Any one raise a "spirited " son? - Mothering Forums

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Old 12-01-2001, 02:25 AM - Thread Starter
 
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My son is now 13,as tall as me,has been spirited since day 1.Does it get better,do they grow up ok?
He is sooo sensitive,cries easily,etc.
It seems like I always end up apologizing to him,even if he has done something wrong.
I am reading THE CARE & FEEDING OF INDIGO CHILDREN,very different ideas,lots of angel prayers.I read RAISING YOUR SPIRITED CHILD 2 or3 times .Any suggestions?

::
momma to 4
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Old 12-01-2001, 02:59 AM
 
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My brother is a pretty sensitive guy and really always has been. It must have been tough for my parents when he was a teen. Like I said, he's still pretty sensitive, but I think he's found some good ways to "be" in the world, and other than battling depression (which runs in my family and probably doesn't have to do with his sensitivity), he's a happy, healthy person.

I mostly can only offer sympathy, as I've never parented a teenage son, let alone a spirited one. Life is probably challenging for both you and your son right now {{{{{{hugs Jazmommie}}}}}. The only suggestion I would offer is to be very aware and careful not to shelter him from the world too much. My mom has a tendency to "baby" my brother even now that he's an adult, without realizing she's doing it. In the long-term, that only contributes to my brother's struggles in the world. I try to remember not to shelter my brother too. I just keep reminding myself that if I protect him, I will prevent not only his experience of pain in this world but also experiences like success, etc.

I'm pro-adoption reform, but not anti-adoption.
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Old 12-05-2001, 12:32 PM
 
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It sounds like your nephew is too sheltered. I think I baby my son too much sometimes but not to that extreme. Your nephew will be shocked when he gets to the real world. I would also be afraid of what kind of husband he could end up being. A lot of these boys grow up expecting to be served by women for the rest of their lives. I don't know if it is true of their situation. Maybe his mom makes him do a lot for himself at home.

I think you sound great!!! Bx4~!!!!
One of the things I miss about my old compound in Riyadh is the freedom the kids had there. It helped my son overcome a lot of his social awkwardness. They would go off on their bikes to the recreation center or a movie or the mini-mart by themselves for hours. It was such a safe environment. I really miss that!! I do let my 9 and 13 year old go to stores and parks alone but I worry more here. It is better to prepare them for the real world. THey WILL go out on their own one day and it is better for them to slowly ease into it.
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Old 12-05-2001, 05:49 PM
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My oldest ds is 17 now. The hardest part of parenting a teenager is learning to let go and letting them have some independence. It is very hard at each stage to know how much is too much or too little. My son has had more independence than I did, but not as much as he would like (do they ever?). I really believe that if you don't allow them some independence and if you try to be too controlling, they will be more rebellious at some point, even if it's not until they are in college.

I don't know about the spirited part, my oldest has always been a pretty easy kid. It's my 5 year old ds who is most definitely spirited! I will be interested in any answers you get from experienced moms of older spirited boys.
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Old 12-10-2001, 08:07 PM
 
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My 14-year-old is mellow! There have definitely been times when we clashed a bit, and he certainly has his moods and, rarely, emotional days (actually wish it were more! rather than have him be repressed like his dad/my ex). He is very bright and highly gifted. He's just an awesome, amazing person. Usually quite level-headed, very kind. I'm thrilled that I get to have such a cool person as a friend/adult child in a few years. Loving the teen years tho, too.
It's my 8 year old- WOW! He is so sensitive, and has a temper, and cries easily, is really, really melodramatic, but also SOOO creative, imaginative, super-bright, very gifted, totally advanced physically, academically etc. and actually says "I'm feeling very frustrated and angry because...". HIM I am worried about- not because he's going to have real problems or issues, but because he's a lot for me to handle!
I'm reading "Give the Love That Heals" by Harville Hendrix. He, and his wife, Helen Hunt (not the actor) have written some incredible books for couples- but the parenting book is amazing. I've learned how to communicate so much better with my children (and dh).
I love the teen years, so far. I had a terrible adolescence and always envisioned a very positive relationship w/my teens. I'm lucky that I can say I have that positive relationship now. I wonder what it would be like if I had a girl....
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