Help! My 14 yr old DS got his driver's permit! - Mothering Forums

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Old 07-02-2009, 12:14 PM - Thread Starter
 
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I feel like having a heart attack every time he drives. I dont let him go too fast or very far. but i think he gets too close to the side of the road.

i gues i am looking for sympathy lol. how did you all deal with it?

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Old 07-02-2009, 03:12 PM
 
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How did your 14 y/o get a permit? I thought you had to be 15.
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Old 07-02-2009, 03:30 PM
 
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14 year old??????????????

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Old 07-02-2009, 03:50 PM
 
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In Iowa the permit is available at 14.

http://www.iowadot.gov/MVD/ods/gdl.htm

My mom prayed everytime my brother drove and that seemed to work for her... When she wasn't clutching the dashboard and door handle that is.

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Old 07-02-2009, 04:21 PM
 
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In Iowa the permit is available at 14.
Oh My Goodness!!!!!! I can't believe that!!! I'm all about changing the legal driving age to at least 17!!!!!!! Guess we'll never be moving to Iowa!!!!

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Old 07-02-2009, 04:26 PM
 
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In Arkansas 14 year olds can get a permit too but I think you have to prove a hardship of some sorts to drive on your own. My daughter just got hers but she will be 16 in 10 days. She has to have an adult 21 or over that has had a real driver's license for a minimum of 6 months with her for the next 6 months then she can go get her "real" license.

To the OP - I feel for you. I am a nervous wreck whenever I ride with her and it's very, very hard for me to keep my mouth shut. I don't want to make her nervous too. She hugs the right side of the road and I think that is what all beginners do as on-coming traffic is unnerving to them. Problem is, where we live...there is no shoulder. We live out in the sticks so our roads are twisty and there are drop offs or ditches. She also drives with one hand (I'm guilty of this) and wants to drive about 5-7 miles over the speed limit.

I'm going to have to ask her step-dad and her dad to work with her more...it makes me want to drink!!!

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Old 07-02-2009, 04:29 PM
 
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Oh my! We're a long way from this ourselves, but I imagine it's terrifying.

For the first while after I got my LP, all the driving I did was in big, empty parking lots. Good for learning to start, stop, shift, without having to deal with traffic. The best thing for me, in terms of learning to drive on roads, was drivers' ed. The instructor was so calm he seemed catatonic, but he was really reassuring and good with the advice. It's possible that having a brake pedal of your own makes it much easier to be mellow about the situation. By contrast, driving with my parents was a nightmare. My dad made me nervous by giving tons of instructions, and my mom kept clutching her seatbelt and hyperventilating.
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Old 07-03-2009, 12:53 AM
 
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I've never been concerned about what the state says. I know my son far better than the state does. We told him a long time ago to forget about the state's guidelines.

My S had to do all the paperwork and pay for everything. He didn't get his permit until he was 16 and his licsense until he was 17. I cannot imagine getting in a car with a child who did not demostrate their maturity through making an investment of time and their own money.

I would not let a 14 year old drive a car. A truck on a farm or something like that, maybe. But just to drive? No way. There is a reason why the age is higher in nearly all the other states.
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Old 07-03-2009, 01:11 AM
 
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I just want to point out to the parents of new drivers.

You are allowed to offer advice to the new driver when your in the car with them. It's how they learn. If your not condicending or screaming in panic a simple "watch the shoulder" is allowed.

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Old 07-03-2009, 10:54 AM
 
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I would not let a 14 year old drive a car. A truck on a farm or something like that, maybe. But just to drive? No way. There is a reason why the age is higher in nearly all the other states.
There isn't a standard issue maturity level for fourteen year-olds - some are ready.

I'll also point out, a lot of the states with really young drivers ages have some very large, rural/remote areas, where driving is the only way to get anywhere. If I lived in one of those places, I would teach my kid to drive as soon as s/he could reach the pedals and see over the wheel.
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Old 07-03-2009, 11:14 AM
 
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In MI teens can take drivers training when they are 14 and 3/4 and get their restricted permit at 15. They cannot get a full license until they are 16 or 17 (I think, the rules changed after I was a teen and I don't have driver quite yet).

I feel your pain mama. I am not looking forward to a teen driver quite yet (and I am months away from the potential for a child in driver's training). My best advice is to speak clearly and calmly about instructions if he is doing something wrong, and try not to freak out while he is driving (at least he is leaning to the shoulder and not the on-coming lane ). I would also suggest not having him drive places where it is too busy and he has to make too many simultanious decisons.

As for the whole "Should 14 yos drive?" I won't take a firm position that they shouldn't. It is a kid by kid decision...I like the "pay for training/permit if you want to do it approach". And if I lived in a more rural area (like where I grew up), I would teach my kids to drive earlier on back roads. I was being taught how to drive a stick when I was about 14-15, even though I waited to get my license until I was 18 (so I didn't have to take driver's training).

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Old 07-03-2009, 11:23 AM
 
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I had always said my son would not get his liscense at 16- now that he is almost 14, my thoughts have changed. But it would be for my convenience, not his. His high school is quite a distance from our house and his sister will be going to one near his. He will basically drive to school and home again. No friends in the car, etc.

