Preteens and movies... would you let your 13yo see this? - Page 3 - Mothering Forums

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Old 11-23-2008, 01:56 AM
 
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I would let my son (nearly 13) see this movie and perhaps my 11 year old as well. I plan on getting the books and reading them myself to see what all the buzz is about.

Our oldest 2 (13 & 11) are allowed to watch select/most PG-13 films. I try not to let them watch anything that is terribly crude or tacky.

We dont watch alot of rated R movies at our house. I dont allow the kiddos to watch them at this age. I did let my 13 year old son watch "Lions for Lambs", because I really liked its message. I dont let them watch violent movies. For example, I found the "Passion of the Christ" to be too violent for my children to see. I will likely allow them to see it before they turn 17 but I want them to see it as more than violence for the sake of violence. I want them to see the story, not just the brutality. But my brother and his wife took my 3 year old nephew to the theater to see it.

My mom accidently brought home "Children of the Corn" when I was younger. I still have nightmares from that movie...."He wants you too Malachi"....
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Old 11-23-2008, 10:39 AM
 
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If I was taking a small child to see a movie this weekend, I would go see Bolt.
ditto. All of mine want to see this (even mom).

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Old 11-23-2008, 10:42 AM
 
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perhaps you were so caught up in the violence and gore of saw and faces of death that you didn't notice?
Definitely not. I don't find the Saw movies particularly interesting. What's Faces of Death?

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or am i misremembering the two-year-old cowering in her seat and crying throughout saw?
Well, it wasn't my child.

There's no doubt about it, it's wrong not to comfort your child if s/he is upset by something -- but what does that have to do with not censoring your child in the first place?

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Old 11-23-2008, 01:38 PM
 
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Originally Posted by Jessy1019 View Post

There's no doubt about it, it's wrong not to comfort your child if s/he is upset by something -- but what does that have to do with not censoring your child in the first place?
It has to do with having the foresight to know what will upset your child. And YES, I know you assert these things don't bother your children. If that's true, I find that to be more disturbing than anything.
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Old 11-23-2008, 04:07 PM
 
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There's no doubt about it, it's wrong not to comfort your child if s/he is upset by something -- but what does that have to do with not censoring your child in the first place?
I don't think it's a huge stretch to err on the side of caution by assuming that a wee child will be negatively impacted by even a snippet of the movie Saw. There are at least 100 other movies in the world. Why not just not show them the obviously gory brutal horror movies that are rated R. It's kind of silly to parent under the assumption that one's child is an anomaly and is not affected at all by horror, bogymen, murderers, dismemberments etc.

I think you're misusing the word 'censor' and should look it up. You're not censoring your child unless you tell her things she can and cannot say etc. You are, on the other hand, filtering the media that enters your home or your child's brain. (we all have our own reasons---the law, our morals, the fact that we would like our children to be able to sleep again...)

It's astounding how kids pick up on things in the larger world without our forcing them to view those things. Terrifying how quickly their innocence is stripped away. I don't think it's necessary to treat a 2yr old child like Alex from A Clockwork Orange in order to facilitate family time when Sesame street will do.
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Old 11-23-2008, 04:40 PM
 
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It's kind of silly to parent under the assumption that one's child is an anomaly and is not affected at all by horror, bogymen, murderers, dismemberments etc.
I parent my children with the knowledge and instincts that I have as their mother. I also parent them with respect and am happy to give them the freedom to make their own choices, with my guidance, whenever it is safe for them to do so. Choosing movies is absolutely harmless, and they have always made reasonable decisions that work for them.

Maybe they are anomalies . . . and maybe so was I, and so were all the other people I know who have had free reign with media throughout their lives, but I sincerely doubt that. I think we are just examples of how children pick up on their parents' reactions to things, and so relaxed parents breed relaxed children.

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I think you're misusing the word 'censor' and should look it up. You're not censoring your child unless you tell her things she can and cannot say etc.
I'm quite comfortable with my use of the English language, thank you.

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Old 11-23-2008, 08:29 PM
 
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I parent my children with the knowledge and instincts that I have as their mother. I also parent them with respect and am happy to give them the freedom to make their own choices, with my guidance, whenever it is safe for them to do so. Choosing movies is absolutely harmless, and they have always made reasonable decisions that work for them.

Maybe they are anomalies . . . and maybe so was I, and so were all the other people I know who have had free reign with media throughout their lives, but I sincerely doubt that. I think we are just examples of how children pick up on their parents' reactions to things, and so relaxed parents breed relaxed children.
Hmmm. See I suppose most people don't feel it's emotionally 'safe' for a child to be exposed to gore, violence and other horrors. My reaction to gratuitous violence tends to be a bit of anxiety, sometimes disgust, fear, physiological response such as elevated heart-rate etc. depending on the context. I'm ok with the fact that the same is true for my children. So if my lack of relaxation while watching such things is projecting onto them, I'm kind of OK with that! I would like my children to remain sensitized to violence as long as possible. I'm not averse to them experiencing 'negative' emotions such as compassion for (real or imagined) pain in others.
It's funny that I'm having this discussion because I'm about as relaxed as they come as a parent :.



