16 year old caught smoking pot by the cops... - Page 3 - Mothering Forums

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#61 of 96 Old 10-28-2009, 08:16 PM
 
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In BC it's illegal to hunt sasquatch. Even if you don't find him.
Is it still illegal if you do find him?
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#62 of 96 Old 10-28-2009, 08:56 PM
 
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And, the law against pot is dumb.
That is your opinion. Not mine or my family's or any of my IRL friends.
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#63 of 96 Old 10-28-2009, 09:05 PM
 
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That is your opinion. Not mine or my family's or any of my IRL friends.
That is because you have not educated yourself on the real reason it is illegal and buy into the propaganda the government dishes out.

The opinion of the nation is changing. I just read today that California is trying to make it legal. WooHoo! And we all know that once Cali does something the rest of the west will and then it will head east from there. :P
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#64 of 96 Old 10-28-2009, 09:11 PM
 
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Is it still illegal if you do find him?
No, then it's okay. But then it's illegal again if you kill him. You have to leave him alive, wiggle your thumb and say, "Ooga booga". Then walk away peacefully.

IT'S THE LAW.

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#65 of 96 Old 10-28-2009, 09:12 PM
 
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Well I am glad Oregon has no such law. I am sure we can hunt him as much as we want. :P

I wonder if we need "big foot" tags however. Hrmm...
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#66 of 96 Old 10-28-2009, 09:19 PM
 
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The opinion of the nation is changing. I just read today that California is trying to make it legal. WooHoo! And we all know that once Cali does something the rest of the west will and then it will head east from there. :P
yeah, and there's a good chance the laws will change by the time small children of today are teens. Speaking of, considering that the cop in the OP's scenario let the pot smoker off with a warning, means that there are plenty of law enforcement officers who don't agree with the government.

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#67 of 96 Old 10-28-2009, 09:36 PM
 
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Going back to the OP question, if it was my teen, I might consider requiring my child to research and report to me on all the possible consequences of being convicted of possession of MJ. I might withhold privileges (driving, etc.) until I was convinced they understood what all might happen if they got caught again by a different police officer.

In my state, that could include up to 30 days in jail and a suspended driver's license. I would also want them to understand it could prevent them from getting the scholarship money from the state towards college (and $5,000 per year is probably worth finding other ways to relax with friends).

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#68 of 96 Old 10-28-2009, 09:39 PM
 
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yeah, and there's a good chance the laws will change by the time small children of today are teens. Speaking of, considering that the cop in the OP's scenario let the pot smoker off with a warning, means that there are plenty of law enforcement officers who don't agree with the government.
And or their opinions are changing as well.

However I do remember getting in trouble for being out after curfew and all my friends were drunk (I wasn't drinking) and the cops only called ONE friends mom. She came and got us, knocked on one girls front door and told her mom. Took me back to their house where I was staying the night and never told my mom. Becuase she me. And because I wasn't drunk. Hehe.. When they looked at my ID they were like, oh you live across the street from my boss. And since you aren't drunk and smarting off I wont call your mom. Hehe. But Oy was my friend being a dummy and running her mouth. hehe.

Anyway.. I think what they do has a lot to do with how the teen acts when they get caught.
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#69 of 96 Old 10-28-2009, 09:53 PM
 
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I'd have a long talk with her about the importance of being smart about where and with whom she smokes and point out all of the things that could go wrong if she gets arrested for drugs.
This. Exactly.

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At 16?

With Dar on this one too. Discuss being smart about smoking pot. I'd also ask where she got it from. Discuss smoking weed gotten from someone you wouldn't trust with your life.

Honestly, any kind of punishment won't keep a 16 year old from smoking pot again. Even if she's grounded for 6 months. Besides, that is way too much energy to waste on pot.
My bold-and this is a GREAT way to phrase it. Well said!

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Pot is a big deal. Once you break the law by smoking pot... you may get on a slippery slope of doing other illegal activities. Because once you break one little law and don't get caught.. why not break another? Laws exist to protect all of us from harm.

