first timers can we talk!? deep DENIAL anyone? - Mothering Forums

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#1 of 19 Old 04-28-2007, 10:14 PM - Thread Starter
 
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is anyone else, um, not believing this is happening?

feeling more scared and unsure than happy and excited?

not being able to wrap your mind around this?

trying to avoid thinking about it and (gulp) hoping it will all go away?

afraid of how life will change?

wanting to dig a nice little hole in the sand and stick your head into it?

living in the with DH, DS (5-30-07) and DD (9-26-09) don't forget the dogs, cat, fish, toads and geckos.....
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#2 of 19 Old 04-28-2007, 11:11 PM
 
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Not a first timer, but all of the above describes me. Oddly enough, I didn't feel this way the first time!
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#3 of 19 Old 04-28-2007, 11:18 PM
 
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I feel the same way, I actually had a several hour crying jag yesterday morning.

I have labored before (dilated to 10 and pushed the first time around) but both labors ended in c-sections. I often think I'm completely crazy to be doing this again.

I keep trying to focus on two things: it will end. Even if I have a 3-day labor, eventually it will be over and I'll be on the other side. And. . .it'll sure be nice to have a baby around here again.

Amy
Mom to Jody (7) Jaden (4) and Sawyer (due in May)
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#4 of 19 Old 04-29-2007, 01:43 AM
 
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Not a first-timer either, but every now and then it occurs to me that yes all that movement in my belly is not just indigestion and no I am not just obese, I am actually having a baby.
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#5 of 19 Old 04-29-2007, 02:31 AM
 
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Yes first timer here!
And yes, most days just avoiding thinking too much about it because thinking about it makes me nervous that everything in life is about to change drastically. We've been happily puttering along for the last 5 years without TOO much change. I'm a little afraid of having a baby in the house 24/7 (rather than having the Skids here one day a week and every other weekend, this one is not going anywhere) and work has been a major focus in my life and now will be completely absent for the next several months to a year....

So, yeah, in a nutshell, scared, but confident that we'll work through whatever changes are necessary and thing will fall into thier own rhythm again and we'll be OK.

Mom to Kayleigh (05/07) Jacob (05/09) and Ned decluttering 615/2010
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#6 of 19 Old 04-29-2007, 04:50 AM
 
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I was like that with my first and second -
now with my third I have all of a sudden become impatient to meet her! I am so excited now that the home stretch is here...
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#7 of 19 Old 04-29-2007, 09:21 AM
 
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Originally Posted by maliceinwonderland View Post
Not a first timer, but all of the above describes me. Oddly enough, I didn't feel this way the first time!
Yep ..... this is me
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#8 of 19 Old 04-29-2007, 11:52 AM
 
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this is my fourth and I feel just how you described.
Ive never felt like this before. thank god im not alone

Annemarie ~catholic mom of 8 -4 boys (19-16-10-7).Emma)2 girls (3 and 1)Someone new due in April too!An yes I Blog @ You Leave me breadless blog
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#9 of 19 Old 04-29-2007, 12:57 PM - Thread Starter
 
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wow..........i guess i am NOT alone in this thank god

i hate to admit this but i think part of it is my DH...i don't feel very supported right now...i know he must have his own issues about parenthood to deal with but still...i feel really alone! he is working and staying out late with friends a lot more than usual....and i feel so vulnerable right now. argh.

sucks!

deb

living in the with DH, DS (5-30-07) and DD (9-26-09) don't forget the dogs, cat, fish, toads and geckos.....
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#10 of 19 Old 04-29-2007, 02:27 PM
 
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Originally Posted by tofutti View Post
i hate to admit this but i think part of it is my DH...i don't feel very supported right now...i know he must have his own issues about parenthood to deal with but still...i feel really alone! he is working and staying out late with friends a lot more than usual....and i feel so vulnerable right now. argh.
Seams the same here too.. maybe I notice it more because I cannot go out and stay out late with my friends anymore???

