Do you feel "betrayed" by your body? - Mothering Forums
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#1 of 30 Old 12-11-2007, 11:40 PM - Thread Starter
 
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I read a lot of posts here at MDC that talk about trusting your body, that your body was made for birthing, etc.

I feel really betrayed by my body, even 2.5 years after my ds's birth. Not only did I have a ton of 1st and 2nd trimester bleeding and eventually a 20 week pPROM, but once ds was born it was discovered that his cord was improperly implanted (on the veeeeeery edge of the placenta) and only 6 inches long.

I really want to use a midwife next time, but I feel terrified to just let things progress naturally b/c my first experience with "natural" was horrifying and could've been fatal for ds.

Anyone else?

Wife to an amazing man love.gif, mommy to 3 wild dudes: ds1 (5/23/05 @ 30 weeks), ds2 (3/5/09) hbac.gif, and ds3 (9/26/10) hbac.gif. Part time librarianread.gif, full time mommysupermod.gif, occasional chef and maid.

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#2 of 30 Old 12-12-2007, 11:17 AM
 
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I don't know if I'd say I feel betrayed by my body, but I find it hard to read all that "trust your body" stuff after what I experienced. I don't plan to have more children, but I know I would not feel comfortable with the natural approach many people on MDC have used without problems, so I do understand what you're saying.

Betsy, mama to beautiful, strong MZ twins Lillian and Kate, born 11 weeks early on January 10, 2006.
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#3 of 30 Old 12-12-2007, 11:42 AM
 
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I am still in the mindframe that I not only feel betrayed by my body , I hate my body. I hope that will change I have a cousin that drank , drugged and basically put everything in her system that she could get in there and has full term, healthy kids. I did everything "right" and was in labor at 25 weeks. My body sucks.
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#4 of 30 Old 12-12-2007, 11:47 AM
 
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I know my body- therefore I cannot trust it. I had a weird combo of uterine scarring, cervical scarring AND incompetent cervix, along with pre-e, that caused me to have active contractions and cervical shortening from 25 weeks until my water broke at 33 weeks. I know, beyond the shadow of a doubt, that if I were to get pregnant again (which- at this point- I don't plan on), I would need a cerclage within the first few weeks and would probably be on bed rest by the end of 2nd trimester. I also had lots of bleeding in 1st and second tri (I actually lost a twin that wasn't developing properly).

For most people, yeah- birth is a natural process, yadda yadda yadda. Sorry to sound flippant, but I also have a tough time with the overall 'tone' of MDC regarding medical intervention. I'm no less AP with my child because I had a highly interventional birth, KWIM?
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#5 of 30 Old 12-12-2007, 04:49 PM
 
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I felt very betrayed for a long time. BUT it had nothing to do with mdc, thats just my body.

I have forgiven it (a very tough process) but I also look at the positive of my body- it pumped out gallons and gallons of liquid gold for MAggie that I personally feel saved her life and gave her the quality of life she has now. That was natural/nature working. The breastmilk smelled different, looked different etc than my milk did when I had dd 4 years earlier. It had a different contents because it had to get my baby growing. But I do know dozens of women who had so many issues pumping.

Just because we had a traumatic birth experience, that dosnet mean we cannot go on to trust our bodies with whatever it is. Its just like trusting your mothering instinct you have.

"The true joy of life is the trip. The station is only a dream. It constantly out distances us."
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#6 of 30 Old 12-12-2007, 04:54 PM
 
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yes i often do!

i fear future pregnancies, because i'd LOVE to have a home birth, but i now that may never happen

its more than just birth though..its a whole plathora(sp) of things
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#7 of 30 Old 12-12-2007, 05:21 PM
 
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I absolutely feel betrayed by my body. I trusted in it from the beginning of my pregnancy, even before. I got a little leary when my babe seemed stubbornly transverse around 28-30 weeks but figured I had plenty of time for him to turn. Then, my water broke abruptly and labor began at 32w4d. So, pre-term labor and a transverse baby who was literally stuck in place by my bones (therefore, c/s birth) has left me with little faith in my body. I want so bad to have more children, but as it gets closer to when we thought we would TTC, I get more and more nervous.

