For those Moms who have birthed before... - Mothering Forums
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#1 of 22 Old 11-22-2006, 02:15 PM - Thread Starter
 
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How do you labor? What I mean by that is are you more comfy laboring with your kids and dh right there? Or are you better alone so you can get in the "zone" then have dh and kids there for delivery. Or do you labor in a different way entirely?

I personally labor best when I am essentially alone. Basically I have dh's hand to hold on to and that is about it. I don't want to be talked to, I don't want to be touched (usually) I just want to hang on to dh's hand and labor. Though I did have him rub my back some last time between contractions during transition. That was NICE! But heaven forbid if he was still touching me when a contraction hit!

Just as an aside, my ds has been at all of my births, but he has always been in the background, well, except at his own!

Goldie, Mom to 5 my kiddos and forever loving on my fantabulous dh John.
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#2 of 22 Old 11-22-2006, 02:27 PM
 
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i definitely get into a zone & block out everyone & everything around me....and prefer not to be touched, as well. i always said i could be a bear huddled in a cave all by myself & couldn't care less. with my first, i labored by myself during the night (i encouraged my dh to sleep) and when we got to the hospital i was already 8cm. the next couple of hours were filled with family & friends in the room but i was oblivious to their presence....it didn't annoy me or help me. my second was pretty much the same except she came really fast. this baby i plan on having at home with many people invited and envision it as everyone hanging out in the kitchen eating & socializing & entertaining my 2 little ones while i labor. i'm sure they'll wander in & out to check on me but who knows if i'll acknowledge them!? when it's time to push they will all be welcome in to watch Baby be born but by that time i'm usually so ready to have Baby out it won't matter who's around!

this is fun...i can't wait to hear what everyone else says!

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#3 of 22 Old 11-22-2006, 02:44 PM
 
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With DS there were so many Fing people there. It sucked. I kept asking everyone (even my doula- who had the most judgemental vibe about her) to leave.
I think I would have done awesome all alone.
That was confirmed when I had my miscarriage and I did it all by myself. I am just better at handling pain by going way deep inside myself and being left to pass, sway, moan alone.
I don't want to talk or be talked to. Don't ask me about music or remind me of stuff.
With DS I was soooooooo hungry I was begging for food...and the dumb doula and "midwife" wouldn;t feed me. It was awful. I'll probably want to eat.
I want to put music on, but we'll see what happens.
That being said, I want friends and DP and DS there.
I birth fast. My labor with DS was 8 hours and I pushed him out (9lb1,1oz) in 11 minutes. I expect this to go quick as well.
I hope that it will also be people eating and enjoying themselves while watching DS and then I'll come out and push the babe out. I'd like a water birth.
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#4 of 22 Old 11-22-2006, 04:02 PM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Goldiemom View Post
I personally labor best when I am essentially alone. Basically I have dh's hand to hold on to and that is about it. I don't want to be talked to, I don't want to be touched (usually) I just want to hang on to dh's hand and labor.
I don't want to be touched AT ALL. I don't remember a ton about my older son's birth (he's now 13), but I do remember my ex tried to rub my cheek and tried to bite him, lol. With my 2nd my husband knew enough to stand back (but was there if I needed anything), but my mom just wouldn't leave well enough alone and every time I started grimacing or leaning over she'd try to catch me or say, "oh, are you having another contraction?" WTF?!? I wanted to hurt her, badly. I screamed at her a couple times, told her to STFU and don't F'ing touch me, lol. Apparently her feelings got pretty hurt, but I mean, give me a break! I told you to leave me alone..do what you're told, I'm in labor for God's sake!

So yeah, I have no doubt that this time around I'll be just as happy to have people NOT touch me and NOT talk to me. I swear, if my midwife had told me that I could do it or to let go of the pain one more time...

E ~ Mostly-SAHM to 3 amazing boys (and another little guy still percolating, due 5/10)! :
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#5 of 22 Old 11-22-2006, 04:32 PM
 
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I like to be left alone. I labored alone with my 2nd until I could barely think, at which point, I told my Dh, and my mom. I called the midwife about 2 hours before the baby was born.

With my third, I told Dh that I wanted to go unassisted; he didn't like that idea, so we compromised. I labored alone as long as I wanted, and he and the midwife were there and available, but in the background.

With this baby, I will probably just try to be alone as long as I can. I find other people really distracting, noises bothersome, and touching to be irritating. (I actually swore at my mom when she was trying to rub on me with # 3.)

Regarding my children: My oldest happened to be sleeping while I labored and birthed my second. He was gone for the birth of my third; my second was at a friend's house, as Dh and I didn't feel like she was really old enough to handle the birth. I haven't decided about this birth. We'll probably just do whatever feels right at the time.
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#6 of 22 Old 11-22-2006, 04:47 PM
 
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I like to start out alone but when things get tough, I like DH there for support.
I would love love love to birth at home. I am trying to figure out a way to do that. Luckily I labor and birth super fast (less then 4 hours) so I have some wiggle room and could just say it all happened too fast LOL.

