Weekly Thread: Sept. 24th - Sept. 30th - Mothering Forums

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#1 of 48 Old 09-26-2006, 04:28 AM - Thread Starter
 
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Hi everyone!! I thought I'd start a weekly thread for us all to just keep up with the day to day stuff. It would be great to get to know everyone. I should go to bed but am too awake right now. I made an appt. with the hospital midwives today, but I must admit, my heart still wants that homebirth. I had planned a homebirth with Adelaide, but after 5 days of ruptured membranes and exhaustion I transferred to the hospital. i got an epidural and 3 hours of rest and then woke up and pushed her out in 50 minutes! So the trick now is to get DH on board with doing another homebirth. Hmmmmmmmm. luckily there's plenty of time to convince him!

Sandra + Jeremy keepin' it real with Adelaide (2005) and Watson (2008)
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#2 of 48 Old 09-26-2006, 09:38 AM
 
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Is it silly to wish I was feeling ms? I'm still having a tough time remembering that it actually worked this time. Feeling something out of the ordinary might help, at least a little.
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#3 of 48 Old 09-26-2006, 10:10 AM
 
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I'm here, but I'll be out pretty much all day--Brandon has his behavioral therapy, relationship therapy, and occupational therapy today (for his autism)...and the first two are at an office an hour away! Yikes!

About the birth choices...I totally hear you on that one. My heart wants a homebirth. My head knows that hospitals contributed to my son's passing. But there's that nagging voice that's scaring me out of a homebirth (oddly, it sounds like MIL and my mom. : ) I do see the OB next week, but he had me on clomid and prometrium so he has to see me first anyhow...

~Brandon Michael (11/23/03), Jocelyn Lily Nữ (2/4/07, adopted 5/28/07 from Vietnam), Amelia Rylie (1/14/09), & Ryland Josef William (9/7/05-9/7/05 @ 41 wks). 
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#4 of 48 Old 09-26-2006, 01:02 PM
 
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thanks for starting this thread sandra.
i made an appointment with a HB midwife that my friend (who is a doula) used for her HB a year and a half ago. she seemed great on the phone and will do all the prenatal checkups at my house - gotta love that.
my family is supportive of HB but my SO is not so into it . i told him that he doesn't have to catch the baby or clean up after anything - all he has to do is stay by my side (unless i tell him to get away from me ) and love and support me - same as i would want wherever we gave birth.
also - he really wants to know the sex of the baby and i don't want to find out. Has anyone else had one person know and not the other?
as for pg symptoms - my breasts are definately sore and seem to be growing already - look out! but aside from one night of not wanting to eat dinner (after an hour of cooking and thinking i was starving) - no real ickiness.
i'm kind if looking forward to it too Patch (sorry, i forgot your name). i was pretty queasy with my 1st so maybe i'll get lucky and skip it but those kind of things do help it all feel more real.
we've got such a long ways to go...i'll try to be patient.
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#5 of 48 Old 09-26-2006, 02:13 PM
 
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Hi all! We will be having a hospital birth. I would love to have a home birth but dh is scared out of his mind. So we will have our mw in the hospital like last time. Oh well- she did let dh catch my dd so hopefully he will get to do that again this time.

Kristinjoy.gif, ebfing, cding, non-circing, bedsharing, crazy busy mama to three amazing littles!  
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#6 of 48 Old 09-26-2006, 02:23 PM
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Hi there,

Glad to chat with you all. Its so funny about wanting morning sickness because I too have been wishing to be sick. I'm so terrified about having another miscarriage that I would love to have all the early pregnancy symptoms and would gladly trade several months of throwing up for a healthy baby.
I am considering a HB but hubby is against it. I had complications with my last birth and it terrified him. I'm gently working on him though.
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#7 of 48 Old 09-26-2006, 02:59 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Patch: I don't think it's silly at all to wish for MS. Every time I wipe I'm expecting my period to show and for all this to be a mistake. MS would make it more REAL. Once the next 8 weeks pass I'll feel sooooooo much better.

