How "involved" is your DH/Partner? - Mothering Forums
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#1 of 20 Old 09-20-2006, 01:59 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Just curious about this.

My DH is a great, super dad. He's attentive and plays with the children a ton, focuses on healthy meals for them and is very obviously in love with both of them.

We talked about a pregnancy for months before deciding to do it, so we're both excited about it, but I feel like I'm way more excited about it than him.

I had to drag him to the prenatal appt. so he could hear the heartbeat. He isn't really interested in where the baby is developmentally and when I showed him one of those in vitro pictures on the 'net, all he sad was, "Gross." When I showed him the baby's first layette, he couldn't care less.

He touches my belly on occassion, so that's nice. He's decided on a girl name, London, which I haven't totally ok'ed.

He says he's happy that I'm making another beautiful baby for him, but really, babies and pregnancy don't interest him much. He likes them better when they start to interact and he can "do stuff with 'em"

Sound like your partner? Or does your partner get all gooey right along with you?
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#2 of 20 Old 09-20-2006, 02:02 PM
 
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First of all, I do like the name London.

My DH is really into the visits. He came to all of Maddie's visits. It's getting to be more of a challenge now that we have little ones. I'm hoping he can make it to most of them. He came to the 1st u/s and will also come to the 20 week u/s too.

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#3 of 20 Old 09-20-2006, 02:07 PM
 
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My dh is only involved in going to the u/s appointments, and in labor and delivery. Though he does help around the house and other things of that nature. I get backrubs from time to time as well. He will even go so far as to run around in the middle of the night to get me something that I want. But he isn't much for laying his hand on my belly, or talking to the baby. He seems to do all his bonding after birth.

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#4 of 20 Old 09-20-2006, 03:43 PM
 
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Mine is sweet to me when I barf. Other than that it's business as usual until I go into labour. Wait, no. He'll display some interest when I get an ultrasound and find out the gender. But it's all good... he's great once there's a baby to play with. And he always magically appears with a cold glass of water for me when I sit down to breastfeed the newborn in those early days of insane thirst.
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#5 of 20 Old 09-20-2006, 06:14 PM
 
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Well, my dh doesn't seem as doting this time around. Perhaps if I were sicker. I don't know. For him I think it helps to see those physical signs, ie the growing belly and the moves he can feel. He loves the belly and is too excited about that. Last time he was great for l and d and am hoping for the same this time around.

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#6 of 20 Old 09-20-2006, 06:18 PM
 
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My DH tries to come to all of the appointments, and likes to know the technical side of what is going on, but it doesn't go beyond that. I wouldn't be too upset at your DH. Men approach babies in a totally different way. Plus, for a lot of guys, since it isn't their body being affected, it is pretty darn hard to relate.

Just like you are working on growing a baby, he is probably working on his plan for handling it once the baby is born.
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#7 of 20 Old 09-20-2006, 07:22 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Nah, I'm not upset at him. He's still a great husband and dad and THE BEST labor partner (even though he talks about all the gunk in the pool!).
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#8 of 20 Old 09-20-2006, 08:03 PM
 
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DH is very much into the pregnancy, but understandably not as "into it" as me - both of us think it will become more "real" once he feels the babe move!

He is willing and wanting to come to all my appointments, especially since I told him about my pg with DD, and how DD's dad didn't have a lot to do with the pregnancy and how much I wanted to share it with someone.

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#9 of 20 Old 09-20-2006, 08:10 PM - Thread Starter
 
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I think the only reason he doesn't like coming to my appointments is because they tend to last for.ev.er while my mw and I chat.

Also, he isn't really interested in hearing how my bowels are doing or if I'm having normal discharge.

Gee, I dunno why?:
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#10 of 20 Old 09-20-2006, 08:31 PM
 
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My dh is interested in a different way than a lot of others may be. We have been through this so many times, it is more of a comfortable place that we are visiting again. Most of it is familiar, and so he remembers what I am going through. Since we have already gone through times of me needing to explain things to him, and him needing to realize that some things were not permanent and to just go with the flow, it is pretty easy for us.
But he does like to talk about what's going on, our birth plans, names, etc. And he is always extra sensitive to how I am feeling, making sure I get to rest when I need it.
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#11 of 20 Old 09-20-2006, 08:55 PM
 
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My DH and my DS love to talk to the baby. Even though he/she can't hear yet, they huddle around kissing my belly, singing songs to the baby and "cuddling" my belly. It is really sweet, and makes it seem very special.

Joanna - wife to Mike, mamachicken to Cub(8/98), Kitten (4/07), Dew-man, and Woe-boy(twins, 10/08)
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#12 of 20 Old 09-20-2006, 11:15 PM
 
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My DH is very involved and supportive concerning SOME things, and not others. He loves going to my prenatal appointments and I can tell he's very proud of our decision to have a birth-center birth with a midwife (He was the first one to suggest that we go a very natural route w/ this pregnancy).....I have overheard him on the phone with his friends talking about natural birth and how much he likes the midwife, yada, yada.

