HELP! Timothy isn't adjusting to life with Jeffrey at all..... - Mothering Forums

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Old 08-14-2007, 05:37 PM - Thread Starter
 
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I don't have time for a super lengthy post, but I need some input. My 6 year old son is having a hard time adjusting to our latest addition (born 7/23/07, our 3rd child). His normally age-appropriate 6 yo behavior is totally out of control (lying, spitting, yelling, deliberate defiance, all the usual stuff) AND this morning I discovered that he DELIBERATELY peed on his bedroom floor.

This is NOT normal for my son. He's a very sweet, very sensitive little guy and he's trying to grow up and act "big" very quickly. The whole summer has been really, really hard on us, but this really took me by surprise.

He shares a bedroom with his 2 yo brother, who is quite the little pesky, annoying, typical little brother. But we're thinking we might have made a mistake moving them in together. Un-doing that means having the New Baby sleep in his playpen in our master bedroom until he's sleeping through the night, so that the oldest can have the baby's room for himself.

I'm really concerned though that this is a sign that we should do something more than just give him back his own room. My husband vehemently opposes finding him a counselor to talk to though, so I'm not sure what else I can do.
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Old 08-14-2007, 07:58 PM
 
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I feel for ya-- ds isn't exactly loving it here either. you know your son best. I don't think any of what you describe would be considered unexpected by a counselor, but it is his way of showing he's struggling emotionally with the transition. why not start with giving him the room back, along with finding some special focus time for him (like you've got oodles of time on your hands! ). see how far that gets you, then find a counselor if you still feel the need and the hell with dh. waiting too long might result in some bad patterns getting habitual, yk? it sounds like you're not cosleeping with the baby; dunno if you have reasons you're not or if you just haven't considered it, or if you think it will be harder for the other 2, but that might be something to reconsider at this point. hth, good luck!

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Old 08-14-2007, 08:38 PM
 
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It sounds like having the two older boys in their own rooms for awhile might be a good idea. We have our new dd in our room with our two older boys in their own rooms, and it is working out well. I haven't really been able to find time to "do" any stuff with my younger ds, but I know I need to. He has also been acting up a bit, totally ignoring things we ask him to do, doing exactly what he is told not to do, stuff like that.

If your dh won't get on board with a counselor (which I think is a great idea, seeing one before things get really awful is the smartest way to go about it) would he be willing to apply some ideas from books like "Siblings Without Rivalry" or "Between Parent and Child"? Cuz right now it seems like your oldest needs to be heard, validated and engaged with in a way that doesn't judge or criticize, and that can be really tough to do with a kid who seems to be purposely doing all the wrong things.
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Old 08-15-2007, 01:54 PM
 
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nak

bethany,

it sounds like you are going through such a difficult time right now...i am so sorry. it is my sweet, sensitive 10 year old who seems to be struggling the most with adding a new baby-so much anger! i know he needs one on one time and i am trying hard to give it to him. it's just that are so many things to do when the baby naps (you know like shower and pee) that it is hard to give him the time i know he needs. i guess i really don't have any advice, just wanted to let you know we are experiencing similar things over here, even with a much older child!
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