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Pretty upset by my OBGYN appt.

1K views 17 replies 15 participants last post by  willoLevin 
#1 ·
Maybe i'm over-reacting but I need to vent a little bit. DH just stops me and tells me to take a fetal love break because he doesn't want me upset and getting the baby upset. But I need to vent!!

So I had my weekly visit and i'm 39 weeks today. I was not expecting an internal exam. I guess I should have asked at my last visit but I thought this would be another quick weight/urine/measure the uterus/check fetal heartrate visit. Also was NOT expecting the internal exam to be so uncomfortable. My cervix is very high up and closed. Which is pretty much what I expected at 39 weeks. This is where I got upset.

To be fair I should mention that I went to my Doctor's alternate clinic today which I'd never been to before, He had a med student with him observing his appointments, and he had an emergency appt that he took before he saw me so he was severely backed up (waiting room was PACKED).
He checks my cervix, and looks at the calander and sees that my EDD is June 12th. He then goes into a little spiel about "As an OBGYN there's three things we can do. We can wait, induce or go ahead and schedule a C-section" and then he kind of chuckles and says the hospital i'm delivering at does not recommend induction until 41 weeks but its NOT for any medical reasons, it's simply based on bed occupancy rates. As if not inducing is a silly thing. So due to my hospitals policy he decided we should wait, but next week he'll want to discuss induction and c-sections and all those unnecessary interventions he'll be wanting to do.

I'm 39 weeks TODAY. She is NOT ready to come out yet!! Why did he even need to bring up induction when I'm not even "due" yet?! The reason this is so upsetting to me is because about a month ago I actually scheduled an appointment with him to go over my birth plan. My DH and I were almost done with our Bradley classes, and we wanted to make sure that the Doctor didn't have any problems with my going for a Bradley birth. We discussed in detail that obviously birth plans can't be set in stone and if interventions are medically necessary i'm not going to be all pigheaded about it and endanger my child. My doctor was fine with it. He said he saw no problems with my birthplan whatsoever, and it specifically states on there that I am very very very much opposed to induction unless it's medically necessary. Which means NOT inducing just because of "due dates" or baby size or anything like that. I'm perfectly healthy, my baby is perfectly healthy. What, did he just forget that whole appointment?! I didn't say anything to him today. I was kind of shell shocked, and also naked from the waist down and in an awkward position on the exam table. I didn't know what to say!! So now i'm dreading my appt next week, because it looks like i'm going to have to argue with him about waiting. I know they can't MAKE me do anything, I just didn't want to deal with battling a doctor. Which is why I set up the birthplan go-over appt. Am I overreacting? I dunno. I feel all crummy now
:

I'm drinking my RRL tea, and eating lots of pineapple and parsley, I've got an induction massage scheduled, and my DH is very pleased because he's gonna start getting some action, all in hopes of getting things to kick off. It just sucks because I was just fine with patiently waiting until that stupid appointment. Now I feel like i'm on the clock. Bleeeeeeeeeeeeeeech
 
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#3 ·
Oh, I'm sorry! What a miserable appointment!

Maybe on a busy day, he really did just get you mixed up with his more "standard" patients? Perhaps you could schedule another brief visit (a talking at the desk in the office visit) to discuss your concerns?

Of course, you know no one can make you show up, no matter what they schedule you for, but I expect you will feel better if you clarify matters rather than relying upon tricking your doctor!!!

Good luck with this. Take care of yourself, and find someone else to talk to about it if your husband can't help you talk through it. Of course, we'll always listen, too.


--willo
 
#4 ·
I am concerned this is going to happen to me too.
I'm sorry! Hopefully by next week you will show some progress, or you can just remind your doctor that you aren't going to schedule anything and that's that.
 
#6 ·
I was also think I'd "forget the next apt.....(or 2 if you go that far)
Since your completely healthy, I would just show up at the hospital when you are about to push that baby out....

(also not in your ddc but wanted to extend some hugs....I've had some very intervention happy care givers over the years, and it doesn't seem to get any less infuriating when they make their "suggestions")
 
#8 ·
Just happened to see your post and had to reply.


It is so hard to speak up and even think what to say when someone has their hand up your crotch and with others looking on espec - at least for me.

I would just stop him in his tracks next time "Oh, you must have forgotten, I'm not really into all the unneccessary medical interventions. We had previously discussed a natural Bradley birth."

I would stop tryng to rush your little one out and just remember your rights. You dont' have to do *anything* you don't want to. Just don't show up if they schedule an induction or c/s and go to the hsptl only when you are in heavy/end labor to be on the safe side. Make sure your dh knows patient rights and have him be watching closely to make sure they are not about to cut you or do something else you don't want. Maybe it would be good to get a doula who can also mediate for you. I would be more concerned about getting to the hpstl and the doc deciding he wants to go home for the night or needs your bed for someone else and telling you the baby's heartrate dipped (when it was only really slight and perfectly normal and healthy for labor) and then scaring you into a c/s. Having someone there (maybe a doula) who can interpret whats going on for you might help.

Then again, are you allowing constant electronic fetal monitoring or not? IV? Just make sure you know your hsptl's procedures. Do they take the baby after birth? Do they automatically do a shot and antibiotics (most all do) and some will even assume you want a circumcision.

So anyway, I wouldn 't worry so much about what your doc is pushing now as you can just not show up -but if that is his attitude then I would clearly be concerned over what may happen during the birth - and make sure you take care of those concerns now so there are no unexpected surprises.