P.S. I've recently become a Master Gardener.... pot is in our book of poisonous plants.
So is Rhubarb.

And...why is it people don't say the same about speeding? About drinking? Smoking cigarettes? Just because it's POT it's somehow a slippery slope? There's NO evidence of this. None.

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This Monday morning I just sat down with a large group (30)of parents of teens at my child's school. In Oregon, lots of these parents themselves grew up in "herb friendly" households. All of them agreed that once you bend the law for pot... it is very easy not go the speed limit.. ignore the underage drinking laws and other little annoying laws. Because you can. Because you get into the habit of thinking laws don't apply to you or the law is dumb. That's an attitude I won't tolerate my children having while they live under my roof.
Really? I have a hard time believing 'herb friendly' households would come to this conclusion. I've got lots of friends in the 'herb friendly' category and I can assure you that's not the thinking whatsoever. As for the kind of thinking you'll "tolerate" under your roof, my only response is that this is the exact kind of thinking that will get them out from under roof (and therefore away from your potentially helpful influence) very quickly. I'd really encourage you to reevaluate this stance for the sake of your future relationship with your children. I hope you are able to get to a point where you can disagree with their choices without deciding they aren't a part of your household.

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I'm really getting annoyed and upset at all the pro-pot posts here at MDC.

Pot is illegal and has no place in MY life or my children's lives.

You can rationalize for your family all you want.
??? Maybe it's illegal where you are, but it's not illegal in a large part of the world INCLUDING many states in the US.

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Um, on the dangers of pot link. You might want to consider finding a different site. The USs government doens't have much credibility when it comes to mj. Just saying. They have a history of messing with the facts and twisting the information.
The US Government twists information and messes with facts??



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Of course there are side effects to smoking pot. I don't think anyone here was saying otherwise.

There are also side effects to drinking large amounts of soda. I think diabetes and obesity are killing more people than pot is, and there are no laws about prohibiting corn syrup.

See, what we're saying is not that pot is good for you....we're saying that laws don't always make sense.
Thank you! I was going to say this too, I appreciate this point very much!

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It's rare that a law gets changed by people following it. Progress needs dissent. Of course there will be consequences; it's the brave people who change laws. Like Rosa Parks.


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I don't know how many of these are true, but there's some really stupid laws out there that were just never repealed...for instance: http://www.associatedcontent.com/art...n_arizona.html

I guess I wouldn't punish my daughter for wearing pants, either...
Me either, but if she pushed a live moose out of an airplane....now for THAT I'd start some serious grounding time...

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1. The argument is very legalist argument. (hmm wonder if maybe that's where the word comes from ) Follow the law just because it's the law. In our house we don't place high value on the unquestioned obedience to authority.

2. There are plenty of laws I would be lenient on, there are plenty of laws I wouldn't be so lenient on. Along the lines of age of consent laws, Canada has a two year age discrepancy between age of consent and the age of consent for a certain sexual act that unfairly criminalizes a specific portion of the population. It's been determined unconstitutional by two courts in Canada, but it's still the law. I will not, however, require either of my children to follow that specific law simply because the very nature of it is discriminatory.

3. Pot is illegal for one reason, and one reason only... Money! Too many big important people will loose too much money if pot is made legal, and I'm not talking about the dealers.
GREAT points.

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In BC it's illegal to hunt sasquatch. Even if you don't find him.
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Is it still illegal if you do find him?
I'm betting if you find him you wouldn't have to worry about the legal ramifications, just where to put all the moolah!

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#70 of 96 Old 10-28-2009, 11:21 PM
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My kids have a book from 1975 called "You Can't Eat Peanuts in Church and Other Little Known Laws." It's awfully funny. There is a law in Wyoming that prohibits one from photographing a rabbit from January-April. Still on the books, from what I understand.
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#71 of 96 Old 10-28-2009, 11:54 PM
 
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Is it still illegal if you do find him?
Of course! He's a rare spieces, he needs to be protected in his natural habitat!

I could probably get a book deal out of it though. I can write it while I'm in prison.

