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#1 of 12 Old 07-18-2009, 09:48 AM - Thread Starter
 
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I would like to get advice on how to handle a situation with my 18 year old son. His father and I have been divorced for 13 years, his father lives in Nevada. His father is the sort who thinks taking his son to prostitutes is good and educational.

It is difficult to find the right words to discuss this with him when I am so angry with his father for so many things, this just being the latest.
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#2 of 12 Old 07-18-2009, 06:20 PM
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If your son is 18, why is his dad discussing this with you at all? It's not as though he needs your permission to take your son to a hooker - it's really your son's decision to make.

I think your ex is winding you up.
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#3 of 12 Old 07-18-2009, 06:30 PM
 
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Ok, well, do you know for certain that this is happening? As in your son or ex told you?

Either way, though, you can always talk to your son about STD's, and exploitation of women in the sex industry. At age 18, there's not much more you can do.

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#4 of 12 Old 07-18-2009, 07:51 PM
 
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Oh, wow, that sounds awful! I have nothing against sex workers, really, I don't but I would not want my 18 year old son visiting one. I don't think it's worth the risk. I don't like the impression of women a session might leave him with. I agree with Sailor- discuss STDS with him (Google Image does wonders ) and do some research on the exploitation of women in the sex industry. Share it with him.

ETA Mods- am I going to get in trouble for suggesting Google Image?
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#5 of 12 Old 07-20-2009, 07:10 PM
 
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This has much more to do with your son than with your husband. Ideally your son would not even want to see a prostitute because he would understand how exploitative that industry is to women and he would just not be interested in getting sex in that way. I would be much more interested in having frank discussions with my son about how it makes me feel as a mother and as a woman than I would about my ex-husband's views on the matter. Your son is 18 and he is mature enough to understand an intelligent woman's point of view. Also, how does it make him feel to have to pay for those services? Isn't it much more interesting and rewarding to develop relationships with young women before sleeping with them? Does he not feel up to the challenge? Maybe he needs advice about girls and how to grow bonds with them. But, believe me, I understand how difficult it can be to not allow the anger emotions to boil up! Just be patient and focus more on your son that on your ex.

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#6 of 12 Old 07-23-2009, 08:51 PM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Dolphingirlsd View Post
Also, how does it make him feel to have to pay for those services? Isn't it much more interesting and rewarding to develop relationships with young women before sleeping with them? Does he not feel up to the challenge? Maybe he needs advice about girls and how to grow bonds with them.
umm...where did that come from? The impression I got from the OP is that her son's dad is really pushing the "let's go get you a hooker" thing, not that her son is driving this. "Does he not feel up to the challenge?" WTF? There's absolutely nothing in the OP that tells us anything about her son's interactions with women, except that his dad thinks he should see prostitutes. To say this has more to do with the dad than the son is strange. He may not even want to go and is feeling pressured, or like his dad will think less of him if he doesn't. Sure - 18 is old enough to understand the issues, but it's still pretty young when it comes to standing up to a parent.

OP: I think the other posters are right. All you can really do is talk toy our son about STDs and the exploitation that exists in the sex industry. He's going to make his own decisions, and you and your ex can only put forth your viewpoints. Good luck. This sounds like a real problem to deal with.

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#7 of 12 Old 07-24-2009, 12:19 AM
 
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Are you for real? First time poster?

You have to be 21 to go to a brothel, so is your ex willing to break the law and get your ds a fake ID?

Mommy to kids

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#8 of 12 Old 07-24-2009, 03:19 PM
 
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I'm guessing since he lives in Nevada, he's planning on taking him to one of the legal brothels? While I certainly understand you being very much against this (I would be too), if dad and son are set on going then a legal brothel is probably the best case scenario. The women are regularly tested for STD's, and the places themselves are regularly inspected to make sure everything is clean, and everyone is treated/paid fairly.
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#9 of 12 Old 07-24-2009, 03:31 PM
 
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What is the age to enter a brothel in Nevada? Is it 21, like the drinking age, or 18, like the age for buying tobacco?

If he's of legal age to enter and "buy services" in a brothel, then there really isn't much you can do. Certainly, tell your son what you think of prostitution and why you think it's a bad idea, but if he's "legal", then he's old enough to decide for himself if he wants to do this.

If he's not yet of legal age to use the brothel, then it's trickier. I still have trouble wrapping my brain around the "legal age" for anything (such as alcohol) being over 18- are you a legal adult or not? What are the parents' roles with this stuff? Can the parent get in trouble if their 18 or 19yo buys alcohol? Do you have any kind of legal recourse to threaten your ex with?

My gut feeling is that educating your son is still the best way to go. Let him know why you have a problem with prostitution. Let him know of any legal risks he's taking by going there "underage" (if applicable.) And then step back and let him make his own decisions- and possibly his own mistakes.

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#10 of 12 Old 07-26-2009, 04:28 PM
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Fuamami View Post
Are you for real? First time poster?

You have to be 21 to go to a brothel, so is your ex willing to break the law and get your ds a fake ID?
I'm pretty sure it is 18. You can work there at 18...


Anyway, .
I think all you can do is talk, too.
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#11 of 12 Old 07-26-2009, 05:14 PM
 
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In NYS, you can work as a bartender at 18 but you can't buy or drink alcohol until 21. :

Ruth, single mommy to Leah, 19 (in Israel for another school year), Hannah, 18 (commuting to college), and Jack, 12(homeschooled)
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#12 of 12 Old 08-15-2009, 11:29 PM
 
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I think it's a totally unusual boundary for a father to cross with a son and that is all that I would add if it were MY son and stbx.

I thought it was weird though that my stbx thru a hissyfit because he wasn't invited to my brother's bachelor party. (My brother said it would be weird to see dancers with someone who was like a dad to him.) so that's where that line of thinking comes from.
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