16 year old caught smoking pot by the cops... - Mothering Forums
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#1 of 96 Old 10-17-2009, 06:57 PM - Thread Starter
 
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.... and they let her off. Told the parents, but didn't charge her w/ anything, because it was her first offense. This is a friends daughter. My oldest is 11, so I have yet to deal w/ this scenario. The mom has grounded her for 6 months, until her 17th b-day, taken her $ and cell phone, and feels she should do more. So what would you do? What would an AP parent do? I really don't know what I would do. We have an open dialogue about drugs in our house, but I really don't know how my dc's will handle them when with their peers when the time comes. So W would you do?

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#2 of 96 Old 10-17-2009, 07:01 PM
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I'd have a long talk with her about the importance of being smart about where and with whom she smokes and point out all of the things that could go wrong if she gets arrested for drugs.

 
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#3 of 96 Old 10-17-2009, 09:21 PM
 
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I'd have a long talk with her about the importance of being smart about where and with whom she smokes and point out all of the things that could go wrong if she gets arrested for drugs.
Same.

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#4 of 96 Old 10-17-2009, 09:25 PM
 
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I would ask the courts to make her do community service. And i would also make sure to sit down and talk to my child about the risks with drugs, and with the consequences of them.

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#5 of 96 Old 10-17-2009, 10:18 PM
 
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I would do exactly the same as Dar.

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#6 of 96 Old 10-17-2009, 10:24 PM
 
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I'd have a long talk with her about the importance of being smart about where and with whom she smokes and point out all of the things that could go wrong if she gets arrested for drugs.
I'm not the mom of a teen but I would do what Dar said.

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#7 of 96 Old 10-18-2009, 12:02 AM
 
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In my omnipotent parent fantasy world I'd have a strict talk w/ my child, and expect that our heart to heart would resolve the matter. Perhaps add in a class about driving while impaired, to get a certain message across.

In the real world, I'm w/ Dar, plus some serious discussion about the consequences of driving while impaired.
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#8 of 96 Old 10-18-2009, 11:17 AM - Thread Starter
 
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thanks ladies. I agree with Dar, and this is what I would do with my own children. I just think that this friend is more fire and brimstone. Not that I'm looking for such suggestions, but a consequences talk would be best at this point.

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#9 of 96 Old 10-18-2009, 11:25 AM
 
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Grounded for six months?????

Team Dar on this one.

Actually, we already did that last week, apparently 2 classmates/friends were suspended from school for having pot on them, so we had a chat.
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#10 of 96 Old 10-18-2009, 03:56 PM
 
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At 16?

With Dar on this one too. Discuss being smart about smoking pot. I'd also ask where she got it from. Discuss smoking weed gotten from someone you wouldn't trust with your life.

Honestly, any kind of punishment won't keep a 16 year old from smoking pot again. Even if she's grounded for 6 months. Besides, that is way too much energy to waste on pot.

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#11 of 96 Old 10-21-2009, 03:52 PM
 
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Besides, that is way too much energy to waste on pot.
THIS.

In the scheme of things I really do not view pot as a big deal. At all.
I'd probably freak over cigarettes, but not pot.

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#12 of 96 Old 10-21-2009, 04:00 PM
 
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I wouldn't have grounded her, taken away her money OR taken away the cell phone. Why create artificial consequences when what she's doing already has its own natural consequences? All that parent is going to accomplish is to alienate her daughter. Additionally, she has nothing left to "take away" if the teen does something else dangerous or stupid.

What I would have done was sat down and talked to her. Let her know just how lucky she is that she got off with a warning. Explain to her how a criminal record can affect her life, especially if she got caught after age 18. I'd also do a little research of my own and find out the answers to these questions, as well as the more pertinant ones of "what happens legally when a 16yo or 17yo is found with pot? Are they treated as adults or juveniles?"

I don't have an issue with marijuana per se. I fully support its legalization. The whole aspect of "my kid is smoking a natural herb that easily grows in this climate" doesn't bother me in the slightest. But breaking the law is dangerous because of the legal consequences, period. The only physical danger, really, is connected to its being illegal- how do you know it's not contaminated with something more dangerous?

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#13 of 96 Old 10-23-2009, 03:43 PM
 
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THIS.

In the scheme of things I really do not view pot as a big deal. At all.
I'd probably freak over cigarettes, but not pot.
Pot is a big deal. Once you break the law by smoking pot... you may get on a slippery slope of doing other illegal activities. Because once you break one little law and don't get caught.. why not break another? Laws exist to protect all of us from harm.

P.S. I've recently become a Master Gardener.... pot is in our book of poisonous plants.
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#14 of 96 Old 10-23-2009, 05:02 PM
 
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Pot is a big deal. Once you break the law by smoking pot... you may get on a slippery slope of doing other illegal activities. Because once you break one little law and don't get caught.. why not break another? Laws exist to protect all of us from harm.

