SAHM until my baby sister was 14. She knows nothing about this.

Leaving Sydney at the NICU was not a pleasure. It was hell. It was not a break, or a time to get sleep. It was the hardest thing I have ever done.

Yeah, I'm used to this. I hate this. I hate that I used all my leave on bed rest for 2 months. I hate that I was back at work part time 2 weeks after a c/s so I would have some time with my baby when she came home. I hate that I have been her main caregiver for a whole week at once. I have to work until DH graduates. We have to have health insurance.

On an infertility board we use the term WMBI Well Meaning But Ignorant. I think this applies to much of what we experience. This does not mean the comments don't hurt though.

I also want to point out that there are a lot of silly people who ask if my baby is on oxygen, when she has no tubes in her nose. They are seeing her apnea monitor. A monitor which is currently malfunctioning and I am waiting for home health. Then I can sleep.
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Old 08-16-2006, 11:02 AM
 
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Welcome Wendy! Cant wait to here about your baby! I can relate to the monitor thing too!

"The true joy of life is the trip. The station is only a dream. It constantly out distances us."
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Old 08-29-2006, 04:44 PM
 
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I still have trouble communicating with my (childless) best friend who asked me how DD was fed, and when I said a tube through her nose, said "gross!"

The comment probably was out of her brain as quickly as it was out of her mouth but I don't think I will ever forget it. In fact typing that makes me feel like crying because I think of all the pics we sent everyone of her with her NG tube in, and how beautiful she looked and, well.... you know. *snuffle*
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Old 08-30-2006, 03:18 PM
 
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Originally Posted by intorainbowz
Hi ....

I'm new and I'll post my whole story tomorrow. Can I just say AMEN to what has been said before.

My mom is the worst. I had to leave my little one in a carefully selected home day care for the very first time yesterday. She called me and asked how I did. I told her it was very hard. She said that since Sydney is so small, she won't remember this. I said sarcasticly that I have left her since she was born. She said so I'm used to this, implying this is a good thing. This from a woman who had 5 healthy pregnancies, 5 unmedicated labors, 5 babies who went home with her. She was also able to be a SAHM until my baby sister was 14. She knows nothing about this.

Leaving Sydney at the NICU was not a pleasure. It was hell. It was not a break, or a time to get sleep. It was the hardest thing I have ever done.

Yeah, I'm used to this. I hate this. I hate that I used all my leave on bed rest for 2 months. I hate that I was back at work part time 2 weeks after a c/s so I would have some time with my baby when she came home. I hate that I have been her main caregiver for a whole week at once. I have to work until DH graduates. We have to have health insurance.

On an infertility board we use the term WMBI Well Meaning But Ignorant. I think this applies to much of what we experience. This does not mean the comments don't hurt though.

I also want to point out that there are a lot of silly people who ask if my baby is on oxygen, when she has no tubes in her nose. They are seeing her apnea monitor. A monitor which is currently malfunctioning and I am waiting for home health. Then I can sleep.
Just wanted to say hi.
DS stats. are so similar to your DD. He was born by c-section at 2lbs. 13.8 oz. and in the hospital for 47 days.
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Old 08-30-2006, 03:46 PM
 
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Originally Posted by mama2karli
I still have trouble communicating with my (childless) best friend who asked me how DD was fed, and when I said a tube through her nose, said "gross!"

The comment probably was out of her brain as quickly as it was out of her mouth but I don't think I will ever forget it. In fact typing that makes me feel like crying because I think of all the pics we sent everyone of her with her NG tube in, and how beautiful she looked and, well.... you know. *snuffle*

Bubba (9) bikenew.gifLukey (5) jog.gif  Fat Baby (2) babyf.gif  Me faint.gif

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Old 08-30-2006, 08:38 PM
 
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Originally Posted by mama2karli
I think of all the pics we sent everyone of her with her NG tube in, and how beautiful she looked and, well.... you know. *snuffle*
I know how you feel. Even after my girls came home, Kate had a nasal cannula for 2 months. I would send pictures out and wonder if people could see past it to her incredibly cuteness, or if they just said "poor sick little baby" every time. No one ever said anything except my stupid next-door neighbor (a nice but tactless guy) who came over and saw them both, and pointed to Lilly (no cannula) and said "Well, this one looks healthy!" and didn't say anything about sweet Katie. :

Betsy, mama to beautiful, strong MZ twins Lillian and Kate, born 11 weeks early on January 10, 2006.
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Old 08-30-2006, 10:13 PM
 
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Originally Posted by OGirlieMama
I know how you feel. Even after my girls came home, Kate had a nasal cannula for 2 months. I would send pictures out and wonder if people could see past it to her incredibly cuteness, or if they just said "poor sick little baby" every time. No one ever said anything except my stupid next-door neighbor (a nice but tactless guy) who came over and saw them both, and pointed to Lilly (no cannula) and said "Well, this one looks healthy!" and didn't say anything about sweet Katie. :
Ugh. People are charming, aren't they? So sorry, mama.

Sarah - Mama to Vic (1/19/00), Syd (4/06/02) Sam (4/20/06-born at 30wk2d), JackJack (2/14/07) and Charlie (4/30/10)
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Old 08-31-2006, 08:29 PM
 
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It's so great they got this sun forum up. I just noticed it!
I remember feeling sooo sensitive for the first few months. It is partly the hormones I think making the trauma so much worse. And the stress. And the heartbreaking reality of going home to sleep at night while your little baby is up in the nicu with some stranger who talks too loud or is just not nice enough....(most of our nurses were so great, but you know, you're just so sensitive...).
I nearly broke down when on two occasions there were moms nursing their full term babies in the pumping room. I couldn't believe my ears when people talked about how lucky I was to get sleep at night (yeah, except for waking up to pump, that's fun!). I don't even think dads of preemies can fully relate to the agony of having a preemie, because (at least for me) the mamas hormones are telling her all this stuff that she simply can't listen too. I have never experienced such real physical pain.
I would keep a lot to myself even among the other preemie moms, because there were some who had such tiny, sick preemies and they made me feel lucky.
Ds was 30 weeks early and has always been healthy with just typical preemie issues. We were in the nicu for 6 weeks.
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