I guess I need to start fresh and trust my body again. What choice do I have if I want more children? It's all the more difficult knowing I'll need another c/s since I have a J-incision :

The one shred of faith that I have left, though, was salvaged by BFing. I EBF'd my son until 6 months, and he was just as chunky as he could be! I may not be able to grow a full-term baby, or even birth one, but I can sure as heck feed one adequately

Wife to J, SAHM to W (03/06) ribboncesarean.gif at 32w4d, C (10/08) ribboncesarean.gif, and H (02/11) ribboncesarean.gif

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#8 of 30 Old 12-12-2007, 10:43 PM
 
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I absolutely feel betrayed by my body. Everything went wrong. My body hated being pregnant... and nearly every single organ in my body did everything it could to tell me that. The last straw... the final betrayal... was when I started my period just 6 wks. pp. It wasn't a big deal, but to me, it was like my body was saying "HA HA!! Screw you!!"

And to go beyond betrayal... I feel so ashamed of my body, so inadequate. I look at myself and feel like less of a person because I couldn't carry my baby and he had to pay the consequences.

But at this point, I have to say that someone I know just experienced a loss and that put things into perspective. My body failed me, but it allowed me to hang in there just long enough to keep DS alive, and now I see that things could be so much worse. And although my body screwed up, at least I am able to breastfeed, and knowing that every ounce of fat on his little body is there because of me is a very good feeling.

I worry about the next time. Will it happen again? Will I fail again? I wish I knew.

"In the depth of winter, I finally learned that within me there lay an invincible summer"
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#9 of 30 Old 12-13-2007, 12:51 AM
 
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I do feel betrayed by the second preterm birth. The first I kept telling myself it was just because of it being twins even though lots of people carry twins to term. I was terrified of getting pregnant again after 14 weeks of heavy bleeding and dd's placenta abrupting. I guess it's a good thing I got pregnant before my first PPAF because I was considering calling it quits even though I really wanted more kids.

I will say making it so far this pregnancy has really helped me feel like I'm not defective after delivering early twice in a row. I'll be 35 weeks on Sunday which I know is still early but to me after a 29 weeker that may as well be term. I am so scared of the birth though. My 32 weekers were emergency c-section and my 29 weeker was an awful VBAC with heavy bleeding from the abruption.

mama to six ('98, '00, '04, '04, '06, '08)
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#10 of 30 Old 12-13-2007, 12:41 PM
 
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Reading all of these responses makes me sad : I'm sorry mamas for all you've been through. I agree that other MDC'ers being so against doctors makes me sad too. We all needed doctors to save our babies, interventions certainly have their place. We are not bad moms, we are probably stronger than most because of what we've all endured.

I do feel a little betrayed, like my body failed my son. He was not premature, but born with a surprise heart defect and had open-heart surgery and an ICU stay. I feel guilty that my body could not form his heart properly and he had to go through so much because of it.

I *know* that I did everything right. I'm a labor doula and aspiring MW; pregnancy and birth are my life. I don't know what happened. I am very scared for future pregnancies and will probably have trust issues w/my body. It is so hard to not feel like maybe I did something wrong.

Zen doula-mama to my spirited DS1 (2/03), my CHD (TAPVR) warrior DS2 (6/07) & a gentle baby girl (8/09)
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#11 of 30 Old 12-14-2007, 04:54 PM
 
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I suppose there is an element of betrayal. Maybe that word is too strong. Certainly, though, I don't think I can ever trust my body the way I used to. I think I felt deceived, in a way. I had the perfect pregnancy and it all went to hell at 36 weeks. The whole experience (emerg. c-section, baby in nicu, etc...) has made me (re)think, quite profoundly, about ever getting pregnant again. I know how lucky I was and I know that others have suffered worse, and that's exactly why I don't want to test out that luck...

I echo what others have written- the one thing that really helped was being able to breastfeed. I remember repeating that over and over to myself- "At least this didn't get screwed up".
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#12 of 30 Old 12-14-2007, 06:30 PM
 
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I've been thinking a lot about this thread and I think the part I have the hardest time with is having faith in nature. Because I feel like nature intended for my baby to die but medical advances saved him. I think a lot about why things happened the way they did and wonder why it all happened. It is hard to make sense of it all and not blame myself in some small way.

