Am I an old fuddy-duddy? - Page 3 - Mothering Forums
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Preteens and Teens > Am I an old fuddy-duddy?
Storm Bride's Avatar Storm Bride 02:42 PM 04-30-2009
There definitely is a lack of supervision in this case. It just struck me the wrong way when "12 year old making out" was automatically equated to mean "no supervision".

FWIW, I wasn't making out at 12 - couldn't find a guy who was interested. (Our school only went K-7, so I didn't really have a chance to meet older guys, and the ones in my grade were still mostly pre-pubescent.) I was making out the next year, at 13. My parents supervised me, but they didn't realize my long-standing platonic friendship with "J" had turned...less platonic.

Calee's Avatar Calee 05:15 PM 04-30-2009
Calm down guys. I didn't say I thought sex before marriage was wrong. I said that my husband didn't do it. I never said what I did or did not do.

I DO think that sexual exploration at a very young age CAN be detrimental. I think that 12 is very, very young.

I don't have to be a holy roller to not want my pre-pubescent being sexually active. Sorry you guys have a hard time with that. And I can let my children know what I would like.

Obviously, they could make other choices. I hope not, because I am not just out to ruin their fun. I have reasons for feeling the way that I do. If they do make choices that aren't my favorite, I will still love and care for them. But I am not going to just "expect" that they will do things that I think that are inappropriate for their age, and not let them know that they don't HAVE to, and not EVERYONE is doing it!
MusicianDad's Avatar MusicianDad 05:55 PM 05-02-2009
It's not about what you make yourself expect. It's about what you allow yourself to respect.

You will still love and care for them if they make a choice you don't agree with, but will you still respect their choice, their right to make the choice, and/or them for making the choice?

Also want to point out that when you list the things your DH never did and end the paragraph with "Some people make GOOD choices" (or something close to that, I'm do have it word for word) your implying that opposite of what was listed would have been the bad choice.

Any sexual exploration at any age has the chance of being detrimental.
lab's Avatar lab 06:00 PM 05-02-2009
Wow! I had no idea that the thread had taken off again. I'll catch up and be back!
Shann's Avatar Shann 10:55 AM 06-14-2009
I think most of you are overreacting to girls making out at 12! When I was 12, all my friends AND I were into heavy kissing and making out. It didn't hurt us, and we didn't turn out to be sluts. It was fun, and it didn't hurt anything.
mommy68's Avatar mommy68 12:42 PM 06-14-2009
Quote:
Originally Posted by rhiOrion View Post
We didn't have internet, but even if we had I wouldn't have posted it online.
The internet makes things so much easier these days. I am so glad it wasn't around when I was young. In fact, I was around 30 when the internet started getting popular. I can't imagine how tough it is as a kid in this day and time having people gossip about you or put your personal stuff online for others to see.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Calee
Calm down guys. I didn't say I thought sex before marriage was wrong. I said that my husband didn't do it. I never said what I did or did not do.

I DO think that sexual exploration at a very young age CAN be detrimental. I think that 12 is very, very young.

I don't have to be a holy roller to not want my pre-pubescent being sexually active. Sorry you guys have a hard time with that. And I can let my children know what I would like.

Obviously, they could make other choices. I hope not, because I am not just out to ruin their fun. I have reasons for feeling the way that I do. If they do make choices that aren't my favorite, I will still love and care for them. But I am not going to just "expect" that they will do things that I think that are inappropriate for their age, and not let them know that they don't HAVE to, and not EVERYONE is doing it!
I see nothing wrong with your feelings on this. I feel much the same way regarding my own children. I know what I did back then and how easy it was to get in to that peer group where all the girls were talking about making out and eventually sex and how I just kind of got caught up in it all. Then meeting my first boyfriend at 14 and being allowed to date him (my parents were terrible parents) meant that I ended up being pressured in to sex by age 15.

I will try as hard as I can to make sure my kids don't end up going the same route I did. First I plan to talk to them about relationships and that following the pack doesn't always have to happen and that they can be their own person. Then I plan to be there for them when they have questions about things so they aren't scared to come to me if they choose to. I was forbidden to even hint around about kissing or making out in my home, let alone sex. Then my parents divorced, dad didn't pay attention to me and I craved a male influence and having a mother that thought the subject of sex and relationships was taboo made it all the more tough. I was also a latch key kid, had too many hours of friend-time each day and no parental control, etc-etc. Soooo many things can push a young child to do things they shouldn't be doing.
moondiapers's Avatar moondiapers 12:54 PM 06-14-2009
I think it has more to do with biology than anything else. Some 12 year old girls are fully developed and almost adult looking.....and having the body means having the hormones as well. My mom was shocked when I started kissing boys at 12-13yo.....but I was also a C cup and had been having my period for more than 2 years allready. My dd is the same way, she looks 16. Luckily she's still on the innocent side (thank you homeschooling)...but she'll be 13 next month and just had her first kiss last week. Luckily the boy is the same age as her....and they've had a crush on eachother, "gone together" off an on for a year now. I don't see them as rushing into anything. Now, because of this developement we are adding some new rules/restrictions on her activities with him. But it's nothing midevil. She's just not to hang out alone with him anymore unless they are in the public view. She's modest enough to know that feel that some affection is appropriate in public, and some isn't. I trust her judgement...she came right to me and told me what happened. I listened to her process her feelings about it, and while I'm feeling old and crochety for having a dd that's growing up....I'm not worried about her virtue.
Labbemama's Avatar Labbemama 12:59 AM 06-18-2009
I was at age 12 and I was somewhat of a nerd. and an old fuddyduddy too I hear.

It's probably time for a good talk with her about her privacy and social networking sites and appropriate public displays of affection or PDA.

Talking to her about sex, how well do you know her guardian? How are they likely to respond?
A&A's Avatar A&A 12:32 PM 06-19-2009
I was NOT making out with boys at 12.

And my dd is currently 12 and I would be FREAKED OUT if she were making out with boys.
Storm Bride's Avatar Storm Bride 11:37 PM 06-19-2009
Quote:
Originally Posted by Calee View Post
I DO think that sexual exploration at a very young age CAN be detrimental. I think that 12 is very, very young.

I don't have to be a holy roller to not want my pre-pubescent being sexually active.
I haven't read this thread for a while, but I get the impression that you're equating "12 years old" with "pre-pubescent". While they can be the same thing, they don't have to be. I certainly wasn't pre-pubescent at 12. Neither was my sister. OTOH, I had a friend who was pre-pubescent at 15.
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