Has anyone put together a "coming of age" basket? - Mothering Forums
Forum Jump: 
 
Thread Tools
#1 of 17 Old 08-09-2009, 07:28 PM - Thread Starter
 
karne's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2005
Posts: 3,623
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
OK-that's actually a weird title for my thought-sorry! I have been thinking about putting together a nice basket of supplies for my dd to have as she starts along the pre-teen years. I had great feedback from my thread about bras, so I'm thinking of putting in a nice comfy athletic type training bra or two, in pretty colors, as well as a natural deodorant, some natural hair/body products with a special sponge or loofah, some natural lip balm, and some cloth and regular panty-liners, as well as a little zip case that she could keep a few panty liners in to keep in her school bag. I would find a pretty basket, maybe some scented lotion, etc. I don't want to take away any choices she might want to make on her own, but dd also loves to get presents from me, so I thought this would be nice and give her a jumping off point to see what she might like/not like. The panty liners I want her to have because I honestly don't know when her period mught start and I want her to have something with her at school.

What do you all think? Any other ideas?
karne is offline  
#2 of 17 Old 08-09-2009, 09:36 PM
 
covertlycrunchy's Avatar
 
Join Date: Sep 2006
Location: UK
Posts: 428
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
I think it sounds great! I wish my mother would have thought to do that with me, I would have been *much* better prepared for it (particularly the period thing). And it opens up a communication line also, lets her know in a very concrete way that she can come to you about this if she needs to.
covertlycrunchy is offline  
#3 of 17 Old 08-10-2009, 07:58 AM
 
Oriole's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2007
Location: by the ocean, lakes and mountains
Posts: 4,388
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
A great idea
I would have added a book and a journal.

New endeavor coming soon...
Raising Alice in Wonderland (DSD, 17), and in love with a Superman
Oriole is offline  
#4 of 17 Old 08-10-2009, 10:34 PM
A&A
 
A&A's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2004
Posts: 16,858
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 6 Post(s)
I'd add a book about periods:

http://www.amazon.com/s/ref=nb_ss_gw...eriods&x=0&y=0

I think this one is especially interesting:

http://www.amazon.com/Little-Book-Ra...9954416&sr=8-8

"Our task is not to see the future, but to enable it."
A&A is offline  
#5 of 17 Old 08-11-2009, 05:20 PM
 
caudex's Avatar
 
Join Date: Dec 2007
Posts: 60
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
In theory it sounds like a pretty nice idea. You said she likes gifts-- I'd just caution you to consider if she's shown any awkwardness or discomfort about being super open about these coming-of-age things. If she's got no problem sharing, that's awesome. But while I can see your wonderful intent from my position safely on the far side of adolescence, if I'd gotten such a basket from my mother at that time I probably would have wanted to melt through the floor and die. My mom had, and has, a great open attitude about body changes and maturing and such, but I absolutely did not even want to think of anyone discussing it with me, or even implying the recognized it happening. I believe I told her at age 15 that I would never be old enough for her to talk about sex with me. It wasn't a failing on her part, just an oddity in mine.

Of course you know your daughter best, and I hope she loves it, but I always feel like I want to add that tiny warning to posts about puberty parties and the like, cos as nice as open dialogue is, a lot of tweens and teens wouldn't mind at all if the dialogue was closed and deadbolted.
caudex is offline  
#6 of 17 Old 08-12-2009, 12:25 AM - Thread Starter
 
karne's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2005
Posts: 3,623
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Quote:
Originally Posted by caudex View Post
In theory it sounds like a pretty nice idea. You said she likes gifts-- I'd just caution you to consider if she's shown any awkwardness or discomfort about being super open about these coming-of-age things. If she's got no problem sharing, that's awesome. But while I can see your wonderful intent from my position safely on the far side of adolescence, if I'd gotten such a basket from my mother at that time I probably would have wanted to melt through the floor and die. My mom had, and has, a great open attitude about body changes and maturing and such, but I absolutely did not even want to think of anyone discussing it with me, or even implying the recognized it happening. I believe I told her at age 15 that I would never be old enough for her to talk about sex with me. It wasn't a failing on her part, just an oddity in mine.