Zen doula-mama to my spirited DS1 (2/03), my CHD (TAPVR) warrior DS2 (6/07) & a gentle baby girl (8/09)
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#13 of 30 Old 12-14-2007, 09:37 PM
 
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I don't feel betrayed, but I am very disappointed in my body. Which is continuing in breastfeeding, since even that has been (and is) extremely difficult for us... I had so much faith in my body going into this and it is so hard to not be angry with it for not doing what it was supposed to. I don't trust it anymore either - I want another child, but I'm so scared now... I don't want to have it all be this hard again.
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#14 of 30 Old 12-25-2007, 06:32 AM
 
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I'm sooooo glad I found this post. I totally know what you mean. My first son I'm not sure if it would've gone differently if I hadn't been induced or had pre-e. We ended up w/ c/s and struggled to nurse (still we succeeded). then 2nd ds was born at 34 wks when my water broke early. He was in the NICU for almost 3 weeks, but fairly healthy dispite some jaundice and having to feed through a tube for the most part.

During both pregnancies I had gestational diabetes and I continue to struggle with my blood sugars. Because of this I fear I will never be able to have a homebirth. I do feel in someways that my body is failing me, but I wonder how much of that is my fault and/or the fault of how polluted our society has become and what kind of influence that has had on my body. I mean, I freely admit to living off of junk food/fast food for most of my life. I'm just not trying to change my habits and eat healthy for my own good. I want to get pregnant again, but I'd be lying to say that I'm not afraid of yet another high risk pregnancy. I feel I was lucky b/c even though my 2nd son was premature, I got to have the VBAC i wanted. Both my sons are healthy and thriving, so I sort of have faith in my body from that aspect. Also my experience with western medicine have been very love/hate. Most of the tests they've done (they said ds2 would have breathing prob, but he didnt) could've gone either way and were not really reliable enough for to me say I have a lot of trust in western medicine...however, b/c I need them and have had need of emergency services I feel very blessed to have had them there. Its just crazy like that. KWIM?

On a sillier note, my husband says the next time I get pregnant he wants twin girls. I said good, then I'll have experienced yet another High Risk qualifying pregnancy. I also tell him he can carry them for 9 months...LOL.
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#15 of 30 Old 12-26-2007, 06:02 PM
 
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I feel the same way most of you do. And I still don't really know exactly why I went into early labor. Everything was going smoothly enough that we didn't even know I was carrying twins, until my belly grew 10 cm one month. I still don't remember some of the details of the birth, but my SIL said she remembered the drs saying that I had a low-grade infection. If I ever decide to have other children I don't even know if I can prevent another premature birth because I'm not sure what happened.

Of course, about half of twins are born prematurely, but everytime I meet a mom IRL or online who carried them to term, it makes me feel like a failure.

Yes, at least I exclusively breast-fed my kids until they were 7 months old, but that wasn't off to a great start in the beginning, between my only being able to pump small amounts of milk, being told by a NICU nurse that I probably wouldn't be able to nurse twins, and the bad advice I got from peds later on. Here they are, almost 2 years old and still nursing, so at least I DID get that right.

It's so sad that we feel this way...
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#16 of 30 Old 12-30-2007, 02:51 PM
 
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I guess I didn't feel betrayed by my body so much as just angry that I didn't have the happy warm fuzzy mothering experience I wanted. Everything about it was the opposite of what I wanted and what I planned for. I wanted a water birth and had an epidural. I wanted my baby home and to breasfeed, and instead I had an NICU stay and was told my baby might have severe brain damage and fed her formula. I wanted to be happy and feel overwhelming love for my baby, but got PPD and PTSD and had to take drugs so I wouldn't kill myself out of fear that I would hurt her.

But by the time it was all over, my illusions had been so shattered, I didn't feel betrayed. I felt an enormous respect for my body, not in the sense that I loved it to death, but that it could fail so completely, that it could be against me, that it could ruin my life, that it could make a baby, that it has so much power.

I guess I had never completely bought into the idea that we are "made to give birth," etc., etc. I'm a historian and I know childbirth used to be the #1 killer of women. It's dangerous. 100 years ago I would be dead and my baby would be dead.

The attitude that everything can be natural and go well only works now because there is an entire modern medical infrastructure there to catch us when we fall. Not that I love everything about modern medicine, but if it wasn't for all that technology my family wouldn't be here. In some countries on this earth right now, we'd both be dead. That screwed with me big time and now I give money every month to Doctors Without Borders. Guilt. My experience completely changed my attitude about modern medicine.

