Things you should NOT say to a very pregnant person. - Mothering Forums

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#1 of 28 Old 04-05-2007, 03:00 PM - Thread Starter
 
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So, I'm as laid back about "due" dates as you get and am very protective of the "magic number" that everyone in our culture obsesses about. . . but since some of us are now technically past our due dates I thought I would vent:

*DO NOT* CALL TO ASK ME IF I AM IN LABOR YET!

Seriously, at this point nothing annoys me more. My (single, childless) friend called today and before she even said hello she yelled "Are you in labor yet?!?" It was all I could do to keep from tossing the phone across the room. It's worse than "Are you sure you're only having one?" and "Gosh, you're huge!"

Can you tell I'm hormonal? A little?

Feel free to add your own pet peeves. . .

Jen
"due" with number two but trying not to think about it

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#2 of 28 Old 04-05-2007, 03:36 PM
 
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I have been getting this from SIL for about 2 months. Oh and people who don't get that 9 months really means 10 months by 28 day standards.

I really don't like people asking if I'm happy it's a boy or if I actually wanted a girl!!
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#3 of 28 Old 04-05-2007, 03:40 PM
 
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OMG that is the WORST. When I was pg with DD I went 2 weeks late and everyone was calling me every freaking day - did you have the baby? are you in labor? is that why you arent answering the phone?
Like the only possible reason I might not answer is because I am in labor? Idiots. I was HATEFUL at that point. LOL So I stopped answering the phone altogether and changed the machine to say
"Thanks for calling. I am not in labor, the baby hasnt been born, and when she is, we will let you know. If you need to leave a message for another reason, please do so at the beep"

I already have people asking me via email "any baby yet?" and I am only 37 weeks. I try to be easier on them because I dont talk to them a whole lot so maybe they lose track of time, plus its a lot less irritating than when someone calls for some reason.
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#4 of 28 Old 04-05-2007, 03:42 PM
 
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"Hi, Chubby!" (No, joke, what my uncle said)
"You have that LONG until you are due? I thought you would be closer than that?" (No joke, a lady at church)

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#5 of 28 Old 04-05-2007, 04:32 PM
 
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they all suck!!

at the dentist on tuesday, i was asked if any medical changes since my last visit. i said nothing except i am pregnant....ok i am 37 weeks and very noticable if you ask me! lol well they are like oh your pregnant? i was like um yes. when are you due? the 27th.. THIS MONTH? lol i was what i am just FAT looking omg my stomach is HUGE!! wtf lady lol

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#6 of 28 Old 04-05-2007, 06:07 PM
 
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oh boy i could go on and on about this forever! I get so much of it, I think I will pull my hair out the next time someone says anything to me....

at least 3 or 4 people call me every day to ask if the baby's here yet... every morning i get a text message from my dads girlfriend "did your water break yet?!?" and every time I walk into a room she just stops what shes doing and stares at me, then starts laughing. I say "what?" and roll my eyes, knowing what shes going to say. "you're belly. You're HUGE" seriously. everytime I walk into a room.

and my entire family every time they see me asks me the same questions over and over and over. : "He hasn't come out yet?!" "He's so huge, you'll never be able to get him out if he doesnt come out today!" and of course "you're sure there's only one?!"

Yes people. I am so sick of waiting, but none of you are making it any easier.


I'm so sick of everyone touching me and telling me how fat I am.

I went to meet some family for lunch last week and they were looking for jewelery before hand so I met them in the jewelery store, and they literally had everyone in the damn store touching me and talking about how huge I am.

i really needed to rant about it. sorry.

I have also stopped anwering the phone and I avoid going out in public bc I just can't stand one more person telling me I look like I'm going to pop.

oh and Easter dinner this weekend.... boy oh boy I just can't wait... I will be officially past my due date then, and I'm just not going to hear the end of it. :
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#7 of 28 Old 04-05-2007, 08:14 PM
 
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I accompanied my last client in labor a few weeks ago at her hospital birth.

(I'm sure you can see where this is going).

When I arrived at L&D to get buzzed in, the woman at the desk assumed I was checking in and asked for my insurance card.

The nurse at triage tried to hook me up to a monitor.