Of course you know your daughter best, and I hope she loves it, but I always feel like I want to add that tiny warning to posts about puberty parties and the like, cos as nice as open dialogue is, a lot of tweens and teens wouldn't mind at all if the dialogue was closed and deadbolted.
I totally hear you on this point caudex! I was the same way as a pre-teen/teen. Amazingly, at this point in time, my dd is pretty open to sharing with me, and considers me (I'm pretty sure) her go-to person for questions, etc. We have a pretty nice dialog going right now, so I think she'd be open to my idea.

FWIW-I keep wondering if the tide will turn in terms of communication. I know it did in my adolescence. I feel like my dd is so even and affectionate with me. Sometimes I worry that it's me who is going to screw up the balance because some days I'm less even and forgiving than my kids!
karne is offline  
#7 of 17 Old 08-12-2009, 12:28 AM
 
Join Date: Jan 2007
Location: Paradise
Posts: 8,134
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
you are SO thoughtful. : that sounds so awesome. Will you be my mom?
transformed is offline  
#8 of 17 Old 08-12-2009, 12:53 PM
 
dhammamama's Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2008
Posts: 101
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Great points, Caudex.

My daughter, now an adult, was like you Caudex, and I very much like your mom, even as a teen. I was thrilled to start my period-- my d cried, even though she'd been raised with much healthier, open attitudes than I was. She was even shy about sports bras.

I think it really depends on the personality.

Another, maybe less personal addition, might be manicure/pedicure implements? Nice journals?
dhammamama is offline  
#9 of 17 Old 08-16-2009, 06:33 PM
 
ZoraP's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jun 2009
Posts: 286
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
I have another book suggestion:

The Care & Keeping of You: The Body Book for Girls (American Girl series)

I just got this for my 9-year-old dd and it's been really positive for her. I'm open with her and she's very open with me, too, so our communication is good. But sometimes she's awkward or uncomfortable and she's not all that happy about physically maturing so soon, so the book has been a great way for her to consider things (like skin care now that she's getting pimples) that I haven't wanted to bring up or push.

I think the gift basket is totally a matter of whether the girl would like it or not. I would NOT have wanted one from my mom, but it's because she was the awkward and embarrassed one, not me. (When I got married at almost 22, she took me aside and told me not to expect too much from sex, because it wasn't really that much fun for women. I felt so sorry for her...! And still do.) I was usually way ahead of my mom on informing myself on these issues, so when she finally blushingly got around to it, I was already an expert on the subject.

On the other hand, I've been slipping little gifts like this to my dd on occasion and we're both happy with it (as a casual thing rather than a big production). My younger dd is very private and will probably be mortified to have it become a Big Deal, so I imagine the basket wouldn't work for her. I'll just play it by ear with each girl.

DD1 (Oct 99), DD2 (Sep 02), DD3 (Oct 09)
ZoraP is offline  
#10 of 17 Old 08-18-2009, 12:57 AM
 
clraelle's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2009
Location: New York
Posts: 21
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Quote:
Originally Posted by ZoraP View Post
I have another book suggestion:

The Care & Keeping of You: The Body Book for Girls (American Girl series)

I just got this for my 9-year-old dd and it's been really positive for her. I'm open with her and she's very open with me, too, so our communication is good. But sometimes she's awkward or uncomfortable and she's not all that happy about physically maturing so soon, so the book has been a great way for her to consider things (like skin care now that she's getting pimples) that I haven't wanted to bring up or push.

.
I Got that book for DD a couple years ago. She flipped through some of it I'm sure she read it in her room when she was by herself. It seemed to have a healthy impression on her. I like that it covered many topics and mentioned things (shaving) as a personal choice.
clraelle is offline  
#11 of 17 Old 08-18-2009, 03:31 AM
 
layne's Avatar
 
Join Date: Oct 2002
Posts: 235
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
That is a great idea. It is so sweet and thoughtful! My daughter loved The Care and Keeping of You. I would almost want to throw a Judy Blume book in there as well.

“ it was her habit to build laughter out of inadequate materials....She seemed to know that if she swayed the family shook, and if she ever deeply wavered or despaired the family would fall.”
 -Steinbeck, The Grapes of Wrath (I frequently ask myself, 'what would Ma Joad do?')

layne is offline  
#12 of 17 Old 08-27-2009, 12:42 PM
 
mata's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2006
Location: savasana
Posts: 4,285
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
I've been thinking of doing something similar for my dd-very thoughtful!
mata is offline  
#13 of 17 Old 08-30-2009, 07:22 PM
 
Suzannah's Avatar
 
Join Date: Nov 2001
Posts: 1,177
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Adding a vote for the Care and Keeping of You; DD loves it. I like the idea of a basket also and will put one together for her. I think this is a good idea.