So I guess I would say not betrayal, but awe, in the sense that I feel awe of something with the power to crush my ideologies and beliefs with a good dose of reality.
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#17 of 30 Old 12-31-2007, 01:21 PM
 
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oh my yes. i have had bp issues for the second half of my pregnancy and was being watched so closely. i felt like my body was failing me. i found reading about natural childbirth really difficult because it was something that i just couldn't do with my bp issues. i had a cesarean, never got a babymoon, and when my dd came home my life fell apart and i had PPD so bad i ended up in the hospital for a week. it was really hard. i am now coming to terms with everything that happened and hope to become a doula specializing in high risk pregnancies and post partum issues so that i can help other women.

Mummy to dd (Jan 13, '07) born by emergency c-section at 35 weeks due to severe pre-e  :ribboncesarean.gif and ds (Jan 30 '09) :hbac.gif and stork-suprise.gif    (06/11)
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#18 of 30 Old 12-31-2007, 02:25 PM
 
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I feel betrayed, but I don't know if it is by my body... God maybe. Nature, the cosmos... my children? I don't know - I just know I drew a sucky lot. I've planned 3 homebirths. Had 3 lovely uncomplicated pregnancies. Had 2 easy births (1st was kind of good). And then I was just robbed in the post partum period - first time I got a uterine infection and had to stay in the hospital for 3 days, second time I transferred to the hospital and it was a good birth but there was mecomium in the water and the hospital kept him for 5 days in the NICU, third time was the worst, baby didn't breath and was in the NICU for 2 weeks, we thought we were going to have to bury him. In some ways I feel so blessed, feel like I was protected through difficult circumstances. (Yes, without medicine I would probably have died the first time round.) On the other hand, I'm just so frickin' pissed off that I had the difficult circumstances to begin with. I just wanted 1 lovely post partum at home with my baby, and I just don't understand why I couldn't have that. I just can't help but contemplate sterilization cause I just can't bear the disappointment again. Some women do get to have nice lovely experiences all round. I'm not one of them, and I don't know why, but I do know I'm sick of caring about it. I'll just count my blessings and move on.
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#19 of 30 Old 12-31-2007, 02:47 PM
 
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I have had to work on this a lot. I felt like i got a triple whammy.
1 - first pg i did everything perfect and ended up with a hb transfer and a csec and a full term baby very ill in the nicu. I couldnt even birth my baby - what a loser i was. I was a double footling breech uc. All my fam had easy homebirths. I struggled and did bf dd because i thought "well i f'd up her birth at least i can feed her properly."
2 - 2nd pg - i mc at 12 weeks. hemorraged(sp?) and was on bedrest. Not only did i not get a live baby but my supply waaaaaay dwindled and so dd1 was left with a very ill mom on bedrest and with very little milk. I just kept thinking "lovely, now my body has killed my baby."
3 - I had secondary infertility for 2 years. So then the thinking was "great, now my idiot body cant even get pregnant."

I felt like i couldnt birth, then i couldnt keep a baby alive, then i couldnt even GET pregnant.
I have had to work a ton to just be okay with my bdy. This will probably be my last pregnancy as i am 29 weeks and had HG this pg and have been so so sick and in the hosp for dehydration, on meds for the HG etc. I feel like i am being tested too. Like everything i know to be true is not true for me. I am the 1% It sucks to change my plans on how many children to have based on these really sucky circumstances. We wanted 4-5 kids and now we just cant fathom dealing with the stress to our family of mc/cs/infertility/hg etc. It is too much for everyone.
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#20 of 30 Old 01-01-2008, 10:51 PM
 
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I don't know that I feel betrayed... I do feel confused two traumatic births later - not quite betrayed. My betrayal is more on my OB. I spoke up during my 2nd pregnancy... I knew early on that something wasn't quite right and nobody took me seriously. Although DS was a preemie and in the NICU the situation wasn't nearly as bad as what some of you have experienced.

Dani, wife to Cullen - 9/2002, mom to CJ 11/2004, Billy 12/2007 and Nora 7/2009
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#21 of 30 Old 01-03-2008, 09:57 PM
 
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YES! I feel betrayed! Twice now I have done everything to have a natural labor and ended up with C-sections (turns out my pelvic spines are too close together to even let a 34-weeker out) PLUS additional surgery the second time due to excessive scarring from the first C-section. This last time, I went into labor 7 weeks early and barely held on for a week until he came out -- it turned out my placenta was infected, yet totally asymptomatic other than the preterm labor. And to add insult to injury, breastfeeding became an unmitigated disaster, so he only got 8 weeks of the good stuff and is now on formula. At least he got 8 weeks ....