The nurses at the nurse station (there were different ones there each time I came to request something - and this was one of the hospitals where they keep all the heated blankets, juice, popsicles, everything behind a locked door, so I had to see a different nurse each time I came out for something):

"Aren't you supposed to be on the monitor?"

"I'll need to see what your chart says" (This was when our nurse asked me to ask for a soda and juice for my client)

"Who is your doctor?"

The really crappy part is that now our insurance has switched to Kaiser, in the case of hospital transfer, this is where we would be. My head nearly exploded, not just with the "what not to say to someone who's pregnant" thing, as I think it was kind of cute that they thought I was there to have my baby, but especially because the way they said these things was in a very paternalistic, condescending, patronizing manner. No one has the right to talk in that way to ANYONE else. Period.
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#8 of 28 Old 04-05-2007, 08:19 PM
 
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I just had something like this happen to me today...

I was taking the elevator down to the subway (yep, i am still taking public transit!) and a guy got on with me and another lady. He looked at me and said "are you sure we won't be too heavy, it only carries a ton". ARE YOU SERIOUS!

People just don't think...

Rachael ~ Wife to : DH ~ Son 4-24-07 ~ 6-24-08 ~ Daughter 7-22-09
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#9 of 28 Old 04-05-2007, 08:22 PM
 
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Some church lady grabbed my tummy and said, "Well, I don't think you can get much bigger." :

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#10 of 28 Old 04-05-2007, 08:26 PM
 
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When I was pregnant with baby #4, I had one "friend" who called EVERY. SINGLE. DAY. And the first words out of her mouth were "How's the belly?" I would say "Still here." And she would say "Okay, bye!" Talk about PISS ME OFF!!!!

I despise when someone calls, I answer, and they say "HI-iiiiii" with that note of expectancy in their voice. I would like someone to call and just say "Hey, I just wanted to see if I can bring you some lunch, tea, a book, company......"
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#11 of 28 Old 04-05-2007, 09:11 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Originally Posted by CityChic View Post
I was taking the elevator down to the subway (yep, i am still taking public transit!) and a guy got on with me and another lady. He looked at me and said "are you sure we won't be too heavy, it only carries a ton". ARE YOU SERIOUS!
HOW did you restrain yourself from killing that guy!?!? You are a better person than I am!

-Jen

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#12 of 28 Old 04-05-2007, 09:30 PM
 
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I'm so sick of hearing:
Haven't you had that yet?
Why aren't you going in to be induced (my EDD was Wednesday)?
When I call my DH: "Is this the call?" (like I would tell his coworkers before I told him--duh)
Are you sure it isn't twins?
How much weight are you gaining dear? (from my fat hating mother who weighs 90lbs and has a plus sized daughter--even in Japan I still hear this everytime she calls).
:

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#13 of 28 Old 04-05-2007, 10:27 PM
 
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Originally Posted by jennyfah View Post
HOW did you restrain yourself from killing that guy!?!? You are a better person than I am!

-Jen
I think if we would have been the only two in the elevator I would have either cried hysterically or beat the crap out of him...good think we weren't alone!

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#14 of 28 Old 04-05-2007, 10:28 PM
 
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Originally Posted by treemom2 View Post
How much weight are you gaining dear? (from my fat hating mother who weighs 90lbs and has a plus sized daughter--even in Japan I still hear this everytime she calls).
:
This is ridiculous...I am SO sorry she does that...

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#15 of 28 Old 04-05-2007, 11:46 PM
 
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I'm training my relatives by not answering the phone.
I figure by the time we get to my due date (in two weeks), they'll be so used to having to leave a message that they won't leap to conclusions.
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#16 of 28 Old 04-05-2007, 11:53 PM
 
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I'm training my relatives by not answering the phone.
I figure by the time we get to my due date (in two weeks), they'll be so used to having to leave a message that they won't leap to conclusions.
That's pretty freakin' smart!

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#17 of 28 Old 04-06-2007, 02:12 AM
 
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oh, yes, the comments. I got a comment about how much I was eating and my size at a family get together from my bil, so I said "I'm pregnant, what's your excuse."

I have specifically not told any of the inlaws my due date because I don't want their medical hysteria surrounding me if I happen to go late. My mil especially drives me freaking batty she has asked me no less than 10 times my actual date.

