I am sick of my mother's natural childbirth horror stories!!!!! (x-posted in birth) - Mothering Forums
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#1 of 17 Old 01-30-2007, 01:02 AM - Thread Starter
 
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AAAAUUUGGHHH!!!
Ever since I have told my parents that I am planning a natural childbirth (still in a hospital but natural, no epidural, induction, ect.) my mother has told me every horror story she can think of. Mostly of women who did natural birth and ended up with their chord wrapped around their neck and stillborn or otherwise in trouble.
The latest one is saying that a C-section is safest or my baby will have a huge risk of Muscular Dystrophy? WHAT?!?!?!?! Where on earth did this come from? And what does muscular dystrophy have to do with natural childbirth?
UGH!!!!!! I am certainly standing my ground (she lives across the country and will not be present at the birth anyway) but it is just so frustrating how she thinks this way....just wait until with our next child and we decide to do a homebirth!
Any words of advice? Has anyone else run across this with their families? (especially the muscular dystrophy thing??)
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#2 of 17 Old 01-30-2007, 01:04 AM
 
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I haven't heard of that but it might just be simplier to end the discussion with her. She doesn't need to know anything of what your planned birth experience will be anyway. Just tell her after how it went.
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#3 of 17 Old 01-30-2007, 01:10 AM
 
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yep, used to have alot of negative comments. Then I lost the twins. I could care less what anyone thinks. :

Remember this is your baby. You will be the one in labour. Let me tell you, the pain is intense.. ..you should make the decision how you want to deal with it.

Tell them nicely that if they are really concerned they could do research and present it to you. Most people won't do the leg work or when they do they are suprised that you are "right".
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#4 of 17 Old 01-30-2007, 01:30 AM
 
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Yes, I would just go with something along the lines of, "Thanks for sharing your stories with me, Mom, but I'd really rather focus on the positive" if she brings it up. Or just change the subject. And don't bring it up on your own!

If it makes you feel any better, my mother -- who is really not very crunchy granola at all -- birthed 3 of the 4 of us vaginally and with no pain meds whatsoever and says it was great. She swears she would have avoided the epidural with my youngest brother if she'd only bothered to do her exercises beforehand, too.
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#5 of 17 Old 01-30-2007, 01:39 AM
 
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Not in your group, but as you posted in birth too . . .

I got lots of this from everyone. I think my mother was telling me this because she thought I wouldn't be able to do it. I am known as the wimp in the family, and she had drugs (gas only I think), but I think she was sure I couldn't do it.

I also had a lot of people tell me how awfully painful their births were. In some ways, I actually appreciated it, because I had this la-la-la attitude "it won't hurt that much", so I had some balance going on with my expectations of the pain.

Good luck and you'll be just fine (BTW muscular dystrophy is a genetic disease. She may be thinking of cerebral palsy - but you could just share the first part with her )
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#6 of 17 Old 01-30-2007, 01:48 AM
 
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Is she trying to say that induction and epidurals protect against the cord being wrapped around the neck????????
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#7 of 17 Old 01-30-2007, 11:16 AM
 
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We have gotten the same treatment from some family members- others have been great. But my MIL was being particularly difficult to deal with- she said that stupid cord comment like 5 times. My DH and I talked it through and decided he should be the one to seriously tell her that we love them and appreciate them, but we cannot share this part of our lives with them if they continue to bring such tremendous negativity- also we asked them to research if they were truly concerned. It was a big deal conversation and very tense, but since then, I haven't heard a peep from her.

Good Luck- I know how frustrating this can be...

Grace Comes.

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#8 of 17 Old 01-30-2007, 12:15 PM
 
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Yeah, it is frustrating when other people try to butt in, even if thier intentions are good, that is often not how they come across.

Last night I had the disapproving look and stoney silence from my mother when I informed her (she asked) that I was not having an ultrasound. This is just the latest in a long list of disapprovals about my pregnancy, but she lets it go, doesn't tell horror stories and keeps her opinion, generally, to herself. BUT, she means well, and I know that she is just concerned for my health and the babe's but really, it is MY concern, I just want to be supported in my decisions, wether she agrees or not.

Mom to Kayleigh (05/07) Jacob (05/09) and Ned decluttering 615/2010
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#9 of 17 Old 01-30-2007, 05:23 PM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by richella View Post
Is she trying to say that induction and epidurals protect against the cord being wrapped around the neck????????
yes - she needs to come to you with actual studies....she doesn't seem to be coming from a rational place. and as the other pp said, MD is an inherited disorder. Cerebral Palsy (if this is what your mom was talking about) is not a particular danger to natural birthers at all. Cerebral Palsy has been associated with babies that require being on a ventilator after the birth - usually pre-term situations.

and the cord? the cord will be where it is when you go into labor no matter how you are planning to birth! sounds like your mom has her own issues regarding her own birth experiences and is taking them out on you.
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#10 of 17 Old 01-30-2007, 08:43 PM
 
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My mother had a drug-free hospital birth, and I was born with the cord around my neck. I was fine.
My cousin had a medicated hospital birth and has a child with cerebral palsy.
Just two real, not hearsay, examples to counter your mom's stories. In the end, she just wants what (she thinks) is best for you and cares about your safety and your baby's--although she's expressing it in an annoying way. Maybe try to see it from her point of view (not that you would change your mind and decide to have meds, but just where she is coming from)...
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#11 of 17 Old 01-30-2007, 08:58 PM
 
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I got a lot of crap from people last time when I announced my intentions for a natural birth. Unfortunately, I let them talk me into Pitocin because they were threatening me with a c/s and the pain was intolerable and I had drugs. BTW, my daughter had a cord around her neck despite all the drugs, but it was loose and she was fine.

