Has anyone's kid got a piercing/tattoo without asking? - Page 2 - Mothering Forums

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#31 of 57 Old 12-01-2009, 12:22 AM
 
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I am curious for those of you who are adamently against the tattoos and piercing how old are your kids?
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#32 of 57 Old 12-01-2009, 11:05 AM
 
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I am curious for those of you who are adamently against the tattoos and piercing how old are your kids?
Mine are 12 and 9. The twelve year old has her ears pierced (once) and she just had that done a few months ago. The nine year old would like to have her ears pierced, but may not until she turns 12.

My kids dislike additional piercings and tattoos almost as much as I do, and I certainly hope it stays that way.
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#33 of 57 Old 12-01-2009, 12:47 PM
 
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I am curious how you determined age 12. I swear I'm not trying to flame anyone. I have all boys and the ear piercing is much less of an issue. My oldest wanted his done for his 13th birthday. Took him to a reputable place and had it done. After six months he was over it, took it out and let it close. Can't tell where it was at all.

We've had a few discussions about tattoos. I have told them I won't sign for it, they have to wait til they are 18 and make their own decision. After that it is totally up to them. Even if they are in college and I'm paying for it. If they are old enough to vote and serve in the military they can make their own decisions on piercing and tattoos.

Our talks have been positive. Since we live in a rural area they all feel like they would like a tattoo but only where it can be covered for work/job interviews ie upper arm, back. They are not at all interested in facial piercings.

Once they are mobile with their own cars etc you just don't have the control anymore. You can talk to them but ultimately if they want one bad enough they'll get one. I would never scream and shout and punish over it. I'd let them know I didn't think it was the best decision. If I go crazy over a piercing or something what would happen if they wanted to tell me their girlfriend was pregnant or something really important? probably they wouldn't feel comfortable coming to me.

I am shocked to be honest with the ones that said if their kid were in college and they were paying theyd be furious about it. Really? Good student, no arrests, no drugs, just one tattoo? Really?
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#34 of 57 Old 12-01-2009, 01:18 PM
 
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My mother paid for my first "non-normal" piercing (labret) when i was 14. At 15 me and a friend swung by the parlour and i got my eyebrow pierced. At 18, again on a whim, i got my nose pierced.

My parents did not give a hoot. I got them done professionally, it was my body, and my mother figured i'd end up that way - she's a pierced, tattooed mama herself. No tattoos for me, though. The piercings no longer remain, either. To look at me now, you'd never guess i was all for facial piercings in my teens.
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#35 of 57 Old 12-01-2009, 02:19 PM
 
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I am curious how you determined age 12.
I am shocked to be honest with the ones that said if their kid were in college and they were paying theyd be furious about it. Really? Good student, no arrests, no drugs, just one tattoo? Really?
Twelve seemed like a reasonable age to me for the ear piercing because it's a right of passage on entering jr. high, and it's an age where the child can take care of the piercing and is old enough to fully understand the process.

And yes, as long as my kids want me to pay for college, there will be no additional piercings or any tattoos. End of story. If they want to do that so badly that they cannot delay until college is over, then they can be self-supporting and pay for school themselves. We are, and have been, crystal clear about this from an early age, so this will come as no suprise. We have a long track record of not offering idle threats and following up with what we say.
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#36 of 57 Old 12-01-2009, 02:23 PM
 
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no (my kids are very young yet) but I got a tattoo the week I turned 18! Now I regret it of course. Hoping my kids will learn from my mistake..

Blissful Mama to DD-(5), DS-(6) and someone new due in November!
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#37 of 57 Old 12-01-2009, 02:24 PM
 
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they could always get around this by getting one that's easily hidden (I had several friends who did this in HS!)

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Twelve seemed like a reasonable age to me for the ear piercing because it's a right of passage on entering jr. high, and it's an age where the child can take care of the piercing and is old enough to fully understand the process.

And yes, as long as my kids want me to pay for college, there will be no additional piercings or any tattoos. End of story. If they want to do that so badly that they cannot delay until college is over, then they can be self-supporting and pay for school themselves. We are, and have been, crystal clear about this from an early age, so this will come as no suprise. We have a long track record of not offering idle threats and following up with what we say.