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Originally Posted by Jessy1019
I'm quite comfortable with my use of the English language, thank you.
OK then I don't think anyone here is talking about censoring children, rather censoring media content that we invite into our homes. If you are discussing censoring children, I don't think there's going to be much of an argument. I think most of us encourage our children to share their thoughts, feelings and ideas. I guess we're discussing completely different topics??
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Old 11-24-2008, 12:01 AM
 
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I just don't see how a child of two, and forgive me if I'm wrong Jesse I feel pretty sure you've used that as an example in the past, decides to watch Saw. I can see how a two year old might be along for the ride, how it might be on and no one says, "hey, let's watch this later" but it's hard for me to envision a two year old with a real burning desire to watch Saw.
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Old 11-24-2008, 12:11 AM
 
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The thought of a baby the age of 2 seeing a movie like Saw makes me really, really sad. I don't understand why someone would want to expose their child to such violence.

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Old 11-24-2008, 12:22 PM
 
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I just don't see how a child of two, and forgive me if I'm wrong Jesse I feel pretty sure you've used that as an example in the past, decides to watch Saw. I can see how a two year old might be along for the ride, how it might be on and no one says, "hey, let's watch this later" but it's hard for me to envision a two year old with a real burning desire to watch Saw.
My kids go to the movies and Blockbuster with us a lot, so they see the posters or the cases of the DVDs available to rent. My two year old picks out all kinds of stuff at Blockbuster, and when we are talking about going to the movies, they look at what's at the theater with us while we're deciding what there is to see. With the little one who can't read yet, we'll tell him what the movies are about if he asks for something specific so that he can decide if he wants to see it or not.

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Old 11-24-2008, 02:43 PM
 
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So to the OP, I went out and bought the first book yesterday and read it last night. I would have now problem with my nearly 13 nor my nearly 11 year old seeing this. To me I equate it with Harry Potter ( although not as well written). I doubt I would let my 4 or 3 year old watch it. But then again after watching the movie trailers the movie does not seem to be to heavy with violence, commercials remind me of X-men.
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Old 11-24-2008, 02:55 PM
 
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My 13yo is currently reading this book, and I'm planning to read it when she's done. My 12yo will probably read it next (unless DD1 has to return it to her friend before DD2 is done re-reading LOTR.)

We may or may not watch the movie when it comes to DVD. We don't have the budget for movies in the theater!

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Old 11-24-2008, 05:34 PM
 
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I'm taking my 10 and 12 year old DDs to see it. They've read all the books (I'm on book 3). I don't believe in cesoring what they watch/read, but I do try to keep up with it so that I can discuss it with them (esp. my 10 year old). These books are very, very popular with middle school girls, and they are quick easy reads for adults.

The subtext is about desire, desire for things that you shouldn't want or could be bad for you. There's no sex (just a little kissing) and little violence (I'm curious how they've handled it in the film). The theme, though, is danger. Figuring out what is dangerous and what isn't, and what to do about it. And those confusing feelings when you know that what you want is dangerous. They are pulp fiction, but they do give good jump offs for conversation for those of us who like to listen to our kids.

but everything has pros and cons  shrug.gif

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Old 11-24-2008, 09:37 PM
 
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DD 13, saw it this weekend and loved it- she is an extremely mature kid and has read the books...
I think different kids can handle different things- you gotta make that choice...
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Old 11-24-2008, 10:04 PM
 
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My dd (she'll be 14 in December) read the book (and the others in that series) and saw the movie on Saturday, with 4 other girls who are 13 and 14 years old, and ran into at least 15 other girls at the movies who are in their grade.

IMO it's an age appropriate movie for 13 year olds.

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Old 11-25-2008, 01:30 AM
 
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I have a 15 year old dd, but i remember when she was 13 very well and yeh, I would let her read the book and see the movie.

this advice from a mama who has seen the movie twice with 15 y.o.dd already and has read all of the books and loved them despite them not being literary classics.

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Old 11-25-2008, 04:02 AM
 
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i dont have a teen girl, just two boys 9 and 2 (going on 25) and i havnt read the book, altough i plan to. im a total vampire addict. i wish i knew a teen i could go to the movie with.

anywho.. this popped into my reader yesterday and i thought some of you might like it.

http://www.mamapop.com/mamapop/2008/...asons-why.html
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Old 11-25-2008, 04:15 AM
 
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I read the books, saw the movie.

I think I'd let a 13 year old see it just to show her what is NOT a healthy relationship. Rather, what is unhealthy co-dependence and controlling behavior.

I'm not a fan of the books or the movie. I think their "love" is no love at all ... but, some sick, unhealthy, co-dependence. Especially the girl's dependence on him. It's definitely not a movie or book that shows a strong, independent female character.

I don't find the violence objectionable ... but the lack of a healthy, independent female character.