Best wishes!!
 
#9 ·

Hi! Just wanted to offer a hug. We're due on the same day, and I had simular feelings when I got back from my appt yesterday (although my OB is a dear, she'll be on holiday from the 18th on
, which put's me on the clock as well, as she's my best hope for a succesful vbac in this hospital) Don't let it get to you though! Take someone with you to your next checkup, to back you up a bit, and DO tell that doc you find it very disturbing that he doesn't seem to remember your previous agreement on NOT inducing. Hang in there, your baby will come whenever she is ready!
 
#10 ·
Lucky for me, I'm delivering at a hosital that is VERY open to natural childbirth. We went for a hospital tour, and with a bradley birth in mind, they do recommend that we stay home and labor for as long as we can, but they keep interventions at a minimum. Seems like i'm going to have more problems with my OBGYN than with the hospital.
We looked into hiring a Doula, but in SoCal the prices are so high!!! $800 is about standard for our area and thats more than we can afford right now. I'm making DH re-read all our bradley info and i've got a notebook with all the "what if this happens" info in it. Thank goodness I feel well educated! I can't imagine what I would do if i hadn't taken those classes! Probably get bamboozled into the C-section/tummy tuck combo that is so popular around here these days.
 
#12 ·
I would

1. get a doula fast......worth the cost (mine was about 800 for entire services...if your coming into it that late you might get a break)

2. I am trying acupuncture at 40 weeks to get labor started.....last time I was 43 weeks and no laboer and had to go and ger induced.....now I know better, and will not do pitocin....will try the cohoshes, acupresure at home and acupuncture with a Licensed person before I get near a hospital.

Miriam

sending you great birth vibes
 
#14 ·
I would also get a doula ASAP.

I too had a birth plan meeting with my OB/GYN explaining how I wanted a natrual delivery etc.

He forgot it all once they had me in the bed at the hospital. He told me I HAD to have an epidural or a c-section because I was "taking too long"

I ended up with a horrible nightmarish intervention filled birth.

Get thee a doula who can advocate for you and I second skipping your next appt.
 
#15 ·
Quote:
I too had a birth plan meeting with my OB/GYN ...He forgot it all once they had me in the bed at the hospital.
: What she said.

Just in case, print out several copies of your birth plan and bring it with you. Hand it to everyone who walks in your room on the Big Day.

And every single time they insist on an intervention, reply with, "Why?"

"I'm sorry -- but I still don't see why that's medically necessary, or outweighs the attendant risks. You'll need to explain it to me better before I can consent." (Practice these phrases. Teach them to your husband. Repeat them as often as needed... As many times as needed!)
 
#16 ·
Ugh, sweetie, what a bad appointment! I second (actually, fifth or sixth, lol) the idea to get a doula. I wish that we could afford one right now, but it's just not possible.

Hang in there, and take pride in the fact that you KNOW you're doing the very best thing for you and baby by not accepting his "medical knowledge" as best practice for you.
 
#17 ·
I don't get doctors that talk abut inducing that early. Every pregnancy book I have perused- including the ones that are not at all holistic talk about full term being 37-43 weeks. Why doctors feel the need to panic for no reason at all at 40 weeks is beyond me. Yeah- ignore the insensitive chatter and deliver when you feel like it. They can't make you deliver nor can they deny you service when the time comes.
 
#18 ·
I think I always end up playing devil's advocate, but, darn it, I just know so many doctors who do it BECAUSE THEY REALLY WANT TO HELP PEOPLE. I have yet to meet the "evil" one it always seems like we're talking about here.


I still say, if you otherwise have been happy with this provider, GET ANOTHER APPOINTMENT AND HAVE A SERIOUS TALK. Make careful notes of exactly what this doctor's cause and effect situations are for various interventions, including induction. Even with a very cautious OB, you should be able to schedule non-stress tests, for example, to "prove" your baby is still healthy inside.

The reality is, most American women want (perhaps only because they don't know better) these medicalized births, at least to some extent. I know many women who have ASKED for inductions because they are uncomfortable and eager to meet their babies. (I think those women are misguided, and our medical culture doesn't help this, but many do make this CHOICE.) It is entirely possible that this doctor, while having a hurried day, fell into his "standard" spiel out of habit. That, IN AND OF ITSELF, doesn't mean he's going to be racing into your room with a scalpel and dreams of drugging you up.

Of course, if you have otherwise felt ignored or misunderstood or belittled, that's a whole different thing. None of us has any idea what kind of relationship you've got with your OB, what his "vibe" is, or any of that really important stuff.

If you have a bad feeling about this provider, certainly act upon it and consider a switch. It is never too late. If you have been otherwise comfortable or even happy with him, give that some weight in your considerations.

I wish we could do more to help you clear this up. "Follow your gut instinct" isn't super-helpful, I know, especially if you are feeling mildly crazy and hormonal like some of us (me!) are lately.
:

And, finally, whatever else you do, calling around to see if there is a doula who might work for you for a reduced fee is TOTALLY worth it. I had one at my first birth, and she was spectacular. DH thought it was a waste of money beforehand, and, ever since, has told every expectant father that he's met that HE SHOULD HIRE HIS WIFE A DOULA.
(It takes pressure off the father while helping the mother. Beautiful!)

Someone around here always has a link to a website/phone number where one can request a student or training or otherwise low-cost doula...

Peaceful, healthy wishes to you with this situation and all the rest of your pregnancy!

--willo
 
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