official "scaredy cats//bring on LABOR" thread! - Mothering Forums

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#1 of 24 Old 05-04-2007, 07:32 PM - Thread Starter
 
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ok gals:

i wonder if any of you are in the same boat:

-->scared of labor...

-->...yet understanding that being scared might stall / delay labor, which will lead to bad things. or at least harder labors.

-->focusing all of our power on overcoming those fears so that our labors will be in OUR control instead of feeling passive and ending up having interventions.

over the last few days i have made a CONSCIOUS EFFORT to let go of fear. to feel excited. to convince myself I CAN DO IT.

and most importantly, this idea has suddenly dawned on me, clearly:

-->this baby has GOT to come out. it can be MY way or my doctors way. one or the other. and i HAVE to step up and be strong, now. NO MORE MESSING AROUND! ITS NOT GONNA GO AWAY!

trying to feel PSYCHED UP FOR THIS! like an olympic event! yes yes yes! NO FEAR! listening to my favorite loud music. imagining myself storming through a forest. with a sword. dressed up like xena. if you want to use this...feel free

now who is with me!!!!?????? lets see if this works!!!!!!!!



onward through the fog!

living in the with DH, DS (5-30-07) and DD (9-26-09) don't forget the dogs, cat, fish, toads and geckos.....
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#2 of 24 Old 05-04-2007, 07:44 PM
 
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i'm with you...

i spoke with my doula today and she suggested that i have dh run through the fear release exercise with me just in case (it's part of hypnobirthing). so, i think i will go ahead and do that. but then, it could be the idea of both my mom and MIL coming to town that might be holding things up for me. or it could be as simple as the baby isn't ready. i don't know, but going overdue has sure got me thinking about all this stuff...

i'm still going to go eat some spicy food tonight - and i'm taking the long bumpy way to get there
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#3 of 24 Old 05-04-2007, 07:56 PM - Thread Starter
 
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yes, let it GO! for me it's about getting just a little bit fierce and feeling tough. or trying.

is there any way to stop the visitors from arriving til you are READY? if you aren't comfortable with them....you should say so, right?

i am lucky everyone in my family is in another state.

living in the with DH, DS (5-30-07) and DD (9-26-09) don't forget the dogs, cat, fish, toads and geckos.....
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#4 of 24 Old 05-04-2007, 10:23 PM
 
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both me and dh's families live about four hours away, but my mom and MIL are both just slightly crazy, so, while i love to spend time with them, i am not looking forward to them being here during this time. of course, what they don't know is we aren't going to be calling them until we are on our way to the hospital (and we aren't going there until i am far into labor) they both want to be notified the moment labor starts. i just wish their idea of help was not just holding the baby constantly.
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#5 of 24 Old 05-04-2007, 11:11 PM - Thread Starter
 
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well....you have the perfect excuse if you are "too distracted" "too busy" or it was "too fast" to pick up the phone during labor........ you gotta worry about yourself honey! they aren't allowed to make demands like that! (sorry if i am acting pushy but i have been there done that!)

see, my mom and MIL are 10 kinds of crazy........


deb

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#6 of 24 Old 05-05-2007, 01:06 AM
 
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Moms and MILs they will drive you nuts, won't they? My mom is very hands off about the whole birth thing, basically just call her when its done and I'd consider my self lucky if she shows up at all the same day. My MIL however, has been telling me for months that we need to time the phone call according because she is 2 hours away from the hospital and has to get there in time for the birth. Basically, she wants to get there while the kid is still slippery. I cannot tell you how much this ANNOYS me. So we are going to conveniently "forget" to call and then just tell her that everything happened so fast we didn't get to call. DH is totally ok with this because she drives him crazy too.
For my daughter's birth the last time around, she came in while I was getting stitched up and hung out while I endured the indignity of having a catheter inserted for the second time because I was so swollen and couldn't pee.