HoneyFern

The Blog

Never let your schooling interfere with your education. ~Mark Twain~

Suzannah is offline  
#14 of 17 Old 08-31-2009, 12:06 AM - Thread Starter
 
karne's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2005
Posts: 3,623
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
OP here. Of course, I didn't get the whole basket put together the way I was hoping, but I have to say, dd has been amazingly receptive to talking with me about what she wants/needs. I put together a few things nicely for her, w/an invitation to go shopping together. I wasn't sure how this would go because shopping is generally like pulling teeth. Suprisingly, we have been having a great time. DD loves exploring all the "products" and trying some of the smaller sized samples. She has decided now to wear deodorant, and is volunteering for showers with her scented bath soaps, shampoo, etc. I favor the natural/organic products, which she knows, but I am giving a wide berth here because dd wants to explore on her own. So far, so good.....!

I too like The Care and keeping of You. As corny as it sounds, we've read the friendship book together, the feelings book, etc. Something decent from the American Girl company!
karne is offline  
#15 of 17 Old 08-31-2009, 10:13 PM
 
mommy68's Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2006
Posts: 6,599
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Quote:
Originally Posted by caudex View Post
But while I can see your wonderful intent from my position safely on the far side of adolescence, if I'd gotten such a basket from my mother at that time I probably would have wanted to melt through the floor and die.
I agree. I'm an adult now so of course I would think something like this would sound wonderful, but to be real, when I was an adolescent it totally would have embarrassed me.

When my son turned 13 I bought a couple of books that year that talked about boys and changes they go through in many ways, socially, emotionally, physically, etc and it goes over friendships, relationships, etc and I told him he could read it whenever and if he wanted to so it is in his room and there if he wants it.

Single (divorced), self-employed working, college student MOM to:

 

17 yr old

11 yr old 

 4 yr old

mommy68 is offline  
#16 of 17 Old 09-01-2009, 06:42 PM
 
Oriole's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2007
Location: by the ocean, lakes and mountains
Posts: 4,388
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
Quote:
Originally Posted by karne View Post
OP here. Of course, I didn't get the whole basket put together the way I was hoping, but I have to say, dd has been amazingly receptive to talking with me about what she wants/needs. I put together a few things nicely for her, w/an invitation to go shopping together. I wasn't sure how this would go because shopping is generally like pulling teeth. Suprisingly, we have been having a great time. DD loves exploring all the "products" and trying some of the smaller sized samples. She has decided now to wear deodorant, and is volunteering for showers with her scented bath soaps, shampoo, etc. I favor the natural/organic products, which she knows, but I am giving a wide berth here because dd wants to explore on her own. So far, so good.....!

I too like The Care and keeping of You. As corny as it sounds, we've read the friendship book together, the feelings book, etc. Something decent from the American Girl company!
Great update!

New endeavor coming soon...
Raising Alice in Wonderland (DSD, 17), and in love with a Superman
Oriole is offline  
#17 of 17 Old 09-07-2009, 01:51 AM
 
Mamato3wild ponnie's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2007
Location: hopefully close to bliss
Posts: 2,093
Mentioned: 0 Post(s)
Tagged: 0 Thread(s)
Quoted: 0 Post(s)
what age would u give the basket?

Mami to fly-by-nursing2.gifds 4 wks, ds 2yo, ds 6yo, dd 11yo, ds 17 yo. novaxnoIRC.gifwaterbirth.jpg
Mamato3wild ponnie is offline  
Reply

Quick Reply
Message:
Drag and Drop File Upload
Drag files here to attach!
Upload Progress: 0
Options

Register Now

In order to be able to post messages on the Mothering Forums forums, you must first register.
Please enter your desired user name, your email address and other required details in the form below.
User Name:
If you do not want to register, fill this field only and the name will be used as user name for your post.
Password
Please enter a password for your user account. Note that passwords are case-sensitive.
Password:
Confirm Password:
Email Address
Please enter a valid email address for yourself.
Email Address:

Log-in

Human Verification

In order to verify that you are a human and not a spam bot, please enter the answer into the following box below based on the instructions contained in the graphic.



User Tag List

Thread Tools
Show Printable Version Show Printable Version
Email this Page Email this Page


Forum Jump: 

Posting Rules  
You may post new threads
You may post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are Off