I feel your pain though- the thought of my baby boy behind the wheel! OMG!
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Old 07-03-2009, 03:43 PM - Thread Starter
 
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he paid for his permit himself. he also applied for a detassling job. we are rural. we live in the town but we are surrounded by farmland. he is not allowed on the highways. he can drive 25 in the town. it is not the shoulder that bothers me it is the parked cars. i am trying to be calm, but i get so nervous. how my dad did it with me i;ll never know. and he started me at 11 yo. in a big truck on gravel. but my dad is a professional driver so i am going to ask him to help me teach DS. DS is doing good and learning fast. his biggest obstacle is my anxiety. lol.

Me,DH,DS1'95, '98,DSD'03,DD1'07,DD2'09,DS2'12 Living with Fructose Malabsorption Syndrome and Ehlers-Danlos Syndrome Type 3-Hypermobility.)o( and sometimes I get toif I am lucky.
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Old 07-03-2009, 08:14 PM
 
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My 18 year old son is driving and it is quite unnerving. And he's 18! Luckily he agreed to wait because it's easy to walk everywhere in our town and I told him if he waited til 18 I would buy him a beater for his birthday. I am having my 16 year old wait, too. I just don't like the idea of 16 year old boys driving. Like I said, they can easily walk everywhere so that really helps.

I don't like driving with him and from talking with other parents, we're not alone.
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Old 07-03-2009, 08:18 PM
 
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Oh My Goodness!!!!!! I can't believe that!!! I'm all about changing the legal driving age to at least 17!!!!!!! Guess we'll never be moving to Iowa!!!!
If you moved to a rural area you might feel different.

Many of these kids have been driving farm equipment for a long time. There is a difference in city verses rural driving.

I have seen kids younger driving in ND and thier teen driving doesn't scare me. They started out with a lot less freedoms and closer suppervision/parental interaction than most other kids.
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Old 07-03-2009, 08:22 PM
 
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he paid for his permit himself. he also applied for a detassling job. we are rural. we live in the town but we are surrounded by farmland. he is not allowed on the highways. he can drive 25 in the town. it is not the shoulder that bothers me it is the parked cars. i am trying to be calm, but i get so nervous. how my dad did it with me i;ll never know. and he started me at 11 yo. in a big truck on gravel. but my dad is a professional driver so i am going to ask him to help me teach DS. DS is doing good and learning fast. his biggest obstacle is my anxiety. lol.
If the anxiety is that bad, then maybe getting you dad to take him out is best. A nervious instruct can make the drive feel even more unsure.

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Old 07-03-2009, 08:24 PM
 
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I will have to be honest, around here it's the older (30+) drives who scare me. It might be the area but around here they seem to operate under the impression of "I've been driving n number of years so I don't really have to pay attention as much."

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Old 07-04-2009, 02:17 PM - Thread Starter
 
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TBH i would rather ride with DS than my grandpa. he really scares me. he says things like "if we had wings, we could take off at this speed." he used to be in the air force. he likes to do 85mph on the hwy (which is 65).

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Old 07-04-2009, 03:07 PM
 
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oh, good idea! let your dad teach him my dd didn't get her permit until she was 20 that is still quite unnerving.. ds got in some trouble and his privilege has been suspended for one year.. you won't catch me crying about that

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Old 07-04-2009, 05:06 PM
 
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If the anxiety is that bad, then maybe getting you dad to take him out is best. A nervious instruct can make the drive feel even more unsure.
:

My mom freaked me out and i still get kinda nervous if someone is with or watching me (besides my kids..and i mean if we are meeting someone with the watching me part)

she would squeal and slam her foot down and tell me to get over when i was almost in the LEFT lane because she was scared of going off the road.
i drove my dads car once when i was 17 and he made me cry because he was critiquing every single thing and wouldnt let me drive on the highway to my house because "i wasn't good enough" before id even turned it on. ugh!

if it makes you nervous, definitely have someone who is comfy and doesn'tt think they are the best do it.
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Old 07-04-2009, 05:10 PM
 
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Have you considered some behind the wheel instruction with a driving instructor, the one with the brake on the passenger side That might make you feel a little more comfortable.

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Old 07-05-2009, 02:19 PM - Thread Starter
 
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i am afraid instruction would cost money we dont have, but i like the idea. next summer DS can take the driver's ed class at the school. but i was told by the DOT that he also has to have 20 hours of parent instruction to get his license. so I (or DH) have to let him give us a heart attack for 20 hours. he only has 2 so far. it'll get better. he will get better.

it helps to talk about it too. lol. when i see my mom today i will apologize profusely for anything i did as a child that scared the life out of here. lol.

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Old 07-05-2009, 04:27 PM
 
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You can also get you learner's permit in KS at 14. I will be taking my son next week. The law changed Jan. 1 2010 and goes up to 15 I think. We have a graduated system with a learner's permit, a restricted licence at 15 and a full license if they satisfy the requirements at 16.
One of the requirements is that they have their permit for 6 months or more.