Grrr... I need to let go.
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#7 of 24 Old 05-05-2007, 08:12 AM
 
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Originally Posted by FuzzyOne View Post
both me and dh's families live about four hours away, but my mom and MIL are both just slightly crazy, so, while i love to spend time with them, i am not looking forward to them being here during this time. of course, what they don't know is we aren't going to be calling them until we are on our way to the hospital (and we aren't going there until i am far into labor) they both want to be notified the moment labor starts. i just wish their idea of help was not just holding the baby constantly.
Do we share the same parents and in-laws? LOL! My folks are four hours away, and my mom wants me to call the minute I go into labor - not happening - I'm going to call on the way to the hospital. DH's folks are local - I don't even want to call them until the baby is here, but DH isn't having it... I know they mean well and want to be supportive, but part of me would just prefer it if they could back off a bit... ah well. Family - can't live with them, can't shoot them. (And just think - all of our babes will probably think the same thing in 20-30 years...)
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#8 of 24 Old 05-05-2007, 09:00 AM
 
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i found what was helpful when i was recovering with dd is that if I had too much of a visitor I would just say "oh i think we will go lay down and take a rest" take my baby back and go into the other room. Frequently this was with my MIL when they were visiting. If you can come up with a list of things that you would like help with that may ease the situation a little too. Also I found hanging around in pj bottoms got the message across that I was recovering not entertaining.

I really enjoy sharing my baby and enjoy people visiting but don't like it when they are grabby or hog the baby for too long, i think it's important to come up with some coping skills to make these visits easier.

Tracy, Wifey to Jeff . Mama to Maya-Papaya 7/04 and Carolina Bean-a 5/07 and Jack 7/4/10!!
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#9 of 24 Old 05-05-2007, 10:59 AM
 
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im activly working on getting it going despite how freaked out i still am. i just keep saying I want the baby out.

your right one way or another this baby must come out, the lack of control over that makes me cry!

my MIL left to go back to FL. that was alot of pressure I did not need. she insisted I HAD to have the baby while shewas down and why wouldn't the midwife just DO something UGHH.

my mother, well, shes barely interested in me to begin with. I think she is seriously starting to show signs of dimentia so its a little sad. My dad on the other hand came over the other day just to rescue me from my toddler.

DH is working on being more supportive. he is usally really great but seems to have some fears regarding labor and delivery that we are now working through. I almost bled out last time so I know he is scared. Plus if anything happens to me he has no legal rights over the older two.

On a big plus we DTD today about 3 hrs ago and the ctx are still pretty good. weve decided each time they stop we will have to do it again. WOOHOOO.
DH is a little skeeved out at the thought of doing that and then me birthing a kid from there hours days later. LOL silly man, thats how the baby got there in the first place.

so yeah im with you. trying to get tough and get my head around this!

Annemarie ~catholic mom of 8 -4 boys (19-16-10-7).Emma)2 girls (3 and 1)Someone new due in April too!An yes I Blog @ You Leave me breadless blog
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#10 of 24 Old 05-05-2007, 12:58 PM
 
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for me.... i am really struggling between trusting in my body to know what to do and when.... and being freaked out that we will have to have help to get it out.,. because i don't think the baby has engaged and i really don't want to have to go to the hospital. Due date is still 4 days away so we have some time. but i am really starting to get anxious.

In love with their dad . mom to (dd 5/20/07)notes.gif, and (ds 3/27/09)moon.gif ,and (dd 5/9/11) love.gif, and (ds 5/14/13) nak.gif

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#11 of 24 Old 05-05-2007, 01:00 PM
 
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Yep. I think I've spent so long worrying about preterm labor and NOT having the babies early, that now I'm having trouble switching gears. On top of that, DH is only in town with me Friday through Monday until I have the babies. I spend Monday through Friday scared of labor (he'll be a 2 hour drive away), and it takes me all weekend to shift gears. I get relaxed just in time for him to leave.

I really think my mental state is not conducive to peaceful labor, to be honest. I need to work on that.

Wife of one and mom of five, including my HBAC twins!
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#12 of 24 Old 05-05-2007, 01:25 PM
 
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Originally Posted by jessma View Post
Do we share the same parents and in-laws? LOL! My folks are four hours away, and my mom wants me to call the minute I go into labor - not happening - I'm going to call on the way to the hospital. DH's folks are local - I don't even want to call them until the baby is here, but DH isn't having it... I know they mean well and want to be supportive, but part of me would just prefer it if they could back off a bit... ah well. Family - can't live with them, can't shoot them. (And just think - all of our babes will probably think the same thing in 20-30 years...)
OK I just had to commiserate here a little bit... we are having a home birth and I have been in and out of early labor for days. We have told everyone that we need our privacy right now and do not want any stopovers, etc... well BIL commented that he feels "put out" by this, and now get this.. I found out upon waking that MIL had dropped by some food this morning. This is after we have completely and clearly communicated our needs with them (as in "please do not drop by unannounced and we do not want any visitors this weekend). She feels that since she left a message (one we had not yet recieved) on the cell, she could just come over! The food is a lovely thought, but we don't need/want that right now. I want my privacy! I want to be able to pace around naked and do whatever I need to do w/o interferance. And I sense she just wants to know exactly what happening and the timetable etc.. she recently asked questions like "what's our plan if my water breaks and 12 hours go by?" She is very fearful about homebirth. So DH had another talk with them. It makes it a little hard to relax and let go when despite your best efforts people you don't want to see are swarming your home. OK that's a little exagerated but I feel emotional about it right now.

