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Old 04-09-2007, 12:11 PM - Thread Starter
 
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i was sorting through photos yesterday looking for something and came across the blood pressure belts that were used on the twins in the NICU. I felt so sick. When does this nicu trauma end??
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Old 04-09-2007, 12:13 PM
 
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I wonder the same thing every day (((((((hugs)))))))) you are not alone.
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Old 04-09-2007, 01:26 PM
 
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Its getting better, but then again, our 1 yr anniversary of coming home is next month and I know it will dig it up again..

"The true joy of life is the trip. The station is only a dream. It constantly out distances us."
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Old 04-09-2007, 01:45 PM
 
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We just passed our 1 year.

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Old 04-09-2007, 03:03 PM
 
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I don't think it ever goes away. I see it as always being a part of me, like the way I grieve my grandpa's death. My life is fine, then every now and again something will spark a memory, and I miss him terribly. And he has been dead for 11 years now.
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Old 04-09-2007, 04:39 PM
 
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we are at 20 months now, and it still socks me in the gut at the most unexpected times.
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Old 04-09-2007, 04:48 PM
 
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like others said, i don't think it ever does!

i came across dd's keep-sake ostomy bag the other day..i just sat and held her and cried...its almost as if its harder to deal with now that we are out then it was to deal with when we were in(if that makes any sense)
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Old 04-09-2007, 07:00 PM
 
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We are more than 2 years past our NICU time, and it still comes back every once in a while. It is, like a pp mentioned, very much like grieving for me. Like at first it is so hard you just think about it all the time and wonder why. Then you just gradually think of it less and less, but when you do, you can still get emotional over it. I can still think of people and pets I have lost and get teary over them, even though it was years and years ago since they passed. I think it is much the same, grieving that lost babymoon and ideal birth situation, knowing that while you have your child now, there is no "do-over" for the time that they were in the NICU and away from you.
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Old 04-09-2007, 07:16 PM
 
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I don't know if it ever does. My son is 2 1/2 and I still think about it. I have a picture of him on my desk when he was in an incubator taken through the glass. He looks so peaceful even though he has tubes everywhere. It reminds me to be thankful. I actually think it helps. The outcome could easily have been different.
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Old 04-09-2007, 08:54 PM
 
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DH was speaking to a another PT he saw at a conference. Her twins were in the nicu for a month. Bob said although it was 8 years ago and her twins are great, she had that "nicu parent" look of thinking back to it. He then realized it would always be with us. Not in a bad way but a survival sort of way- if that makes any sense.

"The true joy of life is the trip. The station is only a dream. It constantly out distances us."
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Old 04-09-2007, 10:46 PM
 
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Ds1 and I were at the local hospital for a pulmonary function test today.

We washed our hands in the bathroom and I started having heart palpitations.

Why? It smelled like the same soap that was used in the NICU.

It will be 7 years in July....

So I feel your pain....it lessens but I don't think it ever really goes away...

Jen, former attorney and now SAHM to 11 yo ds and 8 yo ds

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Old 04-09-2007, 11:08 PM
 
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Jackson still looks like Jack Bauer They are both very cute!
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Old 04-10-2007, 01:16 AM
 
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I was wondering the same thing. I almost broke down talking about it at Easter this past Sunday. Of course, my MIL just doesn't know when to let the conversation change directions....

Lisa, married and mama to 3 kids-ds (7yo), dd (6yo), & ds (2yo)

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Old 04-10-2007, 04:09 AM
 
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I don't know if it ever does. My son is 2 1/2 and I still think about it. I have a picture of him on my desk when he was in an incubator taken through the glass. He looks so peaceful even though he has tubes everywhere. It reminds me to be thankful. I actually think it helps. The outcome could easily have been different.
This is pretty much how I am.
One thing that helps me is reaching out to other mothers going through the same thing, I have forgotten some of the lingo, but the feelings are the same.
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Old 04-10-2007, 11:25 AM
 
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I am having a hard time too - DS was recently hospitalized at CHOP (Children's Hosp of Philadelphia, which is the sister hospital of the one in which he was in the NICU) for several days, he had intussusception, which is a life-threatening condition, but thank God he is fine now. But anyway, being there, having him monitored and tested all the time and having IVs and an NG tube and procedures, and then he was fine and under observation and he re-intussuscepted again and I was so scared, and being separated from my other kids....I don't know, I didn't expect it to bring up the NICU memories and feelings so much but I guess I should have known...