My body sucks at childbearing and breastfeeding. I feel betrayed indeed.
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#22 of 30 Old 01-09-2008, 03:45 PM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by sparklett View Post
I absolutely feel betrayed by my body. Everything went wrong. My body hated being pregnant... and nearly every single organ in my body did everything it could to tell me that. The last straw... the final betrayal... was when I started my period just 6 wks. pp. It wasn't a big deal, but to me, it was like my body was saying "HA HA!! Screw you!!"


I worry about the next time. Will it happen again? Will I fail again? I wish I knew.
My body hated being pregnant too- all 3 times.
I've never heard it being said but I feel good to hear it and say it now.

My first was a 24wk stillborn
2nds was the 28wk dd
3rd was the 37wk - he's 4 m old and is so healthy I feel my dd lost out so many things.

But I found that life goes on, good things happen and I have received so much joy out of my preemie I would not exchange the experience for anything.

Its ok, so my body isnt the greatest, but my children are and I'll rear them up better than the drug user in the other post- and they will be happy and enjoy life with me.

Find a reason to be happy - a great marriage, a good job, a good family, or friends - you have to step in and say I wont let my body dictate my mind- every single time -
I was so depressed for 2 yrs- but you havent gone down that far - somebody somewhere went through worse than you.
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#23 of 30 Old 01-12-2008, 05:08 PM
 
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yes, betrayed is a good word, but i am learning to forgive myself

betrayed:
- frank breech - stuck in there pprom at 34wks, was able to go to 8cm without any pain and very minor discomfort (was cracking jokes in between contractions even when they were only 1min apart) - led to an emergency c-section
- had planned a home birth, was cleared for a home birth by the head of obstetrics of a hospital where my midwife has privileges
- 32wk u/s - technician said "your cervix is iron-clad shut"
- i had to pump exclusively for 2.5mths before my son woke up one day and magically latched - i cried through most of those sessions - especially when it would take 45min-hr to pump enough for one session
- ppd - i hurt myself and finally found help in homeopathic remedies and vitamin supplements
- i got my period back 4wks after he was born, and it is now heavier than pre-preg, and pretty regular too

forgiveness
- i created a very calm birth for my son - i laughed and sang and meditated through all of the trauma - he came out extremely alert and i held him for 10 minutes before they whisked him away to the nicu
- i did acupressure on him gently and he left the nicu in 1 week - not weeks - as they had told us over and over again
- i got up within an hour and a half of my c-section and walked around the room - i refused any pain meds and took nothing, not even a tylenol - i was determined to try and turn the situation around
- i demanded a pump straight away - if i couldn't have my baby with me, i was going to provide for him, and the hospital's focus was not on breastfeeding
- i found remedies to deal with ppd and not affect my breastfeeding relationship with my son
- my body provides for my son, and 9mths later i nurse him and he is so healthy

- so my body may have failed me in birth, but has succeeded in his life and i am learning to forgive myself and find gratitude in the things made right...

mama to callum (april 8,07) and everett (sept 24,09) - blessed to be married to my life's love since '98. novaxnocirc.gif

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#24 of 30 Old 01-21-2008, 12:16 AM
 
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I have to say that I believe that all I have been through has been for a reason and I am lucky enough to realize what it is. I miscarried my first pregnancy. My second went full term, ds was breech and I had a version to turn him. Labored for 39 hours, never got past 5 cm before fever led to c-section. I thought I'd have a natural, drug free birth. I miscarried my third pregnancy and could not believe that my body would allow me to experience such emotional pain AGAIN!! I had to have a D&C to rub salt on the wound. My fourth pregnancy I developed gestational diabetes for no obvious reason other than my mother had it with my sister. Full term planned c-section because I believed my doctor that I could not birth naturally. DD was born with Hirschprung's disease. Ever hear of that? Well I didn't either. She was transferred to NICU at WIH at one day old and lay in an isolette on complete IV nutrition for over a week before being diagnosed. She was operated on at 12 days old and had a foot of colon removed. My husband, son and I moved into Providence Ronald McDonald House and I pumped every three hours around the clock and made enough milk for an army but she was not allowed to eat until two days after her surgery. Well, here I am a year later, her birthday is Friday! We are still breastfeeding and I am about to embark on my future. I will become a doula, childbirth educator and lactation counselor. I will be support to women in need, women who have been let down. My experiences will not be wasted. I have heard my calling!
I hope you find peace, all you mamas! You are NOT failures. I assure you.
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#25 of 30 Old 01-21-2008, 12:22 AM
 