Blissful Mama to DD-(5), DS-(6) and someone new due in November!
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#38 of 57 Old 12-01-2009, 02:38 PM
 
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they could always get around this by getting one that's easily hidden (I had several friends who did this in HS!)

Maybe, but highly unlikely. We spend time together at a family camp with communal facilities. If they want to chance it, I suppose they can, but I sincerely doubt they are that stupid.
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#39 of 57 Old 12-01-2009, 06:21 PM
 
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My mom forbid me to get anything done. When I was young I wanted my ears pierced so badly. After years of wanting and begging she gave in when I was 12...and took my 9yo sister to get hers done as well. I was pissed. When I was 15 the s*** hit the fan. My mother was so overprotective and had grounded me "for life" for some silly thing and I didn't have anything to lose. So I started piercing myself for "fun". It started with my ears. Then I did my own eyebrow, belly button, and tongue. I didn't have proper jewelery for any of it so they all got infected and are scars now. I also moved out when I was 17.

My mom expresses every time she gets the chance that I have ruined the perfect body that God gave me. With all the holes and 2 tattoos, she would barely know it was me.

What I'm trying to say is please love your daughter for who she is. It will make her love you and herself more.
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#40 of 57 Old 12-01-2009, 06:36 PM
 
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..snip....
My kids will grow up with a respect for safe and elective body modification. Since guns are dangerous for ear piercing, my kids won't have pierced ears until at least age 12, the age most piercing shops will do lobes. At age 16, I'd be willing to sign for most piercings. The only thing I have little patience for is stretched ears...I'm not a fan, so my kids would need to wait until they're 18. Tattoos, that depends. I love my tattoos, I'm happy I have them. It would depend on the maturity of my child and the type and location of design. Once they're 18, whether I'm paying for their college or not, they have the choice what to do with their bodies piercing and tattoo-wise.

However, it's a known fact that kids are hideously embarrassed by anything their parents do. So, given the fact I'm pierced and tattooed, I'm counting on my kids thinking I'm the most awkward weirdo ever, and never getting tattoos or piercings
This is our house. You want to modify your body? Our requirement is that it is done safely and legally. Thats pretty much it. And we'd like to be a part of it. Not to "oversee" or be "overbearing" but it's an important moment in a persons life (for us anyway) and we'd like to be able to share it with them. Whether its being there, or making it a bday gift, or just waiting for them to come home and saying "Ok! Lets see it! Lets see it!"

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...snipping again.....
And I would disagree with the previous poster who says that old tattoos are ugly. I love to see old tattoos on my patients. They are beautiful, just like scars, saggy breasts, wrinkles, "sunspots" and other signs of aging. They represent a long life, fully and interestingly lived, with hopes, dreams, joy, tears, and disappointments.
I could not agree with you more.
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#41 of 57 Old 12-01-2009, 06:36 PM
 
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Maybe, but highly unlikely. We spend time together at a family camp with communal facilities. If they want to chance it, I suppose they can, but I sincerely doubt they are that stupid


My good friends daughter who was homeschooled, religious, never got in trouble, got into a very good university, has a very bright future in front of her got a tat as soon as she hit college. Although neither of her parents have piercings or tats, they realized it was part of her becoming her. If they cut off her funds for college she wouldn't be able to become the amazing person she wants to be. She's studying to be a nurse anathesiologist.(sp). She's incredibly bright and will succeed. Over a tattoo taking all that away I can't imagine...btw its a cross and says "I'm third". Meaning Faith, Others and then Myself.

edited to add: parenting teenagers is always easy when you aren't the one doing it. Kinda like baseball is easy...from the bleachers.
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#42 of 57 Old 12-01-2009, 06:44 PM
 
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Your college aged children will still be bathing nude with you? Um, wow! I am not against nudity but I find that just a bit strange. Also, maybe they will decide ditching your monetary support for the freedom to have control over their own body is worth it. Who knows.
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Maybe, but highly unlikely. We spend time together at a family camp with communal facilities. If they want to chance it, I suppose they can, but I sincerely doubt they are that stupid.

