Unusual baby shower gift... WWYthink? - Mothering Forums
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#1 of 27 Old 06-27-2007, 05:27 PM - Thread Starter
 
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DH and I had a baby shower some weeks ago, but there was a lady who couldn't make it. She left a gift for us at church, which we weren't expecting at all. So we pick up this gift, and it's a book about marriage.

Actually, it's this book: http://www.amazon.com/Love-Respect-D...2975104&sr=1-1

What's kind of strange about this whole thing (besides the book itself, which isn't our style AT ALL ) is that she's been married for less than three months. DH and I have been together over six years. We've got this marriage thing down, kwim? She is older than us, but only by a few years.

So... What would you think, really? DH is kind of offended- in the front cover it says, "This book is for anyone: in marital crisis, wanting to stay happily married, who's feeling lonely... It's for engaged couples, victims of affairs, pastors and counselors seeking material that can save a marriage." I'm just wondering if we've given the impression that we're maritally unstable- I mean, you don't usually get something like this for your baby shower, kwim?

Anyway, I just wondered what everyone else thought, or if I'm having pregnancy paranoia. Which would be completely unlike me, I assure you. :
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#2 of 27 Old 06-27-2007, 05:30 PM
 
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Very strange. Maybe she put your name on the wrong gift? Maybe she is really confused and thought it was a bridal shower? (even then, it's kinda strange...)
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#3 of 27 Old 06-27-2007, 05:32 PM
 
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Maybe she was re-gifting and didn't put much thought into it? I got a book for first time moms at my shower and it was from a close cousin that soooo would not agree with half the crap that was in there.

Nic, loving mama to 5 with a SURPRISE 6th on the way.

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#4 of 27 Old 06-27-2007, 05:35 PM
 
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I'm thinking she was confused and thought it was a bridal shower.
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#5 of 27 Old 06-27-2007, 05:38 PM - Thread Starter
 
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No, the card was definitely for a baby shower! She actually made out the card to DH, baby, and me, and mentioned children in the card. It's funny, because we had her bridal shower only a few months before, and I was big pregnant then. It's a small church, so everyone knows everyone else's "status".

See, that's why I was confused!
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#6 of 27 Old 06-27-2007, 05:42 PM
 
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Well, a newborn in the house will definitely change your marriage a bit, perhaps she was trying to be supportive =)

Wife to one : Mama to 4 Gramma to 1 :
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#7 of 27 Old 06-27-2007, 05:44 PM
 
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Though I think it's strange and a little bit funny and I would totally have the same initial reaction as you.....it's not our type of book....we're having no problems (SHE'S BEEN MARRIED SOOOO LITTLE TIME TO BE GIVING ADVISE!!), my husband and I had to go through this workbook for our premarital counseling with a similar theme. At first, we totally made fun of it (actually we still do sometimes), but as the pastor who administered our counseling said, he and his wife read it together when they were already totally happily married and it just strengthened their marriage....I think it may have ours, too....

heehee maybe.....maybe it's just a strange gift!

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#8 of 27 Old 06-27-2007, 06:04 PM
 
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Maybe it really impacted her and she's giving out copies to everyone she knows because she thinks everyone needs the info? Lame-o gift though I think.
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#9 of 27 Old 06-27-2007, 06:28 PM
 
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I agree with PP, she probably lives her marriage by this book, thinks it is so great and wants to share it with everyone when ever she can. Like those babywise fanatics that gift the book whenever they see the opportunity!
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#10 of 27 Old 06-27-2007, 06:35 PM
 
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I've been given books like this before too. I don't know why, but I wouldn't give one at any kind of shower. It' pretty personal, ya know?
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#11 of 27 Old 06-27-2007, 07:25 PM
 
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totally wrong time to be giving out that book. . . and I'm not sure a marriage help book is ever something I would give as a "gift". MAYBE at a bridal shower if it was thrown in with something else as a gift too. Maybe. BUT I will say I've read the book and although its message is just a little too simple and repetative to need an entire book to explain what is being said- it was a really good marriage book. My hubby and I have a WONDERFUL marriage (5 years) and I read it and enjoyed it.
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#12 of 27 Old 06-27-2007, 07:42 PM
 
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I think that I would be a bit offended. It's not the time or place for the gift, and I wouldn't want someone who has been married less time than me trying to give advice, especially when I didn't need any.

That said, I agree with the posters who said that she meant well. The book probably had a big impact on her and she want to share it with everyone.
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#13 of 27 Old 06-28-2007, 05:29 AM
 
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Maybe she thinks your husband is in love with her

(you won't take me seriously I hope!)
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#14 of 27 Old 06-28-2007, 07:13 AM - Thread Starter
 
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Originally Posted by pilllowhead View Post
Maybe she thinks your husband is in love with her

(you won't take me seriously I hope!)
Nah, she's too skinny.

Y'all are right, she was probably so touched by the book that she wanted to share it with us. We don't know her well, but she seems like a really sweet person. We flipped through it, and DH was somewhere between and . Apparently, he needs respect (but I don't), and I need unconditional love (which he doesn't). What really cracked me up is the part where they list tips on how to accommodate his sexual needs. I have no sexual needs. I just lay there and think of roses.

Ok, now I'm being smarmy. But I've been up since 3 a.m. with pregnancy insomnia, I reserve that right!

Thing is, we shared our shower with another couple, and I'm wondering now if they got the same thing- is there any polite way to ask?
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#15 of 27 Old 06-28-2007, 02:51 PM
 
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Originally Posted by BumbleBena View Post
Thing is, we shared our shower with another couple, and I'm wondering now if they got the same thing- is there any polite way to ask?
Oh- that would be so funny to find out. Not sure of the ettiquite rules on who-gave-you-what-at-the-shower questions.....