AllyRae: It sounds like your decision about where to birth is more complex and nuanced. I am sorry for your loss. You sound like an amazing mama to Brandon. It's impotant to listen to your family, but at the same time only you and your DP know what's best for your family.

We do have such a long ways to go! I look out at the weeks and months streatching ahead and it feels like FOREVER. But then I remember that with adelaide the time flew after the first tri. I like the idea of gently working on jeremy for another attempt at a HB. I'm more of a bully when it comes to birth. I want it my way!! Ahhh patience is a virtue I'm a little short on.

Happy Tuesday everyone!

Sandra + Jeremy keepin' it real with Adelaide (2005) and Watson (2008)
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#8 of 48 Old 09-26-2006, 04:17 PM
 
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Every time I wipe I'm expecting my period to show and for all this to be a mistake.
me too! i keep thinking that maybe i imagined that pregnancy test line...that maybe it was so light it wasn't really a line. but i am late, my boobs hurt and i wake up slightly nauseous and feeling mentally unstable. i guess all the signs are there! i hate the first trimester. can't wait to get to the 2nd.

shockels i am sure you would have a successful hb if you tried again. i think 2nd labors are usually faster. doug won't do it. i had so much blood the first time he is scarred for life. he says no way. so off to providence we go. if i go with a mw it is outside my insurance. i'm still tempted although i did like my ob a lot and if i did need surgery i would want him to do it. so i think maybe i'll stick with him and get a doula. decisions decisions. isaac's whole birth was ~$700 out of our pocket so that wasn't bad. i have no idea how much a midwife would end up costing. (i hate that about my insurance)

allyrae - your webpage for ryland brought tears to my eyes. i'm so sorry. what a great tribute to him. is there something specific about what they did at the hospital that you think contributed to his death? or is it just one of those things that could have happened at home too? sorry if this is too many questions. i didn't know meconium aspiration could happen. i just knew that docs usually start worrying more when there is meconium.

there seem to be a lot of scared (of homebirth) husbands in this group! i'm glad mine isn't the only one. i feel like a freak going to the hospital when so many mamas in portland don't.
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#9 of 48 Old 09-26-2006, 04:48 PM
 
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allyrae- I just looked at your page for Ryland. What an amazing tribute. I am so sorry for your loss.

Kristinjoy.gif, ebfing, cding, non-circing, bedsharing, crazy busy mama to three amazing littles!  
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#10 of 48 Old 09-26-2006, 07:03 PM
 
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I just got off the phone with the Dr. to make my first appointment. Unfortunately, they don't see you until 8-10 weeks so my first appointment isn't until October 25. Another month? That just seems like ages away.
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#11 of 48 Old 09-26-2006, 07:56 PM
 
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Sandra:I want a homebirth too, but DP is still pretty nervous about it. I told him I'm willing to tour the local birth center and maybe birth there as a compromise. I just couldn't see myself giving birth in a hospital in this area - I'm a doula so I've been to most of the hospitals and have seen enough to scare me. The hospitals around here are not so good. I hope your DS changes his mind!
AllyRae:I'm so sorry about your son's passing, I read the page too and it is heartbreaking. I think you should birth where you feel most comfortable. How does your SO feel about homebirth?
Violetisadora: My DP also wants to know the sex and I REALLY don't. I have known 2 couples who had one person find out the sex and the other was surprised. I don't think I could do it that way. I've decided to let DP decide whether or not we find out - I get to make all of the other choices.
Jstar:I've tested 5 times already because I keep wondering if I imagined the line too Each time the line gets darker and I get more excited
Patchchild:Some of the Midwives and OBs around here don't see patients until they are 10 weeks along My Midwife will see me now, but I think I might wait a little longer. I'm so nervous I'm gonna jinx something by going to early.

We do seem to have a lot of dads who are nervous about HB here. I think it is normal. I'm letting my DP read a lot of links about homebirth that I found on the homebirth forum. My Midwife has some great links on the safety of homebirth on her site too that I'll print out for DP. the site is: sarasotamidwife.com if anyone else needs some good links.

