We were in the mall, and I heard a baby scream. I said, doesn't that feel like a knife to your gut? And she said, yes. A few minutes later, I said, wouldn't you love to have a little granddaughter (since she already has 2 grandsons, lol) and she said YOU BETTER NOT BE PREGNANT. I swear, Misti, if you are I'm going to kick your a** between your shoulderblades. I had to lie to her. I just wasn't ready to tell her yet. She actually said, it's unfair of you to bring a child into this world that you can't take care of. You may remember me talking about how her definition of "caring for kids" and mine are polar opposites. She makes me soooo mad!! She goes, you'll never get ahead unless you work, Misti. This coming from a woman who worked 13 hour days the whole time I was growing up. *I* got myself up for school, *I* made MY lunch and HERS, went to school, came home *ALONE*, did my homework, and was alone until 7 or later, 5 days a week. When I moved in with my grandmother, and visited my mom for summer, I was ALONE all day, 5 days a week, ALL SUMMER. She never bothered to line up activities for me, she just left me a list in the morning of all the CHORES she wanted me to do while she was at work. Her idea of caring for kids is making sure they have everything they need MATERIALLY. Obviously, my idea is different, but she is incapable of respecting that.
Take yesterday, for instance. When we got home from the mall, she dropped me off. Our house is wrapped in christmas lights, there's a gas grill next to the front door, and the yard is full of toys, like wagons, bikes, scooters, basketball hoop, etc. She says to me, looks like the Clampetts live here. I said, don't be such a b**ch, mom. Those are my kids' TOYS. At least they have a LIFE. She says OUR house never looke dlike that, I don't know where you got that tendency from. I said, yeah, because I never DID ANYTHING when I was a kid. I sat on my butt in front of the TV, inside, all the time. Never had extracurricular activities, no friends over, no hobbies, nada. She goes, oh yeah, you must need therapy then, huh, since your childhood was so UNHAPPY? I just left the truck and went inside.
I don't know what to do now. Part of me wants to just leave, and not even tell her. But the other part of me, just wants her to love me for who I am. I know I make her sound awful, but she's not always this bad. We have a lot of fun together, we are actually really close, she adores my boys....I want her to be a part of my life.
Sorry to be such a downer....I'm just sad and confused.
Misti, mom to DS (12), DS (9), DD (3), and Mr. Man (October '10)!