Originally Posted by FuzzyOne
what are you doing to help yourself heal?
how do i come to terms with all this?
I'm going thru the same thing.
Mainly, I am disappointed in myself. I had two epidural-free labors/births prior to this one, and for 9 months I researched and planned for a waterbirth. Initially I switched midwives specifically so that I could birth in a hospital where waterbirths were allowed, and then when we moved I did the same in my new area. I was so excited and got annoyed when the mw's would tell me to be 'flexible' and such...I was dead set on having a beautiful waterbirth and, of course, NO EPIDURAL.
But when it got to be too much, and flashbacks of my [now] toddler's birth came flooding in (it was violently painfully horrendous) I panicked and opted for the epidural. At the time I was thankful that I did and I am able to remember this little guy's birth in ways that I can't remember my toddler's; but when I think back and realize that I was already 7cm once I got the epi...and knowing that my body moves very quickly when I get to that point...I get angry with myself that I didn't just hold out and have the natural birth I wanted. Man, I really am pissed at myself.
Thing is, I've always been a 'to each their own' kind of gal. I'm always the one who is like, look, you have a healthy baby, you got through it, don't beat yourself up...but when it's me...ugh...I guess I'm not good at comforting/supporting myself I'm just so mad at me.
Additionally, this little one was most likely our last babe, so knowing that I'll not be pregnant again and not have the chance to birth the way I WANT to again breaks my heart. I get sad about the whole experience now & then, but I'm trying to get past it...not sure how you do that, tho.
BUT. I *am* tremendously thankful that we are healthy and he's simply perfect, no matter how I birthed