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#18 of 28 Old 04-06-2007, 02:32 AM
 
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I have specifically not told any of the inlaws my due date because I don't want their medical hysteria surrounding me if I happen to go late. My mil especially drives me freaking batty she has asked me no less than 10 times my actual date.
You have those kind of inlaws too?!? Uhgg...mine went absolutely nutty when I went 13 days over last time. I guess it is because my SIL demanded that her Dr. to induce her at 37 weeks, because she "Knew her baby was too big." He was 6lb. 3oz. They didn't go nuts then! Sorry, totally hyjacked and ranted!!!:

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#19 of 28 Old 04-06-2007, 02:59 AM
 
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Saw this thread and though it's been a while I just had to share...

I was about 5 months pregnant with my first son and off to the first prenatal visit without my dh. Let's just say that I was definitly NOT having a difficult time putting on weight (59#'s total that pregnancy ).

However, when my doctor came into the room and looked at my chart and then looked at me and said "Honey, your husband married you for better or for worse, but I wouldn't tempt fate.", I thought I was going to lose it!! :

I raced out the door crying my eyes out. I called my dh and said "The doctor says I'm fat and that you're gonna divorce me!!"

Overall a horrible experience. I got a midwife for the next one
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#20 of 28 Old 04-06-2007, 10:10 AM
 
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OMG i think i would of kicked him in the BALLS! what a total A$$!!


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Originally Posted by earthluvinmama View Post
Saw this thread and though it's been a while I just had to share...

I was about 5 months pregnant with my first son and off to the first prenatal visit without my dh. Let's just say that I was definitly NOT having a difficult time putting on weight (59#'s total that pregnancy ).

However, when my doctor came into the room and looked at my chart and then looked at me and said "Honey, your husband married you for better or for worse, but I wouldn't tempt fate.", I thought I was going to lose it!! :

I raced out the door crying my eyes out. I called my dh and said "The doctor says I'm fat and that you're gonna divorce me!!"

Overall a horrible experience. I got a midwife for the next one

Susan, Mom to 4- Elizabeth 12, Hailey 9, Sammy 7, Caroline 3
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#21 of 28 Old 04-06-2007, 10:48 AM
 
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This wasn't exactly said as such but...

a friend of my husband's mailed me some kind of holy clay from Ireland with a tag that said to save from "SUDDEN DEATH" along with a pretty baby blanket.

I couldn't even begin to tell you what crazy things have been said to me this whole pregnancy. I'm going to write a book on day. Total Twilight Zone stuff.

I have a friend (although she is quickly losing that position) who I have been trying to avoid because she and her kids are just too intense right now. SHe still calls every day although I never answer. She has taken to leaving messages like "we're just going to come by later..." and we actually lock the door and HIDE until they go away (I have confrontation issues : ) Anyhoo, on ALL of her messages, she starts out with something like "I know you feel HORRIBLE but" or "ugh, this pregnancy has been so HORRIBLE for you". Honestly, I never think of that adjective to describe this experience at all.

Another person knows of someone who had a rupture (in the hosp. - probably hosp caused). Rather than educate herself before opening her mouth she says things to me (re homebirth) "but aren't you afraid you are going to explode?" "what would you do if it exploded". I try to be patient.

And EVERYONE except dh speaks of my planned hbac as a cute wee dream of poor delicate flower me that is surely going to end in a c/section. Ugh!!!!!!!!!!!

Thanks for starting this thread! I needed that!!

J
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#22 of 28 Old 04-06-2007, 11:14 AM
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It's as though the larger/farther along you get the more insensitive people become.

At least that rude classmate of mine has finally stopped telling me that I'm "too big"...becasue of she had continued I might have hurt her.

My parents tease me because all my maternity shirts are getting too short to cover my belly. I have two shirts that come down all the way. Mom keeps telling me to go buy just a few shirts to tide me over...what she's not getting is that if I could FIND shirts that fit I would have ALREADY bought them. sigh.
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#23 of 28 Old 04-06-2007, 11:34 AM
 
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I'm 36 weeks now. I had people telling me months ago that they can't believe I have that many more months until my due date. I have had two people in the last week tell me the shirt/dress I'm wearing makes me look really big. "You look way bigger in that, etc." "You look like your going to pop" (what does that even mean?) I could go on and on. The last two times I went to 41 weeks and got the constant phone calls and questions.
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#24 of 28 Old 04-06-2007, 12:27 PM - Thread Starter
 
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I have specifically not told any of the inlaws my due date because I don't want their medical hysteria surrounding me if I happen to go late. My mil especially drives me freaking batty she has asked me no less than 10 times my actual date.
Oh, yes. We haven't told my MIL our 'actual' date (or anyone for that matter) and she was less than polite about it. Also, she said "Don't tell me when you're in labor this time. It was the worst night of my life last time, waiting to hear."