Blissful Mama to DD-(5), DS-(6) and someone new due in November!
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#43 of 57 Old 12-01-2009, 06:48 PM
 
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My good friends daughter who was homeschooled, religious, never got in trouble, got into a very good university, has a very bright future in front of her got a tat as soon as she hit college. Although neither of her parents have piercings or tats, they realized it was part of her becoming her. If they cut off her funds for college she wouldn't be able to become the amazing person she wants to be. She's studying to be a nurse anathesiologist.(sp). She's incredibly bright and will succeed. Over a tattoo taking all that away I can't imagine...btw its a cross and says "I'm third". Meaning Faith, Others and then Myself.
As I said, we've been crystal clear about this for a very long time, so we aren't "taking away" anything. There are no surprises about the outcome if they make that choice. If it is more important for my kids to get tattoos than it is for them to get a free college education, that's their decision and they will have to live with it. Hopefully they will figure out a way to fund an education, but it will be their problem at that point.

I have a niece who has married a very nice man who owns a tattoo parlor. We hope he enjoys this work until retirement. He is extremely "modified" if you will, and she is also starting to disappear under "modification." It is a subject that comes up with some regularity in our home. So, it's not like it is something that has been mentioned once or twice that might slip off their radar screens.

Neither of my dds finds this sort of thing remotely attractive for now, but I realize their attitudes may change.
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#44 of 57 Old 12-01-2009, 07:04 PM
 
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Your college aged children will still be bathing nude with you? Um, wow! I am not against nudity but I find that just a bit strange. Also, maybe they will decide ditching your monetary support for the freedom to have control over their own body is worth it. Who knows.
Nobody is forced to bathe in any particular way, but it is the way it generally works out at this place--it is gender segregated. I'm not saying that I'm going to inspect them for tattoos (I have no intention of doing that), but it is quite possible that I would find out if they did.

And you are correct, maybe they will decide it is more important for them to get tattooed before they would have otherwise been self-supporting, and that is their decision. They will have to live with the outcome.
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#45 of 57 Old 12-01-2009, 07:11 PM
 
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my dc aren't old enough yet but I was one of those kids... lots of piercings and at 16 did get a tattoo. Although my parents didn't find out about the tattoo until i was an adult.

I just wish i had done them professorially instead of safety pin..... oh well live and learn. My general opinion is that piercing ears is no biggy. take them down have it done. they close and nobody cares.... other piercings? well depending on the what the where and the personality of the child it is mostly ok at 16 + ... tattoos wait until your 18. for one no real professional tattooist would tattoo a minor even if they had parent permission and tattoos are much more likely to cause permanent scaring (besides the tattoo itself) if done wrong or not taken care of.

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#46 of 57 Old 12-01-2009, 07:20 PM
 
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And yes, as long as my kids want me to pay for college, there will be no additional piercings or any tattoos. End of story. If they want to do that so badly that they cannot delay until college is over, then they can be self-supporting and pay for school themselves.
i see where your coming from although i don't agree. but just wanted to throw this thought out there. at least for piercings which aren't permanent i almost think one should (if they want) do that during the collage years... there are not a lot of jobs you can get with even the most minor facial piercings so why not get out the 'fun' of it while you can before you enter the job market? that's a good four years of enjoyment before you have to consider interviewing and looking like a grown up. Like dying your hair green.... hard to get a job like that so why not take advantage of the few year you can while you can?

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#47 of 57 Old 12-01-2009, 07:27 PM
 
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EFMom-just trying to figure out what makes you so adament about it? Is it a religious based opinion? I am truely curious. I just don't have any hard and fast rules other than wait it its legal and make sure its what you really want.
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#48 of 57 Old 12-01-2009, 08:15 PM
 
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Ok well that sounds a bit more sane. Sorry I misinterpreted that!

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Nobody is forced to bathe in any particular way, but it is the way it generally works out at this place--it is gender segregated. I'm not saying that I'm going to inspect them for tattoos (I have no intention of doing that), but it is quite possible that I would find out if they did.

