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#91 of 99 Old 05-13-2007, 10:07 AM
 
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Happy Mother's Day Mamas!!

Willo, I'm sorry you are feeling depressed. Don't feel bad about venting or whining, that is what we're here for. Last year DP didn't do anything for mother's day for me and I was really upset about it. I cried most of the day. Then someone here on MDC made a good point, she said sometimes men need to be told exactly what they need to do. She asked why men buy their mothers a present on mpther's day - because they know their mom would be pissed if they didn't - it made sense to me. So the day after mother's day I told him how upset I was and how it would have been nice if he helped DS make me a card or even just let me get some rest and have a nice day. This year he remembered. Maybe you could tell your DH what it is that you need? I've been doing a lot of that lately and I find that it helps me to stop harboring resentment towards DH (something I have had problems with in the past). I just wanted to share what worked for me.

I hope your day gets better

Zen doula-mama to my spirited DS1 (2/03), my CHD (TAPVR) warrior DS2 (6/07) & a gentle baby girl (8/09)
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#92 of 99 Old 05-13-2007, 10:32 AM
 
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ITA, Jilian! It feels funny, telling DH what I want him to do (shouldn't he just KNOW? ), but after a few years 'how to make me feel special' has finally sunk in. We had a HUGE blowout fight just before one of my birthdays, when he was busily playing helpless; I finally just screamed at him that all I wanted was "a party I don't have to plan, a cake I didn't have to bake, and a kitchen I don't have to clean!" And now that's what I get every time, aong with a gift - a DH-made meal of my choice and/or cake. It's not terribly inventive, but it's nice nevertheless.

Willo, I'm sorry you're feeling let down. Is there some way you can sit down with him at some point and just tell him how you feel? I don't recommend the screaming-argument method; it worked, but wasn't worth the stress. But he may feel very relieved not having to guess at what would make you feel good. s
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#93 of 99 Old 05-13-2007, 11:11 AM
 
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Hugs willo...I'm sorry mother's day is such a downer. Holidays and "special days" really aren't as much fun once you're a grown up, you know? Somehow they just don't have the same joy in them.

This year has been pretty rough around each and every holiday...imbolc, beltane, turkey day, christmas, my birthday, Dh's birthday...every time a special day rolls around we're either sick (DH spent my b-day in the ER) or there's some sort of family stress with attached blow-up or something gets in the way and we miss the holiday completely.

Today we're going out to dinner if it kills us...we've been trying to get to a local restaurant for a "Clay related special day" for almost a year now and gods help the eprson place or thing that gets in my way. I WILL have dinner at Maxie's tonight, even if this means pushing the babe out in the dining area!

But yeah, sometimes I wish DH didn't need to be "told" so bluntly to "do this" or that. I want him to just be inspired on his own to do something extra, instead of feeling like I have to ask for a special day.

Sigh...still...

HAPPY MOTHER'S DAY EVERYONE!!!!!!!!!!!
MAY WE ALL HAVE AT LEAST A MOMENT OF MAMA-JOY!!!!!!!!!!!!!

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#94 of 99 Old 05-13-2007, 11:45 AM
 
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[QUOTE=wombatclay;8110288]Hugs willo...I'm sorry mother's day is such a downer. Holidays and "special days" really aren't as much fun once you're a grown up, you know? Somehow they just don't have the same joy in them.

:

Willo- Sorry you're feeling blue. I find it really annoying that my DH needs to be told basic stuff sometimes (like that he can't play video games with every spare second of his time & ignore me). I have to say that he did spend all day running errands with me yesterday, is going to see my family today & let me pick some flowers as a present. Then again, my Mom has been gone a little over a year (she died unexpectedly at 59 right in front of me) & he knows I'm having a really really hard time.

My advice is this, if you can be calm, tell DH how disappointed you are about how he handled Mother's Day. If you end up crying or getting mad, that's ok though. Sometimes, I have to cry or get mad for DH get it.

DH loves you, unfortunately he's a guy & they are just clueless sometimes. Aggravating but true.

There's plenty of time left in the day. Focus on something positive (like the gorgeous weather) and try to uplift your spirits somehow.

"Unthinking respect for authority is the greatest enemy of truth."- Albert Einstein

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#95 of 99 Old 05-13-2007, 01:00 PM
 
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I can totally relate to most of that post. My husband was raised Jehovah's Witness, so holidays are pretty much just another day to him. It made me really sad this year on my birthday. He didn't even SAY Happy Birthday. It wasn't about getting a gift. It would have just been nice to have been acknowledged.