Zen doula-mama to my spirited DS1 (2/03), my CHD (TAPVR) warrior DS2 (6/07) & a gentle baby girl (8/09)
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#12 of 48 Old 09-26-2006, 11:16 PM
 
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Hi ladies!

I am also struggling over where to give birth this time. We have had a child at the hospital, a free standing birth center and at home. We were planning another homebirth for the baby we lost in July, but now I am not so sure. I went to a local dr/midwife practice to confirm the miscarriage and they were so great. My sister liked them enough to start seeing them for her pregnancy (she's 13 weeks).

Plus, we are moving (I hope - our house has been on the market for 3 months!). It will be localish, but too far to drive to appointments at the midwife's office we were going to use. We have a fabulous free standing birth center about 45 minutes away, but my last labor was only 4 hours start to finish and I don't think I'd have time to get there.

I made an appointment with the dr/midwife practice today. It's for October 20th. I guess I'll just go and see if I get a gut feeling about them. I might try to schedule a hospital tour before then and maybe take a tour of the birth center (where we delivered baby #2) to refresh my memory. Or, maybe we'll sell our house and find this fabulous rental with a huge jacuzzi tub and I can have my dream home waterbirth

Jenica - Blessed Mom to (12), (9), (6), : (2), and with a January surprise!
Missing precious Leo Malachi - m/c 7/06
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#13 of 48 Old 09-27-2006, 07:57 AM
 
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Hello Ladies!
I actually have my annual scheduled with my Midwife/OBGYN next week - but I think I'll call to push it further out.
I still can't believe I'm here.
I am using a Midwife this tme around and would like to explore the option of a waterbirth!
Poor SO is very stressted about it financially. He pays child support for his 2 children and he feels like he is tapped out. I sent a long time crying with him last night. Sigh.
Plus since we are not married I have to admit to being worried about how I will be perceived at work and thru other parents at my son's school. I know I shouldn't worry about that, but I am.
And then there is my family....
As much as I want this baby, I'm also petrified...timing, timing, timinig - but then again, is it ever right?
Thanks for reading.
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#14 of 48 Old 09-27-2006, 09:24 AM
 
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Laurorama73- I hear ya! This isn't optimal timing for me either. Make this already stressful time even more so!!

I was planning a homebirth with my first pregnancy. Unfortunately we didn't get past 20 weeks so we didn't have the chance. Now because of my history I am too high risk for the homebirth midwives so I have to deliver in the hospital. Our hospital midwives are great though. They have a bunch of rooms that have huge tubs and they will deliver in them. That is my plan!!

I think we need a sticky thead with our "rollcall" just so we have a running list of our members. My other DDC did this and it was nice for the newbies and it was a nice way to honor those who had to leave early...me...twice...but not this time!!! I would be happy to do it but I would like to be sure this pregnancy is before I committ. Anyone else interested??

Have a great day mamas!!
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#15 of 48 Old 09-27-2006, 09:31 AM
 
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Lauromama:My DP and I aren't married either, and I wonder if people will look down on me because of it too. I know some people do. I don't see the big issue because we are very much in love and very committed to each other. I've never been one to do things to make other people happy so I'm not sure if we will get married right away.

Zion: I like the idea of a rollcall sticky.

Zen doula-mama to my spirited DS1 (2/03), my CHD (TAPVR) warrior DS2 (6/07) & a gentle baby girl (8/09)
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#16 of 48 Old 09-27-2006, 12:48 PM
 
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laurorama - congrats. and breathe...
my SO/DP and i aren't married either and i worried about it alot when i pg with #1 - mostly because we had only known each other for one month at the time and many of my fam & friends didn't even know i was seeing someone let alone having a baby. the timing was terrible and it was a really challenging time for both of us but here we are 5 years later and still going strong.
i agree with Jillian that a committed, loving relationship is a committed, loving relationship. who is anyone else to say that you *should* be married?
i personally don't feel the need to have our relationship "officially recognized" by any religious institution or government and so we don't.
also, it seems like there's enough going on with growing/having a baby, taking care of other kids, working, life - i don't need to add any more stress or pressure to the mix. that's just me.
i hope you feel better.
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#17 of 48 Old 09-27-2006, 03:31 PM - Thread Starter
 
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God... it blows me away that people would still give others a hard time about their personal choices. To marry or not is no one else's Business! It's frickin' 2006 for heaven's sake. I have a low tolerance for that sh*t. errrrrrrrr.