P.S. I've recently become a Master Gardener.... pot is in our book of poisonous plants.
Um... Wow... That's even more expansive then they usual slippery slope argument pertaining to pot, and sorry but no. Just because someone doesn't get caught smoking pot doesn't mean they are more likely to commit other crimes. More likely those who are most likely to not get caught smoking pot are those who are all ready pre-inclided towards other criminal behaviour.

Never have met someone who said "Dude, we didn't get caught smoking weed so lets go rob a bank!"

Just so you know, slippery slope arguments relating to pot have been pretty much discreteded.

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#15 of 96 Old 10-23-2009, 06:10 PM
 
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Just so you know, slippery slope arguments relating to pot have been pretty much discreteded.
This Monday morning I just sat down with a large group (30)of parents of teens at my child's school. In Oregon, lots of these parents themselves grew up in "herb friendly" households. All of them agreed that once you bend the law for pot... it is very easy not go the speed limit.. ignore the underage drinking laws and other little annoying laws. Because you can. Because you get into the habit of thinking laws don't apply to you or the law is dumb. That's an attitude I won't tolerate my children having while they live under my roof.
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#16 of 96 Old 10-23-2009, 06:20 PM
 
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Huh... having watched my husband (since he was 17) with these things, breaking the speeding laws and the drinking laws DEFINITELY came WAY before breaking the pot law. And he was never even remotely interested in any "harder" drugs. : I dunno - I realize this is a single case, but of all the pot smokers I know - the ones who did harder drugs, actually tried the harder drugs first (or cigarettes, too, for that matter), then took a step back and went with pot. Granted this is a single demographic - college students - but in my experience that's not how it was at all with anyone I knew.

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#17 of 96 Old 10-23-2009, 06:30 PM
 
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This Monday morning I just sat down with a large group (30)of parents of teens at my child's school. In Oregon, lots of these parents themselves grew up in "herb friendly" households. All of them agreed that once you bend the law for pot... it is very easy not go the speed limit.. ignore the underage drinking laws and other little annoying laws. Because you can. Because you get into the habit of thinking laws don't apply to you or the law is dumb. That's an attitude I won't tolerate my children having while they live under my roof.

Hmm. I have been known to speed. I have drunk underage in two different countries, I have jaywalked. I'm sure I could come up with a few more.

But.

I have never smoked pot.

So the slippery slope of getting away with underage drinking/speeding (not at the same time)/jaywalking didn't lead to smoking pot. Why should smoking pot lead to the others?
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#18 of 96 Old 10-23-2009, 06:56 PM
 
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Ditto what Dar said.

My goal is to raise kids who know & respect the law, but also question it and know the consequences of breaking it.

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#19 of 96 Old 10-23-2009, 07:04 PM
 
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I don't buy the slippery slope argument either.

As for the OP, as usual I pretty much totally agree with Ruthla The fact the law was broken would be the focus of my talks. Although, possession of pot is pretty well ignored here in Canada - not a single person I know who uses it personally has ever been charged with simple possession. And I don't know how well my kids would listen to me anyway - I get raw milk illegally, and the penalties for that here are greater than pot possession for sure!
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#20 of 96 Old 10-23-2009, 07:12 PM
 
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Well, I wouldn't ground her for six months. But, maybe I'd ground her.

When I was 16, my mom was having a party. While she was occupied, I took the truck out to the park with some friends. (I only had a learner's permit)

The cops picked us up because we were being obnoxious and drawing attention to ourselves.

I had to wait nine more months to get my license. I had to get a new learner's permit in six months. It was humiliating to be the ONLY 17 YEAR OLD IN THE WHOLE WIDE WORLD WITH THE MEANEST PARENTS ON EARTH.

But, I never screwed up like that again. I still screwed up. Just not like that.
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#21 of 96 Old 10-23-2009, 09:49 PM
 
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This Monday morning I just sat down with a large group (30)of parents of teens at my child's school. In Oregon, lots of these parents themselves grew up in "herb friendly" households. All of them agreed that once you bend the law for pot... it is very easy not go the speed limit.. ignore the underage drinking laws and other little annoying laws. Because you can. Because you get into the habit of thinking laws don't apply to you or the law is dumb. That's an attitude I won't tolerate my children having while they live under my roof.
Um, I don't think it's pot that causes people to speed, drink underage, break little laws like that. I think it's society that causes it. Here people speed whether they have smoked pot or not. Drinking underage? Heck it's even legal if your parents give you the alcohol and your in your home. I also know that people tend to give that one a try at least once whether they have smoked pot or not. And you know, even though it's technically illegal most people don't even realize it is just because of the way the law enforcment officers treat it. So breaking the pot law doesn't get equated with being able to break any other laws.

And yeah, smoking, speeding and drinking tend to come before weed not after.

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#22 of 96 Old 10-25-2009, 11:51 PM
 
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I'm really getting annoyed and upset at all the pro-pot posts here at MDC.

Pot is illegal and has no place in MY life or my children's lives.