And you are correct, maybe they will decide it is more important for them to get tattooed before they would have otherwise been self-supporting, and that is their decision. They will have to live with the outcome.

Blissful Mama to DD-(5), DS-(6) and someone new due in November!
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#49 of 57 Old 12-02-2009, 12:31 AM
 
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EFMom-just trying to figure out what makes you so adament about it? Is it a religious based opinion? I am truely curious. I just don't have any hard and fast rules other than wait it its legal and make sure its what you really want.
Religious? I'm an atheist, so no, that's not it. It is our personal opinions about tattoos and body piercings. I think they are disfiguring, to put it mildly. BIL is a dermatologist and not a day goes by that he doesn't have multiple patients wanting tattoo removal. I'm watching my formerly lovely niece turn herself into someone who is going to be all but unemployable.

I work at a university and the seniors tend to be orders of magnitude more mature than the freshmen. By making my dds wait it out, I hope they will be four years wiser about permanently disfiguring themselves. If at that point they are self supporting and want to do that, it's their call. I wouldn't say a word if they did it then.
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#50 of 57 Old 12-05-2009, 02:59 AM
 
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my first piercing was when i was 6, i had my ears done. my second i was 13, and all the rest came between the ages of 13-16. my first tattoo was when i was 15. i remember getting in a lot of trouble for the tattoo, and some of the piercings too. the anger thrown at me for doing it was eventually forgotten.

if my kid were that old and did it though... it would depend on exactly what it was. piercing holes, most, can never be detected in the future once taken out and healed, but a tattoo... i would REALLY hope my kid would come to me first. mostly because if it is something they really, truly wanted... i could make sure they went to a professional. i would probably have them think on it for a while also.

if he came home with a tattoo despite all that... well i guess all i can do is laugh then. getting mad isn't going to take it off their skin it's already too late, LOL.

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#51 of 57 Old 12-05-2009, 03:31 AM
 
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Well my sons are now 32 and 29, but are rules for piercings was if you wanted one to think about it for at least 3 months, and after that time you could have it. My oldest came home from school I think he was 13 and wanted to pierce his ear, we had a talk and mutually came up with the 3 month timeline. Well, after 3 months, he never mentioned it again, and did not get it done. The tattoo thing on the other hand, I told them both when you turn 18, the decision is yours. I also showed them pictures of what a tattoo looks like on an aging body, not so pretty. I also told them that what they thought looked cool at 18 or a young age, maybe it would not look so cool in their 30's. Then I put the last stipulation on getting a tattoo on their pristine bodies that I gave birth to (natural, non-medicated may I add), they would owe me a bottle of my favorite perfume, a dozen roses, and a dinner at my favorite restaurant, if they ever wanted to come into my house again. Well neither one of them have piercings, and the tattoo thing, they joke about that because they say it would be too expensive to get one and pacify dear old Mom, with all the stipulations I placed on them so many years ago. Oh may I add, they both really, really do not like needles!
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#52 of 57 Old 12-05-2009, 08:00 PM - Thread Starter
 
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Well my sons are now 32 and 29, but are rules for piercings was if you wanted one to think about it for at least 3 months, and after that time you could have it. My oldest came home from school I think he was 13 and wanted to pierce his ear, we had a talk and mutually came up with the 3 month timeline. Well, after 3 months, he never mentioned it again, and did not get it done. The tattoo thing on the other hand, I told them both when you turn 18, the decision is yours. I also showed them pictures of what a tattoo looks like on an aging body, not so pretty. I also told them that what they thought looked cool at 18 or a young age, maybe it would not look so cool in their 30's. Then I put the last stipulation on getting a tattoo on their pristine bodies that I gave birth to (natural, non-medicated may I add), they would owe me a bottle of my favorite perfume, a dozen roses, and a dinner at my favorite restaurant, if they ever wanted to come into my house again. Well neither one of them have piercings, and the tattoo thing, they joke about that because they say it would be too expensive to get one and pacify dear old Mom, with all the stipulations I placed on them so many years ago. Oh may I add, they both really, really do not like needles!
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#53 of 57 Old 12-05-2009, 09:30 PM
 
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Just a note: stretched ears, even 'huge' ones, can be reversed as long as you go slowly and carefully. They may never close up completely but plenty of people go back down to a 'normal' size.