Zion: I have no idea how to do a sticky... but i think it's a good idea.

NCMom: Ahhhh.. So many choices! I hope your house sells soon and that you end up where you want to. You know, sometimes I let outside forces like that just sweep me along. I bet you'll end up giving birth wherever you're meant to.

Jilian: Where do you live again? I know what you mean about knowing the hospitals in your area a little *too* well. I was a nursing student doing a rotation in Labor and Delivery when I was in my 3rd trimester. What I saw made me soooo glad I was planning a homebirth. Little did I know I would end up birthing in the same place, but it all turned out in the end.

I had a wave of nausea last night! YEAH!!!

Have a fantstic day ladies!!

Sandra + Jeremy keepin' it real with Adelaide (2005) and Watson (2008)
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#18 of 48 Old 09-27-2006, 04:17 PM
 
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Jilian: Where do you live again?
I'm in SW Florida - a little north of Ft. Myers.

Zen doula-mama to my spirited DS1 (2/03), my CHD (TAPVR) warrior DS2 (6/07) & a gentle baby girl (8/09)
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#19 of 48 Old 09-28-2006, 08:27 AM
 
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Thank you all. I am feeling so much better as is SO. That initial shock of, "Wow - this actually happened" is over and I'm growing excited about it! And I am also not going to stress about not being married. I've been there, dont that and to be honest, this relationship for me feels so much more REAL and STRONG than my marriage did. And for any of the snootys who may look down upon me, who needs 'em!

This time around, I guess having been thru this before, I already feel so different and much calmer. I really want to enjoy this time beccause I think this will be it for me.

I like the idea of a rollcall - not sure how to get that going tho...

Happy symptoms to all!
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#20 of 48 Old 09-28-2006, 01:10 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Laurarama...It is different the second time isn't it? I feel much calmer as well. And I'm plotting out what I want to do different....Like NOT eat a massive amount of chocolate everyday, and try to exercise a little everyday. I was running regularly up until about a month ago. Now I'm going to try and walk briskly for a little bit everyday.
How about it ladies? Resolutions for your pregnancy??

Sandra + Jeremy keepin' it real with Adelaide (2005) and Watson (2008)
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#21 of 48 Old 09-28-2006, 01:35 PM
 
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Laurarama...It is different the second time isn't it? I feel much calmer as well. And I'm plotting out what I want to do different....Like NOT eat a massive amount of chocolate everyday, and try to exercise a little everyday. I was running regularly up until about a month ago. Now I'm going to try and walk briskly for a little bit everyday.
How about it ladies? Resolutions for your pregnancy??
Me too! Last time I gained 53 lbs during pregnancy. I was small to start (113 lbs) but 53 ;bs was a little much. It took a LONG time to lost it after DS was born. This time around I'm not going to use pregnancy as an excuse to gorge myself with food I want to exercise more too. Last time I was too scared of hurting the baby so I gave up all exercise.

I'm eating all organic fruits and veggies this time around too. And I'll start drinking RLR tea in the third trimester and OILING MY PERRENIUM. No tearing this time, last time the tearing was awful!

Zen doula-mama to my spirited DS1 (2/03), my CHD (TAPVR) warrior DS2 (6/07) & a gentle baby girl (8/09)
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#22 of 48 Old 09-28-2006, 02:06 PM
 
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I gained so much with my last pregnancy that I'm not even completely sure how much it was. I know it was more than 50lbs, and I believe it was less than 60, but I'm not 100% sure. I'm still carrying 10 of those pounds, so I really don't want to go overboard this time around. And I definitely want to make an effort to be more active. I have a prenatal yoga video and a couple stretching videos for poor weather and hope to walk a couple miles a day in our hilly neighborhood when the weather is good.