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Old 04-11-2007, 07:06 PM
 
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Old 04-12-2007, 06:32 PM
 
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My NICU babe is 6 1/2 years old now, and I still have panic attacks when looking at his pictures from the NICU. It will be with me always.

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Old 04-13-2007, 01:28 AM
 
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Wow.

I'm not the only one

DD was in the nursery for a little less than a week but I felt like I died a little every day. My story was they kept bringing her out to me telling me we'd get to go home the next day and then they'd take her back.

I get anxious now whenever anyone takes my dd. I still wake up scared. Who's going to take her.

And mine was a relatively easy experience...

~ Kim

mama to E (01-2007) and wife to C

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Old 04-14-2007, 12:08 AM - Thread Starter
 
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Wow.
My story was they kept bringing her out to me telling me we'd get to go home the next day and then they'd take her back.
OMG thats awful how tormenting!!!!!
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Old 04-14-2007, 01:04 AM
 
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wow.. I was just reading through this and I don't think anyone realizes how many of us are out there. I saw the team run through the hall the other day with a new baby who coded in the hall once and then once in the room and I had to leave to get sick. (the baby is now fine and stable.)
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Old 04-15-2007, 03:18 PM
 
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It has gotten better for me. Ds is 3 (was a 30 weeker) now and we rarely think about it. I am actually proud that we struggled through this and got through it. I do still feel sad thinking about him as a baby living in the nicu, spending nights alone without me. Especially now that I have just had a full term baby at home, the difference. I think this 2nd birth was both healing and awakened me to what we missed with ds1.
I do like coming to this board once and awhile for the companionship feeling I get.
One thing, dh and I HATE hospitals and they definately arouse some post tramatic stress in us. I don't even like going to the doctors with ds because it reminds me of being told what to do regarding ds when he was in the nicu. Such a feeling of powerlessness!
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Old 04-15-2007, 11:58 PM
 
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We have had a bunch of things come up in the last week or so to remind us of our nicu past.

Yesterday while driving on the highway, we passed the exit to the hospital and both of us mentioned it at the same time.

Today walking thru the Lilac Garden Park we were talking about the Lilac Festival coming up and the Lilac Princesses and the crowning of the Queen w dd1. Its in a few weeks and on that day last year, right before Maggie was due to come home, she started having apnea again and then needed a blood transfusion. As we walked thru the park, that was the first thing Bob remembered and mentioned it.

This morning at church, our deacon came over to us to talk about a couple who needed the baptism class. (we are the couple who teaches it). This is a special situation and he baptised the baby on Friday. The baby boy was 1lb 12 oz and barely 25 weeks (this is exactly Maggie's stats). I thought Bob was going to go into cardiac arrest standing there. Well he wanted us to at least reach out to the couple and assist them in the way only one of us would know how.

Sarah- that also happened to us a few times seeing other babies go thru things like that.

"The true joy of life is the trip. The station is only a dream. It constantly out distances us."
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Old 04-20-2007, 10:29 AM
 
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I still have my twins' blood pressure cuffs and they are almost seven. It scares the crap outta me every time. Be gentle with yourself. It's hard when you feel so helpless watching your babes fight.
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Old 04-20-2007, 12:10 PM
 
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I'm not sure it goes away, but it does get better. We're just shy of 10 years out of the NICU experience. She was a 27 weeker in for 3.5 months. The biggest triggers for me are pictures of other preemies, especially the tiny ones. I can go through the belongings from the hospital just fine, but seeing babies with the tubes and wires...that kills me.

I did have an interesting trigger the other day. I was going to attend a birth at a hospital where we took her to PT/OT/ST for about two years, twice a week and it was extremely odd to drive into that parking lot...I felt instantly transported back several years.

I agree with the pp who said that having had a full-term pg/birth has been incredibly healing. Is that why I keep having them? j/k
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Old 04-20-2007, 12:26 PM
 
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I agree that it's like grieving. It never goes away, but it does get easier over time. It's been 10 years since my first NICU baby, and 5 years since my last. The smell of that soap will take me back every. single. time. It used to make me almost physically ill. These days, it depends. Sometimes it brings back the bad memories, sometimes the good ones, like the first day I held them, the day Aidan came off the vent, the days I got to bring them home. Pictures definitely don't bother me if I know the outcome. If they're brand new pictures and the babe is still in NICU, it doesn't send me into a freak out anymore, but I do feel a little sad/worried/anxious. Of course, being pregnant again has got me crying over everything, but prior to that, I was pretty much ok, if a little sad, about my previous experiences.
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