DD is 16 and still has her permit which means can only drive w/parent or driver over 21 in car with her. They can get their permit renewed if they aren't ready to drive on their own.

I am going to go with the driving instructor route. Dh took her out and she clipped someone's mirror on a residential st. because she could not see the mirror on the passenger side. This is something a driver's ed instructor would have taken care of before leaving the parking lot.

BTW, the only place I have driven with her is two hours in a vacated parking lot. DH takes her on residential streets.

In any case I recommend someone who has taught numerous kids to drive and also has nerves of steel and a manner that reassures the learning driver, whomever that is. Would love to send her off with my dad who is such a person.

I am wayyyy to jumpy to be doing this. And that's ok. To me it's worth the $350 for driver's edu and after they do that, I'll take them out w/ me for their additional hours. Here they have to have 50 hours in different conditions.
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Old 07-05-2009, 08:47 PM
 
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i am trying to be calm, but i get so nervous. how my dad did it with me i;ll never know.
My dad, the epitome of calm, freaked out while trying to teach me to drive. He was convinced I was too close to the parked cars as was my mother. I told my mother that I'd rather hit a parked car than get into a head-on collision, but she didn't see it that way. My dad had to give up teaching me, and my mom gritted her teeth and did it.

I often feel like the driver is too close to the right when I'm the passenger, and I've actually jerked over while riding, even though the clearance was fine. My thought is maybe you can try riding really slowly with the window open looking out, so you can get a sense of how much clearance you have. I think it always feels a lot closer than it is.

I was driving a 40' motorhome from So CA to South Lake Tahoe once, and we turned off of 395 and were driving on 89 which had these switchback turns in one place, going up the mountain. I was driving over the double yellow line in the middle and my husband was freaking out, telling me to get over more to the left. I was worried I was going to get in a crash on one of the turns where I wouldn't be able to see the car coming, so I was yelling back that I was already way over to the left. He was worried I was going to drive off the cliff. He said, "When I look out the window, it's straight down, I don't see any road." Well, the tires were on the road, so stop looking out the window!

So...maybe angle so you are looking slightly more left than right?
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Old 07-05-2009, 10:56 PM
 
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How about DRIVERS ED classes?? IMO they are invaluable to newly permitted drivers....
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Old 07-05-2009, 10:58 PM
 
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i am afraid instruction would cost money we dont have, but i like the idea. next summer DS can take the driver's ed class at the school. but i was told by the DOT that he also has to have 20 hours of parent instruction to get his license. so I (or DH) have to let him give us a heart attack for 20 hours. he only has 2 so far. it'll get better. he will get better.

it helps to talk about it too. lol. when i see my mom today i will apologize profusely for anything i did as a child that scared the life out of here. lol.
Dont you need to put the child on insurance?? this is going to cost money, if you dont have money for drivers ed, how are you going to afford insurance?
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Old 07-06-2009, 12:08 AM
 
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Dont you need to put the child on insurance?? this is going to cost money, if you dont have money for drivers ed, how are you going to afford insurance?
I don't know about where the OP is, but here the cheapest you can get professional instruction is $350, which is more then it costs to put a child on the insurance.

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Old 07-06-2009, 11:53 AM
 
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Mine's getting his this week. I'm not nervous, I trust him. I'm looking forward to spending the time with him, I feel he's very responsible and will do well.

Just because your son CAN get his permit, doesn't mean he has to - if you're not comfortable, don't do it.

In Ohio, we have to do 50 hours of parent driving, and pay for the driver's ed on top of it (they will do 8 hours). If he turns 18, he doesn't have to take the formal class, but he's only 15 right now. It runs about $300.00. Our school doesn't offer it.

My insurance is very VERY reasonable to add my son. Since he's an honor roll student, it's only $28.00 per month, which I will meet him halfway with, so it's only going to cost me $15.00 per month for him to drive my van. PROVIDED he stays on the honor roll - if he drops off, it will go up over $300.00 per year.

I still say if you're that nervous and scared, put it off. There are no rules that your child HAS to get his permit and license just because he is at the legal age to do so.

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Old 07-06-2009, 01:19 PM
 
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It will be ok. Start slowly, at the largest empty parking lot in your area so he can learn to turn smoothly and stay within lines. As he gets more practice, head to the quietest street you know on the quietest day (maybe Sunday afternoon?) so he can work on speed and get comfortable facing oncoming traffic. As he gets better, have him drive you on all your regular errands so that he can practice many different situations. Don't forget to include some highway and lots of night driving. And take heart - I don't know a single parent who has been in an accident (or had a heart attack) while logging behind-the-wheel hours.
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Old 07-06-2009, 01:21 PM - Thread Starter
 
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he can take drivers ed next summer at school. but xtra instruction is not needed. and i called the insurance company. i do not have to do anything to have him covered. my ins doesnt go up or anything. however, we are looking into full coverage instead of liability.

DS can do it. I am not so worried about his ability. i believe in him. i just posted b/c i was having anxiety. i think i would have anxiety no matter what age he got his permit at. i dont even like to have DH drive. he says it is b/c i am a control freak. lol.

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