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#72 of 96 Old 10-28-2009, 11:59 PM
 
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Oh!

You can't drag a dead horse down Young street in Toronto. No clue how the Torontoites have fun without that...

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#73 of 96 Old 10-29-2009, 10:10 AM
 
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Oh!

You can't drag a dead horse down Young street in Toronto. No clue how the Torontoites have fun without that...
To be honest... I probably *would* be pretty angry if my kid was doing that... because first, where did they get the horse?? and why is it dead?? and why did they think it was appropriate to drag it down a city street??

Of course, if it was the next street over, it'd probably be ok (or I might never find out about it!)


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#74 of 96 Old 10-29-2009, 10:54 AM
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I don't want to interupt the hilarity of horse dragging and the like but just wanted to say as a teen I smoked more than my fair share of pot and this was at 15, 16 and so on...To the OP, all those things that the mother did aren't going to do a thing. My mom actually threatened to send me to rehab and I just kept on with my behavior, I used to smoke in my own house at night after she went to bed. Sometimes you can't stop your kid no matter what. I do like the idea of informing them of the real consequences, like not being able to get a scholarship or something, that never crossed my mind at that age...

Also in some states the most you can legally get now for possession (simple possession) is a ticket like speeding. I'm thinking MA where I live right now and they just decriminalized it.
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#75 of 96 Old 10-29-2009, 11:46 AM
 
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First off, I'm pro-legalization. I think it's vital that the girl be aware of all the possible systemic consequences regarding a criminal record, impact on school admissions or hiring, etc. But I also think the part about knowing who you're with is important on many levels. "Good company" doesn't just mean people who won't touch the stuff, or merely won't rat you out if you do. It matters more that she's among friends, or in a safe situation herself, when she's in a vulnerable state -- maybe even with one person not using depending on the circumstances. Looking after one another is never a bad idea, and it looks as though the mom's approach (from what I read) seems to omit concern for her daughter in this regard completely.

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#76 of 96 Old 10-29-2009, 02:38 PM
 
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In BC it's illegal to hunt sasquatch. Even if you don't find him.
Yup. I wouldn't be upset about ds1 hunting Sasquatch (would be upset if he caught and hurt a Sasquatch, though!). I'd be upset if he started smoking pot, because his background includes a lot of addiction (my dad's an alcholic, and ds1's dad is a long-time heavy pot smoker and crack addict, and both his paternal grandparents have serious addictions, as well). There are lots of laws he could break that wouldn't bother me...and lots he could break that would.

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#77 of 96 Old 10-29-2009, 02:43 PM
 
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I don't want to interupt the hilarity of horse dragging and the like but just wanted to say as a teen I smoked more than my fair share of pot and this was at 15, 16 and so on...To the OP, all those things that the mother did aren't going to do a thing. My mom actually threatened to send me to rehab and I just kept on with my behavior, I used to smoke in my own house at night after she went to bed. Sometimes you can't stop your kid no matter what. I do like the idea of informing them of the real consequences, like not being able to get a scholarship or something, that never crossed my mind at that age...
This, too. The kids I knew whose parents came down the hardest about things like pot were, generally, the ones who were "acting out" the most (sneaking out bedroom windows, cutting class to have sex in their bf's van, doing drugs, etc.). Being this hard line is very unlikely to be helpful.

I don't think I ever answered the actual question, but if ds1 were to smoke pot, I'd probably do just what Dar suggested. We'd have a talk about the consequences, and make sure he really understood that things can go wrong. Oh - and I'd explain to him that all hell will break out if he ever smokes and drives (he doesn't have a license yet, though). That's not cool.

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#78 of 96 Old 10-29-2009, 02:46 PM
 
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That is your opinion. Not mine or my family's or any of my IRL friends.
Yes, it's my opinion. I'm not a fan of laws that only exist to protect us from ourselves. Except for the ramifications of the whole criminal network that provides the pot in the first place - and only exists because pot is illegal! - smoking pot doesn't hurt anybody except the person smoking it. Enforcing the anti-pot laws is expensive, time consuming and doesn't work. So...it's a stupid law. Laws that are virtually unenforceable and don't protect anybody, except possibly from themselves, are stupid laws. Even if I agreed that pot is sooooo bad (which I don't), it's a stupid law, because it doesn't accomplish anything.