My family on the other hand is being sooo cool- like they are there if we need anything and they have a totally relaxed attitude about it all.. like the babe's coming when she wants and on phone messages they say "no need to call back"... ugh. If only my In-laws lived hours away!


Grace Comes.

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#13 of 24 Old 05-05-2007, 01:58 PM
 
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ok - so i am going to post my fears (or what i perceive as my basic hangups at this point) in the attempt to go ahead and let them go and to allow labor to get going

when ds was born, my MIL and GMIL came to stay with me after dh went back to work for five days. my MIL spent the entire time dh was at work holding ds and i couldn't get him away from her. it was heartbreaking and awful and i was (looking back) too weak from healing from surgery and pain pills to take control of the situation. dh didn't understand at the time - now he does. i have had an incredibly hard time letting this go. also, my mother was supposed to be the one to come stay with me, but "forgot" to put in for the time at work (even though she knew exactly when dh was going back to work). and now she is super adamant that it is "her turn" to come stay with me this time around - she has totally twisted the reality of what happened in her head. i have also had a hard time letting this one go.

because they both live out of town, they have never really truly babysat ds before, thus they are both absolutely obsessed with getting to take care of him, so that is all they mainly talk about - when i go to the hospital, coming and getting ds and taking care of him, feeding him, getting him to sleep (sleeping with him, etc.). not to mention, my mom is truly not physically capable of taking care of him alone and she wants his car seat in her car - NO WAY! she has diabetes that she doesn't take care of - as far as i am concerned she will NEVER drive him. MIL can be a strong personality and will steam roll over my mom in her attempts to take care of ds. so, there is that weird dynamic.

my MIL is super intent on being here as soon as things get going, even though i have told her repeatedly that we will not be calling her until i am in active labor. she has pretended not to hear this, but has started calling every day (i don't answer anymore, so she calls dh) and i am fairly sure it is to see if i am in labor. my mother is also calling every day.

all that being said - these are both really great ladies - just a little crazy. and i am officially letting these issues go NOW! there is nothing i can really do about most of this - ds needs to be taken care of and it's only for a day. they both love him madly, and my dad, FIL and GMIL will be here as well, so they should keep things somewhat balanced. on the positive side, i am so fortunate to have such family who want to be here, who want to take care of ds and who are very excited about this new little one.

so, now that i have gotten all of this off my chest - BRING IT ON!
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#14 of 24 Old 05-05-2007, 02:16 PM
 
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[QUOTE=FuzzyOne
so, now that i have gotten all of this off my chest - BRING IT ON![/QUOTE]

It sounds like a battle cry, doesn't it? I just had this mental image of a bunch of us dressed up like BraveHeart with blue paint on our faces, holding cups of RRL tea in one hand and shouting "BRING IT ON!
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#15 of 24 Old 05-05-2007, 02:16 PM
 
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Ok, so why didn't that quote properly? Oh, whatever.
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#16 of 24 Old 05-05-2007, 02:28 PM
 
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I will be 42 weeks pregnant tomorrow and as of last night, I have a different midwife. I dont really care at this point about the mw situation, Luci will be there and shes cool so its not like I had to find a completely different sect of mw's.
Besides, I am not planning on seeing or even knowing they are here.
I wish labor would just start already. I wish DH would go to work and my family would be out, and wham the baby would be born with no one around.
I told dh last night to please just go to sleep and maybe my labor will start like it did with Daphne - by myself.

That hurt his feelings. I know birth is huge to him and he is so supportive and it is the best day of his life, but I just want to be left alone.

Unfortunately, a moments peace by myself has been non-existant for quite some time.
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#17 of 24 Old 05-05-2007, 03:48 PM
 
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It sounds like a battle cry, doesn't it? I just had this mental image of a bunch of us dressed up like BraveHeart with blue paint on our faces, holding cups of RRL tea in one hand and shouting "BRING IT ON!
:

perfect image...