You can rationalize for your family all you want.
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#23 of 96 Old 10-26-2009, 12:03 AM
 
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I'm really getting annoyed and upset at all the pro-pot posts here at MDC.

Pot is illegal and has no place in MY life or my children's lives.

You can rationalize for your family all you want.
You can dislike it all you want. But please don't use discredited theories to justify it. There are decent enough ligitimate reasons to not approve of pot that you don't really need to tout the "reefer madness" bull.

I get fed up with all of that.

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#24 of 96 Old 10-26-2009, 07:48 AM
 
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Not to mention that not all the posters here come from places where smoking marijuana is punishable by jail time. And you're assuming that anyone who ever smokes it is doing so because it's totally like cocaine, or something. Or that it has proven medicinal uses for people - oh, I don't know... like me! - who suffer with life-long and severe chronic pain could easily get a license to grow a plant, but wouldn't really need to due to the fact that it's decriminalized where I live and no one cares. And literally everyone I know, am related to or work for (or was taught by) smokes a joint as they would have a glass of wine.

...And strangely enough we usually don't have a huge crime problem.

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#25 of 96 Old 10-26-2009, 04:13 PM
 
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Originally Posted by philomom View Post
Pot is a big deal. Once you break the law by smoking pot... you may get on a slippery slope of doing other illegal activities. Because once you break one little law and don't get caught.. why not break another? Laws exist to protect all of us from harm.

P.S. I've recently become a Master Gardener.... pot is in our book of poisonous plants.
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Originally Posted by philomom View Post
This Monday morning I just sat down with a large group (30)of parents of teens at my child's school. In Oregon, lots of these parents themselves grew up in "herb friendly" households. All of them agreed that once you bend the law for pot... it is very easy not go the speed limit.. ignore the underage drinking laws and other little annoying laws. Because you can. Because you get into the habit of thinking laws don't apply to you or the law is dumb. That's an attitude I won't tolerate my children having while they live under my roof.
OMG I couldn't get past this 2nd post of yours. Not only do I completely disagree with your first post.. but I think the second borders on rediculous. Smoking pot is going to make you speed now?? I wonder why my husbands excuse is. He has never touched herb in his life. I can't even get him to take tylonal. But I am pretty sure he speeds because he doesnt like to drive slow. Not becuase it's "breaking the law" or becuase he thinks it's easier having smoked pot in the past and not got caught. But becuase some laws are just plane stupid and I think people using common sense is more important than following the letter of the law.

That said... for once.. I agree with Dar. I don't think pot is that big of a deal. It is not poisonous, (I have eaten it and am still here to talk about it!!) I think the mom went WAY WAY overboard and is just going to drive her daughter further away from her. I know in my case I started smoking because 1. I was always being accused of it so I figured if I was going to get in trouble for it I might as well be doing it. and 2. To escape from my crappy home life.
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#26 of 96 Old 10-26-2009, 04:17 PM
 
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Maybe she means it's poisonous in the sense that it's a weed and will take over a garden if left unchecked? It can be as aggressive as any other weed...

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#27 of 96 Old 10-26-2009, 04:20 PM
 
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I'm really getting annoyed and upset at all the pro-pot posts here at MDC.

Pot is illegal and has no place in MY life or my children's lives.

You can rationalize for your family all you want.
I am sorry it annoys you so. Just because it has no place in your life (your children might be another story when they get to be teens, you can't control their every move no matter what you think or wish.) does not mean that it is this great big evil that people try to make it out to be.

Laws don't always make sense. Pot for instance is much safer than alcohol in my opinion. It is not nearly as addictive and does less damage to your body, however it is illegal and alcohol is not. You really need to look at the history of how big cooperations shape the laws of this country, NOT SAFETY.
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#28 of 96 Old 10-26-2009, 04:21 PM
 
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Maybe she means it's poisonous in the sense that it's a weed and will take over a garden if left unchecked? It can be as aggressive as any other weed...
I dunno.. every time my BF's parents tride to grow it, it vanished just as it was time to harvest. :P I have never seen anyone have a problem with it taking over. :P

However tomato plants are poisons as well. We still grow and eat them.
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#29 of 96 Old 10-26-2009, 04:31 PM
 
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Pot for instance is much safer than alcohol in my opinion. It is not nearly as addictive and does less damage to your body, however it is illegal and alcohol is not. You really need to look at the history of how big cooperations shape the laws of this country, NOT SAFETY.
It isn't just your opinion: that's a fact. The prohibition of marijuana is deeply rooted in racism against Mexican people rather than health problems... the Reefer Madness stuff followed some time later. There's a lot of really fascinating and weird history out there about why it's illegal.

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#30 of 96 Old 10-26-2009, 04:34 PM
 
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It isn't just your opinion: that's a fact. The prohibition of marijuana is deeply rooted in racism against Mexican people rather than health problems... the Reefer Madness stuff followed some time later. There's a lot of really fascinating and weird history out there about why it's illegal.
Yes well, since I didn't feel like searching for links to back it up, I said in my opinion. :P
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