Mama to James 4-05 and Leland 7-07, and feeling so privileged to be growing kiddo #3 due in September!
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#16 of 27 Old 06-28-2007, 03:04 PM
 
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I agree with the others that say she probably got alot out of the book herself and was just sharing the information... That said, it totally sucks that that's what she gave you as a shower gift but I think she had good intentions behind it, anyway... She should've said something in the card to relate the book and her reasoning behind giving it to you guys as a BABY SHOWER GIFT... It's like she left a huge gaping communication hole between her intentions and the actual gift.

Quite strange.

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#17 of 27 Old 06-28-2007, 03:21 PM
 
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So How are you going to write a thank you not for that gift

Interesting. I wonder what she was thinking
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#18 of 27 Old 06-28-2007, 03:53 PM - Thread Starter
 
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I know, I'm not sure what to say now! She and her DH left town for the summer, but I'm trying to figure out a polite, casual way to wrangle out of the other mom if she got the book too, or if there are wild rumors circulating the church that DH and I slap each other around on a regular basis.

I was also wondering about the thank-you card. I've gotten so far as, "Thank you so much for the lovely book."
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#19 of 27 Old 06-28-2007, 03:57 PM
 
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Here is my shot at a "thank you" note:

Thank you very much for the lovley book. I am sure adding a baby to the marrige makes for many changes, and I am anticipate the book will help us remember to make time for one another during our transition. Thank you again for your thoughtfullness.
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#20 of 27 Old 06-28-2007, 04:03 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Awesome, Macrina- thank you so much! I'm really terrible with thank-yous, I'm always worried I'll say the wrong thing. Yours sounds really nice- I did appreciate the gift, I just thought it was weird, you know?
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#21 of 27 Old 06-28-2007, 04:07 PM
 
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Well when I wrote the note I wanted to add a bunch of stuff to it like this:

Thank you very much for the lovley book (my husband and I got a good laugh over it.) I am sure adding a baby to the marrige makes for many changes, (like you would even begin to know) and I am anticipate the book will help us remember to make time for one another during our transition (becuase we'll crack it open every once in awhile to laugh together.) Thank you again for your thoughtfullness. (even though I have no idea what you were thinking, and you kind of weired me out)
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#22 of 27 Old 06-28-2007, 04:10 PM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by ahdoula View Post
Well when I wrote the note I wanted to add a bunch of stuff to it like this:

Thank you very much for the lovley book (my husband and I got a good laugh over it.) I am sure adding a baby to the marrige makes for many changes, (like you would even begin to know) and I am anticipate the book will help us remember to make time for one another during our transition (becuase we'll crack it open every once in awhile to laugh together.) Thank you again for your thoughtfullness. (even though I have no idea what you were thinking, and you kind of weired me out)
LMAO! That is great ahdoula!!

I do agree that the first thank-you is perfect, though... You wanna help *me* with some thank you notes now?? : (on my to-do list for this weekend!)

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#23 of 27 Old 06-28-2007, 04:10 PM
 
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My first thought was 'regift', and then this

Quote:
Originally Posted by BumbleBena View Post
It's funny, because we had her bridal shower only a few months before
definitely smells like a regift to me.

ETA: I think it's hilarious when my twice divorced, single for 20+ yrs mother gives me marriage advice books.
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#24 of 27 Old 06-28-2007, 04:11 PM
 
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Originally Posted by ahdoula View Post
Well when I wrote the note I wanted to add a bunch of stuff to it like this:

Thank you very much for the lovley book (my husband and I got a good laugh over it.) I am sure adding a baby to the marrige makes for many changes, (like you would even begin to know) and I am anticipate the book will help us remember to make time for one another during our transition (becuase we'll crack it open every once in awhile to laugh together.) Thank you again for your thoughtfullness. (even though I have no idea what you were thinking, and you kind of weired me out)
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#25 of 27 Old 06-28-2007, 08:54 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Originally Posted by ahdoula View Post
Well when I wrote the note I wanted to add a bunch of stuff to it like this:

Thank you very much for the lovley book (my husband and I got a good laugh over it.) I am sure adding a baby to the marrige makes for many changes, (like you would even begin to know) and I am anticipate the book will help us remember to make time for one another during our transition (becuase we'll crack it open every once in awhile to laugh together.) Thank you again for your thoughtfullness. (even though I have no idea what you were thinking, and you kind of weired me out)


Now I just have to find out what she gave the other couple, so I'll know if it's a regift, or if she truly thinks we're unstable!
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#26 of 27 Old 06-29-2007, 05:17 AM
 
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If she's a newly-wed, she's still twitterpated, no doubt. And that's probably what's on her mind (not even thinking about kids right now). So she wanted to share. I would probably wonder too. But knowing her newlywed status...

Could you show the book to the other couple you shared the baby shower with and then ask innocently, "So, have you ever seen this book before?" That may open it up for you to find out.

That being said, I just read that a high percentage of divorces happen during the first three years after a new baby is born. Could that possibly be her reason for sharing?
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#27 of 27 Old 06-29-2007, 09:52 AM - Thread Starter
 
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That being said, I just read that a high percentage of divorces happen during the first three years after a new baby is born. Could that possibly be her reason for sharing?
Ach, I hope not! Big families are very common in our church- the average is about 4-5 children per young family, although some have as many as 7 or 8, so she should know better!

That's a good idea about how to present the question to the other couple- I mean this really threw me through a loop, this isn't our type of book at ALL! While we're a relatively conservative church, we aren't really into the Dr. Dobson books- there's not a single one that I can think of in our church's library.

It actually comes with a seminar on DVD, which also surprised me. Most of the families in the church (ourselves included) are TV-free. It's funny, because the longer I think about it, the more I scratch my head.
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