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#79 of 96 Old 10-29-2009, 04:50 PM
 
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I would NEVER want to teach my kid to obey the law just because it's the law - or any other form of authority for that matter. I would want them to think critically about the reason for certain laws/authority, whether they agree and what the risks/consequences and motivations might be for breaking a certain law.

Some laws I would absolutely support and be proud of my child breaking: civil disobedience for example would be something I would be downright proud of. There's nothing I would have wanted more than my daughter to tell me she was going to join the sit-ins in the South during the 50's and 60's.

There are other laws that I disagree with but it's easier to follow and not worth the risk to yourselves and others to break. Or that I think you have to be very careful about and know the risks if you're going to break. Marijuana use definitely falls in this category. If caught, you can end up not being able to get a teaching or nursing license, being ineligible for scholarships, do jail time, etc. I'm much more convincing to my child if I explain the risks then if I try to tell her she should obey the law because "it's the law" or "drugs are bad". Teenagers are smart and just shifting developmentally to questioning the world around them and what they've been told - they're not going to buy a load of bs and they're not going to respond well to just cracking down. Not how I'd want to raise my kid.

Btw, just in general, I have a really hard time with the concept of getting kids to obey authority. One point Kohn makes is that kids who are taught to just obey or "be good" tend to transfer that allegiance to their peers in teenhood. The answer is not to work harder to keep that authority ourselves as parents but to help our children develop their own inner compass that will allow them to navigate issues as they grow.
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#80 of 96 Old 11-05-2009, 01:16 AM
 
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i didnt read all the responsed but what i said to my daughter, :" I know your going to do what you want no matter what i say but it really disappoints me to see you doing this kind of stuff and i know you can make better choices. Maybe wait until your older to do this. I would rather you do this than drink though so keep that in mind and also know you can call me for a ride if you ever get into a situation you feel is too much." LOL She didn't touch it after that....but if you find my other post you will see my othere issues. POt is not a big deal really, needs to be legal, and its not a gateway. Alcohol does way more harm that weed.
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#81 of 96 Old 11-06-2009, 08:49 AM
 
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I think you should buy some seeds from a reputable dealer, set up a safe indoor growing area and grow your own marijuana. When the plants are ready to cultivate, teach her the correct method for rolling joints and join her for some mother-daughter bonding time safe in the confines of your own home.

(of course, only do this when the younger kids aren't home)
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#82 of 96 Old 11-06-2009, 01:15 PM
 
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First off, I'm pro-legalization. I think it's vital that the girl be aware of all the possible systemic consequences regarding a criminal record, impact on school admissions or hiring, etc. But I also think the part about knowing who you're with is important on many levels. "Good company" doesn't just mean people who won't touch the stuff, or merely won't rat you out if you do. It matters more that she's among friends, or in a safe situation herself, when she's in a vulnerable state -- maybe even with one person not using depending on the circumstances. Looking after one another is never a bad idea, and it looks as though the mom's approach (from what I read) seems to omit concern for her daughter in this regard completely.
I agree with this entire post. I think because the mom in the OP came down so hard on her daughter, the next time the daughter smokes ('cuz more likely than not, she will) the only lesson the daughter will have learned is to cover it up better. That makes me think of shady people and shady circumstances.

My parents were open and honest with me about their drug experiences, and the biggest lesson I learned was to make smart decisions. Be in a safe place. Be with people who will take care of you, and people you will take care of. Make sure someone is aware enough to make good choices. Be aware of the benefits versus the risks. (Yeah it would be fun to be high right now, but I'm in a public place/with people I don't know/not sure where this weed came from/have a test tomorrow/etc.)