Grace Comes.

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#18 of 24 Old 05-05-2007, 07:59 PM
 
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Ok, so why didn't that quote properly? Oh, whatever.
[quote=FuzzyOne
so, now that i have gotten all of this off my chest - BRING IT ON![/QUOTE]
the bracket ] is missing after the name i think?

Quote:
Originally Posted by FuzzyOne
so, now that i have gotten all of this off my chest - BRING IT ON!

Annemarie ~catholic mom of 8 -4 boys (19-16-10-7).Emma)2 girls (3 and 1)Someone new due in April too!An yes I Blog @ You Leave me breadless blog
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#19 of 24 Old 05-05-2007, 10:19 PM
 
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I haven't read all the posts so maybe this was already mentioned but just incase:

I had a homebirth with my first. So on top of regular fear about birth, I had some icky feelings about whether I was making a mistake with my choice to have a homebirth. (you know, just crap from my whole family and a bunch of friends telling me how irresponsible I was being)

But as soon as I went into labor any fear at all was gone and remained gone the whole time. I just got down to work. I somehow remembered everything good that I had read and learned and focused. Fear wasn't an issue. I was excited.

This time I'm definitely a little nervous and fearfull again......just about little things, mostly things that can happen that are out of my control. But I take comfort in knowing that I will forget the fear as soon as labor begins.
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#20 of 24 Old 05-06-2007, 04:11 PM - Thread Starter
 
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how is everyone?

i still am trying SO HARD with this. and it's tough.

taking long walks and listening to loud intense music really helps me visualize the "warrior" stuff -- that's just me. it helps center me and remember i am strong. and physical stuff feels good even though i can hardly walk anymore. sweating, breathing...walking is good.

other walk thoughts:

-- this birth is gonna be a wild adventure. like the best rollercoaster ride of all time (and i do like the rollercoasters)

-- i have to HELP my body out. my brain has to support my body and let it "do its thing." my brain needs to help. not make things worse.

--it would make NO SENSE for nature to make such an essential thing (birth) so difficult. how else would humanity survive? everything else about humans is so logical - eating, breathing, etc. this is logical too.

.....but then other times....here is me asking for "just one more day, then i will be ready for birth//baby." i feel like i am 12 and standing on the high dive, debating: should i turn around or leap off?

at these times i repeat to myself: its my way or the doctors way.

MY WAY OR THE HIGHWAY!

living in the with DH, DS (5-30-07) and DD (9-26-09) don't forget the dogs, cat, fish, toads and geckos.....
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#21 of 24 Old 05-06-2007, 06:01 PM
 
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i've really been pushing the red raspberry leaf tea this weekend. it seemed to do me some good yesterday, so we really started walking. between yesterday and today i've walked about ten miles. this resulted in a couple contractions yesterday, a little bloody show, a couple contractions that woke me in the night, and one today..,so, i'm still waiting but actually feeling confident - i can't believe i'm 4 days overdue! this thread has definitely helped me adjust my attitude to a more positive one (espescially since i got all my issues off my chest in my previous post).
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#22 of 24 Old 05-06-2007, 07:04 PM - Thread Starter
 
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oh, miss fuzzy one!

that is GREAT AND INSPIRING!! you are progressing!!

i wish i could walk even more but my legs are so frickin sore its incredibly painful. argh.

also i really "got" your mom / MIL post. eek. glad you got it off your chest.

it sounds like you are IN CHARGE and i love it. i am off to drink more tea and hobble around the block....

deb

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#23 of 24 Old 05-06-2007, 07:06 PM
 
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im working on it.

one thing holding me back was that my mom was supposed to take the boys for labor and bring them back for the birth. every time I ask her to take them or try to call her she is "too busy" so I just said screw it and made a back up plan.

I keep listening to "standing outside the fire" by garth brooks and its making a world of difference in my head.
I also like the idea it's going to be either my way or the dr's way. id rather I do it my way

Annemarie ~catholic mom of 8 -4 boys (19-16-10-7).Emma)2 girls (3 and 1)Someone new due in April too!An yes I Blog @ You Leave me breadless blog
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#24 of 24 Old 05-06-2007, 09:03 PM - Thread Starter
 
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you go annemarie

i am all about the foo fighters and U2 at the moment

but i am still looking for some good tribal drumming, maybe? might work

living in the with DH, DS (5-30-07) and DD (9-26-09) don't forget the dogs, cat, fish, toads and geckos.....
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