Some friend..don't even know why I told her - Mothering Forums

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#1 of 17 Old 07-31-2006, 11:57 AM - Thread Starter
 
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So, I have this friend. She's been my "best" friend for several years. Was my matron of honor, well actually the only friend even invited to my wedding, since we sort of eloped, she was at DD's birth and we've been friends for like 10 years.

She's kind of a grouchy person. She doesn't really think before she talks. We actually didn't talk for about 3 months because she said some pretty crappy stuff to me We finally made up the other day and we went running together yesterday. I thought I'd just get it over with, telling her I'm pregnant. She's been pretty negative about my pregnancies thus far and I was hoping that that might have miraculously changed.

This is how the conversation went.

Her "I'm figuring out how to use my sewing machine"

Me "Cool. Maybe you could sew me a sling?"

Her ".....sure" (She doesn't get it)

Me "Do you think you could have it done by April?"

Her "............."

Me "We're pregnant"

Her "You're pregnant. Geez, you guys just don't stop, do you?"

I was hurt. And pissed. Congratulations would have sufficed. And it's not like we have a gazillion kids. And even if we did, that would be our choice! Every pregnancy/birth/life should be celebrated!

That was only 1 mile in to our 10 mile run. The entire rest of the run, I was trying to forget what she said. Luckily, the other girl that we were running with was very excited for me. She's going to be attempting IUI next month and she said it would be great if we could be pg together.

I don't even want to call her or run with her. I'm obligated to spend the last weekend in August with her for the Hood To Coast run that we're doing together. Then again, I do want to call her and set her straight. :
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#2 of 17 Old 07-31-2006, 12:04 PM
 
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You don't have fifteen children or anything. Wow. Why can't people just be happy for you. UGH!.


Congratulations on your new addition
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#3 of 17 Old 07-31-2006, 12:09 PM
 
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I'm sorry she was so crappy to you. Honestly, that's exactly why I haven't told most of my family ... I'm afraid of a less than excited response.

hippie.gif+reading.gif= Peanut (2004), Pumpkin (2007) and Butter Bean!! (2011)

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#4 of 17 Old 07-31-2006, 01:44 PM
 
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NICHOLE! Popping over from March to tell you how excited I am that you got your positive!! I'm so sorry about that friend of yours. I hope she comes around!

Thought you might need some extra congratulations to help make up for it

: : CONGRATULATIONS! : :
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#5 of 17 Old 07-31-2006, 03:52 PM
 
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What a bummer. I can't imagine why anyone wouldn't be excited for someone else who is having a baby. Well, I'M excited for you!
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#6 of 17 Old 07-31-2006, 04:13 PM
 
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This might sound juvenile but it sounds like she might be jealous?

eta:
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#7 of 17 Old 07-31-2006, 04:43 PM - Thread Starter
 
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This is what I love about you ladies!

AND THANK YOU, ASTRO! I'll probably bounce back and forth, so I'll see you in March's DDC too!

Mother_Sunshine-Yanno, I think that might have something to do with it. She's been very negative about everything great that has happened to me. She was negative when I told her I was pregnant with Mason. When I told her I was engaged she said, "Great. I knew this was gonna happen." Like it was a bad thing.

She is a single mom of one and I love her and her child dearly. I was there through her whole pregnancy and birth. I think that she feels she's missing out because I really do have a happy little family. We try to include her in a lot of weekend activities, but she's negative and downright rude to my husband (bless him for keeping his mouth shut even when he wants to scream at her), and I think our friendship is on the downward slope. My life is my family and I value that. I enjoy being around other family-oriented people. My kids are not a minor inconvenience to be born with resignation. My marriage is not a life sentence.

She does have some great things about her......I just wish she'd quit with the witchiness.

At least I have my family and a few true friends, not to mention you lovely ladies!!!!!

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#8 of 17 Old 08-04-2006, 01:49 AM
 
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totally off topic i know, but you're doing the hood to coast run? That will be awesome! It's a great time, isn't it?

Oh, and can I ask why you named your dd Ayla? We LOVE that name!

Jill, mama to three fiery girlies and a sweet baby boy: Grace, 11.30.2005,  Ayla, 3.22.2008, Norah 9.5.09, Reed 8.19.11 & dfs Gage 2.29.12   angel1.gif x4
 

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#9 of 17 Old 08-04-2006, 05:38 PM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by grapejuicemama
So, I have this friend. She's been my "best" friend for several years. Was my matron of honor, well actually the only friend even invited to my wedding, since we sort of eloped, she was at DD's birth and we've been friends for like 10 years.

She's kind of a grouchy person. She doesn't really think before she talks. We actually didn't talk for about 3 months because she said some pretty crappy stuff to me We finally made up the other day and we went running together yesterday. I thought I'd just get it over with, telling her I'm pregnant. She's been pretty negative about my pregnancies thus far and I was hoping that that might have miraculously changed.

This is how the conversation went.

Her "I'm figuring out how to use my sewing machine"

Me "Cool. Maybe you could sew me a sling?"

Her ".....sure" (She doesn't get it)

Me "Do you think you could have it done by April?"

Her "............."

Me "We're pregnant"

Her "You're pregnant. Geez, you guys just don't stop, do you?"

I was hurt. And pissed. Congratulations would have sufficed. And it's not like we have a gazillion kids. And even if we did, that would be our choice! Every pregnancy/birth/life should be celebrated!

That was only 1 mile in to our 10 mile run. The entire rest of the run, I was trying to forget what she said. Luckily, the other girl that we were running with was very excited for me. She's going to be attempting IUI next month and she said it would be great if we could be pg together.