Prior to DD's birth I ate nearly all conventionally produced foods. Now I'm eating mostly organic fruits and veggies and using all organic dairy. Organic meats are hard to come by here, (and we are meat-eaters) but I do buy the "natural" meats. I figure the lack of growth hormones and antibiotics must count for something... I really want to eat well this pregnancy, in part to keep my weight gain reasonable, but also because DD is still nursing and I want to be sure that I'm getting enough of all the good stuff for all three of us! (Let's just hope I'm not having twins - I'm not sure I can eat for four!)
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#23 of 48 Old 09-28-2006, 06:31 PM
 
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I was surprised to read about so many of you willing to give up a homebirth for your husbands...what is the difference between you giving birth in a hospital when you would rather be at home vs. your husband watching you give birth at home and wishing you were in the hospital??? Well, I think it is more important that the birthing woman be comfortable birthing than the husband! I'm not saying that a father's input isn't important. But considering that homebirth when using a qualified midwife is really as safe (at least!) as having hospital birth, then why would you give that up for your husband's worry?? He is going to worry no matter where you birth!

I have had three babies at home and have attended many women at both home and hospital births. I'm not even sure this time if we're going to hire a midwife or not as my births are short (last one was under 2 hours!) and sweet, and I can't imagine sitting through all those prenatals again! It always seems to me that hospital births are awkward- the robes and cords and small rooms with nurses and doctors the famiy hasn't met before going in and out...nothing I would choose, unless baby's or my health required it.

But it's beautiful that we get to make our own choices, just like getting married or not!

JENNY, 38~ preschool teacher, birth activist, sun worshiper, singer, married for 17 years and mom to

Karan 15, Fiona 12, Bodhi 10, Bjorn 6, Devon 3, and Robin Taylor born January 16th!

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#24 of 48 Old 09-28-2006, 06:37 PM
 
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am i always the "me, three" here, or am i just a novice on the message board thing? a little slow on the uptake maybe
anyway, i also gained 50+ pound with #1 and would really like to try to keep it more in the range of 35 this time. also trying to stick to organic produce and stay away from sweets. i walk pretty much everywhere but even so, it seems like my pants are a little tighter than they should be.
i guess my biggest 'resolution' or intention for this pregnancy is to try to stay balanced and really give my self/baby, son, partner, school/work the attention and care that each deserves and not let anything fall by the wayside - no overdoing it, no excessive slacking. i could easily spend all day on these message boards...but i must resist....
glad it's almost friday though, ready for a little break for sure.
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#25 of 48 Old 09-28-2006, 06:54 PM
 
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Yes, wouldn't it be great to take care of everything!! To balance kids, husband, friends, work, SELF-care! I echo that intention. I am signing up for prenatal yoga classes already so that I can get into good habits BEFORE I get sicky, fussy and overwhelmed by my own body!

JENNY, 38~ preschool teacher, birth activist, sun worshiper, singer, married for 17 years and mom to

Karan 15, Fiona 12, Bodhi 10, Bjorn 6, Devon 3, and Robin Taylor born January 16th!

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#26 of 48 Old 09-28-2006, 07:07 PM
 
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Hi all! It's so nice to check in with you all every now and then!!

I have been trying really hard to hold off on telling people about this pregnancy. I am 5 weeks today. It seems like when you tell people you're pregnant the first thing they want to know is how far along. When you say 4 or 5 or 6 weeks they look worried. Like it almost doesn't count until you are further along. I know all the bad things that can happen...I've been through it, but right now I am trying to stay optimistic. I am just so excited I want to spread the word!! We are going to the beach for a week on Saturday. When I get back I will be 6+ weeks. I will only have to keep my mouth shut for a little while then I can let the word out!! Sorry for the rant!!

