15 year old relative having issues at home, Advice wanted. - Mothering Forums

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#1 of 5 Old 06-06-2009, 04:31 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Basically I have 15 year old cousin who seems miserable at home. She lives with her mother and her brother, her mother recently has gotten serious with a man she really dislikes.

I didn't think it was really a problem until I was visiting with her the other day and her mothers boyfriend was there, he was talking down to her and he had her logged into an online gambling site, getting her to gamble for him.

I'm worried because lately on her myspace and other online sites I'm her friend on she seems to be showing some really bad (depressed/upset) symptoms, she confided in my mother yesterday that she "hates" living there and her mothers boyfriend.
She is like a sister to me and I feel very protective of her, I'd like to approach the idea that she's welcome to stay/move in with us, and that we'd even be willing to move into a bigger house so she can have a more stable home life, but I'm not sure how to, or if it'd be the right thing to do.

Opinions are welcome, please be kind though, I have only pure intentions.

Lu - A ten year plan is forming, here's hoping everything lines up
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#2 of 5 Old 06-06-2009, 04:57 PM
 
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Even though you have great intentions, it may not work out as well for her as it seems.

Would it be possible for you to support her in working on her relationship with her mother? Perhaps you and your mother could talk to hers? She may not be seeing the situation like you do.

I went through a somewhat similar situation as a teen. My mother began dating someone I couldn't stand, and although there were other factors I ended up moving out. At the time I was happy about it, but looking back I know it was not good for our family and now I feel left out of my own family since I didn't grow up with them. I feel close to the surrogate parents I lived with, and am happy about that, but if there had been a way for our home life to improve instead that would have been much better.

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#3 of 5 Old 06-06-2009, 05:07 PM - Thread Starter
 
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I don't think talking with her mother would do much, my aunt generally does what suits her and not anyone else.

My mother also dated a guy who really wasn't a nice person, and I probably would have moved out if I could have at the time. I know how uncomfortable it can be to have your home and personal space invaded like that, I don't necessary want to convince her to move out, but it seems like she's already keen on moving out of home as soon as she's 18, and I don't want her turning into a runaway before then.

Lu - A ten year plan is forming, here's hoping everything lines up
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#4 of 5 Old 06-06-2009, 05:32 PM
 
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Originally Posted by patronia View Post
I don't think talking with her mother would do much, my aunt generally does what suits her and not anyone else.
That's too bad Maybe she could be convinced to do some family counselling?

I agree it would be way better for your cousin to come live with you, rather than become a runaway, but there might be some kind of compromise possible.

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#5 of 5 Old 06-06-2009, 05:44 PM - Thread Starter
 
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My mother told her that I want to have a talk to her about things when I see her this week, so I guess I'll just see how things go. She seems much more resilient than me, emotionally, so it should be easier for her family to come to a peaceful conclusion than it was for mine.

I just wish some parents would put their kids first

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