Ideas why she started lying...am I handling it right? - Mothering Forums

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#1 of 5 Old 05-22-2009, 02:24 AM - Thread Starter
 
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We have noticed our oldest dd has started lying.

We have figured out that some times she isn't lying on purpose but because she has "forgotten" what she was doing. She has had a major hormone serge and has gotten very forgetful.

But she is also flat out lying.

The other day she shaved part of her eye brows. She is getting more self concious and she comes from a family of unibrowers. She has seen us shave between the brows. That didn't bother us. But she has "bushy" brows like her dad. My dh trims it with a hair grooming thing....for a man this is great tool!! My 14 year old son uses it too His dad showed him how to do a manly brow shaping. For an 11 year old girl with not as bushy brows she needs a beauty salon and/or mama instruction. I made the mistake and asked her if she trimmed her brows. She said "NO" I knew it was a lie but I backed off. I thought she was embarrassed. I let it rest a few days and I told her we knew she used her dad's trimmer. We told her not to do it again that was design for men not for most women. That is she wants her brows shapped I could show her or I would take her some were for it to be done and so she could learn to do it herself, the flattering way. She looked me dead in the eyes and told me she didn't touch her eyebrows......................I figure it still might be embarrassement I looked at her and told her I didn't believe her. That I wasn't mad about the brows...Her dad and I did the same thing around her age. I was disappointed in the lying about it.

Tonight I was working. She was on the bed with a grape drink. I told her to get off the bed before she made a mess on the bed. She gets up there is a spot on her pants. I said you got some on your pants did you get the bed....She lies and says that is just water --water is not purple ok....I asked her if she got any on the bed. I couldn't see were she was sitting because of a blanket. She told me no. My dh comes in after she leave and there is a wet purple spot. I called her back in and told her I was disappointed in her lying. She swore she wasn't. My dh and I didn't argue with her we just giva her dissappointed looks. My dh pointed to the obvious purple spot on the bed --we didn't argue anymore. His face said "get real, we know you are lying the evidence says so."

Did you eat breakfast this morning? gets a lie. I am only asking so I know if I need to take something for her to eat. She has reflux we know she isn't always hungry.

Last Saturday we get up and leave the house at 7 am. We get home at 11ish. My son took out the dogs. I told my youngest to feed the cat and told the oldest dd to feed the dogs. She looked me in the eyes and said "I did that before we went swimming." I thought she might have "forgot" or remembered wrongly (I've done that). I told her she needs to feed them again. I go to take care of other things then check and see if she feed the dogs........Nope. I told her to go feed them now. She told me the dogs must have been hungry and ate it that fast. I told her that means they need more food. She is arguing. My dh gets back and says he knows she is lying. It was a firm voice. He tells her his is disappointed in her and her lying. Apparrantly Friday night we had ran out of food. She would have known we had no food if she had attempted to feed them on Saturday.

Can all this be just hormones? I wonder if some of it is insecurity? She has started to lie about the oddest things.

We got new swim stuff. I told her we are going to being doing XYZ so they are not lost. I told her to put her goggles on the hook. She told me she already had............ummm no you didn't they are right in front of you on the table.
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#2 of 5 Old 05-22-2009, 11:41 AM
 
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She's in the "deny deny till the day you die" stage and asking her questions you know the answer to or asking her to admit lying will not get the result you want. Be more observant than usual and firm. If you see her with half her brows missing don't ask her is she did it you know she did so just tell her that next time you'll be happy to help her get the job done. End of story and drop it. If she is claiming she fed the animals and you know she didn't tell her that she needs to feed them repeat repeat repeat. Don't take the lying personally and don't let it create drama. If she says she put something away that is right in front of her then tell her she needs to do it again until the item stays put. If she gets purple juice on the bed tell her to clean it up. Don't worry about whether or not she'll admit to it or you will drive yourself insane.

Good luck!
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#3 of 5 Old 05-23-2009, 10:36 AM
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Quote:
Originally Posted by PoppyMama View Post
She's in the "deny deny till the day you die" stage and asking her questions you know the answer to or asking her to admit lying will not get the result you want. Be more observant than usual and firm. If you see her with half her brows missing don't ask her is she did it you know she did so just tell her that next time you'll be happy to help her get the job done. End of story and drop it. If she is claiming she fed the animals and you know she didn't tell her that she needs to feed them repeat repeat repeat. Don't take the lying personally and don't let it create drama. If she says she put something away that is right in front of her then tell her she needs to do it again until the item stays put. If she gets purple juice on the bed tell her to clean it up. Don't worry about whether or not she'll admit to it or you will drive yourself insane.

Good luck!

:

Don't take lying personally.

"Our task is not to see the future, but to enable it."
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#4 of 5 Old 05-23-2009, 12:50 PM
 
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We basically follwed PoppyMamas plan, which usually works, but our S's lying just kept getting worse.

I asked his ped. for a recommendation for a therapist who specializes in children. The first session we went as a family. We told the therapist about the lying and how we had noticed that S's mood overall had been more somber lately.

Six weeks later, problem solved. One thing that helped S tremendously was taking 10 seconds before answering a question. Lying had become a habit and it helped him to break the habit. The way S explained it to us was that we would ask a question and he would just want to lie, even when the question was nothing serious.

For my S, treating it as a bad habit really helped. We had to work on it a few more times, but it was easily stopped.

Best of luck to you and your family.
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#5 of 5 Old 05-26-2009, 03:58 PM
 
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I'll have to try these suggestions!
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