Just for giggles, I called and asked my mom about it. Her quote, "You were a good kid. You were in the IB program, in sports, in clubs. You were respectful, and kept your room clean. You visited your grandparents several times a week. You volunteered. Man, I would have needed a joint or two to relax from all that. Now, if you were some little smart a-- who was failing out of school and in general being a big jerk, it would have been totally different."

Hmm. No wonder that I could/did/and still do talk to my mom about everything in an open and honest manner.

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#83 of 96 Old 11-06-2009, 02:32 PM
 
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I heard a news story about a dad who found his 16 y.o.'s closet locked. So curious he barged in there, found a mj plant and called the police on HER.

Most ppl here thought he should have just gotten rid of the plant. Heard this on the radio. What do you all think? My dad would have taken the plant and built a greenhouse. So I'm trying to understand calling the police on your own teen.
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#84 of 96 Old 11-06-2009, 02:44 PM
 
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I heard a news story about a dad who found his 16 y.o.'s closet locked. So curious he barged in there, found a mj plant and called the police on HER.

Most ppl here thought he should have just gotten rid of the plant. Heard this on the radio. What do you all think? My dad would have taken the plant and built a greenhouse. So I'm trying to understand calling the police on your own teen.
My mom called the cops on my little brother when she found a small amount of pot in his room. She's a very "follow the law because it's the law" kind of person. She also excuses the cops for nearly killing my stepbrother over a baggie of weed. In her mind, he deserved it because he did drugs.
Her mentality is dangerous, and not one that I share. We're not close, and I don't think I'll ever forgive her for taking the side of dumb laws over her children's health and safety.

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#85 of 96 Old 11-06-2009, 03:41 PM
 
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I heard a news story about a dad who found his 16 y.o.'s closet locked. So curious he barged in there, found a mj plant and called the police on HER.

Most ppl here thought he should have just gotten rid of the plant. Heard this on the radio. What do you all think? My dad would have taken the plant and built a greenhouse. So I'm trying to understand calling the police on your own teen.
I'd say that's a huge over-reaction. How about talking? How about opening a dialog? How about being a family? If you have serious issues why not TALK. It's like equating pot with murdering someone just because they both have some sort of law-related punishment.

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#86 of 96 Old 11-06-2009, 04:13 PM
 
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I'd say that's a huge over-reaction. How about talking? How about opening a dialog? How about being a family? If you have serious issues why not TALK. It's like equating pot with murdering someone just because they both have some sort of law-related punishment.
Some people feel that way however. I find it amazing the number of people who think pot is as bad as heroine.
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#87 of 96 Old 11-06-2009, 04:48 PM
 
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I heard a news story about a dad who found his 16 y.o.'s closet locked. So curious he barged in there, found a mj plant and called the police on HER.

Most ppl here thought he should have just gotten rid of the plant. Heard this on the radio. What do you all think? My dad would have taken the plant and built a greenhouse. So I'm trying to understand calling the police on your own teen.
Your dad and my dad should go out and tend the weeds together... Mind probably would have done the same thing.

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#88 of 96 Old 11-06-2009, 05:43 PM
 
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I am pretty sure my mom wouldn't have called the cops on me because she would have been terrified of CPS taking me away. I think she would have contemplated it, though...

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#89 of 96 Old 11-06-2009, 07:07 PM
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DH's mother is exactly the kind of person who would call the cops on her son..I think she did once when it was related to alcohol and he was underage. Then again it isn't surprising since he went to court and got legally emancipated at the age of 16 so I guess I shouldn't be surprised.

My mom would have grounded me for a month all the while not knowing I would smoke during lunch breaks at school!

I wouldn't want to tear the plant up but I think at some point until my kid is 18 I have to draw the line. As an adult you can also get in quite a bit of trouble for something like that around your minor child. Growing is very different in the eyes of the law from just possessing MJ.
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#90 of 96 Old 11-07-2009, 07:47 PM
 
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My adopted dad let my sister go nuts trying to find her stash in the room. They always told us they flushed it and made a big deal about how their house could be seized but I really think they smoked it.
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