But.....when it comes to pampering me in any way, he's an oaf. When I say that I'm nauseous, he acts like I'm being a big whiney baby and has no sympathy at all. He says, in a half-joking tongue-in-cheek sort of way "You WANTED this! You can't complain about feeling puky!!" and I'm like, "OH YES I CAN!!!!" (whilst I envision my hands wringing his little neck) I bet that back and foot rubs later on are going to be like pulling teeth. It will be interesting to see how he does WHILE I'm in labor. Maybe the Bradley Birth classes we're going to take will inspire him to HELP me and make me feel comfortable. Uuughh. :
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#13 of 20 Old 09-20-2006, 11:37 PM
 
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As far as midwife appts DH went to every. single. one. with our first. It was sweet and I'm glad he did but it definitely wasn't necessary. Next two babies the only one he went to was the ultrasound. I didn't mind at all, and I wanted him to save his time off from work for after the baby came.
This time I'm sure it will be the same, I haven't seen anyone just yet but if we do an ultrasound he'll be there for sure.

I think he's excited about this baby, it doesn't seem so real yet since we haven't told many people but he's happy.

And he puts up with me. He bought me an extra bag of cheetos at subway last night and offered to go back when he forgot pickles on my sandwich.

I'm hoping he cuts down on his busy band schedule to help take care of the kids and our home, definitely by the 3rd trimester. I have a feeling I will be exhausted.

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#14 of 20 Old 09-21-2006, 12:32 PM
 
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My DH is very excited- this is his "first" we have had 3 miscarriages together and so he is just thrilled we have made it this far. The other night I read him about being 10 weeks and where the baby is in developing and he was really excited about it.
But- I have to say, I've been studying midwifery/pregnancy/childbirth for such a long time and it's just part of who I am. I am always talking about different pregnancy related topics and he is so sweet and attentive.
Most men will enjoy some things- hearing hb/feeling baby kick- but it is normally short lived. Kind of a "that's nice" and then moving on. I just don't think they can grasp it. Men are very visual, so I think to them it is much more exciting when they can actually see the baby, then that wears off somewhat and then it's when the baby starts to interact.
My ex was not very supportive during pregnancy, though helpful and proud at birth, got more involved as they got older. I think that is very typical.

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#15 of 20 Old 09-21-2006, 01:32 PM
 
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My dh sometimes forgets that I am pregnant and I have to remind him when I feel crappy. He will go to the ultrasound visit but that is probably it. He isn't absent he just isn't real attentive. I'm sure if I were puking all the time, he would be though.
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#16 of 20 Old 09-21-2006, 03:46 PM
 
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My dh isnt that interested in talking aobut how excited I am to be pregnant and that we are planning on a up/uc this time. He will probably listen to heartbeat with fetoscope when its late enough to do that. He was awesome last labor and delivery. He had to push on my back so much that i had to fist prints. At the end he was using his feet lol. I know he was worn out. That part was about 4 hours. He just isnt the big birth fan I am. Although he must listen cause he was spouting off how much better the stats of homebirth are and why they are better to his friend the other day.
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#17 of 20 Old 09-21-2006, 05:54 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Originally Posted by crunchymomof2 View Post
Although he must listen cause he was spouting off how much better the stats of homebirth are and why they are better to his friend the other day.

I catch my husband doing the same sort of thing, talking to people about homebirth, or even more surprisingly, breastfeeding!

I guess even when they aren't acting interested, some of it gets absorbed. He was so sweetly concerned when his friend's wife was having trouble breastfeeding so he had me calling her and offering advice/books. I'd try to get him to just pass my books along to the husband and he's like, "Honey, I can't give so and so stuff that is related to his wife's BOOBS!"

He was a "secret breastfeeding advocate". Too cute.
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#18 of 20 Old 09-22-2006, 01:24 PM
 
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It's good to read that so many DHs aren't as involved as we would like. I guess they just don't understand because their bodies aren't made to do this. Of course, I'm feeling that no one (even my midwives) understands how utterly exhausted I am and how much it affects me.

My DH liked going to hear the heartbeat, but he has pretty much told me he's not interested in attending any other visits with me. That saddens me, as I feel if nothing else, he should want to show support for me and the baby in this simple fashion. After all, there's not a whole lot that he has to do to grow this baby. I often feel I'm going at it alone; he's "too busy" with work to be any more involved.
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#19 of 20 Old 09-22-2006, 03:38 PM
 
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Originally Posted by didkisa View Post
Of course, I'm feeling that no one (even my midwives) understands how utterly exhausted I am and how much it affects me.
I feel the exact same way. I feel like no one gets it not even women who have experienced it before. At least, it seems like no one understands. My husband complained that I didn't do anything around the house and it is a mess. All I do is go to school and lay on the couch. I am normally not like this but I have been so exausted. I told him just to give me a few more weeks and it will be better.
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#20 of 20 Old 09-22-2006, 03:49 PM
 
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My DH has been very involved. We conceived through IVF and he has done all my injections and of course was there for the egg retrieval and transfer. He still does my progesterone shots now.

He went to our ultrasound, but I already told him he doesn't have to go to my first OB appointment next week. I don't mind if he's not there for that; I would rather have him save his days in case he needs to stay home with me at any point during the pregnancy. As it is, today I am home on bedrest because I was spotting at 5am this morning, but didn't need DH to stay home this time.

He talks to my belly, waits on me, tries to keep me calm and positive. He also is so pro-cosleeping, BFing, and AP and tells anyone who will listen. He rocks. :
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