Ok, so the situation is complex.
DD and I moved to my mom's town two years ago after my mom was diagnosed with Multiple Myeloma - a blood cancer that starts in the marrow - and given a prognosis of 3-4 years to live.
She couldn't live alone, so I moved in with her, with my (then) 11yo DD.
They had a very close relationship, periodic visits, "grandma camp" in spring and summer, and I also get along with my mom fairly well.
Living in the same house has changed everything. Besides the dynamics of being 40 and living with my mother (despite the reason why), my mom also seems to want to be a second parent to my daughter but often behaves like another young teen in a power struggle with her.
All this is compounded by Mom's meds that make her moody and irritable, or prone to crying.
DD goes to an alternative school and is home three days a week during the year (at her dad's this summer). But hides in her room when home, avoids my mom, doesn't like her anymore and can be a little brat (big brat?) to my mom. They both are kinda bratty to each other, but my mom pulls the "I'm the adult you have to do what I say" card when I'm at work. I try to support my mom, but often don't agree with her ways of communicating with DD, or how she handles things. I don't want DD to dislike my mom, but I can sure understand why she doesn't.
I try to encourage her to be kind, compassionate for what her grandma is going thru, but also allow her to vent her frustration appropriately.
My mom is probably going to die within the next year. I am broken up about it, and right now am furious with DD that she doesn't seem to care, and is nonchalant, matter of fact....I get it, part of me feels awful that there's a shred of relief that it'll be over at some point also...but I just want DD and my mom to find some bit of what their relationship used to be like before my mom dies.
I don't know how to balance the needs of my mom, the needs of my daughter, and my own needs, while working full time, and building my practice.
Has anyone else helped a teen cope with living with a dying grandparent? Or even living with a disliked/difficult grandparent?
Family Insights: Helping kids and the parents they're raising.