My Birthday is Saturday!! I'm going to be 29. Woo hoo!! Birthday at the beach. To bad no for me!! It's all good.

Hope everyone is well.
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#27 of 48 Old 09-28-2006, 08:47 PM
 
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I hope you have a lovely birthday!


My resolution for this pregnancy is to enjoy it! I am going to read the pregnancy journal I bought every day, do prenatal yoga (dvd), and spend time talking to my baby each night. My life is so busy with homeschooling 3 other children, that I know I'll need to schedule in these special times to bond with our new little one!

Jenica - Blessed Mom to (12), (9), (6), : (2), and with a January surprise!
Missing precious Leo Malachi - m/c 7/06
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#28 of 48 Old 09-28-2006, 10:17 PM - Thread Starter
 
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i guess my biggest 'resolution' or intention for this pregnancy is to try to stay balanced and really give my self/baby, son, partner, school/work the attention and care that each deserves and not let anything fall by the wayside - no overdoing it, no excessive slacking. i could easily spend all day on these message boards...but i must resist....
glad it's almost friday though, ready for a little break for sure.
Violet: Well said!! That sounds like a fabulous way to move through pregnancy. I'm actually very glad you said this early on, because it is definitely something I should take to heart. Starting my new career, having a toddler, remodeling our kitchen and then finally moving into our new home, not to mention a sister planning a wedding, and a beloved cat who has been neglected lately are enough to make me feel guilty every minute of the day. But if you approach it one step at a time and give what you can when you can that's enough right?

Zion: Happy happy birthday for sat. Enjoy the beach!!!

Sandra + Jeremy keepin' it real with Adelaide (2005) and Watson (2008)
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#29 of 48 Old 09-28-2006, 10:25 PM
 
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Originally Posted by mataji4 View Post
I was surprised to read about so many of you willing to give up a homebirth for your husbands...what is the difference between you giving birth in a hospital when you would rather be at home vs. your husband watching you give birth at home and wishing you were in the hospital??? Well, I think it is more important that the birthing woman be comfortable birthing than the husband! I'm not saying that a father's input isn't important. But considering that homebirth when using a qualified midwife is really as safe (at least!) as having hospital birth, then why would you give that up for your husband's worry?? He is going to worry no matter where you birth!
when i first told my SO that i was planning on a homebirth with a midwife he couldn't understand why i would make that choice (what if something happens - like last time? what are you trying to prove?). as i said in another post, he was also concerned that he would have to play a major role in the birth which, for whatever reasons that i personally cannot understand, he has zero desire to do (don't want to catch anthing, cut anything or clean anything). so my feeling was that he didn't have to do anything but be there for me (encouragement, love and a cold cloth or snack occasionally) and if he couldn't find a way to be supportive and positive about it then i'd rather he not be there at all.

now, of course i hope it wouldn't come to this although i also think it's okay to have a more "red tent", all-women birth. but i really don't want to give up on my dream of a natural birth experience because somone else's fears/issues/discomfort and i know that i cannot have the birth experience i want in a hospital.

that being said, of course if any significant risk arises, i'll do whatever i have to do to have a healthy baby but barring that, no one (and especially not someone who is basing their opinion on pretty much no information or even personal philosophy) is going to stand in my way.

Originally Posted by mataji4 "But it's beautiful that we get to make our own choices, just like getting married or not!"


and for anyone who is making a different decision - much respect for doing whatever is right for you and your family. i would never impose my choice on another woman. i just want to be able to do what's right for me - and i feel in my heart that that is a homebirth.
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#30 of 48 Old 09-28-2006, 10:34 PM
 
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Originally Posted by shockels View Post
Starting my new career, having a toddler, remodeling our kitchen and then finally moving into our new home, not to mention a sister planning a wedding, and a beloved cat who has been neglected lately are enough to make me feel guilty every minute of the day. But if you approach it one step at a time and give what you can when you can that's enough right?
Sandra - Yes! Let's try to help each other remember this over the next nine months...but now i'm wondering if my cat is neglected
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