I don't even want to call her or run with her. I'm obligated to spend the last weekend in August with her for the Hood To Coast run that we're doing together. Then again, I do want to call her and set her straight. :
i have a friend JUST like her-- i guess that's why we lost touch since my 2nd birth-- she is unhappily single with no kids-- very jealous type-- i actually feel sorry for her-- You deserve a friend who is joyous for you--being around people who are like that are very emotionally draining-- maybe she'll come around - if not- keep your distance (imho)
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#10 of 17 Old 08-04-2006, 07:40 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by jillybeans
totally off topic i know, but you're doing the hood to coast run? That will be awesome! It's a great time, isn't it?

Oh, and can I ask why you named your dd Ayla? We LOVE that name!
Hi jillybeans-sorry I didn't see this until today!

Yes, I'm doing HTC. It's my first time and I'm SO excited.

RE:Ayla, when I was about 12, I read Jean Auel's Clan of the Cave Bear series. It was four books then, five now. The main character's name is Ayla and she was such a strong female character that I decided right then that would be my first daughter's name. Never wavered.

Funny thing is, when I was about 6 mo along with her, some old lady called my house and asked to speak to Ayla. My roomie repeatedly told her there was no Ayla here and the old lady was very insistent that there was. My roomie turned the palest green and eventually hung up. I watched the whole conversation. Very bizarre.

My roomie also had a dream while I was pregnant about a little girl with long red hair. We laughed about it because her dad's hair is really dark brown and mine is light brown.

Low and behold, out comes a little girl with red hair.

I think that house was haunted or something.
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#11 of 17 Old 08-06-2006, 05:52 PM
 
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No offense, but why are you friends with her at this point? Anyone who treated me that way would not be someone I would still be hanging out with. To say you guys just dont stop when its your THIRD kid is incredibly rude. I mean it would be rude for your 15th kid, but at least understandable. LOL But I would be cutting her loose I think.
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#12 of 17 Old 08-06-2006, 06:21 PM
 
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I have a friend who is negative about absolutely everything! Every silver lining has a very dark cloud. It comes from a deep rooted fear of things going wrong. If she points out the negative, it won't hurt so much when things go wrong. I broke up with her (the third time in 15 years) just so that I didn't have to tell her that I was pregnant, because I knew that she would say some negative thing and spoil my fun. I am always asking myself why I am still friends with her when she is always saying such negative things. It turns out that she is just like my mom. So that explains it. Anyway, just blow it off, and don't tell her things that you cherish. She will just ruin them. My friend finally started taking medication, so she is a lot better.
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#13 of 17 Old 08-07-2006, 12:37 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by MommytoTwo
No offense, but why are you friends with her at this point? Anyone who treated me that way would not be someone I would still be hanging out with. To say you guys just dont stop when its your THIRD kid is incredibly rude. I mean it would be rude for your 15th kid, but at least understandable. LOL But I would be cutting her loose I think.
No offense taken.

Honestly, I wonder about this myself. I think it's just because I care about her (I'm a bleeding heart) and keep hoping she'll change.

I think that we really have reached that point in our friendship where it will never be the same, though. I just have to stick it out until after the Hood To Coast run and then, I'm not going to worry about it at all. There are plenty of people that are excited about my pregnancy and I'll just surround myself with them.
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#14 of 17 Old 08-07-2006, 08:44 PM
 
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Have you called her on it yet? Say something like, "That was really hurtful. Did you mean to hurt my feelings? Why did you say that?" I really don't like people that just blow off a friendship without explanation, so I definitely wouldn't advocate ending the friendship without telling her why, even if it's just in an e-mail.

I'd also tell her that her friendship and support are important to you, but that if she can't be supportive and positive when you tell her exciting events in your life, then you won't be sharing them with her in the future...and that will be sad.
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#15 of 17 Old 08-11-2006, 05:31 PM
 
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We are expecting #4 and we got LOTS of negative comments about #3 so we are being VERY selective who we tell.

I am sending a special poem to all of our family via snail mail so they can "adjust" to the news BEFORE I have to talk to them. I have to set up some clear boundries to say....no NEGATIVE talk around me. Pregnancy is hard enough without dealing with negative and jealous people too.

I am so sorry you had to deal with that. Children are ALWAYS a blessing!
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#16 of 17 Old 08-11-2006, 05:50 PM
 
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OK, so i tend to read people very well and relate to many types of people. This is what i think on why she reacted like that.

1. She is extremely jealous of you.

2. She believes you having children has seperated you tWo.

3. She wants a child but hasnt found someone.

4. if she has someone she is very unhappy and jealous of your relationship with your husband.

5. maybe she cannot have children and hasnt told you.

There are many reasons, but i would have to go with the jealousy part. I have a best friend now, and she was happy for me when we announced my pregnancy and engagement.... but right after these were her exact words.

"dude, what the hell.... now that you are pregnant and getting married, we arent going to be able to move in our own apartment like we planned. I thought we were going to have a bachelorette pad and go partying. Now that you are pregnant im going to be all alone... you b**ch".

I KID YOU NOT.
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#17 of 17 Old 08-13-2006, 05:52 PM
 
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I am new here, but read your post. I have 4 children. My 5th is due April 13th. I get that all the time, even from people I love dearly. No one quite understands.
But anyway, enjoy the time with your family they count the most!

Kate
Mom to Olivia (9), Veda (8), Franky (2), Wendy (10 mths) and new baby due April 2007
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