So this time I have a midwife who will most definately not be using Pitocin and I am planning for a natural childbirth. Oh and my inlaws are all very angry there won't be a doctor there to do interventions. But I say hey, I'm the one that has to birth this kid so it's really none of their business.

Stay strong Mama!

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#12 of 17 Old 01-30-2007, 11:39 PM
 
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While my Mom and MIL didn't comment very much about my plans when I was pregnant with DD, pretty much everyone else under the sun had an opinion about natural childbirth, breastfeeding, etc. Just hang in there and do what you know is right. This time around nobody has said much about my plans at all. I think since I succeeded in natural chilbirth, exclusive breastfeeding, CD'ing, etc. with #1 they have all backed out this time.

And about the cord around the neck - how's this for a stat - 1/3 of babies are born with the cord around their necks and it is almost always easily removed without a problem. You may want to refer your mom to The Thinking Woman's Guide to a Better Birth by Henci Gouer or pull some stats from there yourself about natural childbirth. and good luck with your mom!
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#13 of 17 Old 01-31-2007, 10:22 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Blue Dragonfly View Post
Not in your group, but as you posted in birth too . . .

I got lots of this from everyone. I think my mother was telling me this because she thought I wouldn't be able to do it. I am known as the wimp in the family, and she had drugs (gas only I think), but I think she was sure I couldn't do it.

I also had a lot of people tell me how awfully painful their births were. In some ways, I actually appreciated it, because I had this la-la-la attitude "it won't hurt that much", so I had some balance going on with my expectations of the pain.

Good luck and you'll be just fine (BTW muscular dystrophy is a genetic disease. She may be thinking of cerebral palsy - but you could just share the first part with her )

Yeah, I looked it up, and even with CB, only 5% of cases are due to something happening in birth (and only maybe caused by birth complications as there are SOOO many other factors) and who knows how many of those births were natural anyway...compounded with the statistics of its instance in the general population anyway and it is ridiculously low risk.
Thing is, I am a chemist/biochemist...its not like I have no education and have no idea where most diseases originate, especially ones of GENETIC origin so why she is trying to scare me like this I have no idea...of coure I am not saying non-scientists don't know this either but considering my background its not like I am an idiot or just some crunchy crazy lady trying to make myself happy. And what on earth did she think our species did for millions of years before medical intervention?:
I have decided to just avoid the subject since she is not going to be at the birth anyway. I know she means well but it is just very irksome and makes me nervous and angry. If she says anything else, I am going to ask her to do her own research like I did....thanks for the advice and letting me vent!
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#14 of 17 Old 01-31-2007, 11:28 PM
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Man, I totally would not even entertain a discussion with my mother about my childbirth plans if this is how she responded.

How utterly inappropriate!!!!!

I would politely inform your mother that you are not interested in her horror stories...and I would call them just that...and then REFUSE to further discuss it with her.

If she sends you an email with any negative birthing info in it, DO NOT READ IT, and delete it.

If she calls you and tries to talk to you about it, inform her ONCE that you are not going to discuss this with her, and if she persists, say, "I love you, mom. I'll talk to you later. Good bye." And hang up.

Eventually, so long as you don't entertain her neuroses, she'll get the hint and stop talking about it.

I just can't even imagine someone trying to talk a woman out of natural childbirth, for pete's sake!
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#15 of 17 Old 02-01-2007, 01:27 AM
 
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as for the cord around the neck. My second had the cord around his neck three times. His birth was a hospital birth and I informed them about the cord (via the ultrasound we had a week earlier). The broke my water (I consented...very stupidly) little did I know that this poses a danger to a baby with a cord around the neck it takes away a cushion and the baby come charging down. My son came out very blue with the nurse and the doctor working fast and hard to remove the cord. I sitll haven't forgiven myself for allowing this ( I should of done more research).
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#16 of 17 Old 02-01-2007, 03:09 PM
 
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I'm sorry she is saying all this--you need to try your best not to listen to it. My mother had me naturally and told me it was one of the worst experiences. She intended to go naturally with Lamaze and then when the pain got so bad during transition she asked for an epi. Well, she was 8 cm and they wouldn't give one to her. I was her 3rd birth--but with my sisters she was knocked out because it was the 60's and I guess that was very common back then. So, with my first I was totally going to try natural childbirth with no epidural and I got so scared during it--that I wouldn't be able to, that it would so painful (she told that I think she need an episotomy and the dr. stuck a really long needle in that area of her vagina to make her numb...like the whole thing was a horror story!) I was so afraid...so I got the epi. I am so mad that I let the fear overtake me. With my second I ended up trying to get an epi and it never took and then I pushed my son out 20 minutes later and it was not a horrible experience at all--and he was bigger than I was at birth (I was 9lb9oz and he was 9lbs10oz!!!) You have to make the best decision for you and get those scary thoughts/stories out of your head.
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#17 of 17 Old 02-01-2007, 03:26 PM
 
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How frustrating. I'd just let her know that her comments regarding birth are not welcome unless they are positive and supportive.

Jenn, future midwife, mama to 2 sweet girls (6/05) and (5/07). 
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