Originally Posted by kewb
I did not want to read and run but I have no advice for you. Here is my take on the calling you an @hole. She said it behind your back and not to your face. I said a lot of awful things about my mother behind her back. To myself, to my journal, to my friends. At the age she is, in a home where swear words are accepted, this seems a normal vent to me. If your younger child had not tattled you would not have known about it.
The anger issue is different. Perhaps she would benefit from speaking with a professional.
I definitely agree about the name calling. I called my mom a bitch to myself when I was around your dd's age. I think it's just a part of separating yourself from your mom. Yes, it hurts. It's like if your kid says they don't love you in a fit of anger. But it's not a horrible thing in itself.
Please don't insist she write in a journal if she doesn't want to. Journaling can be such a useful, satisfying thing, but it has to come from within.I know I have to make time for her, but how do I do it w/ out going shopping or buying stuff. I never thought I would be in this position. Ever. But her Dh and I have led her to believe that 1.) (from daddy). buying something means "I love you" and 2.) (from mummy), you can walk all over me. Wait, that's both of us. Not intentionally. Ugh. I think we have created a monster.
This is your core situation, not the swearing.
Buying things is quick and easy. It makes a parent feel like they've done
something parental. It's good and natural, we want to make our kids happy. Not only because they do deserve happiness,
even when they're being little sh***, but because it quickly gets them out of our hair. But it's a shallow investment that's quickly gone.
Walking all over you, can you be more specific? My 14 y.o. daughter and I have developed a problem. Many times I don't insist she do things she is capable of, is responsible for, because it's just easier to do it myself. And I make excuses for her laziness. It does her no good and just makes it harder for her when she's slammed with homework or gets a bad grade on a test. She's always got an excuse for why it isn't her fault, why it wasn't just that she didn't study and get prepared. And I let her do this.
Partly I'm 'afraid' of her negative emotions. I avoid insisting she behave responsibly if it means I can avoid a tearful situation. I cave just to keep her from getting upset.
Edited to say, what it comes down to is that I get into trouble when I take the easiest
way when it comes to parenting. You might be different, but what is most difficult to me, most like work,
is when I really have to engage with my child. When I avoid interacting, when I don't tow the line because I don't want to deal with her arguing every step of the way, dd gets nastier and acts spoiled.