I could care less if there are 100 people in the room, just leave me alone!!!
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#7 of 22 Old 11-22-2006, 05:10 PM
 
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This is funny for me because I am the total opposite (must be the social cancer in me )! I liked having people around - my dh, my midwife, even nurses who dropped in did not bother me! When I mom showed up I cried tears of joy to have her there! They were all touching, massaging, chatting, etc with me and it really kept me going. I needed so much interaction my dh was exhausted by 20+ hours so my mom arriving at that point was such a blessing. I have 8 people in the room when ds was born.

This time around it will be me and dh here at home. The midwife brings an assistant who is a trained doula. My son says he does not want to be here, a I believe him knowing his personality, but we'll see. I have two brothers and two SIL who each live within 4-6 blocks, so he will hang with some of those folks. People can bring us food or movies or lovey vibes, whatever. Hopefully my friend Melissa will be around some (Meco on MDC) also.

Megan Davidson, Labor & Postpartum Doula, Breastfeeding Counselor, Anthropologist, Mom to August (9) and Clay (4), Partner to Shawn.

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#8 of 22 Old 11-22-2006, 08:21 PM
 
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My labor "started" with my water breaking and 12 hours later the midwife giving me herbs.
I invited my friend/doula, my friend/photographer, my mother, and my dh. I couldn't stand for anyone to talk at all while I was having a cx. It didn't matter if they were at the other end of the house I just hated it deeply. My mom was the only one who didn't wise up. You'd think after three days of labor that she'd stop talking, but no, . It's kinda funny now, but at the time I was :.
This time I plan on having the very minimal # of people there. Dh, and a midwife (probably).

~laura
and planning to eat it again
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#9 of 22 Old 11-22-2006, 10:16 PM
 
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Ugh! My mom was there too! Which that in itself was bad enough, BUT....DP's weird ass mother was there...talk about akward. It sucked
I have to take my mom's spare key to my apartment before I go into labor so she can't burst in. Sounds harsh...but I am not down with my mom being there this time!
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#10 of 22 Old 11-22-2006, 10:29 PM
 
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How funny, no one liking their moms being there and no one wanting to be talked to and here I was the exact opposite!

Megan Davidson, Labor & Postpartum Doula, Breastfeeding Counselor, Anthropologist, Mom to August (9) and Clay (4), Partner to Shawn.

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#11 of 22 Old 11-22-2006, 11:34 PM
 
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Actually, I found my mom to be very helpful to me during birth. She's attended all three of my births thus far. I've gotten mad at her a couple of times, but that was because she stopped paying attention to me, and didn't realize what I needed from her. Once she understood what I needed, she was great. Really, she's as much help for my Dh as she is for me. He really appreciated having someone around to share the work of supporting me through transition and pushing. Before that, I don't want anyone around, and wouldn't even tell anyone I'm in labor, except that's not very practical for them!
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#12 of 22 Old 11-23-2006, 01:09 AM
 
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It was me and husband in a hospital room, alone most of the time. An EMT guy came in to clean up my puke/pee off the floor once. LOL But mostly I just walked around and did whatever. My husband stayed quiet and that was nice. I would like to know what he was thinking about! If the situations were reversed, I would have been chatting away (which would have annoyed me if he had been) so I'm glad it's how it was. For the actual delivery, there was a doctor and two nurses in the room. Every word they said bothered me, especially the "push!push!push!push!" crap.

For this one, I hope my husband can hang with my daughter while I labor/birth. I might call him to help me catch and we'll see what she wants to do. I'd like for her to be there and see it, but if she doesn't want to that's fine too. The only reason I want her to is that this'll be my last so this is her only chance.

Our families are far away. My mom will come to stay for 3 weeks a few weeks after the birth (when summer vacation starts for her at the end of May) and I'll allow the in-laws to come up during when she's here. My dad will come up with her some of the time, but not stay the whole 3 weeks. My in-laws saw my daughter first and I'd like for my mom to see this next one first - I think that's fair.
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#13 of 22 Old 11-23-2006, 01:21 AM
 
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You'll just never know until it happens.

I'm wondering if I'll want the same thing with my next labor too.....but I'm not counting on it.
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#14 of 22 Old 11-23-2006, 09:12 AM
 
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Even though my mom did bother me like I said, I am really glad that she was there. She says that she feels a special bond with ds and I think it shows.

~laura
and planning to eat it again
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#15 of 22 Old 11-23-2006, 09:47 AM
 
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i was thinking the same thing as nora's mommy....will this labor be the same? (i posted earlier that i ,too, preferred to be left alone).

and about my mom (since this is an interesting topic)....even though i was oblivious to her presence with my first, i was more aware of her non-presence with my second. i labored so fast that she didn't make it in time (she lives 2 1/2 hours away) and i was crushed when i realized she wasn't going to be there. during my doula training workshop, the instructor said that the mere presence of another woman in the room when we labor increases the oxytocin level & assists in the birth. even if she is just sitting in the corner reading or knitting, our bodies respond to other women around. i love that!!! i think this explains me to a tee....i don't want everyone gabbing & touching me but i definitely want all my favorite women surrounding me in silent support.