That was less than two weeks ago so I've been preparing myself to not be completely let down by Mother's Day, but it's hard not to be. I don't expect a gift or even a card. I expect him to acknowledge that I have spent the past two and a half years bearing, nursing, caring for his two children.

I too am lucky to have a husband who's around, hard working, and great with our son. But I'll admit that holidays are a total downer.

Just posting this let loose a ton of emotion and tears. It really does suck!
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#96 of 99 Old 05-13-2007, 01:15 PM
 
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Happy Mothers day!! hugs to those having a hard day.

I have learned over the years that even though my DH is very well meaning and very sweet, we are both happier if I just say exactly what I want. I told him a week ago that the only thing I wanted was to go and get a manicure and pedicure, and would your believe it he had to ask me again what it was I wanted half way through the week because he forgot: . Anyway I was not annoyed at it, just used it as an oportunity to lay a fun guilt trip on him . However he was very eager to let me go and do this and he is not stressed out with trying to do/get the perfect mothers day gift for me. I even had to come up with the gift idea for HIS mother, but made him think of one thing to add to it, which was a cute idea. I made him choose, but I had no problem finding it and buying it. Anyway I guess my point is that what a pp said, sometimes being very clear and telling them exactly what we want or what needs to get done works. Try not to have too many expectations as they generally haven't got a clue All that said I love my DH dearly, he just needs help occasionally.
Hope everyone can find joy for at leaste a moment.

Molly, Mama, living in the burbs with a beehive and chicken coop,  herb student, gardener, crunchy and preggers with #3, due Nov 4th.flower.gif
The fruit of the spirit is: Love, joy, peace, patience, kindness,goodness, gentleness and self control.:
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#97 of 99 Old 05-13-2007, 06:03 PM
 
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Yeah...and with my DH (and the ADHD) it's not just a matter of telling, it's more or less a matter of doing it myself. Though he brought home a bunch of roses for me this morning! Of course, he said he was going out to pick up some nyquil (he and dd now have colds! just as I'm getting better!) and he'd be back in 20 minutes...an hour and a half later he's back. With the Nyquil, roses, chocolate, and a card.

Still...I'm holding out for that dinner!

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#98 of 99 Old 05-13-2007, 09:28 PM
 
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Well, guys, I'm feeling much better now than this morning. Really, I cried off and on pretty much until DH got home from karate around noon.

But I did talk to him about it, and even confessed that I can remember hating EVERY mother's day I've had. Now that really threw him for a loop, and I was mildly hysterical, and he felt guilty, so it was kind of stupid and emotional and messy.

After that, we planted the few plants I bought this year (impatiens and tomatoes) and got the watering system hooked up for the hanging baskets I got (for our anniversary and for Mother's Day) for the front porch.

Then I had a little nap and then DH and I sat and watched several hours of recorded tv shows while DS napped. Romantic? Exciting? Nope--but I think I just really wanted ATTENTION!

And we went for a walk to the beach and got some ice cream for me, so that helped, too.

Wombat-- I was sure your story was going to be that your DH brought home roses but forgot his Nyquil. I'm glad that went well after all. How are you feeling?

Last night was even better for me, with only mild sore throat pain, and I'm down to the occasional cough, only mildly irritating if I'm trying to talk or sing. DH still feels pretty bad, and had to go to the couch in the middle of the night to control his coughing, but I think we are going to live.

Let us all remain fully healthy until AT LEAST having labored, birthed, and survived those first exhausting newborn weeks.

--willo
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#99 of 99 Old 05-13-2007, 09:47 PM
 
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Willo- glad things perked up! My throat feels fine, but I'm still very hoarse...and if I start coughing I tend to keep on coughing for a few minutes. Also, my ears are still a bit blocked up so my sense of balance is off and it's giving me that "my head is wrapped in cotton" feel. It's tough to read to dd, and the bedtime songs are pretty croaky. But we'll live!

I think dd and dh have a different bug so my real hope is that I don't catch this one as well! I think Roro and I have been through enough so maybe the universe will have pity on us.

We went to the friends of the library book sale today (third largest in the country and something I'ce done almost every year since I was 5) and got a few books. And we did do dinner at Maxies, so even though I ate WAY too much I'm a happy camper. And dh is soooooo close to having the family bedroom done...we're going to be sleeping in there tonight without fail (in part because he's piled all sorts of things up in the current family bedroom and we can't get in the door. So dd may be in for a late night...


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