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Not a mom of a preemie, but my DD was stillborn, and yes, I absolutely felt that way, even more so after my subsequent miscarriage. I think it is a normal reaction when things don't go right. It's so hard to accept that it just *happened* that we have to blame something. And of course, when you do everything you can to have a healthy pregnancy, all that's really left to blame is your body. I hated people with healthy babies for so long. Especially ones who seemed to take it for granted, rolling their eyes at their children's crying when I would give ANYTHING to hear my child's cry.
to all you mamas.

I'm a modifiedartist.gif DH is a reading.gif we have 2 angel.gifs, and DS is a rainbow1284.gif baby.gif
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#26 of 30 Old 01-21-2008, 12:16 PM
 
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Originally Posted by frontierpsych View Post
Not a mom of a preemie, but my DD was stillborn, and yes, I absolutely felt that way, even more so after my subsequent miscarriage. I think it is a normal reaction when things don't go right. It's so hard to accept that it just *happened* that we have to blame something. And of course, when you do everything you can to have a healthy pregnancy, all that's really left to blame is your body. I hated people with healthy babies for so long. Especially ones who seemed to take it for granted, rolling their eyes at their children's crying when I would give ANYTHING to hear my child's cry.
to all you mamas.
Congratulations on your pregnancy! All good thoughts are being sent your way!
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#27 of 30 Old 01-22-2008, 07:02 PM
 
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Absolutley and totally yes. In fact for the first month or so after the delivery I was almost obnoxious about it. I constantly made comments like "Well if I could have kept them in longer..." "Well if my body hadn't kicked them out.." just all the time I was upset, guilty, angry. I internalized every set back as a failure on my part. I wasn't part of MDC then and I really try not to subscribe to a "group" philosophy but just by my own standards I failed miserably.

I'm really not sure I've put that behind me, I guess I'll find out when we TTC. One thing I do remember helping was one day my mom, tired of hearing those comments, just looked at me and said, "Wendy, if God wanted those babies to stay inside of you, He could have stopped it." I know that wouldn't help some people (Why *didn't* He stop it then?) but it was just the kind of comment I needed at the time.

Turns out the placenta was uber infected; I'd had no outward signs/symptoms. The amniotic fluid had been clear but there was meconium staining on the membranes. There were fetal nucleanated red blood cells which indicated hypoxia. So I did find out why my babies needed to be born early; I'd have a much more difficult time dealing if I hadn't found out why my body didn't want to stay pregnant.
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#28 of 30 Old 01-31-2008, 09:17 PM
 
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Honestly, I have always felt betrayed by my body. I have Charcot Marie Tooth -a neuromuscular disorder- that has affected me since birth and will continue to do so for the rest of my life.
Having our son at 31 weeks due to a placental abruption was just another example of how my body, for lack of a better word, sucks.

But I temper my frustration and anger with the fact that I am able to walk (unlike others with my condition) and that not everyone who has a placental abruption has a child who survived...or came out of it with their own life...

Mama to "The Pud" - 4 years.
We both have todder onset Charcot Marie Tooth 1A.
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#29 of 30 Old 02-01-2008, 05:59 AM
 
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I am totally with this forum in so many ways and like the Historian lady said:
I guess I had never completely bought into the idea that we are "made to give birth," either. Childbirth used to be the #1 killer of women and It's dangerous. In NY in the 30's more women died between 20 and 40 from that cuase alone tan anything else.
Star Mora, I puzzled as to why you refused any pain meds and took nothing, not even a tylenol post-c-sec. I'm not sure about your area but here there is an armory of suitable meds for post c-sec which don't affect BF-ing or the supply. That might be useful to look into.
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#30 of 30 Old 02-05-2008, 06:32 AM
 
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I certainly am glad that all of the interventions I had tried to and wanted to avoid were available when I needed them.
My son and I would have been dead as little as 20 years ago, which I found scary since I was within my childbearing years then. My blood pressure was nearly uncontrollable with everything they could throw at it now.
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