i've been following your story and am also happy to hear that you and your DP are looking into counseling. relationships are challenging and take a lot of work, patience, acceptance and compromise.
my DP and i have been doing couples counseling (every other week) for about 4 years and it has made a huge difference for us as a couple but also for each of us individually. being able to take responsibility for our own assumptions, reactions and needs has vastly improved our communication and also allowed us both to get a lot more of what we want.
i agree with mataji4 that the main thing is that you and your DP are making progress in the right direction (even if it's slow).
our therapist told us that 70% of issues in a relationship are unresolvable
: . who knows if it's true or not but it definitely made me think. partly it relieves the pressure to work everything out. for instance, we have really different values about certain things and i've had to accept that those things are not going to change. we can change the way we view those differences, or interact around them - but the actual differences are not resolvable. it's a balance either way. i'm starting to ramble so i'll stop. but i wish you the best through all of this and hope that things work out the way you want.
also, i know you're getting a lot of reading recommendations but i'll just add - Getting The Love You Need by Harville Hendriks (he used to be on oprah a lot and developed Imago which is a style of dialogue and therapy that our guy uses sometimes).