She is pregnant - Page 3 - Mothering Forums

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#61 of 65 Old 06-29-2009, 06:34 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Well she has been doing most of the parenting. As tempting as it was for me to “take over” I resisted with all my might. Even though she was only 16 I knew that it would take something really important away from her to not be the “mom”. I have stayed in a “support” role as much as I can. She makes the decisions and if she wants to go somewhere she asks if I (or dh) will keep an eye on him. And really she doesn’t go out that much, she does not act like a teenager, she never really did. She doesn’t have like a group of friends that goes and does the mall thing or anything like that. It’s just that sometimes she needs time to herself just out with a friend or her boyfriend. She is the one who makes the decisions for and about her son and she does her share of the housework.

At home dgs follows dh around whatever he is doing. He loves grandpa and grandpa loves him so it makes getting his chores done difficult and getting any time alone for him is a challenge too. He doesn’t really say anything to dd and then gets resentful over all the care he is giving to dgs. Not that he doesn’t enjoy it but it gets to be all day every day sometimes.. I am not really sure what the solution to that is. If dh is not around then it’s me he follows.

So anyway I am just saying that she does have life skills and she is most defiantly the mom in the equation … its more like if she were a stay at home mom and dh and I are the “dad”. She has her driving permit now and will have her license soon and I think that is going to add to her independence a great deal. I think part of the problem is her self confidence is low and she does not see how she can get out there and make things happen for herself. Her brother does it and he is only 16. So I am not sure exactly what it is in her that does not think she can do it.

Mom to DD born 1989 DS born 1993 and grandma to
DGS born 2005
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#62 of 65 Old 06-30-2009, 03:15 AM
 
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I wouldn's say she is lagging behind in being self sufficient. She is only 20, a lot of 20 year olds are mounting up student loan debt, maxing out their credit cards and partying all night. I know personally I didnt have everything together at 20.

Maybe a baby on the way might be a great oportunity for her to get things in order. Overwhelming? Yes, but she can do it. Its a great time to delve into her talents and discover possiblities. Many mothers find business oportunities accidently along their journey as they fully embrace being a mother. Moms that love taking pictures of their little cuties end up by starting a photography business. Planning a birthday party can lead to finding they love catering, or some moms curious about cloth diapering to save money end up by designing and selling their own.

Most people in their early 20s still don't know what they want to do with their lives, and often jump from one idea to annother and back and forth. Support her, be there for her. Some people say that they would never want to re-live high school. I would never want to go back to being 20.
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#63 of 65 Old 06-30-2009, 03:10 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Originally Posted by clraelle View Post
I wouldn's say she is lagging behind in being self sufficient. She is only 20, a lot of 20 year olds are mounting up student loan debt, maxing out their credit cards and partying all night. I know personally I didnt have everything together at 20.
Yea I guess I don't feel she is really behind for a 20 year old .. I was just hoping she would be taking care of herself and have her life more together and have some independence before she had another baby... that’s all...

I was my hope... and when I first posted this thread I was in total freak out "omg she is pregnant" mode ... I have come around and accepted that this is where we are now ... and I hope you are right, that the prospect of being the mother of two will help her get her things in order .. after all she is 20 now … and not 16

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#64 of 65 Old 07-04-2009, 07:36 PM
 
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so as far as the dads go her sons dad proved to be incredibly irresponsible and has gone to live with his mother 100 miles away. she went there with him to try to make it work but returned a couple months ago. he or his family have not even called since she's been back. this new guy i am not super crazy about either, no job, also quite immature. oh and he was the first guys best friend... nice huh? so yea no support financially.. yet anyway.
I would say she needs to file for child support through your local child support office if she hasn't already.

Midwife (CPM, LDM) and homeschooling mama to:
13yo ds   10yo dd  8yo ds and 6yo ds and 1yo ds  
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#65 of 65 Old 07-04-2009, 10:06 PM
 
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Congratulations on going to be a grandmother again! I'm sure this baby is going to be a wonderful new family member despite the not so ideal circumstances.

As I'm a young grandmother myself I can appreciate how worried you must feel for your daughter and her future! I hope it will work out so that she gets to finish her education eventually.

Meanwhile I hope she is well and that her "not taking care of herself" only means financially.

I think you seem like a fantastic, loving mother and grandmother, and I'm sure the choices you have made regarding your daughter and her situation have been well-founded.

Good luck and hugs!

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Originally Posted by papayapetunia View Post
people learn lessons on their own because they're good decent people, not because of what someone else does to them.
I think so too.
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