Yes, and labor was a freaking *pleasure cruise* for me. And how selfish of me to not call and comfort YOU. (She only knew about the baby's imminent arrival because he was induced.) I can't talk about my MIL at prenatal appts. because it makes my blood pressure go up. . .

Needless to say, we're telling no one when labor starts this time!

-jen

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#25 of 28 Old 04-06-2007, 05:50 PM
 
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I just had something like this happen to me today...

I was taking the elevator down to the subway (yep, i am still taking public transit!) and a guy got on with me and another lady. He looked at me and said "are you sure we won't be too heavy, it only carries a ton". ARE YOU SERIOUS!

People just don't think...


Sorry, this made me laugh. Not funny at the time, I'm sure.

I wish people would stop looking at me and wishing me "Maybe you have a 9# baby in there." That's not helpful.

Michelle: wife to J, mom to M (2001), E (2003), C (2005), S (2007) and O! (2009) And someone new in 2011!
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#26 of 28 Old 04-07-2007, 01:09 AM
 
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My same coworker who asked me if it was safe now for me to have "emergency childbirth" (childbirth is a natural process - not on emergency!!!!) asked me today, "how long until you can be induced?" Well..first of all I don't want to be induce, I want labor to begin naturally; and second of all ---- I'm ONLY 37WKS!!!!

..I did get a kinder comment today though - from someone who has not seen me in a week, "are you due soon?" "3 more weeks" "I thought so, you look a little bigger than last week, and your also look like the baby has dropped some" --that I can deal with...unlike most people who don't even seem to have a reason for saying what they say.

CityChic: the elivator comment is HORRIBLE!!! That is outright mean!!!

UltimateSerj: there is no way someone could not realize you are pregnant -- people are crazy!!!
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#27 of 28 Old 04-07-2007, 02:38 AM
 
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You have those kind of inlaws too?!? Uhgg...mine went absolutely nutty when I went 13 days over last time. I guess it is because my SIL demanded that her Dr. to induce her at 37 weeks, because she "Knew her baby was too big." He was 6lb. 3oz. They didn't go nuts then! Sorry, totally hyjacked and ranted!!!:

OMG! They induced a preemie baby on purpose? Just because the mom was complaining? Thats medical malpractice IMO. Un-freaking-belivable.

I actually cannot believe the amount of people who reccomend that I get induced. It's crazy. My last baby was due in January and I cant tell you how many told me to induce in december so I could get the tax credit for that year.

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#28 of 28 Old 04-07-2007, 03:37 AM
 
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Ok, from the time I was about 30 weeks or so, Ive had several ppl that I know who ask every time they see me, "Havent you had that baby yet?" I finally started repling, "No, and its a good thing too, or he'd be in the NICU." I mean, wth? Anyway, my mother tells me all the time how hard this pg has been on me (it hasnt) and a friend who keeps saying, "Yeah, I know your ready to have this baby, I know how hard its been" (again, Im not and it hasnt). Even if I WERE, those comments arent so helpful. and again, everyone wants to know why I dont just go in and get induced and get it over with. Lets see, what else has annoyed me?

"Wow, youre ready to pop"
"You must have swallowed a basketball"
"Stop keeping that baby all to yourself"
"Your doctor wont let you go past 40weeks"
"Whats the holdup?'
"Are you holding him for ransom?"
"You just dont want to share"
"Are you still working?"
"Are you still here?"

Ok, and even "How do you feel?"
Not that they dont mean well, but I get asked that like 100x day!! To be honest, its one of the reasons I decided to go ahead and start my leave early, so I can hole up in my house and not answer the phone and not talk to anyone!!

~Me, mama to soapbox boy (1991), photo girl (1997), gadget girl (2003), jungle boy (2005), fan boy (2003) and twirly girl (2011). Twenty years of tree hugging, breastfeeding, cosleeping, unschooling, craziness
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