I grew up without having anything censored from me, and I turned out ok. No nightmares, no desensitization, no weird ideas. For the record. I think communication (more than anything) is really important ... and that's ALL we did in my family - discuss, discuss, discuss. lol

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Old 11-25-2008, 01:15 PM
 
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I think I'd let a 13 year old see it just to show her what is NOT a healthy relationship. Rather, what is unhealthy co-dependence and controlling behavior.

I'm not a fan of the books or the movie. I think their "love" is no love at all ... but, some sick, unhealthy, co-dependence. Especially the girl's dependence on him. It's definitely not a movie or book that shows a strong, independent female character.
I find it entertaining that their attraction is based on.......


uh....

She smells good and he is nice looking.

Did I miss something?

Anyway, we saw the movie yesterday and I think that not letting a teen see it would save them from cheesy mellow drama and bad acting.

My DDs loved it.

but everything has pros and cons  shrug.gif

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Old 11-25-2008, 05:06 PM
 
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My 13 yo is currently really really angry at me that I won't let her see this.[/FONT]
so i am curious if she ever got to see the movie?

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Old 11-25-2008, 09:30 PM
 
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Yes.

My children have been "exposed" to movies in our home from a very young age. We have even seen one of our children blossom into a writer, talking about making movies himself.

They can see any movie they want, short of a porn. They know what's real and what's not, I know it won't make them into serial killers, and I don't feel there's any harm to be had.

But that's our family. We dig our movies and our kids have the maturity and capacity to be trusted to see whatever they want.

Good luck!

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Old 11-25-2008, 10:01 PM
 
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A 3 year old is mature? I am speechless at some of the people who let their children watch anything they want. I just never know quite to say when this subject comes up. I guess I am of the school that parents are here to guide and protect their children.....
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Old 11-25-2008, 10:07 PM
 
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They can see any movie they want, short of a porn.
Why draw the line at porn? How is porn worse than a movie like Saw? What about the movie Secretary or other movies very heavy in sexual content not classified as 'porn'. You limit sexual content but not violent content? How do you base this decision? I'm desperately curious
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Old 11-25-2008, 10:19 PM
 
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I took my 12 year old to see it. He was (literally) the only boy there. We saw people getting out of limos (a gaggle of 12 year old girls and a chaperone) to see it. It was really fun!

The scene where Bella is actually hunted is intense, but not gory or terribly graphic. I am a very censoring mother (especially now that we have cable) and this movie I had ZERO trouble with my 12 year old seeing. HTH!
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Old 11-25-2008, 10:26 PM
 
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I guess I am of the school that parents are here to guide and protect their children.....
You can guide them without censoring what they see -- in fact, I'd question how much guidance you could actually give without exploring a subject with them. And as far as protection, not everyone thinks that fictional sex and violence are dangerous.

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Old 11-25-2008, 10:45 PM
 
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You can guide them without censoring what they see -- in fact, I'd question how much guidance you could actually give without exploring a subject with them. And as far as protection, not everyone thinks that fictional sex and violence are dangerous.
Well I question someone who doens't understand the concept of age appropriateness.
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Old 11-25-2008, 10:51 PM
 
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You can guide them without censoring what they see -- in fact, I'd question how much guidance you could actually give without exploring a subject with them. And as far as protection, not everyone thinks that fictional sex and violence are dangerous.
Oh my kids and I talk about, well, everything pretty much. I mean, I do keep my personal business personal etc. and I don't unload all my adult problems and dilemmas onto them. But we certainly don't shy away from difficult issues. I cannot think of one thing, as I sit here, that I wouldn't discuss with them and even explore with them or facilitate their exploration. This doesn't mean I need to sit them down and show them Saw in order to discuss violence, or porns to discuss sex. I don't need to get them plastered to discuss drinking. I don't know why you would place so much trust in random filmmakers to introduce your kids to these issues!
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Old 11-25-2008, 11:24 PM
 
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I've gotta get on the wagon here of letting children watch movies like Saw is just beyond disturbing to me. I can't even imagine their feelings... and all the 'oh we discuss it' lines are not going to help that. A two year old can NOT process that level of violence, I don't care who you say you are.

As to the OP - yes, I saw Twilight this past weekend and I would let a thirteen year old watch it. It was pretty tame in comparison to some movies marketed to teens I've seen! Although I agree with the pp (Sailor?) who discussed the co-dependancy thing. Definitely a fantasy type movie, not something I'd be encouraging my daughter to seek out!

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Old 11-25-2008, 11:42 PM
 
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I would. It's not a disturbing movie in any way so yeah I would.
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Old 11-25-2008, 11:45 PM
 
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I'd question how much guidance you could actually give without exploring a subject with them.
I guide my children by discussing things with them - I wouldn't get them drunk to teach them about alcohol awareness, I wouldn't take them to a prostitute to teach them about safe sex, and I wouldn't let them play with a loaded gun to teach them gun safety.

That said, I will take my fifteen year old daughter to see the movie, but I would not take my ten year old son or my five year old daughter - not age appropriate, in my opinion.
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