Also feeling very nervous, and realizing there is an actually infant inside my belly :

I didn't think I could conceive so I think it makes it all even more surreal!

stillheart.gif The Hippie & the Marine stillheart.gif  hh2.gif
My boys: S (4) & O (2) & Expecting #3 in Dec. 2011

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#11 of 19 Old 04-29-2007, 03:30 PM - Thread Starter
 
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lizzy thank you --

i didnt know we had that in common -- the "not knowing if we could concieve" thing

but here we are especially weird since i tried for so long, you'd think i would be over the moon, right?!


deb

living in the with DH, DS (5-30-07) and DD (9-26-09) don't forget the dogs, cat, fish, toads and geckos.....
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#12 of 19 Old 04-29-2007, 03:41 PM
 
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Originally Posted by tofutti View Post
afraid of how life will change?
Every now and then I have a good "what were we thinking!?!" moment over this. Mostly when I'm thinking about things pregnancy is keeping me from doing and I want to get back to, when it hits me that "oh, wait, things aren't going back to exactly the same after the baby is born either."
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#13 of 19 Old 04-29-2007, 04:20 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Exactly!!!!!!

living in the with DH, DS (5-30-07) and DD (9-26-09) don't forget the dogs, cat, fish, toads and geckos.....
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#14 of 19 Old 04-30-2007, 03:00 PM
 
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Originally Posted by Liquesce View Post
Every now and then I have a good "what were we thinking!?!" moment over this. Mostly when I'm thinking about things pregnancy is keeping me from doing and I want to get back to, when it hits me that "oh, wait, things aren't going back to exactly the same after the baby is born either."
This is so me. I'm petrified that I won't have any of the life I enjoyed before any more. I'm petrified that DH and I will lose each other to the stresses of raising a babe. I'm petrified that the parts of me that I truly liked and appreciated will vanish.
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#15 of 19 Old 04-30-2007, 03:02 PM - Thread Starter
 
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mee too

me and DH are def. fighting a bit more as the day gets closer.......

but i think it will be ok in the end. i really do.

the only thing i can compare it to is our dogs - so much work but cant imagine life without them. plus more laughter...more exercise...less selfishness....etc. hopefully this is what having kids is like x1,000

living in the with DH, DS (5-30-07) and DD (9-26-09) don't forget the dogs, cat, fish, toads and geckos.....
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#16 of 19 Old 04-30-2007, 04:22 PM
 
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Originally Posted by jessma View Post
This is so me. I'm petrified that I won't have any of the life I enjoyed before any more. I'm petrified that DH and I will lose each other to the stresses of raising a babe. I'm petrified that the parts of me that I truly liked and appreciated will vanish.
with dh i was worried about that last time. what helped us was just making time to just have coffe,tea,cookies, something everyday. 5 minutes kept us in touch. randomly touching dh on the arm,back shoulder whatever also helped me stay connected. letting him parent his was helped take the pressure off of me so I could remain me by still having some time to myself.

dont know if that helps.

Annemarie ~catholic mom of 8 -4 boys (19-16-10-7).Emma)2 girls (3 and 1)Someone new due in April too!An yes I Blog @ You Leave me breadless blog
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#17 of 19 Old 05-01-2007, 02:43 PM
 
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Ditto-All of the above!

A few days ago I cried all evening! What have we done? Why did we plan this? (Our first was not planned so the panic was sort of understandable) I don't WANT to be a mom anymore! I don't want to do anything!!!!! No, actually I want to be on a totally deserted tropical island, wearing skimpy clothes on my toned un-stretch marked body, drinking a very dry martini! THAT'S what I want!

Ironically, DH has gotten a hankering for a motorcycle these past two weeks, and he's been shopping around and just bought one last night. I'm like...why now? But I'm realizing that's his way of panicking. I'm just jealous because I couldn't panic like that if I wanted to. I'm too big, too clumsy, it's too dangerous...blah, blah, blah....

Hey, any good ideas on how to safely "panic" or de-stress for these last few weeks?
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#18 of 19 Old 05-01-2007, 03:49 PM - Thread Starter
 
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no ideas in my current mind state......but i loved that reply

watching crazy movies and listening to very non mom music helps too!

living in the with DH, DS (5-30-07) and DD (9-26-09) don't forget the dogs, cat, fish, toads and geckos.....
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#19 of 19 Old 05-01-2007, 04:14 PM
 
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Oh, hell yeah to all of the above. It's just....surreal. A year ago I hadn't even met my boyfriend, I was a uni student about to go on a year abroad, I was so very very free...now we have a little house together and we're about to have a BABY. A real one! That we have to care for ourselves! How the hell are we even being allowed to do this? I've only just learnt to care for myself, seriously.
DP is being great, but he is working loads, which is kind of a necessary evil cos we're going to be very very poor and I need him to take time off when she's born, but he doesn't get holiday pay, but I do miss him. And I resent the fact that although he had made huge sacrifices and lifestyle changes to do this with me, he can still go to the gigs and nights that he wants to, and get a bit drunk and stoned occasionaly, whereas I just can't. Doesn't seem fair but that's biology.
Yeah, it really really doesn't seem real, despite the piles of baby clothes and giant wriggly tummy. I don't know if it wil ever really sink in. A real baby. Goodness me.
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