Scrubs and Partners - Mothering Forums

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#1 of 11 Old 01-15-2007, 01:16 AM - Thread Starter
 
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So my DH is home, finally, and watched this week's episode of "Scrubs," [spoiler alert] in which a character suffers from PPD and another mom (former sufferer) convinces her to get help/meds. Her DH had tried to tell her that but she had resisted -- it wasn't till another mama told her BTDT that she was able to open up about the seriousness of her problem and seek help without stigma. My favorite line was when the DH tried to interrupt the other mama and she told him, "You don't have any lines in this play." I totally feel like my DH does not get what I am going through with morning sickness, fears of birth, etc. Not that I am out here solo, but more that we are having parallel experiences and I am just much more consumed by everything baby, at least at this point. He sometimes feels like I am ordering him around with regard to the morning sickness -- get me this, no, not that! -- and as if my birth planning casts him as "just a support person" -- as if he would be giving birth?!?! So anyway he thought the show was not funny, that it was about the marginalization of daddies. I want to bridge this place in our relationship -- I feel like we are ultimately moving toward the right place as totally involved and attached and even egalitarian parents, but we will have really different paths there because I am carrying this baby, birthing this baby, and nursing this baby. Why is this such a dis to him? Anybody got any great reading material for him (or me)? I want him to love catering to my every need, but frankly I fear he misses the do-it-myself, high energy, career woman he married.
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#2 of 11 Old 01-15-2007, 03:11 AM
 
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I would really recommend The Birth Partner. My IPs who had NO idea about anything child birth related read it and really loved it. It tells a partner exactly what to do and why your wife/partner needs pampering! And then how to do it 'right' It's also of course a great prep for birth together.

You should also look into a local yoga class! I went to an awesome one here last pregnancy. She involved the partner in one class a month and really 'spoke' to them on what to do for their partner during pregnancy and gave lots of handouts, etc. I'm sure you could find something similar locally as well!

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#3 of 11 Old 01-15-2007, 06:38 PM - Thread Starter
 
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thanks. that book was already on my list of ones to check out of the library.
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#4 of 11 Old 01-15-2007, 11:49 PM
 
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No reccomendations, but I know exactly what you mean. And to add to it my dh has very little empathy for me which makes it that much harder. I think he thinks I am milking it, you know? I am nursing 2 kids, and dealing with trying to get enough protein all day so that I can function. I will have to take a look at that book.

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#5 of 11 Old 01-16-2007, 01:11 AM - Thread Starter
 
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Originally Posted by mamamoo View Post
I think he thinks I am milking it, you know?
YEP!
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#6 of 11 Old 01-16-2007, 04:04 PM
 
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Originally Posted by mamamoo View Post
my dh has very little empathy for me which makes it that much harder. I think he thinks I am milking it, you know?
Absolutely! DH does not understand that I have less energy and am more emotional. He keeps saying, but your only X weeks along, how can this be affecting you? Sadly, I kinda agree with him. I never thought I'd be so affected by pregnancy either. Thank goodness I've read the books and realize it is all normal (sadly DH is resisting reading the books )
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#7 of 11 Old 01-16-2007, 04:16 PM
 
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You wanna know the crappy thing here? This is our 5th!!!! time. You would think he would be able to suck it up for a little bit for my sake, knowing it gets betterm, then worse again. LOL( He was a little better this weekend. But man, I am just feeling so tired, and the comments about the dishes or whatever can really throw me over the edge.

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#8 of 11 Old 01-16-2007, 07:06 PM - Thread Starter
 
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I never thought I'd be so affected by pregnancy either.
Me too!! Of course I'd heard about morning sickness, and about hormonal/emotional pregnant women, but I'd also heard that about women with their periods, and I thought it was mostly stereotyping and resisted buying into it. Live and learn, I guess...
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#9 of 11 Old 01-16-2007, 07:14 PM
 
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Me too!! Of course I'd heard about morning sickness, and about hormonal/emotional pregnant women, but I'd also heard that about women with their periods, and I thought it was mostly stereotyping and resisted buying into it. Live and learn, I guess...
: Dear pregnant/hormonal women from my past, please forgive me for all of the eyerolling and doubting I did behind your backs. I thought you were melodramatic fakers. I truly had no idea it was all real and I sincerely apologize.
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#10 of 11 Old 01-16-2007, 09:59 PM
 
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Right there with ya! I've tried explaining to dp, etc, (this is our #2) and he seems to "get it" but then doesn't apply that he "gets it" :

Mamamoo, little comments throw me into a rage too. If I was up all morning (like today) with ds since the crack of dawn, feeding him breakfast, playing with him and generally trying to keep him in a decent mood, but then I all of a sudden get really tired (whereas I usually move on to the dishes and laundry, picking up etc) and just lay down while ds wrecks havoc....DP will wake up, do his thing, then go into the kitchen and get all moody...

him: "Its too messy in here to make myself food".

me: "so clean up first"

him: "but I'm hungry"

me: "so make a quick sandwich, something that doesnt need pots/pans/dishes"

him: "but I don't want that."

me: " So figure it out your own damn self and stop frigging whining an d being so picky about everything!!!!!!!"

him: "Sheesh, why are you so moody?"

me: "**** off"

: : : : :


They just don't get it.

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#11 of 11 Old 01-16-2007, 10:39 PM
 
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Exactly! THe other thing that pisses me off is that he will make himself somethign and not even offer me! Grrr...

oh, and that scrubs episode made me cry! I had horrible ppd with my third, and dh did nothing to get me help we all just suffered, and bad! I wasn't in the frame of mind to even think about help, and I didn't really even realize what was going on til I felt better. SUCKED!

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