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#16 of 22 Old 11-23-2006, 02:02 PM - Thread Starter
 
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All of my labors have been different, but the one thing that didn't change was that I labor better alone!

I think that if I hadn't been so scared of the unknown w/ ds' birth, I would have been perfectly content to just stay at home to labor and birth. Would have saved me from an unnecessary episiotomy. *sigh*

Goldie, Mom to 5 my kiddos and forever loving on my fantabulous dh John.
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#17 of 22 Old 11-24-2006, 12:53 PM
 
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I definently go into a zone BUT I need to know that DH is right there, he doesn't talk but I need to look and see him right near me. My kids are usually sleeping while I am laboring and then DH will wake them to watch the actual birth.

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#18 of 22 Old 11-24-2006, 07:49 PM
 
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I didn't want to be touched either. I just wanted silence to focus on my hypnobirthing CD and be in "the zone". DH kept trying to get me to drink water every other minute because that's what they told him to do in the childbirth class. I finally just yelled out "everyone leave me alone!!!"

I called my mom when I first went into labor because I needed someone to come pick up my dog. She insisted on coming to the hospital even though I kept telling her not to come. She came anyway and sat in the corner and started knitting. After a couple of hours I finally convinced her to leave.

This next birth will be at a birthing center so hopefully it will be much more quiet and calm.

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#19 of 22 Old 11-27-2006, 08:05 AM
 
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I do better alone or with dh there to a point.
Last time, I had one of my midwives there from the beginning almost and that was great.
There hits a time when I need a woman to get in my face and calm me down - around transition I think.

Thinking of birthing again feels me with dread in some ways.....I really want to write a list of things for people to do for me this time.
After Daphne was born I had the worst feeling of loneliness. and hunger. It really sucked having the after pains and having to get up and make something to eat..

ahh just my rambling.
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#20 of 22 Old 11-27-2006, 08:22 AM
 
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double post
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#21 of 22 Old 11-27-2006, 03:47 PM
 
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Well, I'm hoping that this labor is much different from my last one, since it was 37 hours long. I cant even really say that I labored more one way than the other because I did it all! I do think that I preferred having dh with me. I labored all through the night in the tub by myself because I convinced everyone to go to bed since they all needed sleep. My mom had flown in the day before I went into labor and my sis had flown in two days before. They both really wanted to be there for the birth and I wanted both of them there. So when I was two weeks late, they decided to just come on out. They were just sort of in the background for most of it. I'm glad my mom wasn't more obvious to me, because I guess she was really upset and scared that I was taking so long. She had a very traumatic birth experience with my older sister and they both almost died, so she had a hard time at first with my decision to birth at home. But once I FINALLY got to the pushing stage, she was so supportive. Both she and my sis became my cheering squad, which I really needed after 37 hours. My dh was really supportive during most of my labor. He was there for me to hold onto during contractions, he got into the shower with me when I wanted to labor in the shower and washed my hair. He laid on the bed with me and moo'ed . He gave me so much physical support during the pushing stage. I would put my feet on his arms and he would push against them to give me more leverage. He was sore for a week afterward! I don't think I could have gotten through 37 hours without their support.

This time I am planning on having my mom try and be here again. And DH's mom will be here this time as well... she lives 20 minutes away and has attended several home births of friends. I'm not sure if my sis will make it to this one, since she moved out of state and we don't live as close to an airport as we used to. And other than that, just my mw and her apprentice. And hopefully, it will go much quicker this time!!

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#22 of 22 Old 11-27-2006, 05:27 PM
 
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Both my births were very different. With my 1st dd I wanted to be left all alone in a dark room so I could go inside myself and deal with the pain. I wanted no one around. I didn't want to be touched and wanted no clothes on at all! Which was strange for me at the time b/c I was VERY modest! LOL I did get in the shower every time the water got warm again. I even yelled at DH & my Mom once b/c they just wanted to rub me and help me but I wanted nothing to do with either of them. Oh, I guess I should say that I labored at home until I was 10cm and then went to the hospital.

For my 2nd birth since I had to deliver 3 hrs away so once my water broke we had to leave right away. Let me tell you laboring in the back of my Surburban was tough but I'm glad we had the 3rd row so I could deal with the contractions. DD 1 was my "coach" she would say "Breathe through it Mommy, you are doing a great job!" It was so sweet and afer every contraction she'd say "Dad, she's done. I'm proud of you Mommy!" She was 9 at the time. But my labor was HORRIBLE very intense adn I couldn't get inside of myself this time. I struggled the whole time. I did want dh there once we got to the hospital I HAD to have him touch me. I even yelled at him so that he would just touch me. I got mad when he had to go potty once b/c he couldn't touch me!:

This time I want more of a birth like I had the 1st time. Very peaceful and wonderful. I WILL have a birth like that again b/c I CAN do it!!
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