I'm a 0g myself.

The gages were the only thing on my absolute "no" list because I was worried about them being irrevocable. I can't find anything online about how you fix them. Would you mind posting a link so I'm more informed if it every comes up? Thanks!

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#54 of 57 Old 12-07-2009, 06:19 PM
 
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I got a tattoo when I was 16. My mom wasn't mad, only sad that she didn't get to go with me. I don't regret getting it. It was very empowering for me to do alone at 16. I was pretty shy.

I hope that my daughters would consult with me before getting one. I would want to help them make that decision and find a place that would do a good job.

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#55 of 57 Old 12-10-2009, 03:59 AM
 
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for one no real professional tattooist would tattoo a minor even if they had parent permission and tattoos are much more likely to cause permanent scaring (besides the tattoo itself) if done wrong or not taken care of.
This depends on the state. In Minnesota, it was legal to get non-nipple/genital piercings and tattoos with parental consent at age 16 or 17. By parental consent, they meant documented matching last names, or a birth certificate and ID if the parent had a different last name. My parent also had to sign several papers, and be right there in the room with me while the tattoo/piercing was being done. My dad was actually pretty upset about that, he didn't want to see me get my tragus pierced

Also, as someone whose parents did let me express myself through body modification, I don't think it's unreasonable at all for a parent to say no piercings or tattoos until after college. Whether it's a curfew, religious services, piercings, whatever...if a parent is paying, they can have as much or little say as they want. Nobody has the right to financial support after age 18, so if they want that support, they need to obey the rules or support themselves.

I do hate hearing "won't you regret that in ten years?" Nobody knows for sure how they'll feel in ten years. Heck, I could be dead in ten years, making that whole argument completely useless. My three tattoos represent really special times in my life, are well done, and if I regret them someday...so be it. I find that in today's society, it's really only facial, neck and hand tattoos that risk you being unemployable, everything else is easily covered. Plus, given that 36% of Americans age 18-25 and 40% of Americans 26-40 are tattooed, tattoos in the workplace will quickly become less and less taboo. My mom runs a relatively large company, and even though their official stance is "no visible tattoos," she couldn't care less if the girls have visible wrist tattoos.

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#56 of 57 Old 12-13-2009, 01:18 AM
 
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I dyed my hair electric blue when I was 18 and my Mom threw a fit Then freshman year of college I got five piercings in each ear. I was already paying my own way through school so the piercings did not affect anything.

I am lucky enough to work at a job that does allow you to express your individuality. I was really surprised because I teach pre school and generally you think of a pretty conservative look when you think of teachers. But I asked my boss if it was okay if I used some temporary hair color for St. Patrick's day- just in case it did not wash out like it was supposed to- and she was very comfortable with it. Which is good for me, because I have dyed my hair purple, pink and green this year But I never would have done it without asking first.

In fact, the parents started asking me if I could spray their kid's hair with some temporary spray, which shocked me. One Dad was like "Why didn't you spray M's hair too? She would have loved it!" So I asked all of the parents, they were all fine with it, and now we enjoy Colorful Hair Fridays on a regular basis when the weather is warm

My boss is also fine with visable tattoos as long as they are not vulgar. And piercings, we have some employees with guages and nose rings, etc. I love that my boss is so open minded I think is is wonderful to be able to express who you are. And it really doesn't affect my ability to be a good teacher. I have a degree, a responsible job and I like to have purple hair. It is just who I am

ribbonpurple.gif  "And the day came when the risk to remain tight in a bud was more than the risk it took to blossom." Anais Nin
   
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#57 of 57 Old 12-13-2009, 01:20 AM
 
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i got my belly button dont when i was 15 i hid it until i was 17...

Your life doesnât change by the man whos elected. If your loved by someone you can't be rejected... decide what to be and go be it! If your a caged bird brake in and demand that somebody free it.
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